Chapter 10: Lily

As was the way at Micester High, the news that Lisa and I were no longer a couple spread quickly, and by the time I arrived at school on Monday morning, the whole school knew. I even had people commiserating with me as I walked up the stairs to the Common Room.

“I can’t believe she dumped you. What was she thinking?” Clarissa said as we walked to Mr McCarthy’s room for Maths. “You were the best thing that ever happened to her!”

I shrugged. “Someone came along who’s going to be even better for her. Lisa and I both knew it wasn’t ever serious between us. It had to end sometime.”

“You’re taking it really well. When Kelly dumped you, you were a mess.”

I gave her a half-smile. “Would you hate me if I said I’m surprised you noticed?”

She shook her head. “You didn’t know me back then, which is a shame. We should have become friends years ago. But, yeah, I did notice. Although, to be fair, everyone did. You were an absolute mess.”

“Yeah, well. It’s different this time. I wasn’t in love with Lisa.”

She raised an eyebrow. “And you were in love with Kelly?”

I nodded.

“Weren’t you a bit young to be in love at sixteen?”

“You can be in love at sixteen. It’s the fiercest type of love, the kind that burns the strongest. Trouble is that it rarely lasts.”

Clarissa pondered this as we walked and then asked, “So how old do you think you have to be before you find real love? The kind that lasts a lifetime.”

“Any age, I suppose. I think that if Kelly and I had really worked at it, we could have lasted a lifetime. But we wanted different things from life, and we both knew we couldn’t make it work in the long term. Kelly chose to leave before she got hurt too badly. I didn’t have that luxury.”

“You fell for her pretty hard, didn’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Do you think that had anything to do with losing your parents?”

I stopped walking, and Clarissa was a couple of steps ahead of me before she stopped and turned to look at me. “Sorry. I’ve put my foot in it again, haven’t I?”

“No. It’s just ... I’ve never thought about it like that. No one’s ever suggested it before, but you might have a point.” I shook my head to clear it. “Damn, I think you might have a point.”

We started walking again, but I was too busy thinking about Clarissa’s suggestion to talk. She let me think, but when we got to the classroom and before we went in, she said, “Neither of them deserved you, you know. Neither of them.” She touched my arm and went in. Somewhat stunned, I followed.

Aside from my breakup with Lisa, the Monday morning gossip was once again about the star of a Del Stevens basement party. This time I didn’t recognise the name, but she was, apparently, a girl in Year Twelve. A sixteen-year-old who was new to the school. So at least I wasn’t the focus of everyone’s attention.

Lunch was excruciating. When I’d been with Lisa, our little lunch group had grown to six. Lisa and Lauren joined me and Kevin, and because they were there, Billy’s girlfriend (and my ex), Ellie, also joined us. But Lisa had asked Lee to the dance over the weekend, and they were sitting together at a different table, leaving me with two loved-up couples who were doing their best not to rub it in my face but not quite succeeding. I ate as quickly as I could and left them feeding each other chips.

I didn’t fancy going into the Common Room, which was always full at lunchtime. I’d have to put up with everyone asking if I was okay, and I wasn’t in the mood. Despite what I was telling everyone, I was a little upset about breaking up with Lisa. She was a nice girl, and I did care about her. No, I wasn’t in love, but I did care. We’d known each other our whole lives, of course I cared.

And I’d miss going out with her.

And as much as I hate to admit it even to myself, I had started to assume I’d be getting in her panties sooner rather than later if we’d stayed together. Her confirmation of that hadn’t helped my mood. And the thought that she’d now give her virginity to Lee after I’d paved the way for him...

Yeah, I wasn’t in the mood for ‘people.’

The fact was that, apart from the one ‘for old time’s sake’ with Kelly at the start of term, I hadn’t had sex since splitting up with her, and a year is a long time to have to deal with pent-up sexual energy with your right hand. Mrs Palm and her five daughters can only do so much. Sure, it was pretty easy to get hold of hard-core porn on the internet if you knew where to look (and let’s be honest, most seventeen-year-old boys know where to look) but no matter how high the definition of the video, it’s not the same as a real live girl.

I knew the library would be filled with younger kids—it always was at lunchtime—so I chose to use one of the classrooms across from the Common Room to review the essay I’d written for Miss Pattison’s class. We were due to hand in a first draft for her to review that afternoon.

When I opened the door to the first room, I heard someone softly sobbing. I looked around and behind the door but couldn’t see anyone. I should have just walked out and checked one of the other classrooms, but that wouldn’t have been me. That wasn’t what I did.

“Hello? Is there someone in here?”

The sobbing became a brief wail before softening to quiet sobs again. I stepped inside, trying to work out where the sound was coming from. I could just make out the top of a blonde head behind the last desk in the far corner. I crept over to her—it had to be a girl; boys didn’t sob like that—cautious yet curious. She sat in a little ball, hugging her legs to her chest, her head buried in the gap. I didn’t immediately recognise her.