Chapter 3: Confessions of a Catholic Schoolgirl

Wednesday mornings we have Mass, that's church for catholic people, and all the girls from the Virgin Mary's Academy file into the chapel and sit on the right side of the center aisle. And all the boys come in from St. Joseph's and sit on the left side. Everybody's there, except Tama Vigit, because she's from India and she thinks there's like a zillion gods and not just one.

Tama is almost sixteen and goes to our school because her parents don't want her to go to the public school. I heard they had to pay a lot of money so she could go to the Virgin Mary's, but her Daddy is a doctor anyway, so he doesn't mind. She has a brother too, named Raji and he's seventeen, but he doesn't go to St. Joseph's, he goes to the public high school, I guess it's different for Indian boys than girls. Jenny said maybe Tama's Daddy can't afford to send both of them to a private school, but I think he probably can.

I sit next to Tama in my biology class and she's really smart and lets me copy off her when we have a pop quiz. She's also very pretty, even though she doesn't wear any make-up or anything and never fixes her hair. She just keeps it tied up, even in gym class. Tama has brown skin too, but not really dark, just golden brown like caramel when you melt it in a pot to make caramel apples for Halloween. Her eyes are cool because they're black, but not like somebody hit her! I mean, they're black like mine are blue.

Anyway, I like Tama's eyes and her nose, which is small and turned up a touch. She pinches it sometimes, when she's not thinking about it, as if she was trying to pull it and make it a little longer. Then she'll catch herself and look around to see if anyone else caught her too. I just smile. I don't know why she doesn't like her nose; it's the only one I've ever seen that was pierced. Tama has a little diamond she wears in it and some of the girls don't think it's real, but I know it is. She said it was a present from her husband's mother.

Tama told me she isn't really married yet, but as soon as her family goes back to India she will be. She said that as far as her family and her husband's family are concerned, they're already married. Tama hasn't met her husband though, she's only seen his picture, but they did talk on the phone once, just to say hello. Her mother is very happy that Tama is getting married to that man. Tama said her mother had started looking for a good husband almost from the day Tama was born. I guess it took a long time to find Tama the right guy because she has to marry a man from the same caste or whatever. He can't be a lot poorer or richer, or something like that. I don't really understand it very much, even though Tama tried to explain it to me a couple times.

A lot of the boys at St. Joseph's asked Tama out on dates, because she is really pretty, like I keep saying, and looks a lot different from everybody else. Especially with that red dot between her eyes. She's the only girl in tenth grade with a tattoo and she's so nice to everybody all the time. I really think if you asked, most people would say Tama is the most popular girl in school, she's definitely the most virgin one too. Virginal or whatever. She's never even touched a boy in her whole life, except by accident. She won't hold hands or kiss or do anything with a boy because she has to remain totally pure for her husband.

We were talking about weird dreams once and I told Tama how I dreamed I was an Indian girl from India and I was going to marry a man, but I didn't know what he looked like. In my dream I walked around a very crowded street looking for this man and I couldn't find him. So I went home and told my mother I was sorry, but I couldn't find the husband she'd picked out for me, and she was very angry and told me to go back out there and find him. But all the men looked the same and said, "We will marry you."

And they all had sex with me, like thousands of Indian men all doing it to me, one right after another, until I looked up and saw my mother and she was with Tama's brother and she said, "This is your husband."

But I was covered all over with sperm from these other guys and Raji said, "I cannot marry you now. But I will fuck you."

And he was just starting to take off his clothes when I woke up.

I hoped Tama wouldn't be angry at me for having a dream like that, especially since her brother was in it. She just giggled and turned really red and then told me she had weird dreams too. Tama dreamed that she wasn't from India at all and she was just like me or Jenny, or any of the other girls in school. And she could walk through the park holding a boy's hand, and in her dream, the boy kissed her and made her so happy. That was it. He just kissed her and didn't even fuck her at all.

That didn't seem like much of a dream to me, you know, not even getting her cherry popped or anything, but Tama was breathing hard and her eyes were shining like Jenny's when she's about to cum really good. I really wished I could've kissed her right then. It wouldn't be the same since I wasn't a boy, I knew, but maybe that would make it okay since Tama would still be pure.

I was about halfway between deciding whether to ask her first and then do it, or just do it and surprise her, when she looked at me and turned really red. "I'm sorry, Amy. I have to go to ... to ... I have to go."

I think she was going to go Jill off someplace, which she probably needed more than a kiss from me, so I just smiled and said, "See ya later, Tama."

It was maybe two weeks after that before I got a chance to really talk with Tama again. We were at the public library and working on our biology term papers. Well, she was working on them. I was drawing mustaches on the models in Seventeen, thinking I could be a model too except I like pizza and ice cream. Anyway, Tama asked me about my dream again, kind of nervously though, like she didn't really want to, but was doing it anyway.

"Hey, Amy ... Did you ever have that dream again? The, uh ... The one with my brother in it?" Tama didn't look up when she asked me, so I just looked down and drew some nipples on some girl's boobs, thinking I'd need a boob job if I was going to model.

"Uh-huh, sometimes. Sometimes it's different though," I said casually, waiting for the inevitable question. I was kind of teasing her.

"Different ... How?" At least this time she sounded like she really wanted to know.

"We got married, but it was on the back of an elephant, and everybody was way down on the ground underneath us," I paused, flipping pages idly.

"That's it?" Tama asked, narrowing her coffee colored eyes so that red dot got squinched into an oval.

"Well, no. He said, 'Now we're married and I'm going to fuck you!'" I whispered in the quiet library and Tama giggled and blushed because she never swears at all, so I do it a lot around her. "And I said, 'But Raji, everyone will see us!' And your brother said they wouldn't, because we were way up high on the elephant."

"Really?" Tama blinked at me and I was happy to see her dark cheeks turning a little pink. She gets lighter when she's embarrassed. It's weird.

"Yep! He took off his clothes and his cock was huge and he stuck it right in me, but then he got mad and said I wasn't a virgin. So he threw me off the elephant and I landed in the middle of all those men who'd had sex with me before, in my other dream, and I was trying to climb up the elephant's legs, but it was walking and I kept sliding down."

"You're not a virgin?" she gasped and looked around nervously, like somebody might catch her sitting with me.

"Huh? Oh, um ... It was just a dream," I said, just because I didn't want her to run away. I needed a good grade on my term paper. "Anyway, listen ... And then all those men were grabbing me and pulling me down too, saying 'We'll marry you!' and your brother was laughing and riding away. So I was laying down in the jungle or whatever and like a hundred guys, really handsome guys too, just fucked me. One right after the other until my belly got huge..."

"You were pregnant?"

"What? No!" I giggled. "I was so full of sperm it made me look pregnant and then my mother was there. She was made because the guy I was supposed to marry rode away on the elephant, but she was happy too because I was gonna have a baby. Except I knew I wasn't gonna have a baby, you know. It was weird."

When I finished and Tama just stared at me like I was crazy.

"What?" I asked, a little defensively but mostly to tease her. "You never had a dream like that, Tama?"

"N-No. Never," she answered very quickly and I laughed. "But it ... it's funny you're dreaming about my brother, Amy. B-Because he likes you." Tama was talking like she'd practiced this and I thought she could use some drama coaching. "He ... He told me, I mean, he asked me if ... if you would like to ... to..." She just couldn't get it out and I didn't quite understand.

"Your brother likes me? Raji? He's never even talked to me," I said with a funny look at her.

I'd only seen him like three times in the whole six months I'd known Tama, just when I'd been invited to her house on her birthday once, and a couple times after school when I stopped by to study with her. Raji was really cute, all the girls thought so, but he totally ignored me, like I didn't exist. I figured he was gay and that was probably why he went to the public school.

"He doesn't even know I'm alive, Tama, and you think he wants to ask me out?" If I sounded a little skeptical it's because I was.

"Oh no! No, I don't think that!" Tama looked a little shocked. "My parents would never permit, I mean..."

"Your mom wouldn't let him take me out? I thought your mom liked me!" I said, wondering what this conversation was all about. If Raji didn't like me, at least not that way, and his mom didn't want him to date me ... Then what were we talking about?

"Oh yes! My parents like you very much, but not for my brother's wife," Tama replied, as if that cleared anything up. Yeah right!

"Wife? It was a dream, Tama. I don't want to marry your brother!"

I wondered if Tama had told her parents about my dream and maybe it meant something special in India, you know, if a girl had weird dreams like that. Some people in the library were giving us dirty looks now because we were getting loud, but I ignored them, even if Tama didn't. She lowered her voice and leaned across the table closer.

"No, Amy. My brother he wants, um ... he wants to have sex with you..." Tama blinked hard, like she was surprised she'd finally said it and then swallowed as her face turned red. I didn't say anything right away so Tama must have thought I was kind of insulted, or at least a little angry. "He can pay for you, Amy. He said that, uh ... Raji said he will give you 40 dollars if you will have sex."

"Really?" I asked, not having a clue as to what I should have said. Tama nodded seriously and then looked away as my eyes caught hers. "He thinks I'm a whore? Why would he think that I'd ever do that?"

"I ... I don't know." Tama was lying.

"Tammmmaaaa..." I sing-songed softly. "You told him about my dream, didn't you?"

She nodded slowly, looking down. "Yes, he was teasing me about my husband to be and I ... I wanted to tease him back." She frowned at me, looking totally embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Amy."

"Hmmm ... I'll have to think about it, Tama," I said and boy did I! Inside I was giggling because I would have had sex with Raji for free, but he wanted to pay me and it would be kind of nice to have forty bucks in my purse! Soooooo ... I needed some good advice.

"Can you, will you ... forgive me, Amy?" She was still so worried that I was angry with her. But I was Tama's best friend in the whole school, probably, so how could I be mad her?

"Well, you did kind of break a secret, Tama. I didn't tell that dream to anybody else, not even Jenny." She knew Jenny was my best friend in the whole world, so she knew what I was saying. Like Tama was special to me in some way that nobody else was.

"I know," she whispered and her bottom lip was trembling.

"Do you promise you'll never tell anybody else the things I tell you?" I asked her and Tama was nodding and smiling weakly, "Will you seal your promise in friendship forever?" I was making this up, but she owed me.

"Yes, I promise forever," Tama replied seriously, smiling and thinking that was the end of it.

"We have to seal it, Tama," I told her. "It's important."

"How?" she asked me, still trying to keep her voice down even though I hadn't been paying much attention to it.

"We have to kiss on it. You have to say you promise while you kiss me, then it will be sealed inside us forever and if you break it, the promise will come out of us and I'll know," I said very seriously and Tama looked around at all the people who were looking at us.

"Here?" she whispered. "I've never ... never ... I can't!"

"Yes, you can. Close your eyes," I told her and she was already leaning forward, just like I was, so that our faces were only inches apart as we spoke.

Tama was scared, but she wasn't running away! She did as I told her, closing her deep dark eyes. I looked at her mouth and her lips were red and full, even without any lipstick. She had the best lips in school, I bet. She'd never kissed anyone in her life either, except her parents, and the thought gave me a secret thrill. She was going to get her first kiss from me, from another girl, and not in the privacy of her dark bedroom, or the dim backseat of a car, but under the bright lights of the very public library with dozens of people watching. Some of them knew us, but most only wanted to and we'd been stared at ever since we'd sat down.

All those guys wanted to kiss us, but now they had to watch us kiss each other! Just the idea alone sent a quiver through my tummy.

"Tell me you swear!" I whispered urgently and as soon as she started moving her lips to speak, I pressed my mouth to hers.

I brought my right hand up, putting it behind her head and digging into her silky hair with my fingers to keep Tama from pulling away from our kiss. I slipped my tongue past her soft sweet lips, pretty easily too. She just sighed and let me right inside her delicious mouth and my tongue slid over her teeth, touching her own tongue for a long three or four seconds. We were wriggling our tongues together, back and forth and up and down and all around, until she twisted away from me with a gasp. My hand slid down her graceful neck and over Tama's slender shoulder, and then she was free. The girl's first kiss had only lasted about six seconds, but it was enough.

That brief kiss lingered in my senses, the taste of her stayed in my mouth, and I savored it. Tama just stared at me, wide eyed and breathing hard until she blinked and slowly looked around at all the other library patrons. She grabbed her papers and books and I watched her leave, red faced and humiliated and shaking like a leaf.

Tama would either never talk to me again, or ... I let my mind wander over the possibilities. It might have been cruel to make her kiss me in front of everybody like that, but maybe I really was a little mad at her for telling Raji about my dream, I wasn't sure. Anyway, Tama left the library with one quick look at me over her shoulder, and as I left a few minutes later, ignoring all the guys who were staring at me, I felt strangely tough. Like I could kick some serious ass if I had to and I almost wished somebody would say something, but they didn't.

I wondered if that was how Miss Squires felt when she was spanking me.

My life seems to be ruled by coincidences, and just as I was wondering who I might talk with about Raji's indirect and kinda indecent proposal, I realized that the next day was Tuesday. That's the day when the students can go to confession, because Mass is the next day and it's always best to wash your soul before you sit down at the Lord's last supper table. I wasn't sure which priest would be there doing confession for the girls. Between the Virgin Mary's and St. Joseph's, we have two priests and a monsignor to share the responsibilities.

As it happened, the priest who was doing confessions before classes started was Monsignor Hardin, who was older but very nice. He was the Administrator for both schools, which is even higher than the principals, I guess, I wasn't sure. Everybody was always very nervous and polite around him, and all the nuns and even Father Groves and Father Albion deferred to him when he walked through the halls. If he saw something wrong it was fixed right away too. Like if he saw a mess? Somebody cleaned it up fast! If you got caught doing something really bad in school, like smoking or something, Monsignor Hardin was the one you went to see. Of course that made him the last person on God's green earth you ever wanted to see.

I had to go see him once, because I hadn't been wearing panties one day and Sister Anita had caught me, maybe because I kind of liked to spread my legs for some reason. But I was pretty sure I'd had my legs crossed that day, so I didn't know how Sister Anita could have known. The only one who really knew for sure was Miss Holsum and I'd been very careful not to let any of the other kids find out. Half those girls were a bunch of tattle-tales and the rest loved to gossip, so...

Anyway, the reason Miss Holsum knew was because she'd taken my panties off that morning right before lunch. But that's a whole different story I'll tell some other time, along with what happened in Monsignor Hardin's office, the important thing to know is that Monsignor Hardin definitely hadn't taken a vow of celibacy! He knew me very ... very ... well too. Like in the bible, you know? And so I was actually sort of glad he was doing confessions because he'd probably be the best one to talk to about this thing with Tama's brother. Since he'd know what I was talking about and everything.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been a week since my last confession," I said the words automatically, sitting in the little closet-like room with just a little divider between me and Monsignor Hardin.

"Confess you sins, child. The Lord is listening and ready to forgive you," he said, just like I knew he would.

"I've kinda used bad words, um ... language, Father, and, um..."

"Like what, child? Have you taken the Lord's name in vain?" he asked.

"No. I don't think so, but I've said fuck a lot, Father and bitch sometimes. Oh! And, uh, I said cunt a couple times, but not like I called anybody that, and um ... is pussy a bad word? I forgot, but I said that sometimes, and cock and balls and I called Rita scrotum breath once too." I thought about it a minute. "I think that's all of them, Father. And asshole too. But I was talking about mine, you know?"

"I see ... Go on."

"And I, um ... I lied to my parents, Father. I told them I was going with my friend Jenny to a movie, but I went to Uncle Seymour's house and I, uh, let him take pictures of me, uh ... doing things."

"What kind of things, child?"

"Well, first I sucked his cock, ooops! I mean, uh, his penis. And then I, um, I let him and his friend fuck me, I mean ... I let them know me, you know, like in the, uh, Bible."

"And he took pictures of you?"

"Yes, Father. And, um ... He made a video too," I confessed. "Uncle Seymour called it 'Amy's First Foursome' except it wasn't really my first one."

"Did he make you do these things?"

"Oh no, Father! I wanted to. But, well, I told my parents I was going to a movie and I kind of felt bad about that."

"Uh-hmmm..."

"And, I kissed Tama, that Indian girl? I sorta Frenched her out in the Public Library with like fifty guys watching and she, um ... Tama didn't really want me to and I know I shouldn't have ... But..."

"But what, child?"

"But she ... uh ... Tama really needed a kiss, Father ... At least I, um ... I thought she did," I shrugged. "She's a total virgin, even her lips!"

"So you were trying to help the girl, then?"

"Oh yes, Father! I didn't mean to hurt her feelings or anything, I just ... I wanted to ... I don't know..." I giggled nervously and then cleared my throat because everybody knows giggling in a confessional is kinda bad. "But see, Father, that came from a different problem, that's what I really need help with."