Chapter 74

The next two weeks as Timmy and his family got ready to return to Verna's home, were two long, sad weeks for me. I took Timmy and Sally to several water parks as well as looking at horses all over Virginia. We didn't find anything, but we had fun doing it. As the time passed and got down to the last day, my heart felt like it was shriveling in my chest. For some reason, I loved this little boy like he was a part of my soul. I was sitting by myself in my office on the eve of their departure when Kat came in and sat in my lap, kissing me.

"Jon, I can see the hurt and sadness every time I look at you. Please try to cheer up tomorrow so Timmy doesn't pick up on your feelings. I just left Sally and she was in her room crying. I think you need to go to her and share your feelings with her so she doesn't think she's the only one who feels this way."

I looked at my wife and the mother to be of my children and had tears running down my cheeks. I had to swallow a couple of times before I could speak.

"Kat, I haven't missed your sadness at them leaving either. How do you do it and still seem so cheerful to everyone? It's tearing me up inside and it's all I can do to keep from screaming."

"Jon, my darling, I have been through this a lot more than you have. It happened all the time when I worked at the hospital. I am hurting just as much or more than you and Sally, but if I let myself go, I would be a total wreck. It hurts me just as much, watching what it is doing to the two people I love most in the world. No, Jon, I won't let myself break down until after they leave. Then I will go have a hot bubble bath and cry my eyes out. Now get up and go to your daughter, she needs your shoulder to cry on."

I helped her up and went to the door. When I opened it, I turned to her and said; "I'll probably be the one crying on her shoulder." I walked out, dragging my feet, and went in the house and up the steps. I went to Sally's room and knocked. When she sobbed out for me to enter, I went in and she was in my arms crying before I got all the way into the room. I held her, feeling the tears on my cheeks. I picked her up and sat down in the big padded chair I had spent so many hours in when she first came here to live. As she cried, I thought about how many times I had sat here holding her in my arms calming her after she had a nightmare in the middle of the night. This was a little different as it was a bad dream for both of us. I sat, thinking of all our happy times together and all the problems we had solved sitting here and talking. I thought about how much I loved her and how I had shortchanged her by always being gone, working to solve other parents problems and completely forgetting I was a parent also. I sat hugging her, smelling the baby shampoo she still used, and felt the tears running down my own cheeks. God, I thought, here I was holding a teenager I loved more than life, and now I had three more coming to care for. I knew deep in my soul I had enough love for all of them, but this one I was holding had always meant more to me than anything I ever thought I would find in my life. I sat thinking about my life and how many times I thought I was going to die, not knowing there was love in the world like I was holding in my arms right now. I was soon to be thirty five years old and had never known love until this little girl, who took a large chunk of my heart and made it hers. I thought about how I felt about Kat and realized she held the other half of my heart in her smile and her love for me. I had always believed no man could ever lose his heart and soul to someone until I met Kat. I never fully understood what love really meant until this moment. Somewhere in my thoughts of how much these two meant to me I dozed off, holding Sally who had quit sobbing and was breathing steadily like she was asleep also.

I woke to kisses on my cheek. When I opened my eyes I saw it was Sally kissing me. When she saw my eyes open, she smiled sadly at me.

"Dad?"

"What, honey?"

"This is almost like when I was little. I used to fall asleep in your arms in this same chair. Dad, will we ever see Timmy again?"

"Oh yes, I am not about to let him fade out of our lives. I just don't know what to do about it, Sally. I think after they leave I am going to sit down with Kat and see if she has any ideas. I wish they could stay right here with us."

"Me too, Dad, I don't understand why I feel so bad because he is leaving. I know we spent a lot of time together, but I didn't think he meant so much to me. Now that he's leaving, I feel like I am losing someone very special to me. This is almost as bad as I felt when Myrna left without even saying goodbye to me. Why did she do it, Dad? I know we argued, but I didn't think it was that bad. I mean, I said some things that were mean to her and Kat, but I didn't mean to drive her out of my life forever. Can't you find her and ask her to come home? I really miss her, Dad, she was like my own mother. She was always there for me and now I can't thank her or even tell her how much I love her."

"I am trying, honey, for myself as much as for you. When she left, there were a lot of things we needed to talk out between us that I never realized before."

"Oh, you mean the fact that she was in love with you?"

"Sally!"

"Dad, I may be young, but I am not blind. I saw her crying on the island when you and Kat got married. She thought no one was around, but I was watching her because she was acting funny. At first I thought it was because of Carver, but when she was crying she kept saying your name. That's when I realized how she felt about you, Dad. I thought you knew, but I guess you didn't have any idea did you?"

"No I didn't, Sally. I always thought she hated me, but when I brought you home, she seemed to finally accept me being here. I had no idea she had any feelings for me."

"Dad, this may come as a surprise to you, but even with all my fear of being here and my step dad maybe coming after me, I knew within a couple of weeks that she cared a great deal for you. I finally got her to admit it one night when I saw her crying in the kitchen. She made me promise never to tell anyone. She used a whole bunch of excuses about how it wouldn't work, but I saw right through them. She was afraid you would hate her because she was black and you were white, and she thought you thought she was your grandfather's slave. I never knew why she felt that way, because even though I was only five years old, I could see you didn't. When I found out you were a Legionnaire, I studied everything I could find about the Foreign Legion. I tried to tell her that a person's skin color didn't mean a thing to you. She wouldn't talk about it and swore me to secrecy. When you guys started laughing and talking, I thought you had worked it out together. For a long time I figured you would marry her, but as the years passed I could see for myself it would never happen. I think that's why she disliked Sarah so much. She thought something was going on between you. I tried to tell her but she got mad and told me to mind my own business. Dad, I think Kat figured it out too, but I'm not sure."

"Yes, nosey, she did. But it was after Myrna had already left. She had a hard time convincing me at first, but everything over the years finally fell into line in my thick head, and I finally accepted it. Sally, I always cared for Myrna, but love in that way never entered my mind. To me she was a cross between a witch and a bossy big sister, and it drove me crazy at times. I am sorry I was gone so much, but it was the only way I could get away from her harping at me all the time."

Sally started laughing and at the look on my face, she explained it to me.

"I remember, Dad, whenever you left she was like a bear for a few hours. I used to disappear until I figured she had calmed down. Dad, I know this is off the wall, but when Timmy and the rest leave, can we go back to the island to live?"

"God, Sally, now you sound like Kat. She mentioned the very same thing not two weeks ago. I don't think she will want to now, with the new nursery almost being done and all the other things she has in the works. Her doctor friend will be here in a week or so for a visit and what about your friend Judy? She might miss you if you didn't live here anymore. Also, what about your school work? Remember, you are going to be a freshman in high school this fall. You might want to try out for sports or cheerleading."

"Dad, I love you, but you really don't know anything about my likes or dislikes, do you."

"No, sweetie, that's another part of your growing up I missed out on by being gone so much."

"Let me explain a few things and then maybe you will understand a little better. I would never be a cheerleader because they all have their noses so far in the air it's a wonder they don't get nosebleeds. Another reason is that I am not about to jump around in some skimpy outfit in front of a bunch of hormone driven teen aged boys. If I ever find a boyfriend, it will be because he wants me for me, not because I look good half dressed. Second thing, Dad, is unless they have created a sport in high school for Martial Arts, I wouldn't be interested in anything else. Third and most important, they now have web classes that are live, and I can attend school with the rest of my classmates online. When there is bad weather, I can study the pre-assigned classes and even take the tests online. Besides, Judy and I have already talked, she will come visit me during the summer and go home in the fall. The Sheriff said it was fine with him as long as he gets a free two week vacation on the island every year. Now, is there anything else I haven't planned for?"