Chapter 5: Solid Facts

Before I could get into my preferred work uniform, I had one more trip to make in the textile world. It was a trip to the most surreal part of the textile world: local politics. It is true what they say about sausages and laws: if you want to retain any respect for the final product, you should never see how they are made.

Our town has a mayor and eight councillors. They serve a three-year term, and receive a small stipend for their troubles. For all the work they do, they're woefully underpaid.

Despite the fact we were talking about eleven AM on a Friday, the full council was present for this extraordinary session. There was precisely one item on the agenda: a change to a bylaw. I hadn't a clue as to what the bylaw was, yet, but when Bill asks you to come, I've found it's wisest to do so and get blindsided in person immediately rather than remotely later. As we waited in the Gallery for the session to start, I chatted with Sheriff Fernandez, thanking him for his daughter's assistance.

"I should be thanking you," the lanky Latino confessed. "My sister-in-law started drinking after my brother died, and this last year has been getting worse. You handled her well last night, my daughter tells me."

"So did she, Alicia's a credit to the Sheriff's Office. A good police officer, level headed and calm."

"Whether in or out of uniform, eh?" He shot me a grin.

I returned the smirk. "Especially when out of uniform."

"I had a report as to what she was wearing last night. The individual providing the report apparently didn't approve. Said it was 'inappropriate' for her daughter to see such sights."

"Her daughter wouldn't be, oh, about fifteen, standing in the parking lot and waiting for Mother-taxi to arrive?"

"That would be it," the Sheriff confirmed.

"And did she mention that said daughter was dressed in sandals and nothing else?"

Sheriff Fernandez pondered for a second, scratching his chin. "No, I think she somehow forgot to mention that."

"That daughter was at her swimming lesson that afternoon. She has seen a lot of naked people." I thought for a moment. "Probably not a lot dressed in nothing more than a fluorescent vest and a Deputy's hat, though."

Sheriff Rodriguez snorted at that. "See you tonight?" he asked.

"Your cabin's reserved, and the restaurant will have your table waiting at eight. Your wife booked it all last weekend."

He nodded in approval. "Oh, you should be seeing a lot more police presence over at 'Cuda over the next few weeks."

"Being cautious about the littlest ones from the school?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes, that ... and Alicia's latest beau teaches there."

"A fellow naturist, teaching at Willow Lane?"

"He doesn't know, or at least didn't as of Wednesday night."

We both shared gentle snickers over that one as Mayor White banged his gavel to start the session ... The look on Bill's face was one of cheerful magnanimity. I know that look – know it, and fear it.

Around me, I could see many of my fellow members of the Willow Lane Elementary School Division of the Manatee Bay Parent-Teacher Association. Quick whispered conversation confirmed we weren't there by accident, every man and woman had been invited by Bill personally. Not a good sign.

"Hold on to your hats, people," I advised my fellow parents. "I think we're going to experience another significant cultural shift." We sat together in a block, with the Sheriff having pride of place. His eldest daughter may be a Deputy, but the clan is large, with one in college and four in various grades of Manatee Bay's school system. His youngest is one of the few Middle School students to start off the school year with no tan lines. He's earned his Parent-Teacher Association medal of honour the hard way.

"Alright, then, let's start with the report from the Sheriff." My god, I swear I saw Bill smacking his lips.

"I asked you a series of questions," Bill started. "Do you have the results?"

"Guys," I muttered through clenched lips, glaring at Bill, "he's up to something."

"Yes, Your Worship," Sheriff Fernandez said formally. He stood up and approached the rostrum, looking over the assembled horseshoe of councillors and mayor. "The mayor asked me for a report of the number of incidents involving nude children in Manatee Bay over the past twelve months. First of all, regarding teens: No significant incidents to report. We've had some reports of topless girls at the community beach. Action taken, we investigated and recommended they cover up. All incidents resolved at that point with no further action required on the part of the officer." He looked back down at his notes. "Elementary school aged children, we've had some reports where they were nude either on the streets or in their own back yards. All incidents resolved peaceably, most reporting good humour on the part of the parent and officer."

The leader of Manatee Bay's Thin Blue Line cleared his throat. "No incidents of inappropriate sexual activity involving stranger-on-youth reported. I won't comment on families, that involves Children's Aid and is considered not germane to this report, however statistically it's proportionate to what I'd expect from other communities around the country." He finished up with, "None of the incidents of public nudity, full or partial, have involved any violation of any law or regulation aside from our city's bylaw banning public nudity."

I looked at everyone around me. "I suspect we're about to see the Public Decency Bylaw get eviscerated."

"Makes sense," whispered Chuck Malone. "I mean, why bother dressing only to go from home to school, if you're going to be running around nude when you get there?"

"Um, guys," I pointed out frantically, "this was NOT my idea. If anyone objects to the sight of naked little rug rats roaming our town, the man to blame is that walrus, right over there."

"So," concluded Mayor Walrus, I mean White, "would it be fair to say that in all the incidents involving nude children on the streets of our fair metropolis, there has been not a single incident involving licentious behaviour?"

A few of my fellow parents snorted at Manatee Bay's description as a metropolis.

"I would say not in the past ten years, Your Worship." The Sheriff was smooth as glass.

"Thank you, Sheriff Fernandez. I believe we have another individual to speak on the subject. Reverend Samuel B. Harrison asked to speak, is he in?" Mayor White looked around the chambers, feigning mild interest, as if he couldn't see the only person wearing a clerical collar in the entire assemblage of about 15 visitors.