Chapter 3: H Is For Huge

"We're back!"

Fluffy held the phone at arm's length. She could still hear Danielle's squealing voice. It had been so peaceful these last three weeks.

"We got back late last night. I met loads of boys and I've got this amazing bikini and loads of new things. You can have your T-shirt back, I'll bring it round now if you like..."

"I don't need it, really, Dan..."

"And I can show you my tan in this new bikini. Pity it's pissing with rain or we could go swimming or just maybe sunbathe in your back garden."

"What's wrong with your own back garden?"

"You know what it's like! Anyway, it don't matter much; we can't sunbathe while it's like this. We'll have to go into town instead. I've got some money left from my Uncle Eric..."

"I don't need anything from town, Dan."

"Oh, come on! We c'n just cruise around. And there's this boy, Fraser. I bet he's got a friend..."

"Oh, no! Not after that last time!"

Danielle snorted into the phone. "It's okay, Fraser's older than Kyle, so he won't have any immature friends like that one of yours with the lips."

"He wasn't mine, Dan!"

"He wouldn't want to be, not after what you done to him. You'll be okay. I've told Fraser you're really shy and sweet."

"You've told him already?"

"Of course. We're meeting them at the coffee place in the High Street. Next door to that little shop that sells bras and stuff. Of course, you wouldn't know about that, but never mind. Three o'clock, I told him, so we can catch the five past two bus and..."

"I don't really feel like a blind date, Dan."

"You don't have to if you don't want to. We can hide and spy on them, and if you don't like the look of yours I'll go in on my own and tell Fraser you couldn't make it and I'll see him another day, okay?"

Fluffy giggled. It sounded such a ridiculous idea, but fun nevertheless. Life with Danielle was never free of incident. "Okay. Yours or mine?"

"Mine. Or yours. Is your dad in?"

"I'll come round to you," said Fluffy decisively. Having Danielle showing off her tan and coming on to her dad would be deeply embarrassing.

"Is he in or not? Spoilsport! I only want to show him my tan. It's all over! But I'll tell you all about that when I show you. What are you going to wear? It's a pity you don't like clothes..."

"It's raining, Dan. I'm wearing my coat."

In fact, it had stopped raining by the time Fluffy arrived at her friend's front door. The sun was out and the trees were shrouded in steam. She was regretting wearing this raincoat. It was so schoolgirlish. And it was hot. Even more worryingly, it was tight. It hadn't been as tight as this last time she'd worn it to school, a couple of months before. It couldn't have shrunk. Raincoats didn't shrink! That left just one reason, and Fluffy knew perfectly well what it was. No point trying to deny it, either; it was obviously more noticeable than she'd dare to think.

Danielle's dad opened the door. He was a bit scary, a stocky, squat man who wore expensive shiny suits when he drove to the office in his BMW. He wasn't dressed for business today.

"Hi, Fluffy," the man said. "She's upstairs." He stood back and held the door wide open, looking at her in a way she hadn't seen before. Fluffy's eyes opened wide and she had to tear them away; she had never seen Danielle's dad dressed like this. He was obviously still on holiday, wearing a T-shirt and shorts. And sandals. Sandals! But it wasn't his sandals she found herself staring at. The man grinned at her. "Has it stopped raining? You look as if you're boiling in that mac."

He looked as he was overheating, himself.

"I'll go up, shall I?"

"I don't think she's got a boy up there," Danielle's dad chuckled with a lewd expression. "If she has, you'd better come straight down and wait 'til she's finished!"

Fluffy felt deeply uncomfortable. She hugged her raincoat tightly around her. It felt as if the man was stripping her naked right there in the hallway. And those shorts...

It wasn't so much the shorts, they weren't terribly brief or anything. The problem was more what was inside them. Only just inside, actually, Fluffy thought with a sudden flutter of her internal organs.

Upstairs, Danielle's bedroom door burst open. "Zat you, Fluff? Come on up and stop trying to seduce my daddy!"

"You're welcome any time, Fluffy!" smirked Mr Devonshire.

Her face burning, Fluffy fled up the stairs.

"I was thinking of wearing this," said Danielle without bothering with smalltalk. She was holding up what appeared to be a scandalously low-cut T-shirt in an almost throbbing pink. I got it from a stall on the beach. Mum hasn't seen it yet. It's not still raining, is it?" She peered at Fluffy over her glasses like a schoolmistress.

"It's stopped."

"What are you wearing that for? You can't see a boy dressed like that."

"It might rain again. The forecast said..."

"You're an old woman. Look at the sun out there, it's like the Costa del Sol. Take it off!"

"I don't think..."

"Off! Your face is like a lobster. What are you wearing underneath?"

"Nothing..."

Danielle giggled. "Nothing? Hey, cool, Fluff!"

"I don't mean nothing. I mean nothing special."

"That's all right. You can have your T-shirt back and wear that," said Danielle graciously. "Them jeans are a bit icky, but they'll do. I'm gonna wear my shorts. Do you think this is a bit too much?" She held the T-shirt against her chest and regarded herself doubtfully in the mirror. "I might have to sneak out of the house if I wear this. If we go straight away, before my mum comes home, we'll be okay." She stripped off with practised efficiency, piled her exuberant chest into the disgraceful T-shirt, then stopped. "You've got to take that coat off, Fluff. You look obscene." Danielle leaned forward, peering at her friend. She took her glasses off, wiped them and put them on again. Slowly her mouth fell open and she pointed a shaking hand.

Fluffy sighed. Had she imagined she was going to get away with it for ever? She undid the buttons, turned away and removed the coat, flinging it casually on to the bed before strolling to the window. "Maybe it's not going to rain again after all," she fluted shrilly.

"You've got a big fat arse. Now turn round. Turn around and show me the front."

"It's nothing, Dan."

"Florence Duffy!"

Fluffy turned round.

"Come away from that window."

Fluffy looked out desperately. "Nobody can see us up here. Your dad isn't outside..."

"Come away and stand where I can see you properly."

Folding her arms, Fluffy wandered into the middle of the room. Danielle snapped her fingers at her, and she allowed her arms to hang by her sides.

"Fucking Hell!" The diminutive brunette walked round her in a circle, ending up at the front again. "How long ... when did all that lot happen?"

"It didn't."

"What do you mean, it didn't? Look at you!"

"I mean, it happened, but I don't mean it happened happened like when. I mean it isn't like wasn't, it's like it's now. I mean it's still happening." Fluffy lapsed into silence after this inadequate explanation.