Chapter 1

One

Larry crawled into bed, aching and sore. This was nothing new for him, but rather the way he had started to feel was the way it was always going to be. He lay on his stomach and buried his head into his pillow. He didn't cry, he couldn't. He had cried himself dry months before.

"This can't go on," he muttered quietly to himself. He lay quietly, hoping he would fall into oblivion quickly, but, as usual, his mind betrayed him, turning into a movie theatre and replaying the events of the night, and many previous nights, projected onto the backs of his eyelids.

Tonight had been a new low. For the first time it hadn't been just his father who had abased him, but his own body which had betrayed him. He hadn't been able to believe it when his father crowed with delight when his body had spewed semen while he was being anally raped. Although, was it rape when he didn't say no any more? Larry wasn't sure.

The first time had definitely been rape. He had gotten home from a track meet, bearing a silver medal in the 800 meters race, and pride in his personal best time at that distance. He had thought that his achievement would make his father proud. He still couldn't understand why it hadn't. He was too small to play most other sports, but found that short and middle distance running were easy for him once he started becoming fit. His father had played football at high-school and was of the opinion that it was the only sport of any consequence, everything else was 'queer'. All his life, Larry had been mocked for doing 'queer' things like playing chess, being interested in art and not playing any 'manly' sports.