The Birthday Gift

by John McDonnell

Copyright© 2011 by John McDonnell

Humor Story: Adam forgets to give God a birthday gift. God is not pleased. A funny story from the beginning of the world.

Tags: Humor  

Adam saw God heading his way and he gave a little shudder. He knew what was coming.

"I didn't get a gift for my birthday," God said.

Adam sighed. "You're hard to buy for. You have everything. I mean, you're God, right? What could I give you?"

"Give me what you gave me last year," God said. "Just all your love."

"That's hard to do. I need a little for myself. It's getting hard to give you all my love."

"Holding some back, are you? Well, that's the only gift I want."

"You really make it hard. I don't know why you need all this love."

"Because I'm God."

"Didn't you ever hear the expression God is love? You are love. You don't need any more."

"Adam, you can never get enough love, let me tell you."

"Really? I mean, I'd think you had all you could handle."

"No, you never get enough. There's always somebody holding out. I tell you, that hurts."

"You've got to be kidding. How can that hurt you?"

"I do all this, create this awesome universe, doesn't that merit me some love? I knock myself out; I should get all your love."

Adam pondered that. "I don't know. All is a big number."

"Didn't I create all this for you? Doesn't this universe rock?"

"Well, yeah."

"I mean, who else can do this, huh? Who can make stuff like me?"
"Well, nobody, I guess."

"You guess? What you mean, you guess?"

"Well, there's this guy Satan."

"Have you been talking to him?"

"He comes around sometimes, and he seems cool."

"Cool? Are you kidding me? Do you know the story about him?"

"Yeah, I know you guys had an argument or something."

"Argument? He disrespected me bad."

"Well, maybe you're not seeing it from his side. Maybe he just wanted some space, you know?"

"Space? After I created this whole thing, he needs space? Don't you think it's a little ungrateful? All I asked for was unquestioning obedience, and he couldn't even give me that."

"I don't know. Maybe he had some little side projects he wanted to work on, just something he wanted for himself. This 24 hour a day adoration, that gets old."

"Gets old? I tell you, sometimes I feel like washing my hands of the lot of you. Bunch of ungrateful creations. I ought to snuff all of you out like a candle. I can do that, you know, because--"

"I know, because you're God. Well, go ahead, I'm not stopping you. I mean, it's a nice universe and all, but I just can't give you every ounce of my love anymore. That's not working for me. There's this cute girl I met--"

"Oh, damn. That's what happens when you talk to Satan. I should have known better than to let him come around. I swear, maybe I will incinerate you all and start over."

"Sure, that's fine. Start over with a bunch of robots, or sheep. Somebody who'll just walk around all day saying, 'We love God so much we don't think about anything else. Not eating, or sleeping, or washing our hair. We just love God so much we can't imagine any other Creator but Him. We love God so much--'"

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