Chapter 7

Now at 473 wins. I can so easily concentrate on those silly cards. No idea why.

Someone, a teacher in High School, once told me I could write a story and make the reader feel the pain and laughter in my words.

I never really believed it before and my attempts here are hopefully making some sense.

I need to reiterate that this is therapy for me. I know there are no rewards or prizes at the finish line here.

I hope to banish my demons as they come sliding out of the dark place in my mind.

This has only been going on since Wednesday evening. April 25, 2012.

Time stood still in those hours. I know I freaked out my son and his girlfriend.

They could see I had been crying. Probably heard my sobs.

And my poor therapist. I left her a voicemail. I let her know the demons I had found. The sorrow I was feeling.

Yet, I did not feel the black pit of despair. I felt fine in that regard. No black hole to sneak into or get swallowed up in.

I am writing and editing as I let my fingers fly on the keyboard here. Any errors or goofy sentences are mine and mine alone.

If you catch anything, feel free to let me know. Otherwise, this is my story and that is that. So there! LOL

Sometimes I make myself laugh.

I know I threw my wife for a loop when I texted her.

I knew she would probably be getting ready for bed at her hotel. I sent her some goofy thing not knowing if she would reply.

As soon as she did (reply) I hit her with a good deal of my revelations. She at one point stated "you sure are typing fast..." and kept writing to tell me to 'keep busy' and make sure our son gets up in time for school on Thursday (yesterday now).

There is a glimmer of hope for me (us) yet as she did not reply in any negative way. She just sounded surprised that my horror that was hiding for so many years had found a way into the light now. When she was away; trying to get to sleep. I made sure to assure her I was fine. I was really looking at all of this with open eyes and calm heart.

And yet that demon is still there. The one where you 'trust' another person. The one where you don't wonder and worry where they are; who they're with.