Chapter 8: What Have I Done?

Kevin wasn’t hard to find.

The playground behind the school buildings, usually packed with kids before school, during breaks, and at lunchtime, was deserted save for one person. Ever since we joined the sixth form a year ago, the picnic tables there had served as a dependable spot for some privacy away from the crowded Common Room during free periods.

Kevin was sitting on one of the benches, facing away from the school, staring out at the playing fields beyond the concrete playground.

“Kev? Mate? You okay?”

He didn’t answer.

“Dude?”

“Just fuck right off and leave me alone. All right?”

Like I was about to do that?

I sat beside him, gazing out over the deserted sports fields. We remained in silence for a good five minutes before he spoke.

He shook his head and said, “She said she had plans on Saturday, but I never imagined...”

“Me neither.”

“Fuck!”

I didn’t want to push him. I knew he’d talk when he had something to say. He’d had a shock, and he had to work through it—get things straight in his head.

Eventually, he said, quietly, “I thought she had fun on Friday.”

“From what I could tell, she did.”

“So why the fuck...? I mean, for fuck’s sake! Del fucking Stevens and his bunch of fucking morons. What the fuck was she thinking?”

I shook my head. “No idea, mate. Have you tried asking her?”

He grunted. “I’ve tried calling, but she’s not picking up. So, I sent her a text.”

“She hasn’t replied?”

“What do you think?” He looked at the table and shook his head. “I mean, like, why the fuck would she, eh? She obviously doesn’t want me, does she?”

I stood and put my hand on his shoulder. “Go home, mate. You’re not doing yourself any favours staying here. You know what they’re like. It’ll be all over the school by now, and they won’t leave you alone.”

He nodded sadly. “Yeah. I just might do that.” As I turned to walk away, he called, “Paul!”

I stopped and faced him. “Yeah?”

“Cheers. You’re a mate.”

I nodded, turned, and went back into the school. I knew Lisa was free during the first period, so I headed to the library, which was the most likely place to find her. I didn’t know Lauren’s timetable, but Lisa would. As it happened, I caught her just as she was going in.

“Lisa,” I said, gently grabbing her arm to stop her. “You got a sec?”

She huffed. “Look, Paul, I had no idea what Lauren was up to when she went out on Saturday, and I still have no idea what she was thinking, so don’t even ask.”

“I just wanted to know what her timetable is. I need to talk to her.”

“She’s not here. Too embarrassed to turn up.”

“So, she’s at home?”

Lisa nodded. “But she won’t answer her phone.”

“Can’t hurt to try.” I took out my mobile and pulled up Lauren’s number from the memory. I didn’t expect her to answer, but after five rings, she did.

“Oh, Paul, what have I done?” Not the greeting I was expecting, but still ... At least she’d answered.

“Can I come over?”

“Please. I need someone to talk to, and you’re—”

“The only one you can trust. Yeah, that seems to be my role lately. I’ll be over in five.”

I ended the call and tucked the phone into my back pocket. Lisa was looking at me with that little lopsided smile of hers.

“What?”

“She wouldn’t have answered the phone to anyone else. You know that, right?”

I shrugged.

She stared at me, and her smile widened a touch. Softly, she said, “You really have no idea, do you?”

“No idea about what?”

“About how everyone feels about you.” Still smiling, she shook her head. “So, you’re going over there now?”

I nodded. “I need to convince her to talk to Kev. Whatever she did or didn’t do, they don’t have to let this come between them. And I’m not going to let it. Those two should be together. I don’t care what’s happened. And I don’t think Kevin does either. I just saw him, and he seems more upset that she won’t take his call.”

“Good luck. But I don’t like your chances.”

I hurried over to the twins’ house. I didn’t even get to knock before the door flung open, and I barely had time to open my arms before Lauren jumped into them. She pressed her head to my chest, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed.

Her words muffled, she said, “What have I done, Paul? What have I done? I’ve lost him, haven’t I? He hates me, doesn’t he?”

I held her gently with one hand on her back, stroked her hair with the other and said, “No. No, you haven’t lost him. And no, he doesn’t hate you.”

She looked up at me and tried to control her tears as she said, “He doesn’t?”

“I don’t think so.”

“But you don’t know.”

“To be honest, he was a bit shell-shocked when I saw him last. But I didn’t get the impression he hated you.”

Another tear trickled down her cheek.

“Why did you do it, Lauren? What came over you?”

“They all did. Several times.” She gave a half-chuckle. “Sorry. Bad joke.” She stepped away from me, wiped her tear-streaked eyes on her sleeve and nodded towards the house. “Come inside, I’ll explain.”

She guided me into the lounge and fetched two cans of Coke from the kitchen. After handing one to me, she threw herself down on the sofa.

“I don’t know where to start.”

“How about the beginning?”

Another half-chuckle. “Yeah. I suppose.” She took a deep breath. “Last week I was talking to Kelly about what she’d done and what it was like. She said it was all about fulfilling a fantasy of hers and made it sound so ... I don’t know. I do know she enjoyed it.”

“She told me she’d never come so hard or so often,” I said.

“That’s what she said to me, too! And ... I was jealous, I guess. I don’t know. I’ve only slept with two people and ... Well, they weren’t really interested in whether I got off or not, you know? So, when Kelly said she wasn’t interested in doing it again and arranged to go out with you on Saturday instead, I had a crazy idea. If they could make her come, then why not me? If she can do it and enjoy it, why can’t I? Stupid, huh?

Anyway, I went to The Vic on Wednesday night, found Mike Thornton, and suggested that if he still needed someone, I’d give it a go. Then Kevin asked me out on Thursday, and I changed my mind. I mean, it’s Kevin. I’ve been ... It doesn’t matter, the point is that I couldn’t do it to him. So, I called Mike and told him I’d changed my mind, and he said that was a shame because Del was looking forward to it.

“Then he said ... He said it didn’t matter. That they’d just use Lisa instead. After all, we’re identical, so he wouldn’t know the difference. I mean, we’re not exactly as identical as we used to be, but I doubt Del knows the difference. He could never tell us apart before, and neither of us has seen him since he left school after GCSEs.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Exactly. I mean, there’s no way she’d have agreed to do it, but that wouldn’t have stopped them, would it? They’d have forced her. I know they would. And with Lisa being...” She put her hand over her mouth.

“Being what?”

She shook her head. “I can’t tell you.”

“If you’re trying to tell me that she’s a virgin, well, I kind of guessed that.”

“Really?”

I arched my eyebrow at her.

“Yeah, I guess it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?”