Chapter 15

"I went for it. I seduced boys, which wasn't all that hard. They were all older than me, of course. I did a lot of stuff, with a bunch of people. Mostly guys, a few girls."

"Really? Girls too?"

"Yep. I got really into it, Taylor. It was like, once I started, I didn't want to stop. But you know what happened?"

"What?"

"By the time I was around sixteen, or just turning seventeen, I realized I had a reputation. People were calling me names, and seeing me in ways that weren't so nice."

"Really? Like what kind of names?"

"I think you can guess." Taylor nodded. "People called me things like slut, and cheap, easy and sleazy, and eventually whore."

"That's terrible, Kristi. I'm so sorry for you."

"Thanks Taylor. But I guess I brought it on myself. That's why I was so glad that my parents and I moved here last year. It gave me a chance to start over, and to do things differently, so people would see me differently. Like a fresh start."

"Wow, that's really something, Kristi. I'm glad I talked to you."

"Me too, Taylor."

"It makes me think I should be careful about what I do now. So, let me make sure I understand what you're saying. You started touching yourself around ten, like me. And by the age I am now, twelve, you were super duper curious, also just like me."

"Right."

"And you started to do things, like I have with Jack."

"Yes, that's about right."

"And, did you feel bad, or like, guilty when you started to do those things?"

"No, not really."

"O.K. Can I ask when you first had sex?"

"I guess there's no harm in that. It was before I turned thirteen."

"And how was it?"

"Actually, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't really nice, even the first time. I really cared about the guy who was my first."

"O.K. and then, after that, you really liked it, and you wanted to do more?"

"You got it."

"So, you found other guys who would do it with you, and some girls, right?"

"That's right, yes. It wasn't hard to find either."

"And, were some of the guys jerks, or something like that?"

"Well, there were a couple," Kristi replied., but mostly no, they were almost all awesome."

"And did you still like doing it, like as time went by?"

"Yeah, I did ... more and more."

"And you had sex with a lot of guys?"

"It sure seems like it was a lot. I think there were about fifteen total, plus some girls."

"That sounds like a whole lot to me. Of course Jack's the only guy I've ever been with and we never..."

Taylor stopped talking for a moment.

"What is it, Taylor?"

"Are you sure it's O.K. if I talk about Jack?"

"I don't mind at all. Actually I'm curious about something. Did Jack talk to you about what he and I were doing?"

"Yes. I hope you don't mind, Kristi. He didn't want to, but I swear, I made him."

"I can tell that you're a persuasive young lady, Ms. Taylor," Kristi said with a smile. "I really don't mind at all. See, I don't mind that Jack told you about us. So why would I mind if you talked about what the two of you did?"

"I guess that makes sense, and I'm glad. Anyway Kristi, back to what I was asking..."

"Just a second. What were you gonna say? You and Jack never..."

"Oh, just, we haven't gone all the way, that's all."

"O.K. I didn't want to miss anything you wanted to tell me. Go on."

"So, you were with a bunch of different people. Most of the guys were great. And you were really into ... well, sex, right?"

"That's right."

"So, did you stop liking it at some point? Did it not feel good to be doing that stuff anymore?"

"No, it never stopped being wonderful."

"Were you doing things you didn't want to do? Did anybody try to make you do something you weren't comfortable with?"

"No, never."

"Then, I don't really get it, Kristi."

"Get what, Taylor?"

"I don't really quite see what the problem was. And I don't get what is that you're worried about, for me."

"I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did, that's all. I just ended up feeling really bad about myself. And that's why I wanted my life to be different. That's why I'm trying to make different choices now."

"Like what?"

"Like, not moving too quickly into sexual relationships. Not having more than one going at once. Things like that."

"I'm sorry, Kristi. I'm still not sure I get it. You said you liked most everything you were doing. You liked being sexual, right? You liked having sex?"

"Right. Yes, very much."

"And, the guys you were with weren't jerks who tried to make you do things you didn't want to do. Were the girls you were with really mean to you or something?"

"No, they were mostly really close friends."

"And how about now, Kristi. Have you ... well, if you don't mind my asking ... have you had sex with Jack?"

"No, I don't mind you asking. And no, I haven't."

"You've been going out for like, six months, right?"

"Yeah, about that."

"Don't you like him that way?"

"No, it's not that. I like Jack very much, that way."

"They why haven't you had sex? Didn't he want to?"

"No, he wanted to."

"Kristi, I'm really sorry, but I still don't understand. What was it that made you feel so bad about yourself ... that made you feel like you wanted your life to be so, different?"

"Well, mostly what people thought about me ... what they were saying about me, I guess."

"So, are you telling me that I should do what other people think is right, even if it doesn't feel right for me?"

Kristi pondered Taylor's question.

"No, of course not, Taylor. I would never tell you that."

"Well, um ... I don't mean anything bad by this, I swear. But, isn't that what you're doing, Kristi?"

"I ... uh ... mmm... ," Kristi mumbled as she stared blankly at Taylor. "I don't..."

"I don't mean to be rude or anything ... seriously ... I promise. It's just that, I thought it was pretty cool when you said that you started out like me and all. And I liked what you said about being sexual, and it feeling good and right for you and everything. 'Cause that's how I feel already. But I'm just not understanding why you wanted to be different. Didn't you like yourself?"

Kristi sat speechless, again pondering the words of this girl who was six years her junior.

"Damn, Taylor," Kristi said, allowing a bit of a grin to lift the corners of her mouth.

"What?" Taylor asked innocently.

"Do you know how frickin' smart you are ... how well you understand people?"

"I am ... I do? You really think so?"

"Yes, I really think so."

"Well, like how do you mean?"

Just as Kristi opened her mouth to answer Taylor's question, the girls heard the kitchen door open, and a second later Mrs. Young was setting down grocery bags on the counter.

"Hey," she called out. "Whose car is..."

Just then she looked in through the doorway from the kitchen to the living room and saw whose car it was.

"Kristi! Hi! What brings you here?"

"Hi Mrs. Young," Kristi replied. "I came by to see if Tommy was around."

"Oh, I'm sorry Honey. He's at work, I think."

"I know, Taylor told me. And she asked me in, and we've just been chatting. You know, you have an extremely mature and smart young daughter here, Mrs. Young."

"I know!" she said as she walked in, a friendly smile on her face. "We've really got our hands full with this one, don't we? Hi Sweetie!"

Mrs. Young smiled and winked at her daughter.

"Hi, Mom," Taylor replied. "Kristi was just hanging out."

"That's fine, of course. But Taylor, you're not being too clingy, are you? Kristi probably has other things to be doing. I can tell sometimes that she wishes she had a big sister, Kristi."

"No, she's not at that way at all, Mrs. Young. We're having a nice talk. Sometimes I wish I had a little sister. In fact, I was just going to ask if it's O.K. to take Taylor out for ice cream or something."

"Are you sure you don't mind, Kristi?"

"No, of course not! Wanna go, Taylor?"

"Totally!"

"Here, let me give you some money," Mrs. Young said.

"No, it's my treat, Mrs. Young," Kristi retorted.

"You are the sweetest thing," Mrs. Young said. "It would be really nice for Taylor to have an older girl around to talk to. Without a big sister she's only got Tommy and Jack around most of the time, and I'm sure neither of them are of much interest to her! Well, have fun you two!"

The girls got up, and Taylor followed Kristi out of the house and to her car.​

"You don't have any interest in Tommy, or Jack, do you, Taylor?" Kristi asked as the girls approached her car.

"No!" Taylor said mockingly. "Jack who? Who are you talking about anyway?"

"Me? I'm just talkin', that's all."

"Oh Man ... too funny. So, Kristi, what were you going to say when my mom came in. You were saying something about, how smart I am, and how much I understand people ... I wanna hear more about that!"

"You're a little wiseass too, aren't you?" Kristi said with a smile as they got into the car.

"Sometimes," Taylor replied. "Jack just said that to me too, so it must be true! But seriously, not about me being smart or whatever ... but what were you gonna say?"

"Well Taylor, listening to you has really got me thinking about things."

"Like... ?"

"Like, I didn't have answers for the questions you were asking me, about the things I did in the past. And when you asked me if I was telling you that you should act the way other people want you to, even if it's not what feels right to you ... well..."

Taylor leaned over toward Kristi's side of the car to look more closely at her.

"Kristi ... are you ... are you crying?" she asked.

Kristi screwed her face up slightly and brought the back of her hand to her eye.

"Oh, Man. I can't believe this."

"What, Kristi? What's wrong?"

"Nothing Taylor. Nothing other than the fact that I've been making decisions for other people, and not for myself for the last few years."

"What do you mean?"

Taylor found a small packet of tissue in Kristi's glove compartment and handed her one, which Kristi used to dab at her eyes, while still paying attention to the road ahead.

"Well, I really used to be like you, just like I said. And the thing is, I was happy. I liked myself, I felt good about myself. And damn it, I liked sex! I fucking loved it!" She took a brief glance at Taylor. "Oh, sorry about that, Taylor."

"It's O.K., Kristi. Since I've been with Jack, I've gotten totally used to saying things like fuck!"

"I'll bet you have. Not to mention being around your brother. Anyway, I liked who I used to be. I used to not care what anybody thought. I'm not saying there aren't a few things I would do differently. I probably would be a little more discreet at times. But what I do, what you do is nobody's business but yours, and the person you're doing it with."

"I like the sound of that. It makes sense."

"So do I, Taylor. So, how did all this start for you, anyway? I mean, how did you know you wanted to know more about sex and all?"

"Well, all of a sudden, I wanted to be naked ... in front of somebody. And pretty soon, I knew it was Jack. I wanted so badly to show him my boobs."

"Ha! That is so funny!"

"Why is it funny?"

"Because when I knew something was happening inside me, all I wanted to do was to run around naked, showing off my body."

"Really? That is amazing."

"So Taylor ... why Jack? Are you like, in love with him?"

"Oh no. No, that's not how I feel. I think it's because I feel like he knows me better than any other guy, except my dad of course. And my dad can't even get near my bra, much less ... well, you know. I've just known Jack all my life, or at least that's how it feels. I can trust him. He pays attention to me. And I don't think he'd ever hurt me. He's a really good guy."

"He is, you're right. I get that. So, how far have you gotten, again?"

"Well, kind of all the way but not, all the way ... completely."

By then they had arrived at the ice cream shop.

"You wanna go inside?" Kristi asked.

"Can we get something and then bring it back out to the car and keep talking?"

"Better yet, you wanna come over to my house? I live like, two blocks from here."

Soon they were getting back into Kristi's car, ice cream cones in hand, and heading back to Kristi's house. No one was home when they arrived. Kristi led Taylor into the kitchen and they sat at the table with their frosty treats.