Chapter 6: Round the assault course

I woke up on Saturday in flashergirl's bed having had the most unbelievable night with her. She seemed as unrepentant about her trick as I was with what I did to tord_phreak the day before.

Breakfast was mediocre as usual although for the first time since I arrived, we acted as a group. For years we would play together online and send e-mails to each other but when put in the same hostel it was as though we had never spoken. I partially blamed Angelina keeping her distance but also reasoned she needed to be neutral and understood why this was.

Either way, we pushed two breakfast tables together and acted like long lost friends. We all got teased and it was the most enjoyable breakfast I had had all week. The night receptionist was just going off duty when I left and I winked at her as we left the hostel.

It was another glorious English summers day with the sun beating down on us as we crossed the farmers fields to reach the main road out of the village and past the farm gate. Although it was only just gone eleven when we arrived, Angelina was already on site, in the farmhouse and greeted us warmly as we walked up the drive.

'The semi-final', she said excitedly. 'Who would have thought, the débutante, a little young girl who was frightened to describe her first boyfriend and a little boy who wasn't prepared to tell us when he had his first kiss'. There was a titter of laughter as Angelina recalled some very early games we had had years previous.

'Come on, lets get set up'. We walked past the barns used before and into a large courtyard. 'Our losers need to go in there', she said and pointed to a half-open stable door 'Tord_phreak, your forfeits and to wear just a T-shirt with handcuffs restraining your arms. I forgot yesterday'

Slowly, the troop of eliminated contestants made their way into the stable and began to get changed.

'And our challenge?' Josie asked.

'You'll see', she muttered and waited for the ex-contestants to emerge.

Bigboy19 was the first to emerge, naked except for his trainers proudly displaying his hairless body and semi-erect cock. Lucy was wearing just a jumper, tied around her waist which gave seductive glimpses of her pubic hair. Icum4u and tord_phreak emerged from the dark stable together. Icum4u
sported a see through g-string which looked just uncomfortable while tord_phreak was wearing his handcuffs out in front.

'You have got the key to this, haven't you?', he asked Angelina and she nodded. Tord_phreak slammed the cuffs shut before Londonjames82 was next wearing a roman soldiers' costume, complete with armour and short shorts.

'That's fantastic!', Josie exclaimed and shot him a seductive glance.

'The challenge is designed to test your brain and your brawn', Angelina explained as we gathered round. 'To begin with, we will have a quiz of 20 questions from Entertainment, Science, The Arts and General Knowledge. You can score 25 points. We break for lunch, and then after dinner we have a 2000-metre assault course where there are another 25 points on offer. The lowest total number of points goes out. Plus, in the quiz, if the ex-contestants work together as one team and chalk up more points than every one of the final three, I will give each of the eliminated bunch £1,000'

Angelina lead us into a big stable where there was a big table facing three chairs at the front, and then two large sofas at the back. She passed round four clipboards with a pen attached and I wrote my name at the top.

'Listen to these five clips and I want to know what the song and artist is, or the film they came from.' She pulled up a hi-fi from the floor which was plugged into the wall and pressed PLAY.

A few seconds later, the CD whirred into life and the speakers filled the hall with its' tinny music.

'Don't let me down, Don't make a sound, Don't throw it all away, Remember me' squawked a meladramatic voice over a drum beat. Easy - it was the Klaxons and I'll let you down - one of my favourite bands. I heard frantic whispering behind me and then scribbling on the paper.

The following excerpt was a trombone solo which was playing a dance track. I recognised the song immediately and began humming it but my mind was blank.

'All that it takes, One more chance, Don't let our last kiss, Be our last, Give me tonight and I'll show you'. I had no idea and it sounded like a girl band. I am sure I recognised the song but had no idea who sang it. I put down 'Girls Aloud' and was still humming the tune for the second one.

'You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!'. Michael Caine. Italian Job. Thank you Angelina.

'All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?'. Monty Python's Life of Brian.

Angelina turned the sound system off and then picked up a piece of paper from a plastic wallet and began reading.

'Number 6: What is the chemical symbol of Mercury?'. Easy it's Hg'

'Number 7: What is the name of the bone in your ear which sounds like a handymans tool?' The hammer.

'Number 8: What is Pi equal to?' Ah. As I racked my brains for the answer, I remembered the answer to Number 2 and eagerly filled in Alex Guardino - Destination Unknown.

'Number 9: What is the cube root of -27?' No idea. So I put nine. Maths wasn't my strong subject

'Number 10: What does DC stand for?' Ahhh. Direct Current.

'Number 11: Who wrote Hamlet?' William Shakespeare. Easy.

'Number 12: Who paints swimming pools?' Fuck.

'Number 13: Who were the three tenors?' Pavorotti, Dominguez and Fuck.

'Number 14: Where is the European Capital of Culture 2008?' Fuck! I was really struggling with the Arts

'Number 15: Where were Captain Maynard's children?' Clever. The New Forest.

'The next five are worth double points, Angelina explained. Number 16: What was the German secret code during World War II called?' Enigma. Read the book I thought as I swirled my A

'Number 17: What is the highest mountain in Africa?' Kilamanjaro and swirled my o

'Number 18: Who plays their home matches at Roots Hall?' Southend. My ex-girlfriends team.

'Number 19: Who was the Prime Minister of Great Britain until 1997?' Major.

'Number 20: Where is Havana?' I was in two minds. Was it Cuba or Barbados. I went my gut instinct and put Cuba but wasn't sure.

'Bonus question, for those at the back for an extra point: Who is going to get eliminated today?'. I laughed and turned around. They started whispering again and then came to a consensus and Lucy scribbled down an answer.

'Lunch will be in the stable next door' Angelina said and collected the sheets before giving them to one of her maids. Lunch was a drab buffet but Josie, myself and Flashergirl were dragged off half way through to get changed into lycra cycling shorts and brightly coloured T-shirts. We were also given a pair of brightly coloured plimsolls.

I was red, flashergirl blue and Josie yellow.

Twenty minutes later we were at the start line, which was at the edge of a field.

'Right, from here, go over the rope bridge, two points if you don't fall off. Over the cargo netting. That's another four and then across the beam for another three. Sprint around the field and through the sand and then over the stile and round this next field. Its a shade under a mile. Six points for under five minutes, five for six, and so on. Up the wall for another two and then jump down into the water for two, mud for one or down the ladder for none. Now, pick on of the inflatable slides to come down. One is worth six, another one four and last one two crashing into something which is covered but will be a nice surprise before staggering over the line. Any questions?'

I shook my head and she told me to get ready. She was sitting on top of the gate between the two fields where the course had been set up and was looking out over it. 'Blindfold those two', she said and the maids did, so that Josie or flashergirl had no idea how well I had done.

'Now remember, you don't have to tackle every obstacle.', she reminded me.

She blew a whistle and I set off. Barely three metres in and there was a rope bridge with two ropes for my hands. I edged onto it and then built up some speed running along the coarse line for the remaining fifteen or so metres. I had barely jumped off the rope bridge when I had a twelve foot
high cargo netting to tackle. My weight caused the netting to swing wildly as I climbed it and nearly fell off twice before reaching the top. Swinging my right leg over I was down it in no time and was tackling the beam, arms outstretched.

The wooden beam was slippery and only two inches wide and I had to edge along slowly wasting lots of time before i reached the end safely. I was now on the sprint section and running out of breath very quickly. I had barely made it to the 100m long sandpit which was just exhausting. I had to wade into it as it was quite wet and I felt my limbs ache. Slipping I fell to the ground and heard the ex-contestants shout encouragement. My limbs aching I made it out of the sandpit and began half-jogging, half- staggering up to hill and to the wall on the egde of the second field. It was about nine foot high and I had to scale it using a rope. I stopped for a moment to catch my breath and began climbing up the wall using the thick rope. I fell first time but made it the second onto the platform. I had three choices of descent, and choose the first rope into the icy water which was waist deep.