Chapter 5: Manifestation Five: The Passion of Anger

I stepped forward towards Noro Utako as she cringed with a terrified and desperate look, she scrabbled backwards then lunged at Tama-sensei, grabbed her by the neck and dragged her tight to her body. She placed the knife, a 25 cm double edge blade with a simple black rubber handle, against Tama-sensei's throat.

"Move and she dies!" she screamed in raged desperation. She dragged the unconscious body of Tama-sensei over beside Juri-sensei and produced another similar knife from somewhere. She quickly placed this second blade against Juri-sensei's jugular. "Stay right there or they're all going to die!" she screamed.

I froze on the spot and herd a voice I recognized as my own, "There is a price to pay for the harm you cause." I could hear the voice and it was colder than absolute zero. Below the voice was a detectable hint of barely controlled anger. It was not I that was speaking, though. In the corner of my mind I could hear harsh laughter. There was no humor in it, just the laughter of someone who knew something someone else did not. I made a quick guess and thought with great emphasis, "I think we don't want to kill anyone." I could hear the laughter die quietly and then an almost whispered comment, "Not to worry, I will not kill unless there is no other way, killing is not part of our nature." I returned my attention to what was happening. Noro Utako had dragged the two closer to the others, the terrified group huddled together with two knives in almost constant motion moving from one throat to the next.

"I will kill any one of them if you so much as move an inch towards me!" She snarled at me. "You are the cause of my losses, and I'll make you pay equally or see you dead."

"I told you I do not remember anything before my start at this school." I heard my voice explain in the same icy tone. "If you would tell me what it was that I did, then maybe I could understand. If, on the other hand, you decide that I don't need to know then that will not be of any help to either of us."

Noro Utako looked up at me eye to eye without flinching. I could see there was still fear in the eyes, but she was not completely irrational. I could see a decision being made. "I will tell you. A few years ago in a subway station there was an explosion that killed just about everyone there. In fact there eventually was only one survivor, and that survivor was you. You were going to school, and at the same time that morning you were also going to meet with a young lady about the same age as you. An extremely special girl, and someone very special to me. You were going to confess your love, but she was just going to make a fool of you. You were not even close to her social class, or refined enough for her. She found out that you were going to do this when she overheard someone talking about it. She thought it would be a laugh to show you the error of your ways. I was supposed to go along but I fell sick that morning and could not make it. I told my sister to go for me, and come tell me how it went. I don't know what happened, but I still think it was you that killed her. You must have lost it in some way when she laughed at you in front of all her friends and you killed them all! YOU KILLED THEM!!!!"

I could see she was wide eyed and barely balancing on the edge of sanity, but I didn't care at that point. As she spoke I received flashes of images I could not recognize yet knew they were important. Suddenly the image of a man in a long tan coat froze in my mind. The man had his arm up and with a hand clenched around something small and metallic. I could see fine wires running out the bottom of the clenched hand and into the sleeve of his coat. His coat looked strange, it fitted wrong like he had something under it. He had a wild look in his eyes and he was looking directly at me in the last moments. I could not tell when this was, and I still did not remember the incident, but I knew that this person was the cause of the explosion Noro Utako spoke about. "The man in the long tan coat!" I hear my voice say. "I don't know of the incident, but I remember a man in a long tan coat with a crazed look. Did the police say anything about a bomb?"

Noro Utako looked suspiciously at me, "They said there was an explosion, but I don't trust them because they lie all the time given enough money. My father makes them do it all the time! I think you killed her when she laughed at you! You are such a weak person. A lower class person like you would not know how to show someone like Mihoshi Kikko true love. She could never love you!"

When the name Mihoshi Kikko came from her mouth I felt a sharp painful rush in the center of my being. It came from the bottom of my stomach and ran to the top of my head. I felt like I was going to vomit, and at the same time I felt like someone had sucked all the air out of my lungs. There was a rushing feeling and I was at the subway station again.

I arrived at the station and sat on the bench just inside the entry so I could see her when she arrived and waited. This train station was one of the newer stations, with clean and unmarked tiles on the wall and fresh posters. The fluorescent lights did not have the flicker that came with age, and the turnstiles at the entry were shiny smooth and always moved smoothly.

I was letting my mind wander, exploring the possibilities of what could happen when I finally introduced myself to her formally and then confessed to her giving her my love letter. She would tear the envelope open and read quickly, then squeal with delight and joy that such a person as I would find her interesting, and throw her arms around me and rain kisses on my face. I could feel my face turning red with embarrassment just imagining this. I inadvertently let out a chuckle of delight and the woman on the bench next to me looked at me strangely and slid over to the farthest end of the bench.

I rechecked my pocket to make sure that the letter was still there, and looked around again to make sure she hadn't arrived during my mental ramblings. Things were getting to be a bit busy and there were more business types showing up. One person in the crowd stood out a bit, as they were dressed nothing like the rest of them. He wore a long tan coat and a hat pulled down to cover his face so I couldn't see if I recognized him. I focused on him and eventually he turned and saw me. He looked around furtively, then moving towards the platform edge by the tracks, looked in the direction the train would be coming from. He glanced back at me a few times, but I had not looked at him directly so there was no indication that I had seen him. I stood and moved towards the transit police that stood at the far end of the station platform, wanting to point him out to them, but when I stood up Kikko arrived with her usual retinue of constantly changing friends. I changed directions and hurried off to intercept her at the platform edge. I could still see the man out of the corner of my eye. I didn't want to lose sight of him.

Mihoshi Kikko was talking and giggling with her friends about a TV show they had all watched last night as I arrived, I cleared my throat to get her attention, but my attempt at getting her attention was not successful. I cleared my throat a bit louder. This worked, and Kikko and her friends turned to face me. I momentarily lost sight of the man as I faced her, but then I could see him again as he moved closer to us. I could see he was focused on me. With a wild look in his eyes he was running at me. I wanted to run away, but this was only a memory and I could not change it. In his madness to get to me he did not pay any attention to his path, and was bowled almost off his feet and onto the tracks of the oncoming train. He regained his balance and raised his arm with whatever device he had. I could hear myself speaking with Mihoshi Kikko at this point, I heard the stammer in my voice and turned my attention to her. Examining her carefully I discovered that she was not in fact smiling. She had a sneer on her face. Something I realized I had always misinterpreted as a smile. When her hair fell forward as she looked at the envelope I had handed her, she wasn't crying or anything. She was starting to laugh. I could tell when her head came back up and she looked at me that there was no love there, there was only disdain and ridicule. I watched in wonder as the man clenched his fist and blossomed into a flower of destruction. The force of the blast acting like a broom and swept away everything and everyone in its path, I watched as stone, brick, steel, mortar, and bits and pieces of people flew through the air. I saw indescribable chunks hit people. I watched someone's arm become embedded into the steel and concrete column behind Mihoshi Kikko, after passing through the spot where her head use to be. I watched her friends torn to shreds as steel and aluminum from the arriving train passed me by. None were spared, I watched as live electrical wires whipped around and cut people in half while cooking them from the discharge. I wished that I had not remembered this, and I wished that I did not see this, and I wished that I hadn't lived through this, but I had not choice. I could feel my survival instinct, almost like a living creature all its own, react in the force of the explosion. I was thrown about the station like the rest of the people who died, but I was always in control, no matter where I was flung. I saw objects fly at me with incredible speed, yet I still was able to move out of the way. I was heading for the wall at the far end of the platform, but I still did a flip in the air and landed against the wall on my feet. I could feel the sting of the impact but no damage was taken. I hit the floor at that point, and that's when the memory ended. The entire explosion and its experience took but less than three seconds, yet in that time I lived a lifetime and lost a lifetime. I knew that the love I had hoped for was not to be. And that the person who had caused all this had intended it to be for me. Everyone else had been incidental, and I could not take that. I also knew that some other terrible thing had happened that day, but as to what it was I could not see.

I returned to the living room of the house with Noro Utako holding knives against the women's throats. "I did not kill her." I whispered to no one in particular yet still I voiced it out loud, "The man in the long tan coat was out to kill me. Everyone else was just in his way. I was the one meant to die that day."

She growled at me, "And today you will die. You took the one thing away from me that meant anything. Now I'll make you pay by killing everyone close to you and then kill you!" She ended with a scream.

I watched her swing her arms back and plunge the first knife into the upper right chest of Tama-sensei, and the second knife into the belly of Juri-sensei. She was now just swinging the knives viciously at any one of the women. I stepped forward and cough both arms at the wrist and held her with surprising strength. She tried once or twice to move, but it was like having her hands stuck in stone. She brought a foot forward in a swing aimed for my knee but before it could reach I slammed a foot down on her toes pinning the foot to the floor. Her face went pale and wild as she increased her struggles. I placed both her wrists together and, holding them with one hand, lifted her up. I ripped the knives out of her grasp and threw them at the wall. They sunk into the wall right to the hilt. Utako's eyes grew big as she glanced from the knives to me. "You wanted to kill me. I don't kill people who are helpless. You are helpless." I heard my voice say. With that I reached out and placed my hand gently on her forehead. She stiffened then her head lolled to the side as she passed out. I let her drop to the floor and left her there as I dealt with the injured and bleeding. I knew she was not going to wake up until I let her. I could tell that Tama-sensei and Juri-sensei had received the worst of the injuries, as they were covered in blood and unconscious. Nene-san had a long slash from below her ear to her collar bone which had probably just missed her jugular. Chika-san had slashes all down her right arm, while Doi-san had the same all down her left arm. Yui-san was unconscious with a bad cut to her head. Lots of blood but not too bad. Ume-san had stab wounds and slashes all down her back and, although she was in pain, she was still awake and not bleeding too much. Sata-san was on the floor on her side unconscious, with a minor flow of blood from a cut at the back of her neck to her shoulder blade. She was in bad shape. I found that I now had control of my body, so I quickly untied them all then grabbed the phone and phoned for an ambulance. I leaped back to the injured women and started dealing with injuries from worst on up. I rolled Tama-sensei on her back and held my hand over the worst cut, the one that had the most blood flowing from it. I felt a tingle in my hand that rapidly developed into a burning sensation. It became painful and rapidly got worse until, finally, I tried to pull my hand away. I could not seem to take my hand away from Tama-sensei's injury, it felt almost like I had become glued to her. The pain gradually became less and less, and then it was gone. I tried once again to pull my hand away and this time I succeeded. The deep cut was gone. I didn't spend time thinking, as Juri-sensei started to gurgle and spit blood. I hurled myself at her and grabbed her up in my arms. There were too many cuts on her for me to figure out which one was the cause. I felt myself pull her to my chest and almost enfold her completely, and then the pain began. It was a dull ache at first and rapidly developed into a full body burn, like I was covered in millions of little paper cuts and then lemon juice had been poured on me, suddenly I felt like I had been covered in hot wax and set on fire. I only remember the agony that sent my mind into a world of white fire. My vision narrowed down to Juri-sensei's chocolate brown eyes. They showed fear and pain, her eyes called to me, called to me to make it all go away. I looked deep into the blackness in her eyes and saw a spark there, a pulse and flickering light that changed color constantly. I looked deeper into the light and felt her life fall into me. Beyond the pain I could feel what she was feeling. I could feel her pain and I could taste her fear. I don't know how, but there had been some sort of resonance with her. Suddenly I was thrown backwards and Juri-sensei dropped the short distance to the floor. I gathered myself up, staggered back to them and looked down at Juri-sensei. She seemed to be doing better. Most of her injuries had disappeared and she didn't seem to be having problems breathing. The rest of them were doing better, and only Tama-sensei and Juri-sensei were still unconscious. I moved to the others and placed my hands on the worst of their injuries to heal them. It burned me and the pain was incredible, but I thought that it would go far to make amends for the pain and terror I had brought into their lives. Only a few minutes later the emergency people burst in the front door and scrambled to take care of them all. I was checked over in a cursory manner, then pushed aside and ignored. I watched as medical equipment was attached to the ladies then they were placed on gurneys and removed to the waiting ambulances. The police gathered up Noro Utako and took her unconscious body to its own ambulance after many things were attached to her. Apparently she was in a coma and they could not find the cause. I nodded to myself and figured she would be left that way until another time. I would have to help myself first before helping her.

I was all alone in the house in less than a half hour. The Emergency crew said that the ladies would be at the hospital in a short time, and that there was no room for me to go along. I left it at that and returned to the scene of the attack. I spent a good amount of time cleaning up the mess, then went into the bathroom and cleaned myself of all the blood. I sat in the bath for a while thinking about what had happened. I did not understand what had happened and how I had done the things I did.

"Hey! You did well." said a voice in my mind.

"Yes, but what did I do?" I asked the voice or myself. I did not know if I had finally lost my mind or not.

"You haven't lost your mind yet. It's just me." said the voice with a sharp laugh, "I took over there for a short time to deal with Utako, but the rest was almost completely you. I'm impressed!"

I nodded at my reflection in the water, "Yes, but what did I do? I still don't understand what happened." I stated.

"Well, you were threatened by Utako when she tried to kill you at the hotel. Once she made her getaway and returned here she placed the ladies..." the voice started to explain.

I interrupted, "I know all that as I was there. What I don't understand is what the healing thing was. How did I do that and where did it come from?"

"That's part of you. You're going to have to figure out that on your own, because I don't know either. All I know is that I can affect people with an act of will. I did that with Utako when I needed her to sleep. She's not really asleep, though. She's almost in a kind of light coma." came the reply.

"Kind of?" I asked, "What do you mean, kind of?"

"It's more of a feedback loop, really..." the voice answered hesitantly, "Let me put it this way, have you ever felt really good about anything ... oh, wait a second. You don't remember. OK, let me put it this way. The human body is capable of intense feelings. Feeling tired, feeling hot, feeling good ... uh ... what I can do is ... uh ... we can amplify certain feelings. I can ... uh ... cause something like a feedback loop that makes those feelings feed on themselves until the person can't take it any more and goes unconscious."

"What feelings are you talking about?" I inquired. "Is there any way to stop the feedback loop or return them to normal?"

"Well, uh ... the feelings I seem to have control of are only those that pertain to certain activities, although I can also affect the other ones to a degree, but not as powerful as those ... uh..." I seemed to be having problems telling me. I let the voice continue at its own pace. "I can slowly increase a person's feelings of tiredness or make them feel hungry for food, but only in a limited way, and it takes so much energy that I can cause myself harm if I'm not careful."

"You didn't tell me what feelings you have control of." I prompted. "I think you might want to expand on that statement for me."

The voice sighed and began. "the feelings I have control over pertain to love in it's many forms, and anything that is associated with it. I can expand it, contract it, dampen it, eliminate it, or any number of things. Sometimes I can even change it, but like I said. That takes a lot of energy..."

I was getting a bit more heat than I wanted, so I exited the bath and dried off while I conversed with the voice, "What I dreamed of all those times I was not conscious, They actually happened then? The time in the kitchen, and opening of the bedroom door and the incident in the living room? They really did happen then?"

"Uh ... well ... uh ... yes, actually. They did happen." it replied hesitantly at first, "It was something you actually did watch from outside yourself. That's something you can do, it would seem. We have the ability to manifest ourselves in non-corporeal forms when we try hard enough."

I paused in what I was doing for a moment and thought about what the voice was saying, "What exactly did you do to them when you were there?" I asked quietly.

There was a hesitant chuckle and then an unsteady reply, "Uh ... nothing really ... uh ... I just ... uh ... nothing. Nothing at all."

"Somehow I find that hard to believe." I answered, as I continued on to my bedroom. I arrived at my bedroom and changed into some clean clothes, then made my way down to the living room. I called a cab and headed outside to wait for it. Within minutes the cab arrived and I sped off to the hospital. The trip was short and when I arrived I found the ladies seated in the emergency ward. They didn't look too worse for wear, and as I walked up to them the doctor turned and faced me.

"I don't know exactly what happened, and they don't seem to want to talk about it too much, but whatever happened the ladies are fine and all are going to survive without any scarring." he said with a small grin. "I expect that they'll be happy to get out of here after all the poking and prodding they've put up with in the last hour."

I nodded and followed the nurses and the ladies in wheelchairs outside to the waiting taxi. I expected to have had to call another taxi, but the one I had called seemed to have waited. I helped each one into the taxi then slid in next to the driver. I nodded and off we went back home in silence. I kept looking back at them sitting quietly in the back of the taxi watching the world go by outside, but not showing much emotion. I was thinking that maybe there was more damage than the doctor originally thought, but I figured that it was probably emotional or psychological.

We arrived at the house after a while, and I assisted the ladies into the house again one by one. I had planned on returning them to their own rooms, but when the first one was brought to her own room Juri-sensei said, "I don't want to be alone, none of us do." I understood this to mean that it was back to the futons on the floor in my room. I continued on to my room and carried her to her futon that was still lying unmoved from before. I set her down gently and before I could even stand I knew she was asleep. I returned to the taxi and, one by one, I carried them up to the bedroom and their futons. Each of them immediately drifted off to sleep. I paid the driver and sent him off, then returned to the living room, locking the front door securely. I sat in the chair at the window and stared outside, thinking to myself.

"Well, what can you tell me?" I asked.

"I thought you were going to ignore me for a while. You surprise me." The voice said with a chuckle. "the answer is, what can you ask me?"

"There are only a few questions I have, but the most important one I have is this," I began, "Why are we separate? Why has a part of me been ... I don't even know what to call it."

"Not expecting much are you..." it said with trepidation. "I would have to explain your entire youth before you got the answer you wanted, but I can explain that it was a series of severe emotional shocks all happening to you in one day. I will not be telling you about them until you are completely ready, as I know that it would cause more harm than help you."

I leaned back in the chair and took in a deep breath. "I think I understand, but I would like to ask why I can't remember anything before my first day of class? Everything is a complete blank from that point backwards. What has caused that?" I levered myself out of the chair and walked down the hallway to climb the stairs. "Isn't there anything behind this memory block that you know of?"

"I don't know anything more than you on that." the voice said quietly and thoughtfully, "I think that there was some sort of foul play involved, but I can't see what the reason is any more than you."

I made my way up the stairs and walked slowly down the hallway towards my room, thinking to the voice in my head. In the back of my mind I was hoping that I truly had not gone crazy, "I think we should both be very observant of our surroundings and look out for additional danger. I have a feeling that we are missing something. What should be done with Utako now? She's still at the hospital in the same condition as we sent her there, and we'll never get anything more out of her the way she is."

"I believe she should be left that way for just a little while longer," replied the voice coldly. "After what she did, she doesn't deserve to be anything more than she is now ... a vegetable"

"Everyone deserves a second chance. We both know and believe that, if you are, in fact, part of me." I said with force.

"Yes, I know, I'm just grumbling." the voice said with a sigh. "Sometime this week we'll go down and check on her. Maybe they'll let us see her and fix her. Might be problematic as to how we'll get in to see her. She might be in under security."

I entered my room and made my way carefully between the sleeping forms spread out onto the balcony. I leaned against the railing and looked out over the nighttime city. "More questions for you ... What brought you out of me to do whatever you did to them?" I pointed at the sleeping group.

There was a chuckle from the voice, "I was always there. Ever since the incident in the subway. You know, the one you saw. What made me come out was a curiosity about the women in the house. There was something about each and every one of them that draws me to them. From the first one to the ones that I have not ... well ... whatever."

I nodded returned to my bedroom and climbed onto the bed. I kicked off my slippers, removed my shirt and pulled the covers over me without undressing any further. I lay there and listened to the deep breathing of the women and let them lull me into sleep. I had light dreams of my manifestation flitting from one woman to the next doing what looked like the same healing thing I had done before sending them off to the hospital. In the back of my mind I hoped that it wasn't causing him as much pain as it had caused me, I suspected it was, though.

I woke early in the morning while the sun was just below the horizon, and climbed out of bed. Everyone was still asleep and I didn't expect them to wake up anytime soon. I walked out on the balcony and breathed in the morning air. I called the voice in my mind with no answer, and then suspected that in fact it was probably asleep after what it probably did last night. It was probably why I felt slightly tired still, even though I had gotten a full night's sleep. I suspect that possessing another of myself who could almost act independently would still require me to expend energy. I slipped down to the kitchen without waking anyone and quickly made a brief meal. I made enough so that there would be enough later for anyone wishing some, then ate and returned to bed. I climbed in and returned to the slumber of the truly tired.

"Well, there you are. I've been calling you for a while now!" said the voice quietly. I couldn't tell if it was a woman's voice or a man's, as it seemed to be altered in some artificial way.

"I was asleep ... I guess I still am, then." I said quietly. "What was it you were wishing to speak about?

"Something is bothering me and I can't put my finger on it exactly." the voice said. "Something about this last day or two is bothering me."

"I understand." I replied. "I know what it is, also. Even though nobody knew where we went, except the taxi driver, we were discovered almost immediately. How did that happen? I suspect that we had been or are still being observed. I also believe that we are still in danger."

"Exactly! That's what was bothering me!" the voice said with excitement. "We have got to get back together again before it's too late. I don't feel I can function properly with half of myself missing" it finished with a sigh.

I sat bolt upright in bed and looked around at the sleeping forms. Sliding out of bed I knelt down and checked on the closest of them, Juri-sensei, she was sleeping deeply. I went to every one of them. They were all as deeply asleep as Juri-sensei. This was unusual for the length of time they had been asleep so far. I returned to Juri-sensei and gently nudged her with a hand on her shoulder. There was no response. I pushed her harder with still no response. I felt it necessary that I wake at least one of them up to assure myself that nothing was wrong. I was not that lucky. I couldn't wake any one of them. They were all either too deeply asleep or something else, I couldn't hear the voice in my head either. I knew that this did not bode well.

"Mr. Tsubasa." My name was spoken calmly but I couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from. "I suspect that you are wondering what is going on right now ... Would you like me to enlighten you?"

I stood quickly from Nene-san's side and looked around for the source of the voice, "I want to know what you have done to them."

"They are all drugged and will be dead in a very short time. I expect you want to know why also, but I will also make you feel better as you will be going with them when they die." the voice gave a gruff and evil laugh. "You see, this house is set to blow up in less than five minutes. To explain it to you would let you get off easy, you're going to have to figure this out on your own. You now have four minutes."

I scrambled out to the balcony and looked over the edge. I couldn't throw the women over the edge to save them as they were unconscious, and there was a concrete path one story below that would kill them due to the distance to fall. I ran back into the bedroom and grabbed Yui-san as I headed through and headed for my bedroom door.

"Oh, you'll find your bedroom door will not open first of all, and there is now way to get it open now." the voice said in a conversational tone. "It's been reinforced so it's not breakable now. I thought it would make for an interesting few moments. I'm going to watch you scurry around like a panicked rat and not be able to do anything. Oh! Three minutes left."