Chapter 1

"You want me to do what?" Simon asked with a furrowed brow and Rhea folded her arms defensively across her bosom.

"A tattoo. Remind you of who your girlfriend is, as you seem to have problems remembering," Rhea replied coldly and the three people in the crowded tattoo studio turned to look at an embarrassed Simon.

"I know love, but a tattoo?" Simon whispered in a low voice. "Is it really necessary?"

"Yes. I only want you to have a small one, just my name. Show me that you are still committed to us."

A few more people turned to listen to the hushed conversation between Rhea and Simon. "A small one?" Simon repeated, still shocked at the suggestion from his partner, and Rhea gave a wicked smile.

"Yeah, as it's a tiny one it can go on your cock, what do you think?" Rhea sneered acidly and there were muffled smirks behind her from people listening in on their conversation. "So, you know so the next time you get it out for a prostitute or some fifteen year-old floozy it will be a reminder."

Simon hesitated.

The middle-aged busty receptionist leaned across the small table at Simon. "Look love, you want the slot or not. I got bookings coming out of my wazoo here," she asked and he nodded.

"Yeah, of course. Anything Rhea says." He looked at his girlfriend, hoping to receive a smile but Rhea barely registered any emotion and coldly said she would meet him in the car when he was done.

"Hiya mate," Andy shouted as Ezra walked across his garden. The blonde-haired Zoe emerged from behind Rhea and Andy smiled warmly at his two friends who greeted the topless man sprawled out in a deckchair soaking up the last few rays from the Summer sun.

"So you two off where again?" Andy asked and Rhea sighed. She had been through this already twice today; why was Andy not listening to her?

"We are going to the Elgiva to watch a play," Rhea said in a condescending voice. "The Vagina Monologues. We will be back by eleven."

"So if you are driving Zoe, Ezra and I can have a few beers, right. The local has a beer festival on and..."

"You touch a beer Ezra and you will be walking to work every day for a month," Zoe warned and Ezra scowled. "You know it damages your fertility. I've told you often enough."

Andy scowled at his female friend. "Oh come on Zoe, just a couple? We ain't shared a beer for ages," he lied and rubbed his nose.

"No," she replied firmly and glared at her husband angrily. "I mean it, you go to the pub and there will be so much trouble when we get home."

"OK I know," Ezra told her defensively. "I haven't said anything."

"You better," she said threateningly at the man taking a seat on a spare lounger. Andy waited for the two girls to leave (and then return five minutes later as Rhea had forgotten her keys) and then retrieved two bottles of pale ale from the fridge.

"Cheers," Ezra said grinning, stretching out on the garden lounger. They clinked their bottles together and Andy sat down.

"So how is the whole getting Zoe pregnant going?"

Ezra snorted. "Don't ask. I mean she is just obsessed. Originally we had to keep to the schedule the clinic gave us but this has gone out of the window with a new program of sex five times a day. Minimum."

"Five times a day?"

"Yeah minimum. Every day. I mean it before breakfast. Sometimes after breakfast. Sometimes during lunch-break. When we get home. After dinner. When we go to bed. I mean, she even woke up at 4am last night and thought she should give it a go then and woke me up. And it's even worse on Saturdays and Sundays. I'm knackered, mate. She says she is trying this regime for a month but I just can't wait until the end."

Andy chortled. "Surely it is every guys dream?"

Ezra scoffed and took a swig of his beer. "It's not funny. It's a chuffin' nightmare, my cock was so so sore last week. And I'm certain this is reducing my fertility but Zoe met a girl at the fertility clinic who has just got knocked up and she tried the whole 'let's have sex and give your husband no peace' for a few weeks so wifey's got this whim that it is worth trying. And I have been banned from having red meat, alcohol, takeaways, you name it. It's just fruit, vegetables and a handful of nuts every day."

Andy chuckled and Ezra continued his rant, barely pausing for breath.

"I had that test done and they said forty percent of my sperm were swimming the wrong way. I mean, it's in a glass test tube, how the fuck can they be swimming the wrong way?" Ezra ranted and took a big swig of his beer.