Chapter 31

Although said partly in jest, Denae decided to accept what her father had said and she walked to the infirmary. She was surprised to see Jorgarn sitting up in the bed and the room empty.

He smiled as she entered.

"Good day, Princess," he said with a nod of his head. It did not appear to cause him great distress.

"Good day to you, Sir Knight," she said with a bow and a grin. "You appear well."

"My head no longer feels as though it was stepped on by an elephant," he said. "Now it simply feels as though I was kicked by a horse. That is a major success, I think."

"It sort of looks as though you've been kicked by a horse, too," Denae said with a smirk. "But that is no different from before. I'm glad you feel better. I worried about you."

"You say I look as though I was kicked by a horse and then follow it by how you worry about me?" Jorgarn asked with a mock frown. "I am unsure what to believe."

Denae walked quickly across the floor and put her hands on his cheeks. She kissed his lips firmly.

"Believe that I care greatly about you and I'm sorry it took this for me to see how much you mean to me," she said, then kissed him again for good measure. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

Jorgarn shifted over slightly to allow Denae a spot on the bed.

"I can sit in the chair," she insisted. "I want you to be comfortable."

"I thought we discussed your delicate rear last night – or this morning," he said as he smiled toward her.

She returned his smile sadly.

"How can you act as though nothing has happened?" she asked. "How do you pretend that we have not spent the past month at odds?"

"I do not pretend that," Jorgarn said simply. "I overlook that and I forgive that. I ask that you forgive me, too. I accept that it happened and move forward while looking to ensure it doesn't happen again. We can dwell on the past incessantly or we identify what happened, learn from it and move forward. There are no other ways to approach this that I can think of."

"You ask my forgiveness?" Denae asked with a touch of wonder in her voice. "Why?"

"I was mulish," Jorgarn said. "You and I reached an impasse and instead of speaking plainly and like adults, we hid behind our anger and our arrogance and allowed it to become larger than it needed to be. Bralan was an unwitting pawn in a war between Rayna and me. You were the prize. I believed I already had claimed the prize, so I refused to fight. I could have stopped Rayna in the days after your Ascension. I could have pulled her aside and explained the facts to her, perhaps more plainly than you could have. I could have had her slain or turned the castle against her. I could have pointed out the plot to you, because she was transparent. Instead, I hid behind them. I remember you telling me that my most important job was to save you from yourself. I failed at that. Instead, I hid my misgivings about Rayna in respect for your feelings.

"I refused to discuss it with you," Jorgarn continued, "And I refused to allow you to sense my suspicions. When I did finally address them, I did so callously and angrily. I let my protectiveness of my sister override my job – which is to protect you and Emertland. Instead of speaking to you rationally, I spoke in haste and without tact. Then I became angry when you became angry and I pushed you away as you pushed me away. There is much for which I need to be forgiven. My actions and reactions were no more mature than yours."

Denae sat and stared at Jorgarn.

"I do not believe you require forgiveness," she said after a moment's pause. "The missteps were mine and I believe most – if not all – who know the facts would agree with me. But if you request forgiveness, I offer it readily and beg the same."

Jorgarn sighed.

"We each reacted without thought," he said. "Of course I forgive you. I promise that I will attempt to think more clearly before speaking and I will be more open about any qualms I might have. I know that the louder the voice, the less is actually heard. Now all we can do is accept that the situation was untenable and correct our actions. At least now, we are aware of some of the pitfalls that might be ahead of us. So, what brings you here this morning? I thought you had lessons with your father."

"I have come to apologize to those people I have hurt with my unthinking actions," Denae said with downcast eyes. "Father suggested that I wait here and catch them as they visited you rather than seek them out across the castle. Will that pose a problem for you?"

Jorgarn shook his head.

"It will allow each of us to apologize at the same time," he said as he patted the spot on the bed that still was clear. "Please, sit with me."

Denae moved into her familiar spot in the crook of Jorgarn's arm. It was there where she felt most comfortable under Creation.

"Once you are well, do you suppose you would be willing to sit with me and help me select my staff?" she asked tentatively. "Rayna was released this morning. I am without attendants altogether now."

Jorgarn saw Denae's downcast eyes and kissed her softly on the side of her head.

"I am sorry to hear you released Rayna," he said. "Perhaps in time you both will learn to focus on the positive parts of your relationship and mend it. I hope that is the case. I know she was your friend. The only suggestion I can make is send your apology to Bralan and Usala with a request that they consider a return. I know you enjoyed having them around you. I also believe they will offer sound advice in the future. If you are uncomfortable with that option, we have several indications that many young noblewomen who might find themselves unfit for the Guard plan to join. Sir Torbert has a much better feel for their capabilities and perhaps one or two of them would be better suited for your staff."

"What of Leyota?" Denae asked. "Have I done too much that she will not return?"

"Perhaps she will," Jorgarn said with a slight chuckle. "It is for purely selfish reasons that I excluded her – and the fact I believe she enjoys her new job."

"She has already been retained?" Denae asked. She cursed herself for being so caught up with her own life that she completely missed what was happening around her.

"Retained?" Jorgarn wondered. "Perhaps not retained but she gained a job offer rather quickly after her resignation. She needed to find employment or return to a situation where she was uncomfortable. I hired her onto my staff. I suppose you could say she is my senior attendant."

Denae turned her head so quickly her hair whipped Jorgarn's cheek.

"She is 11 years old!" she said. "How is she your senior attendant? Or is she the entirety of your staff?"

Jorgarn laughed again.

"I will have you know that I am up to three employees," Jorgarn said. "I believe my staff is almost filled with the exception of Master Ducotte and a senior steward to run things."

Denae lowered her head and shook it. She had not even known Jorgarn was accepting interviews. She had lost touch with everything. But she was now stuck with only one course of action to ensure no one ever defied her. She would have to incorporate Jorgarn as an equal part of her life. His might would keep anyone from daring to resist her rule.

"Leyota is my corresponding secretary," Jorgarn said, oblivious to the fact that Denae's mind was elsewhere. His words brought her back to their conversation.

"You have correspondence?" Denae asked with wrinkled eyebrows.

Jorgarn rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I receive as many as a dozen posts each day," he said. "Some of them are from people looking for work; others are from Lords and Ladies wishing to introduce me to their daughters. Still others are purely social invitations. Those are usually addressed to both of us but they have been delivered to me for the past weeks. It is why I had to employ two others."

"You have three people answering your letters," Denae laughed.

"Actually, Leyota takes care of all the letters," Jorgarn corrected with a smile. "Drosset's job is to make sure I do not leave my chamber without my pants. Merg is my messenger, mostly because Drosset and Leyota refused to deliver anything to you or Rayna that did not include poison. I offered jobs to Bralan and Usala but they both demurred. I will admit both of those offers were slightly out of spite."

He tugged Denae tightly to her and kissed the top of her head.

"So, your staff consists of an 11 year old, a nine year old and a seven year old," Denae laughed.

"I will have you know that Drosset will be 10 in a week," Jorgarn said. "But they actually work well for what I need. Leyota is perhaps too plainspoken to work for you but her handwriting is beautiful and she has been around nobility long enough to turn a nice phrase. Merg can go anywhere and do anything without a soul taking a second glance. Drosset is just happy to have something to do and someone who actually notices he exists. I have to say, I find my staff perfectly acceptable."

Denae nodded then glanced over at Jorgarn.

"I doubt I heard Leyota say two dozen words," she said.

"She was somewhat intimidated at the beginning and somewhat angry at the end," Jorgarn admitted. "Her personality does not lend itself to gossiping and ruse. We work well together, actually."

He leaned over and whispered conspiratorially.

"She even says she likes marmalade," he joked. "That was the main requirement, you know. Merg will eat anything and Drosset is much the same."

"So they no longer train with you?" Denae asked. "I doubt they like that."

"Oh, no," Jorgarn said. "The nice part is that my staff doesn't meet in the castle. We discuss our necessities on the field. Leyota is becoming quite adept with a short sword. All three will make fine warriors someday."

Jorgarn turned his head and squinted his eyes.

"In fact, I believe I hear my herd of small elephants rumbling this way right now," he said. "They are becoming good at sneaking up on me but their footsteps can't be muffled in the corridors."

Sure enough, three heads popped around the doorframe. Each frowned at what they saw – Jorgarn with this tongue sticking out at them to let them know he heard them and the Princess sitting at his side.

Leyota's face belied the least. Merg's mouth dropped but he closed it quickly. Drosset simply crossed his arms and stared.

"Princess Denae, may I present to you my attendants," Jorgarn said with a flourish – that included a set of raised eyebrows at Drosset, whose face instantly became slack.

"Well met and allow me to offer the first of many apologies that I owe each of you for not greeting you sooner," she said sweetly. "I see that Sir Jorgarn has assembled a first-rate set of advisers and I'm jealous because my first attempt was a dismal failure."

Leyota looked as though she was about to speak but glanced at Jorgarn and closed her lips tightly.

"I guess I should start with the youngest," Denae said as she slipped from the bed and knelt in front of Merg, whose eyes widened.

"Master Merg," she said. "I have never fully appreciated your capabilities. Sir Jorgarn speaks very highly of you and I am very happy to know that I will have the opportunity to know you better, if you will permit it."

Merg gulped.

"Of course, Your Majesty," he stammered.

Denae smiled and put her hand on his shoulder.

"I would like it greatly if you would call me Denae when we're not with a group of people," she said. "I hope that I will get the chance to be as close a friend to you as I know Sir Torbert and Sir Jorgarn are. It is my understanding that you are one of their favorite people."

Merg smiled and nodded his head. Denae moved over in front of Drosset, who had done his best to wipe the look of hatred from his face but hadn't quite succeeded.

"Master Drosset," Denae said. "I do not even know where to begin to start my apologies to you. First, I am sorry that your sister was harmed by my attendant. I am sorry that I not only permitted it, I perpetuated it. I will apologize to her personally today and to Lady Eslada for my actions. I do not expect their forgiveness readily, nor do I expect yours. I hope, in time, you will come to view me as a friend who did something stupid and accept that I will do my best to ensure that no further harm comes to your sister or to your guardian. I am very sorry."

Drosset didn't speak but simply nodded his head.

Denae looked at her feet when stepped in front of Leyota.

"The words I said to each of the young men are true for you, Mistress Leyota," Denae said. "I looked at your age and overlooked your abilities. It seems it was your counsel I should have sought from the outset but instead I relied upon others and it failed me. I am sorry that it reached a spot where you would have preferred to return to your family than stay with me but I am thankful that Jorgarn had enough sense to keep you where you are happy and needed. I will forever regret what happened but I am sure one of my deepest regrets will be that I lost the chance to come to know you as closely as I would have. I do hope that the three of you will accept my apologies and I hope that we all can learn from what I did to make sure it doesn't happen again."

Leyota once again glanced at Jorgarn, who sighed and nodded.

"Your Highness," Leyota said. "I will ask forgiveness also for what I am about to say. Not only did you cause Bralan unnecessary injury but you also placed your Knight in a position where he was forced to choose between his duty to you and what was right for Emertland. You say that you overlooked my abilities. I agree that you did for I was smart enough to see what was happening right beneath your nose and I would have been smart enough to offer a solution if you had sought my advice. However, I recognized from the outset that I was a charity case for you – a way for you to thumb your nose at my sister and to feel good about all the good you were doing for Emertland. I, however, viewed my role different and I am thankful I am finally in a position where my opinion is sought and appreciated."

She took a deep breath and appeared to be about to continue when Jorgarn spoke.

"I am glad that is out in the open, Leyota," he said softly with a slight smile at the girl. "Denae, I hope you will accept what she told you with grace. Although I can see what she said was hurtful to you, I believe you will come to understand that she was correct. Now, what have you for me today, lady and gentlemen?"

Denae wiped a tear from her eye and started to move toward the door.

"Princess, some of this is relevant to your interests, too," Leyota said. "Perhaps you could stay. It will save Merg a trip to track down Rayna for deliveries."

"Rayna is no longer employed," Jorgarn said. "We will be sharing a staff until we can fill hers."

"Jorgarn, are you sure that is advisable?" Denae said sadly. "I am sure they don't want to help me. Why should they? I have never helped them in the slightest."

Jorgarn looked at all three of the young people in front of him.