Chapter 5

I was hungry. I had not eaten all day. I had my doctor visit and felt somewhat better.

I ordered from Domino's. I was interested in trying their new cheese steak (which I did like).

I really wanted to try that new Brooklyn Style 5 cheese pizza.

I was able to eat the cheese steak just fine. Then my wife arrived home and we got into our 'little' discussion.

Thankfully, my daughter was off on a trip to Europe. My son was working. His girlfriend was working also.

I requested a break in the action so I could try the pizza. Nope. Not allowed.

We needed to bring up, and go over, all my transgressions of the last 15 years.

Of course, the more we went over mine, the more I wanted to yell and scream about hers!

My father ripped out my heart when he divorced us. I say us, he rarely played a role in our lives from that point on.

My wife ripped my heart out when she had an affair. Four months of living hell for me.

Suicidal thoughts entered my mind and I did get to a point of taking way-too-many sleeping pills.

Caution. Sleeping pills will damage your liver if not pumped out or remedied quickly. They will not kill you outright. So please, if you ever get to this dark place, immediately call your mom, dad, doctor or closest friend. You will not be imposing on them. They will gladly (and with much relief) help you to work it out.

I know this is helping me in getting this all out. This is all real life. The darkness is real. The pain is real. The help I am receiving is real.

And the pizza? I got so mad at my wife at one point that I opened up the back door and tossed it out onto the back yard.

Later, I went and retrieved the box and pieces from the grass and threw it all in the trash can.

Can you see that 10 year old boy throwing a temper tantrum? I did not at the time. I certainly do now.