Chapter 3

My monthly visitor came just before Christmas. I called Pat to tell him. Then I spoke to my mother about the next week.

"I know you're scared but I also know when it's over you will never have felt better in your life. Rachel. Dear Rachel. You and Pat have known each other all your lives. You've told people that you were together since you were three and four. Has Pat ever hurt you? Have you hurt him?" I shook my head. "Do you know this Japanese story?"

A young man of Matsue was returning home from a wedding party when he saw, just in front of his house, a firefly. He paused a moment, surprised to see such an insect on a cold winter's night with snow on the ground. While he stood and meditated, the firefly flew toward him, and the young man struck at it with his stick, but the insect flew away and entered the garden adjoining his own.

The next day he called at his neighbor's house, and was about to relate the experience of the previous night when the eldest daughter of the family entered the room, and exclaimed, "I had no idea you were here, and yet a moment ago you were in my mind. Last night I dreamt that I became a firefly. It was all very real and very beautiful, and while I was darting hither and thither I saw you, and flew toward you, intending to tell you that I had learnt to fly, but you thrust me aside with your stick, and the incident still frightens me."

The young man, having heard these words from the lips of his betrothed, held his peace.

"I know married couples that treat each other far worse. Pat will try to make this as easy and as pleasureable as possible. I'm certain that he's talked to Gordy about that. Probably Weena, too. I think pain and discomfort are unlikely. Perhaps a little twinge. And I can't even imagine Pat being nasty or rude."

I giggled. "He was rude to Mr. Simmonds last April ... Will it hurt, Momma?"

"A little, at first, but that goes away quickly and then ... well then you won't believe how good it feels."

"Really? Some of the girls talk about pain and being uncomfortable. And about how nasty and rude the boys are."

"Pat? Rude to you? Nasty? Don't let your fear speak! Your heart knows better."

"Yes, Momma."

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Will it be okay?"

"Are your nails smooth?"

"Yes ... but?"

"Skin is sensitive. Inside it's very sensitive."

"Oh."

"Don't be in a hurry. Everywhere can be erogenous. You need to help a woman get into the proper state of mind to accept pleasure. You can start by kissing her lips. Kissing – even touching – her ears or neck can be exciting. Use your tongue. But remember the most important thing."