Chapter 1

What is worse than having the flu so bad you can barely get out of bed?

Not being able to locate the TV remote, when you have the flu so bad you can barely get out of bed.

And what is worse than having the flu so bad you can barely get out of bed, and no TV remote?

Having the flu so bad you can barely get out of bed, and no TV remote, and your wife of 13 years leaving the TV on some inane Woman's Morning Talk show!

As I was laying in bed, debating if the expenditure of energy was worth changing the TV channel to Sports Center. On TV, a female talk show host was praising some author pimping her new book.

The two ladies did the hug and cheek kiss routine, which always reminded me of two prizefighters shaking hands before a match, then the author launched into a spiel for her book.

"A mere 16 days after my youngest son's third birthday, I walked out the door of my Brooklyn, N.Y. brownstone with one piece of luggage. I was leaving my family. Two sons, age 5 and 3, and my childhood-sweetheart husband, my partner for 20 years. I had been awarded a grant to live in Japan for six months to interview the survivors of the atomic bomb. It was an honor that my husband had encouraged me to apply for, and we were in complete agreement, in fact he insisted, that I should go."

"How exciting for you!" the TV host exclaimed.

"You would think." continued the author. "But while I was in Japan I would get phone calls from my husband saying that the kids had been throwing up all night, and were pillows washable? I didn't like that -it was very unpleasant. I then found I like being out on my own. Just me, being my own person. Not labeled someone's wife or mother. I had this idea about motherhood that it was just going to take me over, completely swallow me up, and now I saw it was true. What began as a research trip, turned into a journey of immense self-discovery, that ultimately caused me to put an end my 20-year marriage."

"Wow that was so brave of you to finally act on your true feelings." The host prompted.

The author sighed before continuing. "Everybody has their own choices, but my choice works for me. I think it's not so selfish for women to say 'okay, I would like to have my own priority, I would like to have something in my life, I would like to be able to do my job, '" she said. "I've had a lot of women write to me to say 'thank you for telling your story, '. They may not have the exact same story, but they've been ambivalent, they've struggled."

The host was nodding her head like a bobble doll, than chimed in. "Women feel pressured to get married, have children because that's what they're 'supposed' to do. I feel bad for you, because you obviously felt that pressure. Maybe thought it would be different than what it really was. At least you have the courage to do the responsibl­e thing, leaving instead of being miserable, dragging your family into misery."

If I had not had nausea from the flu, this babble from the TV would have made me vomit.

"When the kids came to visit me it was a disaster." The author continued. "I had no idea what to do with these bouncing balls of energy. Even feeding them, finding them a bathroom, was a challenge. After a mere four months on my own, I found that I no longer wanted to be a "full-time mom."

The host took the author's hand in sympathy. "That must have been a very hard decision for you."

The camera went in for a close up, as the authors kept talking on. "A male full-time caretaker is a 'saint, ' but a female full-time caretaker is a just another 'mother.' It is an equation we do not question; in fact we insist on it. We punish the very idea that there are other ways to be a mother. I believe that by not being there all the time, I am now a better mother to my children."

"I know our audience has some questions." The host said, as the camera cut to a young women standing, with a mic being held in her face."

"I love your book." The young lady began. "I have two children age 4 and 7. I have been offered a medical residency, but it is in another state, and this will mean being away from my family for a year. What should I do?"

"I cannot make that decision for you." The author began. "But why not go for it? Look at it as a win-win situation in your favor. You get a year to be yourself, a chance to decide if you want the whole family, Mommy thing. If so –then you just go back home. If not, you are that much farther in your career, without the anchor of kids, and a husband holding you back."

"Yes." The host broke in. "You can always go back to hubby and kids if you change your mind years later down the road. I mean seriously, what's hubby going to do -turn down your return? It is not as if a divorced dad with two kids is a babe magnet. You on the other hand, will be a young, successful, single, unattached medical professional, with lots of future prospects."

That was it- I couldn't take this noise anymore. Summoning up a reserve of strength, I launched myself off the bed, changing the channel to Sports Center.

A few days later Anita my wife and I were doing dishes after dinner. Our son, AJ was in the living room working on his schoolwork.

I began to give Anita a hard time about leaving me with no TV remote control, when I was sick in bed earlier in the week. I reviled her about the talk show, and book pusher I was forced to endure.

"Oh she is my FAVORITE author!" Anita blurted out, surprising the heck out of me. "Darrin I so much enjoy her writings. She is such a valiant, bold, courageous lady."

"Anita please tells me you did not pay money for that piece of drivel."

"Darrin it is not drivel! I'll have you know the first time I read her book, I checked it out of the library. Then I enjoyed it so much, I went to meet her at her book signing, buying a copy of her book to sign."

When I made a face, Anita added. "I used the gift card your mother got me for Christmas."

"Jeeze Anita," I began. "Wanting to meet an author because you like their work, is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate'."

Anita laughed, she had that high musical tone that I loved so much.

I put away the last dish before speaking to her. "OK Anita for the 'Special Needs' member of us in the class, that takes the short bus to school, can you explain to me what you found so fearless about a mother walking out on her two preschool children, and marriage of twenty years."

"Darrin you have to read the book to understand. She had to leave her children to be a better mother. Do you know that now when she has time to be with her children, she never takes phone calls or texts. For those 4 or 5 hours, she totally devotes her full attention to the children."

"Damn Anita, she is a regular Good Housekeeping 'Mother of the Year'," I said with sarcasm. "It's like somebody who adopts kittens, realizes that they are work, and drops them at an Animal Shelter. Somebody who dumps their kids because they want to "realize" something is a selfish flake. Putting somebody like that on TV is like putting somebody on TV who likes raising dogs to fight them."

Anita slapped me playfully with the dishtowel. "Forget about that part Darrin. I got into her part about traveling the world, meeting different people. You know what we were going to do before..." Anita tapered off and pointed with her chin toward AJ in the living room.

We had been high school sweethearts. Anita and I had married, when I knocked her up during a R & R from my first, and only Navy hitch. We did the right thing, getting married. AJ, our son, was a blessing. We saved and scrimped to put together a nest egg. We had planned to travel the globe for a year, showing AJ the world, while enjoying our time together as a family. At 4 years old, AJ was diagnosed with cancer.

Our life became a worrying blizzard of tests, treatments, hospitals and specialists. The insurance from my small company was not very good, the medical bills almost broke us. We sold everything we had of value, begged or borrowed any money we could. I got second, and third jobs to pay for top specialists, the best medical care. One of my jobs, a weekend gig cleaning grease traps was the worst. I never seemed to be rid of the smell. But that dirty job got me waste oil I converted to biodiesel. This saved us on fuel costs for our one shared car, a used rusty VW Jetta. We had sold off Anita's car, and my truck, in effort to add funds that gave AJ a fighting chance at survival.

AJ beat the cancer and then relapsed. Adding to the misery, Anita's parents passed away. As an only child this whole ordeal was a lot for her to bear. We gave up our home, moving into my Moms house. More treatments, more chemo, and more bills. Then the miracle happened, AJ defeated the malignant cells. He was now cancer free for over three years and at 10 years old AJ was a typical preteen boy. I became "Mister Dad", the scoutmaster, school parent, even being coach on every team, every sport AJ was on. I did not want to miss a minute with my son. I was not a great athlete, but as the saying goes "Those that can Do. Those who can't Coach."

When Mom retired to Florida, Anita got a job, so we had a more normal life. Together we were chipping away at the mountain of debt, but sill managing to salt away some savings.

I grabbed Anita around the waist giving her neck a kiss. "Anita you have been through a lot, but we need to be patient. We will get there, it is just going to take a little more time, let's get this debt down some more before heading off to Bora Bora."

Anita gave me a sad smile. "I know Darrin, it's just hard. I don't want us to end up like my parents, with empty passports, always planning, but never going anywhere. They died with a box full of travel brochures, living off the postcards of others."

We had this conversation countless times, so I tried to inject some humor into the situation. "Anita most folks travel to faraway places, to look with fascination at people, and customs they would ignore at home."

This always got a laugh out of her, but not this time. I tried a more serious note. "You know I want AJ to see the world beyond his laptop, but we'll do this as a family."

"OK Darrin" Anita said, giving me a kiss

The distinguished older lady, sitting across my kitchen table, had just crumbled my world. She was the wife of Wesley Stanford, one of the three partners at the real estate law firm Anita worked at. Originally a small outfit, they had expanded greatly during the housing boom, adding staff, and offices at an alarming rate. They had expanded into home inspections, insurance, even household moving, and repair. Anita had gone from being a part time temp, filing papers to a full time assistant, in less than two years.

Six months ago Anita came home so excited, announcing she had been chosen to help with a seminar being put on by her firm. Anita would be travelling to the capital, to assist her boss Wesley, who was speaking on new ways to get mortgages to buyers who normally would not qualify. Our state capital was not exactly Paris, or London, but to a small town girl like Anita, it might as well have been.

For the past half year now, at least once a month, Anita accompanied her boss Wesley, who had been speaking at conferences around the state. Wesley was in big demand on new exotic mortgages. Anita said it gave the firm great exposure, touching a new client base. Apparently that was not all Anita had been touching.

In front of me on the table, were copies of four Hotel registration sheets. Each one was in my wife Anita's neat handwriting, they read, 'Mr. and Mrs. Wesley Stanford."

"Surely there is some explanation," I asked the lady in front of me. Maybe they were suites with several bedrooms ... that kind of thing." I was grasping at straws.

She looked at me, giving a sigh. "I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but these are single rooms with one bed. Wesley is too cheap to spring for anything nicer, as he would have to explain the additional cost to the firm. As you can see Wesley even cheapened out on the Hotels, these barely make AAA's ratings."

I was clutching at a sliver of hope. "Are you sure it was Anita?

She took a deep breath before answering. "Darrin you seem like a nice man, with a fine family. I just thought you should know what your wife has been doing on these seminars with Wesley."

I looked over the papers again, as she continued. "As for me I have already been down this road once with Wesley, when he turned forty. Back then it was hair plugs, a flashy sports car and screwing the secretary after hours. When I busted Wesley then, he agreed to a post nuptial agreement. It pretty much leaves him nothing, if I caught him stepping out again. I am 63 years old, and have no intention of going thru that again, or staying with his lying ass."

She stopped to look at me. "Darrin, I only have definite proof of Wesley with your wife, these past four trips. There are photos also I can make available. Nothing graphic, just kissy face -lovely dovey touchy feely stuff. But if you have any thoughts of saving your relationship, I would not look at them."

She got up, collecting her purse to depart. "I am serving papers on Wesley the minute he tries to walk in the door today from this trip. I leave it up to you if you wish to repair, or abandon your marriage." She put her hand on my shoulder. "I wish you the best of luck on your decision."

I walked her to the door, than slumped back into a chair at the kitchen table. I was still in the same spot hours later, when Anita walked into the house, wheeling her luggage, while holding a computer laptop bag.

Thanks God AJ was at my brother's for the weekend. My brother had twins that were home schooled and AJ's age also. AJ thought spending the time at his cousin house playing video games, watching DVDs, were just this side of Heaven.

"Hi" Anita said breezing in, giving me a quick kiss. "What are you doing sitting at the table?"

I ignored her question, than asked in a monotone voice. "How was your trip?"

"Same old same old." Anita said opening the refrigerator "Interest rates this, Deductions that."

"How about the hotel, how was the room?"

"About the same." Anita sat down from me with a soda in her hand. "Nothing special. Why do you ask?"

"Must have been something special in the room. What kind of beds?" I inquired.

Anita gave me a face. " Um ... I don't remember ... maybe couple of double beds I guess. What kind of question is that?"

"Must have been crowded in the one bed for you and Wes then, Anita. Or did you only screw in one bed then sleep in separate beds after banging each other?"

"Darrin his name is Wesley. And what are you talking about?" Anita said as a look flashed thru her eyes. "Nothing is going on. This was a seminar for God's sake. I go on them about once a month now. You know that, you agreed to it. Stop being dense."

"How long you been fucking Wes?" I asked pushing the hotel forms across the table at Anita. "Or should I call you Mrs. Wesley Stanford."

Anita picked up the hotel papers, leafing through them one at a time. She then pulled a cell phone from her purse, pressing a speed dial. Turning away from me she spoke into the receiver.

"Wesley -yes it's me. It's about Darrin ... he knows." A pause. "What? She did what? Served you right there?" another pause. "OK then I guess we got to do it now. I'll be waiting for you."

Anita closed her phone, and then turned to faced me. "Darrin, it was not supposed to be this way. I wanted more time to prepare you for this. I just didn't ... didn't have my exit strategy fully planned out yet. Looks like I'm going to have to wing it with what I got now though."

I was still in a state of shock as Anita retrieved her suitcase. "It's not your fault Darrin. I love you and AJ, but I just not in love with you anymore. I need to get away, go places. You'll see it will be better this way. I can allocate a lot more time and attention to AJ as a part time mother then I can now."

I was surprised I could speak. "Anita you can rationalize it any way you want. You are doing nothing but abandoning your son and family for a man old enough to be AJ's grandfather. Does the Viagra make Wesley that good in bed?"

I could see I hit a nerve as Anita flinched. "Don't go there Darrin, It has nothing to do with sex. Those occasions never took away from my time with you or AJ. I only started sleeping with Wesley a couple of times at the last few seminars, -no other instances. And really only then because ... well ... it just seemed like the thing to do. You know for all the places he was taking me."

"Anita, are you telling me you whored yourself out for frequent flyer miles?"

Anita waved her hand at me before answering. "I don't want to talk about that Darrin. Just know that I will be there for you and AJ whenever I can."

"You intend to be a part time wife also."

Anita bit her lip and looked at her watch before answering. "Darrin we can still be friends. We have been together for almost 12 years. That should count for something."

"Judas was one of Jesus first and longest apostles. Did his seniority matter in that betrayal?"

Just then Anita's cell phone tinged signaling a text message. She looked down, and then grasped the handle of her luggage rolling it to the door.

I saw a white Lexus pull up to the curb as Anita opened the front door. She turned to me. "Darrin it's time for me now, this is something I need to do. We'll always have our memories. I'll send you postcards."

I called my brother, explaining what was going on. He instantly agreed to keep AJ for the day. I spent the rest of the weekend in a stupor. I called in sick on Monday so I could make plans.

I was trying to figure out what to do. Cancel credit cards? Get the money out of the bank? Contact a divorce attorney-if so who do I hire? A million decisions but I was frozen in place. My whole world was upside-down. It's as if I had lost all equilibrium, was off balance. The front door bell interrupted my thoughts, I almost welcomed the break from my contemplations.

Surprise, surprise, looking thru the peephole I saw my wife's boss, Wesley on porch with two other guys.

"Jesus H Christ" I muttered. "Just when I thought things could not get worse."

"Hold on a second!" I yelled thru the door. I wanted to take a minute to get my act together. I had no idea why this A-hole was on my porch but I wanted to be prepared.

It took more than a second, but finally I was pretty sure I was half way organized, or at least I was somewhat ready. Taking a deep breath I opened the door. Wesley was standing there flanked by two guys. A large panel van with a lift gate was at the curb, I could see a white Lexus parked in the driveway. Wesley looked every inch the successful lawyer decked out in a suit, salt and pepper mane, with every hair in place. His two companions' resembled refugees from a gym, as both guys were huge with bulging muscles, one had a tee shirt on from some weight lifting establishment.

"Darrin." Wesley began speaking. "I have come to remove your wife's personal belongings from the residence." He held up a sheet of papers in one hand, then tried to hand me a folder with his other hand.

I made no move to accept the documents, which seemed to irritate Wesley. "Look Darrin, let us try to make this as painless as possible. I have brought some movers from the office with me. Anita has given us a detailed list so we will be in and out quickly." Wesley motioned to the two monsters who began to move forward.

I put up my hand to stop their motion while addressing Wesley. "Listen Wes." I purposely called him Wes, recalling my wife Anita telling me how Wesley hated that version of his name. "This is my house, and I am not giving you or your boyfriends permission to enter, let alone remove possessions from my home."

Wesley looked annoyed as he pulled out a paper from the folder, and then held up the official looking form with a seal at the bottom of the page. "This is a notarized document from Anita that allows us to remove said contents from this dwelling. Now, please step aside so my movers can do their job."

"Well Wes your name is not on the house deed, and in this state a man's home is still his castle." I saw that Wes and his guys were making no effort to leave. "So I am asking you to take your hired beef minions, and get off this property before the police arrive."

Wesley just smirked. "Darrin, I am an officer of the court. I am telling you to make way before I have you arrested."

I figured Wesley was bluffing so I held my ground. "Wes, you're just a frigging real estate lawyer not a law enforcement officer. Unless I see a metro cop with a warrant, -you and your muscle headed boy toys can hit the road. I am not letting you in this house, -again I am asking you to leave."

The bigger of the two guys, a bald headed hulk spoke up. "Look Pal, just get outta the way. I don't have time for this bullshit. Now move, before I make your ugly mug sorry you were born."

I tried to look amused as I addressed Wesley. "You better get your Conan the Barbarian clones home. They seem to be going thru steroid injection withdrawal, getting cranky."

This pissed "Baldy" off, who stuck his massive arm into my chest shoving me backwards. I stumbled from the porch back over the threshold, ending up against the wall inside the house foyer. As I regained my balance "Baldy" was in my face with his companion and Wesley right behind him.

Mustering more courage then I felt, I yelled "All of you get the Hell out of my house!"

"Baldy" just chuckled. "I had enough of your crap Pal." With that he reached out with a limb the size of a tree trunk grabbing onto my throat. "I'm just gonna make sure you stay nice and quiet until we leave." He looked over his shoulder at his buddy. "Gonna be a light workout from the looks of it."

Several thoughts went thru my mind, primary was I didn't want to pass out from lack of oxygen.

"Baldy" had about six inches reach on me. I could only flail at his arm as he squeezed my throat. "Baldy" then pulled me in closer to him, getting a better grip, putting our faces inches apart. "Where is the big tough talk now Pal?" he hissed at me.

In a movement so smooth it even surprised me, I pulled a gun out of my waistband. Placing the barrel against the left ear of "Baldy" I pulled the trigger three times in rapid secession.

You ever fire a pistol off in a small tiled room? Damn it is LOUD. Sounds like a bomb going off. Both my ears rang as the gunshots echoed off the walls.

Several things occurred almost instantaneously. "Baldy" released his hold, falling to the ground screaming, while holding his head with both hands. "Baldy's" companion froze, then backed up against the door jam with his arms raised shouting "Don't shoot man! Don't Shoot!"

And Wesley? He ran out the door. Wesley moved so fast I never saw him leave the house, just papers fluttering in his wake. Wesley may have had an urgent appointment as I saw his Lexus tear across the lawn. Wesley's car jumped the curb and sped down the street.

"Baldy" was still rolling around yelling while holding his head. A stain was growing at his crotch, with a foul order competing with the gunpowder smell. I barked at the other guy. "Down on the ground! Face first! Hands behind your Head!" He complied, which surprised me as I really did not know if that really worked, but a lifetime of watching cop shows was all I had to go by.

The gunshot echoes faded away. "Baldys" screams turned to moaning. I reached into my shirt pocket retrieving my cell phone, turning up the volume.

A tinny voice was coming out of the cell phone speaker. "Sir, can you answer me? Sir, are you still on the line?" It was the 911 operator I called before answering the door. "Squad cars are on the way. Sir, are you there? Sir, are you there? Please answer me!"

Hearing the voice on the phone "Baldy's" muscled buddy on the ground started yelling. "Send help! This Dude is Crazy! He's got a gun Man! This Dude is Wacko! He is going to kill us all!"

Just then my son, AJ, appeared at the top of the steps. "Dad what the FUC ... I mean what the heck happened!" His eyes were wide, taking in the scene of his Dad holding a gun on two men.

"AJ go outside and wait for the police." My boy seemed frozen in place. "AJ!" I said sharply to snap him out his stupor. "Move now! Be careful not to knock over the video camera on the stair landing step."

AJ cautiously made his way down the stairs. He steered clear of the video camera I had set-up that was still recording, threading his way past the two weight lifters before darting out the door.

As you can guess it was tense when the Metro PD showed up. "Baldy" was transported to the hospital, while both Baldy's muscle buddy and I were cuffed, being placed in separate squad cars until things got sorted out.

I endured a short but uncomfortable time sitting in the squad car before a grinning Metro Policewomen pulled me out, removing the handcuffs.

As I rubbed my wrists her partner held up an evidence bag with my gun in it. They both laughed, and then she said. "You shot one guy, and held down another with a STARTER PISTOL full of BLANKS!"

I shrugged. "My wife Anita never allowed guns in the house once AJ was born. I'm a volunteer assistant coach for my kids track team, had to use what was available."

Now that the drama was over, my adrenaline rush was gone, I had to concentrate not to shake like a leaf. Addressing the female cop I asked. "When can I get that starter pistol back? Our team has a track meet on Saturday."

They could not stop laughing. "What a set of balls! Bald Baby Huey could have crushed you like an eggshell. But after that blown out eardrum, his one ear is only good for hanging eyeglasses."

"What happened to their boss, Wesley?" I inquired.

"Mister BIG?" The older of the two cops replied with sarcasm. "He headed straight to the police station from here. I understand he has a very different version of events then what our 911 operator heard."

Wesley attempted to spin some fabrication about me forcing everyone into the house at gunpoint, trying to shoot them all down in cold blood. Anita backed Wesley up that I was a jealous jilted husband, who most likely had gone berserk. The Detectives let Wesley and Anita talk for a while, even got Wesley to sign a statement on his version of events. I would have loved to be there when the Detective played back the 911 recordings, and he had not even seen the video recording yet. As they say, the big camera eye tells no lies, but I was keeping that to myself for the moment. Wesley invoked his right to remain silent after hearing the 911 recording. I understand Anita scurried off to get legal reinforcements and bail money.

What about me? Well I filed a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) against Wesley and Anita that same day with the help of the Metro PD. The TRO was only good for 5 days until the hearing, but it gave me some breathing room, a chance to think. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw Wesley's Lexus parked in my driveway two days later. I do not know what to expect, but seeing Anita sitting at the kitchen table drinking wine was not one of my top ten guesses.

"What are you doing here Anita?" I asked.

"It is still my house too," Anita said, motioning me to sit at a chair across from her.

I kept standing. "You should not be here Anita. What I meant is, did you not the get the TRO?"

Anita just waved her hand at me. "Oh do not be such a horses ass Darrin. If the judge's youngest boy was not on same track team as our son AJ you never would have gotten that bogus restraining order."

"Anita you are free to make that argument at the hearing on Thursday. The Judge felt that you, thru your lover boy Wes was a threat to my safety. So please leave."

"His name is Wesley. Hear me Darrin, WESLEY." Anita was not in a good mood. "Did you really have to get him arrested? That was just spiteful. Do you know what kind of people there are in jail? He was there overnight, it was a real ordeal for Wesley."

If this was not so tragic I would have laughed out loud. "Gee Anita I am sorry. What happened? Did Wes not play nice with the other crooks? Did Wes forget to keep his back to the wall or did he drop the soap in the shower? Have a run in with some "harden" criminals."

"This is not funny Darrin. Wesley could be disbarred." Anita took a drink, than seemed to calm herself before continuing. "Listen Darrin this has gone way too far. You think you hurt me by draining the accounts, plus canceling the credit cards?" She shook her head. "It was petty of you to have my cell phone turned off. Any judge is just going to make you give it all back, or force you to sell the house so I can get my fair share."

Anita leaned forward on the table. "Let's end this vindictiveness now, get on with our lives. Wesley has agreed to pay for the divorce plus handle the paperwork, that way we do not have to have any other lawyers involved. You can keep the house, while I will take what was in the savings plus half of your 401K. Agree to this so we can file under irreconcilable differences. You can have primary care of AJ, we'll share joint custody-but I won't pay child support. You will only need to contribute limited alimony."