Chapter 1

I dropped off the bus in a fair-sized town in one of the states on the east coast at seven in the morning --Georgia, I think. I did not really know or care. I had been riding it for six and a half hours. I could catch the next bus or the one a week from now. I stood on the sidewalk with a duffel bag and a satchel. This was all I owned in the world. What was I doing here? Was I running away from the sadness and despair that had settled on me? I was.

The station itself was not much more than a waiting room with a man behind the desk. There was a diner three doors down from there. I headed for that. When I entered, I could see that it was almost empty. I headed for the back wall where there were four booths lined up. I picked the one second from the end on the right.

Swinging the duffel bag up on the seat, and taking my satchel in my hand, I sat across from the bag, keeping the satchel next to me. There was a menu standing between the sugar and the ketchup bottle. I glanced at it. The lone waitress came over and stood waiting. I guess she had been on duty all night, for she looked tired.

I glanced up and mumbled, "Coffee, black." She went away, making her way behind the counter. She came back with a single cup.

"End of pot. Fresh will be done in five."

"That's okay, I'll drink it. Bring me a cheese omelet. Onions and something green in it. Three eggs, two toast, twelve grain if possible."

"Is broccoli okay?"

"Good." I sat with my hands around my cup, letting my mind go blank. Someone put money in the jukebox. Charlie Louvin came on and "I Think I'll Go Somewhere and Cry Myself to Sleep," blared. I did not sleep, but I could not keep the tears back. Willie was on next with his "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain." The music went silent and I dried my tears before my breakfast was set before me.

Patrons were coming and going, but I wasn't disturbed. The short order cook worked on automatic, never saying a word, just making up the orders and sliding them out, hitting a bell as he did so.

I ate slowly. My coffee cup was replenished. I paid my tab, but kept my cup. I gave the waitress a thirty percent tip, which must have made her day for I received a smile. I dozed in the corner of the booth. It was eight-thirty when a woman came in with two children, a girl and a boy, and I guessed not yet of teen age. She took change out of the register and admonished them to buy something nutritious for lunch at school.

I surmised she was the owner and these were her kids. You could tell they were family as they all had auburn hair. Her hair was a little lighter and the boy's was the darkest. I figured she was in her thirties somewhere. I didn't think on it, just cataloging a few facts. I was not interested and returned to staring into my half-empty coffee cup.

Just then, a man shuffled in, going into the kitchen. He was definitely drunk and immediately dropped and broke two dishes. "Pete, I warned you that the next time you came in drunk I was going to fire you. It is costing more to have you here than you are worth."

"I know, Ms. Campbell. Sorry." He asked hopefully, "Can you spot me enough for a bottle?"

"I guess so. You were once a good man and I'll miss having you around."

I could see she handed him a five. That would be enough for cheap wine. He shuffled out and she stood looking after him. I swear there were tears in her eyes. She turned and went in and started scraping the night's dishes.

Making a decision, I stuck my head into the kitchen. "Do you need a dish washer?"

She turned around slowly. "I do." She looked me up and down. My clothes were rumpled from riding the bus, but I was clean, although I needed a shave. I had on jeans and a knit sweater. I towered over her, as I was six feet. "Do you drink?"

"Social sometimes, that's all."

"You get minimum and two meals unless you wash after the evening meals, then you get three. If you are here for all three, you have to take off during our slow hours. I cannot pay overtime. What's your name?"

"It is Ed Rawlings. I guess you will want to know my social security number. It is 009 --. Also, I don't have an address, I have no record, and I'm honest."

She took me at my word. "Okay, you're hired. When can you start?"

"Twenty minutes ago. I think you are doing my dishes and it's my job." Twenty-five years ago, I had worked in a diner much like this one to earn money while in school. I knew the drill and it all came back. I could even handle the grill if need be. I found an apron and put that on. I did not have many clothes and I wanted to keep looking decent. The short order cook left at nine. Ms. Campbell waited table now and cooked when anyone came in which was seldom.

It was ten-thirty when a man in a suit came in with a briefcase. I heard her say to herself, "Oh crap! Here comes Landgrove." My boss put on a brave face and led him to the corner booth next to where I had been sitting and where my stuff still reclined. I soon gathered this was the person who leased the diner to her. He wanted his rent. It became apparent she had some of it, but not all.

When I heard figures, I sauntered out and got my satchel. Coming back and out of sight, I took some money from it and put it under the change drawer in the register. This was out of sight of the two in corner arguing. He was swearing at her. Reluctantly she came, got her handbag, and headed back to face him. I guessed she was about $600 short.

She stopped when I spoke. "Ms. Campbell, you had a lot of customers last night, give him what is in the till. It will help." Not thinking she went over and opened the register. I had stacked $1500 in $50 bills in one corner. She grabbed the bundle and headed back. She started counting the money as she went. Suddenly she whirled and faced me. I stated, "The money is good. I told you I was honest. I overheard he was going to shut you down if you didn't pay. I just love doing dishes. I'm just protecting my job." I grinned, which is something I had not been doing much of in the recent past.

Just then, we heard, "Come on Campbell, my time is valuable. Do you have the rent money or not?" There was no respect there at all. I was taking a distinct dislike to this person. Ms. Campbell counted out his money, and he barked she had better have it on time next month. My boss had to remind him that she needed a receipt. The receipt was made out and he handed it to her reluctantly. He then stomped out of the diner.

"We have to talk."

"Can't now. We have to get lunch ready. Mostly soup and sandwiches, right?"

"Yes. Some salads of course, and the usual burgers and fries."

"Okay, show me how I can help."

"My cook and his helper will be here in a few minutes. I have another waitress to help me serve." She asked, "Who are you anyway?"

"I could be a distant cousin."

"You could be, but you aren't."

"Your husband's cousin then."

Suddenly there were tears in her eyes. "Me and the kids were all the family he had. He was an orphan and has been dead a year." This brought tears to my eyes as well.

"I feel for you. My wife and kids died nine months ago." I whirled and went into the kitchen. Just then, an older man came in the back door and there was a short fat woman with him. I took it was the cook and his helper. He walked by me and said to my boss, "Hi Thea, I see you must have finally got rid of Pete. I was hoping you would or we would not have enough dishes left to serve dinner."

"I had to, he broke two dishes before he did anything at all this morning. Oh, I hired my husband's cousin to help. He just found out Tim had died and came to tell me what he remembered of him while they were growing up. His name is Ed and so he tells me, he stays sober."

"I should hope so."

Thea did have a good team to do lunch. I signaled her for a private minute before it was time to start dinner. "I have to go find some place to stay."

"I have an extra room. You can meet my children tonight and we do have to talk. The room is in the back part of the house. We sleep upstairs."

"You're very trusting."

"I can trust anyone who saves my business the way you have."

"Okay, I promise I won't abuse your trust. I heard your cook call you Thea, is that your name?"

"It is actually Theadora, but I don't use it much."

"I like it. It is Greek and means God's gift."

"I didn't know that."

"It is a fact." Just then, Thea's two children came in.

"Hi Mom." This was the girl speaking.

The boy just said. "Hi."

"Kids, I want you to meet Ed. He is a distant cousin of your father's. Ed this Nancy. She is twelve and this is Matt, he is almost eleven. Ed is washing dishes for me. I had to let Pete go. He came in drunk again." Both said hi to me. I had to turn away as Nancy reminded me of my own daughter I had lost. "Ed will be staying with us for awhile."

Thea turned to me, saying, "I'll take the kids home and I have to be back to wait table. I work until eight. You can leave with me. That is if you want to wash the dinner dishes."

"I do. Who does them during the night?"

"The cook loads the dishwasher and leaves the heavy stuff for you in the morning."

"That sounds good." As she left, she told the cook to feed me anything I wanted for dinner.

I kept to myself, never initiating a conversation. The heavyset cook's helper tried to flirt with me, but I paid no attention. I ate dinner before Thea returned. The diner was very busy and I wondered why Thea had trouble paying her rent. I probably would find out later this evening. My boss was well liked, made jokes and spoke to many of her patrons by their first names. As the dinner hour wound down, I was caught up, so I went out and wrecked the tables for the waitresses.

Thea took off her apron and said we were done. I followed her out to her car, which was a small Ford Escort. I had no idea what year it was, but it was not new. We went about a mile and turned into a side street, New Hope Avenue. We did not go far when she wheeled into a driveway on the right. "This is home. In daylight, you can see some fields behind the house. When Tim and I bought here, we were supposed to be part of a larger housing development. Then the farmer got stubborn when the developer would not pay what he asked. The farmer sold it with a clause barring development to a group that promised to keep it open."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Okay, I guess. We are allowed to walk and bike on the land, but it is growing up to brush in much of the field. They just mow it over when the brush gets too high. That will have to happen this summer or it will be too big. No residences can be built, though. It was nice when there used to be cattle on it. That is progress, I guess. It makes a person wonder if it is, though."

The house we pulled into was not large. I could see room for three bedrooms upstairs, but they had to be small. There was a two-car garage at the end of the drive and a covered walk from that to the house. Thea drove right into the garage and we went from there to the kitchen. I lugged in my duffel bag and Thea carried my satchel. There was what looked like a safe in the corner. She went over and opened it to put in what she had removed from the cash register at the diner. This was the day's take.

She kept out the remainder of my $1,500 laying it on the table. I asked, "Can you lock the safe?"

"Yes. Tim bought it from a business that was going broke."

"Would you put what is in the satchel in there if there is room?"

"Okay." Thea set it down on the table and opened it. She jumped back, throwing it from her when she looked into it. "Oh, my God! It is full of money."

It made me laugh. I think she thought I was a crook, bank robber, or dealer or something. "I told you before that I am honest. That is from the sale of my home. I took it in cash. Sometime I will tell you why. Please put it away."

"No, I won't touch it. You do it."

"Okay, if you insist. The fifties on the table, you keep to pay for my room here. Tell me when it runs out. That is if I am here that long. If I'm not, keep it anyway."

"We have to talk. I said that before and I mean it this time."

"Probably we should. What about Nancy and Matt, where are they?"

"They will be here in a few minutes. My sister sends them over when she sees me come home. She lives diagonally across the street and feeds them their dinner. Hurry and put your money away." There was room for the stacks of banded bills. I removed her till box that had a few bills and some rolls of change in it. I sat this on top of my money. Thea closed the door with a clunk and turned the knob. She went and wrote down the combination and handed it to me.

"You better have this. I trust you not to steal the little I have from me." Then she looked at me and giggled. Suddenly tears came from my eyes and I was sobbing.

"Ed, what is the matter? What did I do?"

"Nothing. It is just that my wife used to look at me like that. Sorry, I'll be okay in a minute." I heard the kids coming, so I walked into the next room to compose myself. She must think I was crazy and a basket case. Maybe I was crazy, but didn't I have the right to be?

I heard Nancy ask, "Is Ed here?"

"Yes he is. He is in the living room. Give him a few minutes. Have you kids done your lessons yet?"

"Most of them, Mom."

"Get your books out and do them. You know the rules."

Matt said, "But Mom there is no school tomorrow. It's Saturday."

"I know, but you always wait until Sunday. This way they will all be done and you can do something else."

"Okay, if I have to." I smiled, as this was typical behavior for a ten-year-old.

I stood in the doorway while Matt opened his book. I could see it was a math lesson. I came up behind him and looked over his shoulder. He did the first problem correctly, but the second one had him stumped. "Mom, help me?

I took over, and read the lesson. "A car is traveling forty miles an hour and he is on the road for two hours and twenty minutes. How far does it go? You can figure it out Matt. Think."

"I have no idea."

I laughed. "That is why I said, think. You have to multiply and divide with this problem. Add too. Okay, pull it apart and look at it to find the facts you know. One hour equals forty miles. Two hours you double it and get another forty miles. We are now up to eighty miles. Now we have to find out how far the car goes in twenty minutes. Can you figure it out?"

"Three miles?"

"Do you know what apples and oranges mean?"

"Yes, it means different and you can't add them together."

"Right. So find something you can add or is the same."

"But that is where I got the three miles." I cocked my head indicating he was not on the right track. "But twenty minutes go into one hour three times. It has to be right."

"How far does the car go in one hour?"

"Forty miles." He stared at the figures. Then he grinned. "Divide the forty miles by three just like you did the hour." Matt scribbled just as fast as he could. "It is thirteen and one third miles. The car goes a total of ninety three and one third miles."

"You figured it out. Good job." Nancy was finishing her lesson. Matt went on to the last eight of his problems and breezed right through them.

"Okay kids, showers and then bed."

Matt looked up at me and said, "You're better than Mom and she was a school teacher, or she used to be before Daddy died."

"We just have different ways of teaching that is all. I taught math in school a while back."

"Anyway, thanks Ed. Are you going to live here?"

"I don't know. I'm going to talk to your Mom later."

"I hope you do. I have to go take a shower. I don't know why, I took one last night. See you."

"See you, son." Thea had her eyes on me all evening. She should. I would have done the same if I had invited a stranger into my home. A weird acting stranger I might add.

"Would you like a beer?"

"No, I don't think so. You wanted to question me about my actions?"

"Yes. You said you had lost your wife and children. Tell me about it."

"Okay, but if I break up, forgive me for I'm still not handling it very well." I paused for this was going to be painful for me. "I married a girl I met in college. Her name was Amaya. She was of Japanese descent. She became a school teacher, as did I. We taught three years and then we started a family. We first had a daughter, Chieko. We called her Chicky. Two years later a boy was born, Ichirou, and we called him Itchy. Amaya stayed home and took care of us all until Itchy went into first grade, then she went back to teaching."

"Where did you live?"

"California, just outside of San Francisco. A year ago, this coming March, my in-laws went on a trip to Japan. Amaya had never been to the country of her ancestors. Her parents were always talking about them, where they lived, and where they died. They wanted to take us all and at first, I agreed. Then I was being hassled by the school administration about wanting time off during the school year.

"Amaya said she and the family would go now and later on in the summer, she and I would both go and follow the same path. I would see the same things she and the kids had seen and learned. They boarded a plane March 1, which was a Tuesday. Before the plane had risen and disappeared from sight, I felt I should have been with them. I wished I had been." Tears started now, but I still had myself somewhat under control.

"I don't understand. Did the plane crash?"

"No, they reached Japan and had a fine time. The kids were excited and they called and talked to me on the first weekend, telling about all of the things they were seeing and doing. They called again on Wednesday and were going to go to Tokyo on Saturday and were to leave for home on Monday."

By this time, I had to pause, but I shook it off. I continued, "I was watching the news Friday night, sitting down enjoying a beer. The first pictures of the Tsunami came on. I knew at that moment that I would never see my family again. They had toured the nuclear plant on Tuesday, as this was near the village where their ancestors lived and they were staying. The nuclear plant was one of the sites they were so excited about when we spoke on Wednesday."

Thea was sitting across the room crying with me at this point. It took several minutes for us to regain our composure. She asked, "What did you do?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing. I did not even go back to work to finish last year. Many people in my position would have drunk himself into oblivion. I did not and I don't know why. My friends would come everyday and force me to eat. Some even got me into the shower when I got too rank.

"When school let out last spring, I started to come around enough to take care of myself. I even went to a psychiatrist for three months through the summer. It helped. The first day of school this year, I thought I was ready to face students. I would have had my daughter in my class and I planned to imagine her and would be teaching her, bringing the other students along with her." Again, I broke up.

Thea waited patiently. Finally, I could finish, "Some of her friends were in the class and they missed her too. They made sure there was an empty seat in front center and pasted a large snapshot of her on the front of the desk. I lasted fifteen minutes, turned, and walked out. I haven't faced another student since then."

"You have, Ed. You faced Matt tonight."

I thought about that. "I guess I did didn't I?" I was calmer now.

"Ed, did you lose it again like the first time when you just heard?"

"Not to the extent when I first learned of my family's deaths. I can function, but I know I am going to break up at odd times. I have learned to live with it. Some other people haven't and others think I'm just crazy."

"Ed, I'm curious. What about all of the money you put in my safe."

"This is where the crazy part comes in. I sold my home. The money is what I got for it and what savings Amaya and I had."

"Why did you take cash?"

It took a long time for me to answer. "Thea, there are over 3,700 bodies still missing in Japan. Most likely, none of my family will be found and identified. After I left the school that day, I decided to commit suicide. I just did not have the courage at that time. Then I sold my home. My family is gone and my home is gone.