Chapter 7

Thursdays.

I love Thursdays, maybe more than any other day except Sunday, and I suppose my opinion really depends on which day of the week it is. But this was Thursday and my reason for loving it was simply that I had nothing to do that day except go to school. My father went to work and that evening it was just us. That's why I loved it. Thursday was our night together.

I'd been feeling it all night too, and I didn't know why. I wore one of my dad's pajama tops, an old one, with no bra underneath. It was big and loose and silky soft and his. I loved it. And just a pair of panties on underneath, which I used to do all the time, just walking around in panties. But as I got older, I couldn't really do it all the time, obviously. It made my dad uncomfortable more than me, and so I just did it sometimes, when I felt like I wanted to remind him that I was a girl. Not just a daughter, not just the kid who lived upstairs, but an honest to goodness girl, who was turning into a woman.

I wanted him to notice that so badly.

"Daddy?"

"Hmmm?"

We were sitting in the living room, watching TV but I couldn't tell you what was on. I didn't care. I was curled up against him, my head against my dad's chest, my hand on his stomach, just touching him. He had his left arm over my shoulder, along my side and he was resting it on my hip. That's all, just resting it there.

"Did you ever used to spank me?" I asked him, because I honestly didn't remember him ever doing it.

"Spank you?" He smiled and shook his head slightly. "I don't know where you come up with these questions, Sam."

I giggled at that, feeling very happy that he didn't know. "I was just wondering. Did you?"

"Uh, I don't know. Maybe when you were two or three, but not hard. Like a little swat on the butt, nothing that ever made you cry."

"Oh." I nodded and sighed a little.

"Why?" my dad finally asked like three minutes later, after it was clear I wasn't going to explain on my own.

"I just wondered, that's all." I looked up at him. "I heard sometimes a girl can use a good spanking."

My dad laughed, but he looked confused. "Where did you hear that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Dr. Phil I think? Or Oprah, it was some talk show," I fibbed.

"Well, maybe they can," Daddy grinned. "Got you thinking maybe you needed one?"

"Me?" I laughed then. "No! Of course not. I'm always good, you know that."

"Uh-huh," my dad nodded. "I haven't heard that since the last time you were writing a letter to Santa."

"Well, maybe I should write him another one." I snuggled a little bit closer, smelling my dad and closing my eyes. "Ask him for a pony maybe."

"Heh!" Daddy hugged me, his hand pressing against my hip just where it got soft and round and started turning into my ass. "I see now, okay. So you're just using a little psychology on your old dad, huh? You've been so good I haven't had to spank you in ten years..."

"Twelve years," I interrupted him with a giggle.

"Twelve years, okay, and so maybe you deserve a pony for all that ... goodness." He was smiling. "Is that it? Did I get it right?"

"Mmmm..." I wiggled my head, " ... Mostly. Yeah."

"I'll think about it," he promised and that actually surprised me, because that was practically a yes coming from my dad.

"Really?" I stared at him.

"Yeah, I really will think about it," he chuckled. "That doesn't mean go out and buy a saddle tomorrow."

"Oh Daddy!" I knew he hadn't said yes, but ... Wow! I was getting a pony! "Thank you! I swear, I'll never ask for anything ever again!"

I sat up and hugged him tight burying my face in his neck and I think it surprised him. My top was pulled up high as I lifted my arms, exposing my thighs and panties, even my soft flat tummy. My dad's hand moved to steady me on the thick cushions of our sofa and he grabbed me right on the butt, his palm covering my panty covered ass and giving me a good squeeze too. Not for long, just a few seconds until we both realized where he was grabbing and then he let go quick, like I was on fire, but I still held him. I kissed his neck, pretending that I was thanking him for a promise he hadn't made, and my nipples were burning. I could feel my boobs growing against him and my sex was moist.

I couldn't help it. Mostly I could shut these feelings out; I could pretend that I didn't have them. I'd have sex with someone else and pretend it was him and it was like I got it out of my system. But sometimes it was like this too, where I wanted him too much. I needed him to kiss me and want me the same way I wanted him. Like a wife, a real one. And so I held him and I almost kissed him. My lips were so close to his, just for a second, and I was looking into his eyes, but I didn't see what I wanted to see in them. I saw love, yeah, I saw uncertainty too, maybe fear or shame, I didn't know. But I didn't see desire and I felt rejected and I let him go.

I'd ruined it. Our night together, I'd blown it. Daddy had been uncomfortable after what had happened, enough that he'd decided to go to bed. He gave me a kiss goodnight. He told me he loved me and we both pretended that I hadn't just ruined everything. His had been an honest mistake, just touching my body without any intention but to keep me safe. I'd been the one with the bad intentions and for a second there we'd both known it, I was sure. He'd seen the look in my eyes, felt my breath on his lips. He'd felt that weird electric moment when you just know you're going to kiss ... But I'd pulled back, somehow, knowing he didn't want it. Now I just lay down on my bed, curled up with a pillow between my legs, wishing I hadn't done any of that.

"Hey," Jen whispered, giving me a little poke with her pen. We were sitting next to each other in math class and supposed to be working on some problems off the chalkboard. Quietly, of course. So she tossed a little folded up piece of paper on my open notebook.

I opened it slowly, keeping an eye on our teacher, Mr. Glass. He was old and thin and he coached the girl's basketball team. He could also be kind of strict.

"Party??? U dint ask me??" it said in Jen's slanted scrawl. She had the worst handwriting...

I frowned because I'd told Heather and Debbie not to say anything to anyone, especially not Jenny, but I hadn't really stressed that. It would have been too suspicious. As it was I'd just told them the guys having the party didn't want a whole bunch of kids showing up, party crashers, you know. So I was supposed to keep it quiet. It seemed like a good excuse, they'd believed it anyway. But I guess they'd said something to Jen, because now she knew and of course she wasn't too happy with me and it was only 8:15 in the morning.

I sighed, knowing it was gonna be a long day. Fridays always were.

I couldn't bring Jen to the party. I knew that. I loved her like my sister, my little sister, and I was protecting her. She didn't want to meet any guys, at least not the sort of guys who were gonna be at Deke's place. I didn't know exactly what my boyfriend was planning, but I could guess. He'd want to seduce my friends, most likely, get them interested and in love, who knows? And then work on them to be his girls, his little underage prostitutes. Heather might actually do it, I thought. At least she seemed to have that sort of attitude, like she was just dying to have sex. Not that she wanted to be a whore, but I'm just saying it wouldn't be hard to get her panties off. The first time anyway.

Debbie I wasn't so sure about, and I'd be keeping my eye on her. On both of them really, but especially on her. I didn't feel good about what I was doing and I'd told Deke a bunch of times he had to be nice, him and his friends, and if my two friends said no, that was it. If they weren't having fun, then I was gonna bail and take them with me and then I really would quit. I'd made that plain as day and I hoped Deke believed me.

Jenny ... I wasn't gonna bring her, I didn't care how mad she got. I had to protect her.

"talk later, k?" I wrote quickly and passed the note back. I avoided looking at her as much as I could, trying to concentrate on my geometry.

Later...

"So?" Jenny asked me. "What's the deal? How come you didn't invite me?"

We were between classes, in the girls' bathroom and there were a few other girls in there, but they didn't really pay us any attention. People always used the bathroom to talk, mostly about boys since that was the one place we knew boys couldn't overhear us.

"I don't think you'd like it, that's all," I shrugged. "It's not really a party, it's like my boyfriend has some friends, you know, and they want to meet some girls."

"So?" Jen frowned. "I could still go. You don't think they'd like me?"

"Jen..." I sighed, " ... It's like a make-out party, you know? You meet some guys, talk and kiss maybe, and just..."

"Make-out." Jen licked her lips. Everybody had heard of make-out parties, but they were more like a myth, I thought. Or else they were all make-out parties, since that's what people liked best, right? So the words meant nothing really, except I hoped they scared her a little. Jen had never been to one, I knew that, and I doubted she'd want to.

"Yeah," I nodded. "And I don't even know how long we're gonna be there. I mean if it sucks, or if Deb or Heather doesn't like it then we're just gonna split, you know?"

"So? I could go then, right?" Jen stared at me and I groaned inwardly, realizing I'd just offered her up an excuse on a silver platter.

"You wouldn't like these guys, Jen," I told her, trying to make her understand.

"It's your boyfriend, right? I never even met that guy. Come on, Sam! Please? Why do you act all weird all the time?"

"I don't act weird!" I laughed at her.

"Yeah you do! Like I know you're not taking piano lessons after school. I saw you getting into that car on Wednesday too, who was that? Your boyfriend? He looked old." Jen was staring at me, and some other girls too, since gossip was always fun. "Or was that your 'piano teacher'?" Jen rolled her eyes and made little quotation marks with her fingers.

"He was a friend of my dad's," I lied, trying hard not to blush with embarrassment. He'd actually been some guy from Iowa or someplace who really loved school girls, and he'd paid a lot to pick me up after school.

"Whatever." Jen was pissed at me. "You're just weird now."

"Yeah, okay," I shrugged. I was getting a little pissed too, but mostly at myself really, but at Jen too for being so unreasonable. "I'm weird."

I grabbed my books and the bell was ringing anyway, so I left her there. At least she wasn't coming to the party, which was one good thing. The only good thing.

We sat together at lunch, Heather, Debbie, Jen and me, like always, but Jen wasn't talking to me, which made it strange. And I was a little mad at Heather and Debbie, cause one of them, or probably both of them had told Jen about the party. And she knew now, so I didn't bother waiting until I was alone with Heather and Deb, I just brought it up.

"I'll meet you guys at the mall, right? At seven, by the movies, okay?" I looked at Heather and Debbie and they nodded, glancing at Jen who was looking unhappy as she chewed on her peanut butter and jelly sandwich slowly.

"Yeah, sure," Heather shrugged.

"What should I wear?" Debbie asked me.

"Whatever you want, it's no big thing." I sort of waved my hand like it didn't matter.

"But I mean like a dress, or jeans?" Debbie had obviously never been to anything but some kid's birthday party, I thought.

I just laughed at her. "Whatever you want. Seriously."

"Okay," Deb nodded, but she was worried about it. I guess I could understand that though. "What are you gonna wear?"

"Me?" I looked at her and I made a face. "I don't know. I didn't think about it yet."

"I'm gonna wear that new skirt I got," Heather said, looking at Debbie. "You know that white one?"

"The short one?" Debbie giggled. "Your mom'll kill you."

"She knows I got it," Heather shrugged. "She won't even see me anyway, they're going out tonight. It's like somebody's birthday or anniversary or something."

"I don't see why I can't go," Jen finally said to me.

I glanced at our two friends, but they were talking about their clothes and what Debbie should wear, they weren't paying much attention to me or Jen.

"Next time, okay? I promise, just let me check it out first." I tried smiling at her. "If anything happened to you, your mom would kill me."

"I got birth control pills you know," Jen said softly, because the whole school didn't really need to know about that at all.

"Don't even, Jen," I shook my head.

"I'm just sayin', it's not like anything bad would happen right? And you're there anyway, so..."

"No, please. Just trust me, okay?" I was begging her almost.

"If you were really my best friend, you'd take me, Sam," Jen said, and that kind of really pissed me off, because I was being more of a best friend than she'd ever know.

We'd agreed to meet at the movies because it gave us all a good excuse for going out for the night. I'd told my dad I was staying with Jen, which was so normal he'd never check up on me or anything. Heather and Deb had told their parents they were staying over at each other's after the movie, so we were all free for the whole night. Which is probably not a good thing, since we were all just 15 years old. But at least we had someplace to go.

We hung out for about half an hour, and I even bought us tickets for one of the movies that started at nine o'clock, ripping them in half while my two friends giggled. I gave them each half a ticket stub and smiled, telling them to put them in their purses and forget about them. If their moms or dads ever wanted proof, or just happened to be snooping, it was always good to have a little something handy. After that I called Deke, and he was close by anyway. He knew where we were gonna be, I'd told him everything.

My friends were dressed nice. We all were, but still casual, you know. I was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but nice ones, acid washed and the kind that really hugged my butt and hips and thighs, then flared out at the bottom. They were really comfortable. No bra, just a white t-shirt with the Power-Puff Girls on the front cause they were cool, and a soft black leather jacket over that. It was nice and seriously expensive, like two hundred dollars, but I had the money and the hard part had been persuading my dad that I'd paid like 30 dollars for it. It wasn't a thirty dollar jacket, no way. But he wasn't much for fashion, so I think he believed me.

I had my long blonde hair loose, just a little makeup, some of that bubblegum lipstick cause it looked nice, but it tasted like bubblegum too, which I liked a lot. Kinda sweet, you know. Heather had some makeup, a little too much maybe, and her lips were red. Way too red, but I didn't say anything. She wore a short white skirt, but not as short as I'd imagined in school earlier when they'd been talking. It looked okay, sort of loose and pleated, falling to mid-thigh. She had a little halter top on, kind of a burgundy color, with thin little straps over her thin shoulders and I could see her bra straps underneath those. She had small breasts, not tiny, but smallish and I told her she should just take off her bra cause the straps were ugly.

"You think so?" Heather asked, and I nodded. Debbie nodded too, so we all went in the bathroom and waited while Heather went into a stall to take off her bra.