Chapter 13

Yoga was a one credit course that met once a week for fifty minutes. It was one of those filler courses that all colleges and universities employ as a means to add a little money to the coffers while proclaiming to build a strong mind/body connection in the Greek tradition. On the other hand, the Greek organizations on campus were doing their best to weaken the mind/body connection through the distribution and consumption of massive quantities of alcohol. In the contest between the two groups, the Greek organizations were well ahead of the game at every college and university in the country.

Sean walked into the classroom not quite sure what to expect. The one thing he didn't expect to find was a room full of desks. He looked around the room and then stepped outside to double check the room number. He glanced back at his class schedule, then up at the room number, and saw that they were in agreement.

He took a seat at the desk in front of the lectern. He liked sitting on the front row. A young woman was leaning against the lectern watching people enter the room.

"You might want to sit down before the instructor gets here."

The woman ignored him.

Sean said, "I kind of figured that we'd be doing that yogasu stuff. I didn't realize that it was a regular class. I didn't even think to stop by the bookstore to pick up any books for this class."

"Are you talking to me?" the woman said.

"Yes."

"Don't."

"Okay, Miss Grumpy-Grump," Sean said.

He leaned over to the coed sitting next to him and said, "Don't talk to her. She's not a very happy person."

"She probably thinks you're trying to pick her up," the young woman next to him said.

"Why would I pick up a plain scrawny looking woman like that?" Sean asked incredulously.

"Scrawny? She's gorgeous. She could be on the cover of Metra Glamour Magazine."

"She's nothing but skin and bones. She's built like a board. Her hair is cut short like some kind of guy."

The young woman standing in front of him had her hair cut with a part on the side with it styled in the same manner of the male movie stars of the 1940s. The fact was that she looked a lot like Olive Oyl without the bun. He had never considered Olive Oyl to be all that attractive and had has spent many a minute wondering what Popeye saw in her.

"She's got a great body. She almost looks masculine," the young woman said. She sighed, "She's a metrasexual."

"She's probably single," Sean said not quite sure what a metrasexual was, but he figured one didn't stand much of a chance of being married.

"Like you know anything about beauty."

"My girlfriend is the prettiest woman in the world."

"You've actually got a girlfriend?"

"Yes, I do. Suzie is the most beautiful woman in the world."

"That's kind of surprising," the young woman said thinking that he must have an imaginary girl friend, at best, or an inflatable one at worst.

"Why?"

"You aren't the most handsome guy in the world."

Sean snorted and then said, "Sour grapes. You're just jealous because I'm already taken."

"Are you kidding?"

Sean posed like a body builder. He asked, "Have you ever seen anyone so handsome in your life?"

"Give me a break," the young woman said with a snort.

"I wish I could, but you can't have me. Suzie has my heart and soul," Sean said.

The woman standing by the podium said, "Sit down and shut up."

"Hey, Miss Grumpy-Grump. There's no need to be so nasty," Sean said.

The woman leaning against the podium said, "Hello everyone. I'm Miss Lana Imber."

"I knew you weren't married," Sean announced giving a significant look at the woman beside him.

"I'm the instructor for this class."

"Oops," Sean said.

Miss L. Imber clapped her hands and said, "Now, if everyone will move the desks out of the center of the room and over to the wall, we'll get out the mats and can begin class."

Sean raised his hand.

"What?"

"Aren't you going to call roll?" Sean asked.

"You'll have an assigned mat," Miss L. Imber said. "I'll look over the room and know who is absent."

"Oh. I was kind of looking forward to saying 'here.' I like saying 'here'. I'm pretty good at it."

"Move your chair so that we can start," Miss L. Imber said trying to maintain the calm state of mind that was associated with Yoga.

Sean pushed a desk across the room making a choo-choo sound as he went. When he reached the far wall, he said, "Woo woo!"

"Stop clowning around," Miss L. Imber said.

"Boy, you are grumpy," Sean said.

"I'm not grumpy. Yoga is a very serious subject of study."

"This isn't yogasu, the great martial art practiced by Yogi Bear?" Sean asked.

"No."

"I won't learn how to rip out a heart and show it to some guy while it is still beating?"

"No."

"I won't learn how to jump up in the air and scream like a cat?"

"No."

"What will I learn?" Sean asked.

"Inner peace."

"Is this like that Trans Dental Medication those Buddha fellows take?"

"Do you mean Transcendental Meditation?"

"Sure," Sean said shrugging his shoulders.

"It is a form of meditation, but not like what you are thinking. You won't be sitting around saying Om."

"So what is it?"

"Yoga is a spiritual, mental, and physical discipline that originated in ancient India."

Sean looked at the floor for a minute and then said, "That doesn't explain anything. That's like saying that piloting is an occupation that originated in North Carolina."

"North Carolina? What's that got to do with piloting?" the woman next to Sean asked.

"I guess you never heard of the Wright brothers."

"I'm from Ohio. Piloting originated in Ohio," the woman said.

"Sorry, but it was North Carolina," Sean said.

Miss L. Imber said, "Be quiet."

Sean said, "I still don't know what Yoga is."

"Yoga is a system of exercises that..."

"Exercises? I don't like exercises. I particularly hate running laps and walking like a duck," Sean said.

"You won't have to run or walk like a duck in Yoga," Miss L. Imber said.

"Good. I don't like that. I don't like jumping either," Sean said.

"You won't have to jump around, either."

"That's good. So what do I have to do?"

"You'll learn some positions to hold," Miss L. Imber said.

"You mean I'll have to stand still?" Sean asked wondering what kind of exercise that was.

"Yes. Some of the positions are sitting and some are lying down."

Confidently, Sean said, "I think I can do that. I've had lots of practice with standing, sitting, and lying down. This should be an easy A."

"It's not that easy."

Sean rolled his eyes and said, "How hard can it be?"

It took ten minutes for every one to get their assigned mat and to get it into place. She started the class by demonstrating the position they were to take. She posed at the front of the class for five minutes, talking about balance and breathing.

Sean was able to keep his attention on her for about fifteen seconds, which seemed to him to last an eternity. He looked over at the clock thinking that the second hand had gotten stuck.

He muttered, "I already know to breath."

The instructor continued to talk. Sean knelt down and examined the mat. He said, "I had one of these just like this in kindergarten. We used to take our naps on it."

Miss L. Imber glared at Sean and said, "Pay attention."

"To what? You're talking about breathing. I've been breathing my whole life, except when I hold my breath and I don't do that very often. I tend to turn blue."

"You have to learn how to breath properly. The air has to flow in and then out," she said.

Sean tapped his foot and looked around. He looked up at the ceiling trying not to make any more comments.

"What?" she asked.

Sean said, "The air already goes in and out. It doesn't get to my mouth or nose and then say, 'I'm not going in there.' It doesn't get in and then say, 'I like it in here. I think I'll hang around for bit.' Nope, it goes in and then it comes out just like well behaved air is supposed to."

"There's a proper way to breath," Miss L. Imber said.

"If you say so," Sean said knowing that you couldn't argue with some people.

"I do."

"Okay."

"I'm the instructor."

"Sure you are. You're instructing us on how to do something we've done our whole lives."

"Just do everything I say."

She returned to her lecture. Sean looked over at the clock and muttered, "Thirty more minutes. This is a slow class."

He was lying down on the mat thinking about taking a nap when Miss L. Imber said, "Okay. Now you try it."

Taken a little by surprise, Sean asked, "Try what?"

"Getting into position," Miss L. Imber said.

"Okay," Sean said.

Much to her surprise, Sean actually got into a pretty close approximation of the position she had been showing them. She went around the room to correct individual students in their posture. She would make a comment or two to each student.

"Bend your arm a little more."

Doing everything she said, Sean bent his arm a little more.