Chapter 89

Present – Jens – Traveling back to the cabin

I can't fucking believe it: We steal the cab, exit at Leadville then the damn cab dies. I strong arm it to the side of the road, put on the parking brake, go to open the door to see what the hell is wrong and the damn driver's door is locked and won't open. I ask the girls, "See if your doors open."

I hear them fumbling in the back seat then Zarika replies, "My door will not open."

Yasmeen helpfully answers, "My door is also locked. Ms. Donaldson, this reminds me of a television show I used to watch called Bait Car. The police would leave a car like it was abandoned then when the thieves took it they would dis ... come ... bobulate ... able ... uh ... damn what is that word Zarika?"

Zarika adds, "Disable the car and lock the doors. I agree Ms. Donaldson, I think this car has become a trap."

I look up and notice the damn symbol on the rear view mirror and silently swear (I don't want to set a bad example for the girls (wait now this is funny as hell)). Then I say, "I agree. I bet the cabbie called his company and they disabled the cab and locked us in. However unless this cab has bullet proof windows we're getting out of here."

I pull out my pistol (hell yes I have a pistol with me after all that's been going on), aim at the side window, fire, it explodes into tiny little squares and damn near makes me deaf! I barely hear Yasmeen as she asks, "Ms. Donaldson, might I borrow your gat to do the same."

I almost giggle. Yeah, Yasmeen still has some gangsta in her! I hand her my pistol and admonish, "Be careful, don't hurt yourself and make sure to cover your ears."

She fires through the back side glass at what's probably the worst possible time...

Present – Alexi – Heading to the cabin on foot

I am silently self-flagellating for all the mistakes I have precipitated on my sister Mira. First the ill-timed use of the forty millimeter grenade to terminate the Ursus arctos horribilis which made her lose Ben's progeny; then my second major mistake, trying to breach Ms. Donaldson's compound gate with the ambulance using a trick that worked in Grand Theft Auto which instead rendered the vehicle inoperable and required our locomotivation by foot.

We begin to locomotivate toward the cabin and Mira advises, "Alexi, I can not tolerate this miniscule velocity." She attempts to run but then she stumbles. I catch her and slowly lower her to the ground. I question, "Mira, are you not well?"

She holds the lower portion of her anterior abdomen and states, "Perhaps it was not advisable to run."

I question, "How might I render aid my sister?"

Her answer greatly surprises me, "Alexi, please inform me you have a weapon concealed on your corporeal self?"

I reply, "Sorry my sister, I did not think to acquire one before I gained entrance into the helicopter. Please confirm you are not considering suicide?"

Mira smiles and replies, "No Alexi, suicide is never an option for us. Do you not sense what I sense?"

I calm myself and realize I have committed two additional transgressions: First a lack of a weapon and the second not sensing we are being studied by unfriendly ocular units...

I scan the area, note an anomaly and inquire, "My sister, do you notice that slightly raised, disturbed portion of firmament?"

Mira praises me, "Alexi, yes I do occulate a disturbance in the firmament."

I help my sister and we slowly approach the disturbance. However I cannot terminate the formication given me by the unfriendly ocular units. Something wicked is observing us...

Present – Todd – Battle ground cabin

Ira is right to suggest that I take the mission to intercept the threat posed by the destroyed ambulance - she only has her Katana while I have my bow and many arrows. I work my way toward the front door, encounter a passageway door, attempt to open it but it is locked. I enter my code into the keypad by the door and the klaxon begins to sound again...

Present – Jack – Battle ground cabin

Son of a bitch! I thought Ira fixed that damn alarm. I order, "Ira can't you shut that damn alarm off?"

She accesses the panel many times and reports, "General Sir! It would appear the alarm system is non- functional or at least does not respond to my code. Perhaps you will attempt it with your code?"

I walk over to the damn panel, punch in my code and FUCK! The panel goes dark and the lights shut off.

I've had my fill of this fucking alarm system so I back up and beat the shit out of it with the shovel. It feels fucking great as smoke boils out of the fucker until Ira complains and then things get even worse...

Present – Ira – Battle ground cabin

General Pain makes a very ill-advised choice to terminate the terminal and now we will recompense the flautist.

I scold his brash behavior, "Sir! Perhaps you lacked the information that the security system is interactive. Now that you have terminated a terminal it will assume we are a direct threat and will attempt to terminate the threat."

He complains, "What the hell? Are you telling me this fucking security system is going to kill us?"

My tympanic units detect a sight hiss and I inform him, "Sir! The assaulted security system is releasing an airborne agent into the house."

He yells in frustration, "What the fuck! Ira we need to do something!"

I order, "Sir! Please transfer your M-25 weapon temporarily to my corporeal self so I can attempt to breach the door."

He states, "What good will that do? I am out of ammunition."

I then deliver a rendition of the obvious, "Sir, in that eventuality we are possibly located up an excrement rivulet without a scull. However, after surviving the ruthless Rattus rattus hoard I will not conceded defeat to a haunted house."

I locate the ventilation shaft, acquire some material and attempt a blockage of the gas...

Present – Todd – Battle ground cabin

Something very bad has happened to the security system since all the terminals are blank. I hear the gas entering the ventilation system, but the stench from the rats is such that I cannot smell what gas is being used. However I do I realize for some reason the entire house has become a threatening combatant. I reach into my pack, pull out my emergency oxygen supply, apply the nose clip, insert the mouthpiece in my mouth and activate the timer on my watch

I walk over to the terminal and attempt to operate it but it is non-responsive. There must be some way to shock this security system back into awareness ... Wait that gives me an idea...

Present – Ben – Austin Texas

Thank God the construction chute starts to flatten out! My back presses against the bottom of the chute, I put my feet against the top of the chute, press upward and we finally stop!

The damn little dog begins to bark and then I hear one of the fat cows, "I think the bastard jumped in here. Do you think we should follow him?"

I tell the dog, "Stay here while I take care of this bullshit."

I crawl up the chute until it turns vertical, pull out my Ka-Bar and slice through most of the chute. I go to slide back down and find the damn little dog followed me so I yell, "Get the fuck out of the way." Then I hear from above, "Well, if he did it we can do it."

Another fat cow questions, "Do you think we will all fit?" I answer her question in my mind: Not as fat as some of you are, you won't.

The little dog takes off running, while I do my best to crawl down the tube as I hear a hell of a noise above me. It sounds like a whole damn herd of cows (which is what many of the women resembled) are in the construction chute at the same time.

I'm almost back to where we stopped when son of a bitch, the construction chute breaks where I cut it. I hear the herd of cows swearing up a storm, and about laugh my ass off when one of them whines, "Help, the chute must have gotten smaller because I'm stuck."

I taunt, "If you weren't such a fat fucking cow, you wouldn't be stuck!"