Chapter 10

I am sitting here remembering my time in that dark place. I can see and feel the memories as they make their way out and say "hello" to me.

I think I understand how others feel when faced with similar episodes.

I want to go back in time and change the events. Or, at the least, go up to those boys and tell them to knock it off. Leave the little kid alone.

Another Interlude:

I recall they day my son fell out of a tree. He was 6 years old. It was 1997.

Our babysitter watched him, our daughter and a couple of other children.

I was working at Merrill Lynch in Princeton, New Jersey, at the time. One of the managers came looking for me as there was a phone call for me.

I never got phone calls at work. Surprised was my word that day.

The babysitter was on the phone. We, my wife and I, had left the main numbers for each of us 'just in case'.

She said that my son had fallen out of the tree in her front yard. He had gotten the wind knocked out of him. His back was sore. His stomach was hurting him. She didn't want to take any chances and an ambulance was on the way.

I can see myself telling my boss I needed to go. My son needed me. I remember all of my coworkers asking me if I was sure I could drive. They would gladly drive me if I felt that I could not.

We really had a great crew in our office. I was proud to work there and their reaction to this accident was heartwarming.

I assured them I would be fine. It was early enough in the day that I could get down to home, and the hospital, with little worry about traffic.

I made my way down Route 1 crossing over from New Jersey into Pennsylvania. I recall pulling into the parking lot at Abington Memorial Hospital and wondering how I got there so quickly. It was auto pilot. It was adrenaline. I know I get in a zone when I drive. My "be ready for anything" persona kicks in.

I quickly made my way to the Emergency Room.

Our babysitter met me in the waiting room and explained that they had just taken some precautionary X-Rays on my son. He was in pain but had calmed down.

She had been able to get through to my wife and she was on her way. I thought for sure she would have beat me here. She worked 10 minutes away to my 40.

I can remember going in to see my little guy. He had a neck brace on and was still sniffling when I stood beside him and held his hand.

His first words to me in a hiccup of a sob? "I want mommy. Where's mommy? I really want my mommy."

I talked to him. I let him know mommy was on the way and would be here very soon.

Thankfully the X-Rays showed nothing broken. However, the doctor did point out that some of the discomfort in his belly was due to a dark mass in the picture.

Where his intestines were.

The poor boy was literally full of shit. I'm laughing as I write this because I know he remembers this episode all too well also.

Taking off the neck brace and being allowed to sit in mommy's lap made his day.

The doctor did suggest to keep a close eye on our little boy for the next couple of days. And suggested a laxative to help out and keep his discomfort at a minimum.

I realize this was a longer interlude. This just needed to visit my page.

I am writing this as therapy. I am putting the words into a sequence and I hope I am making sense. To myself mainly. I hope it is making sense to those who are reading it out in the "real world". I'm clearing out those cobwebs and making it easier to keep the darkness in the light. To make sense of those demons that were held inside for so long.