Chapter 1

Lillian was the first to enter the small auditorium of the university. She was very nervous. Today the 30 students pursuing a psychology degree will be assigned their thesis topic by a draw. It was the first year that the students didn't choose their own topics. The previous year there were a couple of cases of academic fraud. In both cases the students confessed they had proposed a subject for which they knew the existence of an unpublished research paper. There were rumors that the practice was frequent. That scandal leaded the college authorities to choose a draw to avoid such kind of plagiarism.

Lillian was nervous and disappointed, the uncertainty was killing her. She was used to carefully plan every detail of her career and her life. She was a very focused girl, even a single minded one. Everything she did she did it for a purpose, always putting little pieces together to build the future that she had envisioned for herself. At 21 she was the youngest senior student and her grades were probably the best of her class. She was a pretty girl, with a slim figure and beautiful legs, her breasts were small but perky and she had a beautiful, innocent looking face with green eyes and long red hair that made her very attractive. In spite of her beauty she rarely dated. As everything in her life she had planned ahead the kind of man that she wanted and won't date anybody that doesn't fit that profile.

She was trying to figure up how this random thesis will fit in her plans. Many of her classmates were interested in the clinical and sociological aspect of psychology but she despised those areas. She wanted to use her knowledge of the human mind to build a successful business career. She had planned to do her thesis about the traits that made women succeed in business and politics, as a matter of fact she was already familiar of previous research and theories and had made a list of relevant persons that she wanted to interview for her own research.

As part of her career plan, Lillian had applied for an internship at Johnson & Carter, a very important personal recruitment firm and she got the position in spite of her young age. Her plan was to acquire experience and become very successful at predicting people success, especially women success. Her thesis and her access to hundreds of personal files will help her a lot. She had planned that after 5 years she will write her first book and then she will start consulting human resources departments all around the country. At any time she will find a business man that would be wealthy enough and a true gentleman that respected and encouraged her wish to develop her own successful career. She wanted the man to be wealthy not to maintain her but as a measure of success and self confidence and as mean to contribute with the right connections to push her own career.

The auditorium started to fill with students, everybody was talking animatedly. Lillian was quiet and fidgeted from one leg to another while biting her lower lip, she looked cute. Today she had rushed to the university and wasn't dressed in her usual business-like attires. She was wearing a t-shirt, jeans, snickers and no makeup at all and looked like a high school girl more than a senior college student. She hated her childish looks. She was the youngest in her class and looking even younger than she was only contributed to make her feel like she didn't belong which caused her some insecurities, that was why she always wore serious clothes, high heels and expertly applied makeup, specially to cover the freckles that still decorated her cheekbones and nose making her feel like a school girl.

In the last few weeks every graduating student had proposed a research topic and had made the sustentations of why that topic was relevant. Lillian had debated with herself if she should propose her favorite subject or not. It was very unlikely that she was assigned it and the possibility of other girl doing it made her jealous, but at the end she resolved that even a tiny chance was better than nothing and she found some relief thinking that her subject could be assigned to a male student, specially the machos like John Wallace, "That will teach them some respect for accomplished women", she thought.

The teacher entered the room and without saying a word he waited patiently until all the talking and whispering ceased completely. He put 30 identical envelopes and a bunch of printed sheets on the desk, and then turning to see the students he finally said.

"I have this list with your names that was sorted randomly with a procedure approved by the statistical department chief to be as fair as possible. When I call your name, you will come to my desk and you will choose and envelope, any envelope, you will write your name and the number of the envelope in this form and you will sign it, then you will leave the room and only then, you will open the envelope. This form states your acceptance of the topic. You may reject the subject and try again next semester but the failed thesis will be on your record and remember that you have only two chances to accomplish your thesis. Is everything clear?"

After a few questions everybody got the procedure and the draw started. After just 5 students, Lillian was called, she looked at the envelopes hesitantly. "Which one is my proposal?", she thought, "Well, it is impossible to know, I just hope that I get a good topic, one that let me shine, a paper that could kick start my career".

"Please Ms. Gordon, hurry with your pick there are 25 students waiting".

Lillian picked the one in the center of the pile of envelopes and quickly filled her form. "Lillian Gordon, Thesis Topic: 23". Lillian signed it and filled with apprehension and curiosity she left the room as fast as she could.

Once outside the room she opened her envelope:

"Assessment and Identification of core psychological features of young females working for the pornographic industry using a case study approach"

Lillian was red with shame and rage. "This is surely the idea of a stupid bastard like John Wallace. He surely wanted to have the opportunity to interview a porno star with the excuse of a psychological research. This topic is stupid and a drag and ... And it will be a shame to show in my curriculum. And What will I get from talking with those low life scums? Nothing! Shit!".

Lillian went home and tried to plan a way out. She had her first thesis counseling meeting in a couple of days and she wanted to change her situation. She analyzed her possibilities.

"I can't simply drop the topic, I would lose a semester and my almost certain cum laude. I may try to discredit the topic so it is declared unprofessional or something but a panel had already revised and approved every proposed subject. I can't allege religious reasons because to be admitted to this university I already signed that I won't claim such a thing.", Lillian saw no doors opened but she resolved, "I will try to get some sympathy from my thesis counselor and get her help to find a method to change the subject, I will suggest all these options maybe she could find a way to twist one of them into a feasible argument".

But a couple of days later her counselor was talking calmly with her, "No Lillian, there is no way to change the assigned subject, the rules are made to that objective.", she was thinking, "Not to mention that I was the thesis counselor of one of the cheating students of the last year, and I barely avoided an investigation. Trying to change the subject of my pupil will look very bad".

Lillian was on the verge of crying she was trapped with that stupid topic. She opted for her last resource, "Ms.Barbara, may I at least change the research approach. I could make a very interesting meta-study, I already have several hypothesis that could be better proven by a meta-study than by and individual interview."

Barbara Smith made a hand motion signaling Lillian to continue. "I have the hypothesis that the girls in that industry have sociological drawbacks but psychologically are people with low self-stem, maybe low IQ and no academic achievements and lacking clear goals for their lives, promiscuous people that most probably initiated sex life at a very short age in relationships without love. They most probably have a strong tendency to exhibitionism. I also think that they are easily manipulated thanks to their lack of goals and sense of direction as well as their poor will power. They were surely rose by dysfunctional families"

Barbara nodded slightly, she was a good psychologist, she was used listen the other people until they finish exposing their ideas.

Lillian continued, "I could make an extensive analysis of other people's researches, a meta-study, to see if my hypothesis could be proven thru them". Lillian was satisfied with her exposition, if she could not avoid that horrid topic, she could at least do it in the most detached way. She knew that doing a lot of library work wasn't as exciting as doing some real field research, and she knew that people in the field didn't give too much professional value to this kind of research, they often called those meta studies "high school papers", but given the subject she considered it a lot better alternative than expend weeks interviewing some bimbo.

Barbara silently analyzed the possibilities for a few minutes then said, "It would be a disappointment that such a brilliant student as you do a lame approach to an interesting subject. I think that the case study approach could suggest another causes than the stereotypes that you described. A meta study will simply make you walk the same trails that everybody else walked before, a case study approach on the other hand could lead you to find some new avenues for studies and researches that other students could continue after you".

"But Ms. Barbara...", Lillian was pale, she never considered that she couldn't get even this little concession, and was about to argument in favor of her proposal but this time Barbara decided to interrupt her, "Listen Lillian, I know that you feel uncomfortable with sexual subjects. I noticed since the first semesters that you had always a very clinic, very detached approach to the classes regarding sexual matters.", as a Psychologist Barbara couldn't refrain from some speculation, "Maybe it is because since you were young your classmates were always older and more sexually mature than you", Lillian blushed with shame and anger, since she skipped a couple of years in middle school she was always behind in her development but even now as a fully developed 21 year old woman some of her classmates called her "the nun" behind her back and John openly called her "the ice cube" saying that she was as frigid as the north pole. Barbara continued, "I am not criticizing you, nor judging you, as a matter of fact there is nothing to be ashamed of, but I believe that this time you aversion is blinding you, because you surely understand that the case study approach is better for this thesis than the meta-study".

"What aversion? I don't have any aversion...",

"My mistake, I shouldn't have say that, I am sorry. But that is not what we are discussing here, the question is: Is the meta study a better approach or could it only perpetuate the same ideas forever? Wouldn't it be more interesting and more likely to break new ground if you use the case study approach? Tell me, do you really believe a meta study has more potential or are you simply avoiding the case study because you are still uncomfortable discussing sex in a direct interview?".

Lillian felt trapped. She didn't like to do lengthy interviews to some whore but she didn't like to look childish either. "You are right Ms. Barbara. I hadn't see the potential of the case study, the way you put it make it look a lot more interesting than the meta study...".

Before Lillian could back off, Barbara continued, "Ok. See you in two weeks, I would like to see you plan to develop this project and a calendar. Now if you allow me, I have to see another student".

Lillian left the office defeated. For the next few days she submerged herself in her internship job. Well, the real job would start in a few weeks, for now she had to attend only once a week for training and some reading assignments. It was a really good opportunity, the job offered a good deal of experience in her area and it paid $25 per hour, not bad for an internship job, and the best of all was that they were strong chances of making a career there. She wanted to make a very good impression that put her well beyond the other interns, she had hoped that her thesis would be her presentation card in the business world, she had many times dreamed that she would subtly let her coworkers know about her thesis, maybe 'forgetting' her notes where somebody could see them or something like that. And at some point she would openly let them know about every successful and powerful woman that she had interviewed. In her dreams she got admiration and jealousy from her coworkers. In the reality she made every effort to keep her thesis topic secret.

Three weeks later she was finishing her meeting with Ms. Barbara," ... so this was my script for the first interview, next week I will present you a more detailed script for each of the rest of the planned interviews...", Ms Barbara saw the need to interrupt her again.

"Lillian. You know you don't need a more detailed interview script. You already have the general themes that you wish to talk about in each session. I had approved your approach since last week, you will have interviews with the selected person about her life history and backgrounds, her education, her motivations in life, her sexual life and desires, and finally her conscientious reasons to decide to enter the pornographic industry. You should detail the next interview only after you completed the previous one and see where it leads you. In my opinion the most urgent activity now is to find the research target individual. Are you avoiding that?"

"No. Of course ... I already have some alternatives...", but she really didn't have a clue.

A couple of weeks later Ms Barbara told her, "Lillian, you are putting your cum-laude at risk, even your graduation is in jeopardy. I don't see any effort to accomplish this task, and I am not willing to lose my time counseling you for a thesis that you are not really trying to write."

"No I am really trying ... Really"

"Who is your research target?"

"I had contacted several starlets but no one wants to talk with me for several long interviews, not even after I offer to pay them. Maybe I could change the thesis subject due the impossibility to find a research target..."

"That is out of the question. Are you or Aren't you capable to do psychological research? Right now I really don't know. Return next week with the transcript of the preliminary interview with the research target and prove me that you are capable".

The following week came too quick and she didn't want to go empty handed, so she fabricated an interview with some data she extracted from the biography of a porno actress.

Ms Barbara read the couple of pages with the transcript and said very seriously, "Listen Lillian this is not a game. This is a fabricated interview, this is academic fraud and I will report it, the board is very sensitive to these issues right now. Most probably you will be expelled, no graduation opportunities for you after that."

"Please Ms Barbara give me another chance...", Lillian never in her life thought she could be begging for academic mercy, she was openly crying and telling Ms Barbara that she really had contacted a few porno stars but everybody had rejected her approaches and she didn't know what to do. She begged for more time.

"OK. Lillian I will let this gaffe slip ... for now, but if you try to fool me again I will report you immediately and you surely will be expelled. Is that clear?",

Lillian was frightened and slowly nodded.

Ms. Barbara continued, "On the other hand, I am here to help you, let me think about your problem for a moment". For a few minutes Ms Barbara used her computer while Lillian managed to calm herself down. Finally Ms Barbara seemed satisfied and talked, "Listen Lillian, your approach could be wrong, it is hard to get the well established stars to talk to you, It could be embarrassing and time consuming for them and they really don't get anything from it, you have better chances with rookies and people just trying to enter the industry, and they would also probably be more spontaneous.", she printed something and handed the page to Lillian.

"These are the address and schedules for a couple of porno auditions for young women. The applicants are maybe struggling and I am pretty sure that with a little bit of money, you may be able to convince one to participate in your study.

Lillian felt relieved. She focused her efforts again. She had now a task at hand. She went to the first audition and she pretended to be one more girl while she observed the different girls. She found most of them intimidating, many looked like gang members or street whores. Most of them had tattoos that Lillian found both disgusting and intimidating. She wanted to run out of there but she managed to control herself and stay focused. She then saw small group of girls, they looked like sluts but were more normal, specially a beautiful brunette with what seemed to be only natural breasts around. She had a pleasant smile and looked more educated and classy than the rest even when she was dressed like a big slut with a tiny red short and an even smaller yellow tube top that barely covered her natural 34C cup tits. Lillian thought, "I rather talk with that brunette than with any other woman in this room, and she looks savable, maybe I can use my psychological knowledge to help her drive her life to a better direction". When the brunette entered the audition room, Lillian left and waited for her outside. The other girls made scornful sounds thinking that she had chickened.

When the brunette left the building she looked disappointed, Lillian approached her, "May I have a little chat with you?"

"If you want to know how it went, well they didn't even let me take off my clothes, the director said that I was very pretty but didn't have the look they were looking for", she sighed and said, "at least he gave me his card, and told me that a friend of his will be auditing girls in a couple of weeks or so and I should go and say he recommends me. If you want an advice, you have to go to every audition, it is the only way to get a job because you never know what are they looking for".

Lillian smiled nervously at being mistaken for an applicant, "No, listen I am a psychology student doing some research, and I would like to interview you..."

"Hey I am not a nut case! look anywhere else"

"No please is a research about women in the pornography industry, you know models"

"I told you. Look for another girl."

"I can pay you for each interview"

The brunette stopped. She looked interested for the first time, "How much?"

Lillian had not thought much about it but making a quick mental calculation of her available money and the estimated time she said "$25 per hour".

"Per Hour? What kind of interview is that?"

"It is for my thesis", Lillian then tried to keep it simple, "With the help of your interviews I will try to portrait the psychology of pornography models. It will take a few interviews of several hours each one. What's your name?"

"Karen"

Lillian remembered a sales training that she took some time ago and pressed for the closing, "When can we start Karen?"

"Hey, I hadn't accepted yet. I don't want to be your lab rat and be exposed to all your snotty classmates or something", She was jobless and completely broke at that moment and the money was pretty attractive.

"Don't worry your name and image will be known only by me and my counselor for the rest you will be known only as YOUNG WOMAN #1."

"OK. Deal"

Then she exchanged some personal data and Lillian took a photo of Karen alone in her slutty outfit and one with her as a proof.

Her next meeting with Barbara was a success, she applauded her bravery and told her that she expected that the project marched well from then on.

Lillian agreed with Karen to make the interviews at Karen's apartment. She shared it with another girl but she wasn't there during most of the day due to her job. The first couple of interviews where very useful for Lillian although she felt very uncomfortable because Karen always was dressed in scant clothing. She had managed to profile a good part of Karen's biography and academic life. Her mother had died when she was eleven and her father loved her but worked in a sea oil platform and came to land only a few weeks per year. She had been a pretty good high school student but it wasn't enough to get a scholarship. She studied accounting in a community college but she didn't graduate because she had to quit when the money got tight and she had gotten a full time job as a waitress. She felt trapped and lonely, her father was rarely home and most of her friends had gone to colleges outside her town. So one day she traveled to the west coast looking for better opportunities. Things hadn't improved much, she had had a few temp waitress jobs and she had danced in a strip club and had posed for a couple of nude photo shoots. The money was good and quick, so she was looking for more jobs in that vein.

When Lillian presented her interviews to Barbara, she was very pleased with her advance, even when it was still only superficial, it was promising and she already had a talkative research target.

On the third appointment Karen received Lillian wearing nothing but an almost transparent robe. Lillian thought that was just too much, "Listen Karen, it is important that you feel comfortable in our interviews but that attire is frankly outrageous. I know you are a slut but come on, you are practically naked, and the way you sit, well, you are not hiding anything. You must understand that we are not such close friends, you must wear more conservative when we met. Don't you have any jeans and t-shirts, like decent people?"

Karen felt a wave of humiliation and rage and exploded, "I can't do this anymore. You are what?, three years younger than me? and you are always patronizing me, judging me. You don't even know pornography and you try to explain why people acts in those films. You are a self centered bitch. The deal is over, go away"

Karen was not entirely convinced to stop the interviews but the reality was the money was less tight now that she had earned $200 and she thought that she had a better leverage to bring down that uppity bitch a peg or two.

Lillian panicked, that would return her to square one and she had a very tight schedule to end her thesis on time after all the weeks that she lost with her indecision. She admitted to herself that her outburst was really stupid and inopportune. She decided to control the damage so she could restart her work. She feigned repenting trying to tranquilize Karen.

"I am sorry, you are right. I was really insensitive.", but she could not avoid to transparent her real feelings and lack of interest, specially when she didn't even pause for Karen's reaction and said, "Could we continue now? I need to talk about the beginning of your sex life and..."

"NO. Listen. ", now Karen was really pissed, "This little bitch is trying to manipulate me, let's see who has the upper hand", she thought.

"Lillian, you are analyzing me like if I were a lab animal, you are not even trying to really understand me at a really human level, you are just trying to comply with some academic requisite but you are asking me to bare my soul while you judge me and despise me. I really can't take it anymore. I quit.".

Lillian realized that the situation was turning really serious and pondered her options. She could bluff and accept that the deal was over and then maybe Karen would back off because she needed the money, but that was really risky, if Karen really backed off, she simply would fail her thesis, she just didn't have time to find another research subject, and catch up with the interviews, not to mention that losing her subject would look very bad to Ms. Barbara. No she had to cool down Karen and make some compromises in order to continue.

"I am really sorry. I accept my mistake, I will really try to understand you this time, and we can make the interviews in the way that you feel more comfortable. Could you still be my subject, please?"

Karen saw weakness and for a moment thought in saying no just to make her suffer but she managed to remain rational, take advantage of the situation and get some money and fun.

"OK, but it had to be under my rules"

Lillian didn't like her position but she kept herself focused on her goals, "I just have to interview this bitch three more times for 4 hours to complete the 20 hours required for the thesis. I can swallow my pride to get my goals", she thought, and said

"And what are those rules?"

"First. If you really are trying to understand this world, you have to know it. You will come here and look at porn for two hours in your laptop before the interviews. I will send you links and I will test you to know that you really looked at them"

"I don't think that is necessary..."

"Then you may go", said Karen hopping that she didn't.

"OK. Can it be half an hour, I am really very busy and..."

"NO. I think it is very necessary so we can talk on a common ground. But I will make a compromise my self: I will wear jeans and a T-Shirt for the interviews"

Lillian saw a little victory and agreed on the two hours. "Maybe that bitch Ms Barbara would like me to know more about porn anyway", she thought.

"Second. When you are at my place you will wear what I tell you. Being the less dressed person in a place will help you get some of the feelings of the porno models that you are trying to analyze."

Lillian instinctively closed the upper button of her blazer, she was wearing a business attire as usual. That was just too much and unjustifiable and she decided to set a limit, "No Karen, I need to maintain my professional image, it is better for the interviews..."

"Bullshit, your image of authority is intimidating and a barrier for a better communication and you know it and you still don't want to empathize with me, you don't even dare to dress like me. You'll surely portray me as a degenerated monster and I don't want that". Karen eyes were teary and Lillian felt bad, maybe she was right.

"OK. I can do that. Just to make you feel better. It is not big deal".

Karen smiled slightly and said, "Thanks, Lillian I really appreciate it, maybe we can restart tomorrow on better terms. And don't worry it could even be fun".

The next morning Lillian arrived at Karen's department, she was wearing a t-shirt and jeans and no makeup. She thought "Why bother?", She was received by Karen that was dressed very similar. Lillian was surprised, with this more standard attire Karen looked not different from Lillian's classmates. This time Karen leaded Lillian to her bedroom instead of the living room as usual. There over the bed was the same outfit that Karen was wearing the first time they met. Lillian blushed the symbolism was too much, but she shake out the idea and changed into it. She had to spare the bra because the tube top won't cover the straps and it would look worse than nothing. She was a bit shorter than Karen and a little bit flatter so the short and the tube top covered her a little more, still she had never wore anything that small, she even had to take off her granny panties because they showed over the shorts and under them. She was wearing high heels as usual trying to disguise her short stature, but now she regret it because using high heels with shorts looked extremely slutty, after a little hesitation she decided to go barefoot thinking she would look casual like just getting out of the bed. She looked at her reflection in a full body mirror that was attached to the bedroom door. "I look like a high school girl in a pajama party", she thought while biting her lower lip, "like a slutty high school girl". She was having second thoughts and had to summon all her courage to leave the bedroom. Karen immediately closed it with key, leaving Lillian's clothes locked inside.

Lillian felt a wave of apprehension being trapped in those slutty clothes, but she calmed herself thinking that nobody but Karen would see her and Karen knew she wasn't like that, that she wasn't a slut.

"Hey, You look great"

Lillian blushed, she hated the way she looked, it made her feel dirty and low class, but most of all she felt insecure, deprived from her make up, high heels and clothes she felt that she didn't portray the image of a self confident college girl who was near to finish her bachelor degree with honors instead she looked like a slutty high school girl, still she didn't want to contradict Karen. She didn't know what else to say so she just replied meekly "Thanks" while looking at the floor.

"Come on, you may work on the kitchen table. Check your email, I already sent your 'assignment' for today. I will back in a couple of hours for the interview. Enjoy"