Chapter 15

Mary

I was astonished to hear that I was a factor in Phil's decision making process regarding his choice of job. I did not want to have the responsibility of that weighing on my shoulders.

"Phil I hardly know you and I don't think I should be any part of your decision making process regarding your job." I told him.

"I am aware of that," Phil said. "I am not asking you to make any kind of commitment. I merely want to know if you are ready to think about new relationships as well as new jobs. If you are, I will make that a part of my decision making process. If you are not, then it will still be a part of my decision process. But as to what I decide you have no responsibility for that. It is entirely down to me."

"Until you asked me to dinner, Phil, I had never even thought about a relationship with another man. However, now that it has come up and now that I am seeing my life change, I would not rule it out," I told him, "I have to stress again though, that I know very little about you and the things I have heard are not making sense in the light of things you have said to me tonight. You are very perceptive about your family relationships. You have also been very bold in your approach to me. Perhaps even over bold I might as well say; because I certainly was not ready for that."

"I am sorry that you feel that way," Phil replied. "I know my family's view of me regarding women, but they do not know the reason why I am a forty year old Bachelor. If you are interested enough I will tell you my story. You will find that it has many echoes with your own."

I was intrigued by that statement. Since he had never married, I could not see any similarities possible with my bereavement. So I smiled at him and said,

"I am always willing to listen Phil."

Phil looked at me thoughtfully for a moment or two. It was as if he was trying to make up his mind whether or not to go ahead with his revelation.

"When I finished my degree at Glasgow University," he told me. "I had a first class honours degree and my professor encouraged me to go on and get my Ph.D. He spoke to his friend who was a history professor at Stirling and he got me a place on the Ph.D. program there. This carried with it a position that required me to take some lectures with the first year students to defray the costs. I did not need that because I was more than able to support myself and in the end it just complicated things for me."

"How did it do that," I asked him. "I know you had money but it would be good experience for you"

He smiled at me and said,

"That is true, but it also made me a member of staff, as well as a student, that was the problem. You see I fell in love with an 18 year old student and it wasn't long before she had moved into my apartment, which fortunately was some way outside the town. It was not difficult to keep our affair secret because most students did not regard me as a member of staff and so the relationship carried on for eighteen months."

"Your family never mentions that. They talk as if you have never had a relationship with any woman before," I told him.

"There is a good reason for that. I never told them," He informed me. "I did not want them to know I was living with one of my students. Since I was hardly ever at home during this period it is not surprising they know nothing about it. It was my intention to wait until I finished my doctorate then take a year out. At that time I would have bought her an engagement ring and we would have fixed a date for the wedding."

"So what happened?" I asked. "For by this time I was caught up in his story."

"Two things," he said, "I had a bad fall in a climbing accident." The timing could not have been worse; for I was knocked out and unconscious I came round in the hospital and although two days later I was discharged as events transpired that fall probably changed my entire life. It was about a week after I was discharged from hospital my girlfriend told me she had missed her period.

We were not too worried about this because we both knew I could afford to hire someone to look after the baby when needed in order to give her the chance to finish her degree. We could also keep it secret until the end of term and then I would no longer be in the employ of the university for I had already been told that my thesis was up to the mark and only the outside assessors had to confirm that it was worth the award of my doctorate."

He paused at this stage and I could see he was becoming distressed. I reached out and took his hand,

"Tell me what happened Phil; I get a feeling it must have been something really bad."

"A week later I began taking black outs and then while we were alone in the house, I had an epileptic style fit. I think it terrified her." I was rushed to hospital. The fit we were told was probably a result of the bang on the head and we were warned that sometimes this could trigger epilepsy. But they also told us it might just be a one off and that it was possible it would pass. But while I was still in the hospital I took another one and then another one after that. They concluded it could be the start of epilepsy and decided to try me on the medicines for controlling epilepsy. Moira, my girlfriend was present on both occasions and these fits obviously terrified her.

To cut a long story short she could not take the thought of life with a man who was diagnosed as an epileptic. Not only did she leave me, she aborted the baby and I was devastated. The irony is the drugs controlled the fits and within two years I was weaned off them and I have never had another fit since."

"Oh Phil, I am so sorry. That must have been dreadful for you," I told him. You must have been devastated.

"I was" he told me. "I was so badly hurt by her leaving and by the thought she had aborted our child without even talking to me about it, that I wanted nothing to do with a relationship with a woman for years afterwards."

"I take it you did not tell your family any of this? I asked.

"I told them about my fall and the fits that were resulting from it. Since the fits stopped and have never returned, it was decided it probably wasn't epilepsy but probably some malfunction of the brain due to the fall. The fact that they continued for so long could have been the result of the trauma that followed the accident, Moira deserting me and the loss of the baby. Then as I came to terms with what happened they became less frequent and finally stopped."

So that explains why your family thinks you have problems about asking women out and talking to them." I said.

"I never really had a problem talking to women." He told me, "It is just that I adopted a lifestyle in which they did not figure largely. My hobbies of hill walking and for years before that of climbing meant I associated mainly with men."

I smiled and said,

"Your family have obviously interpreted your actions differently."

He laughed and said,

"That is probably because I spurned their attempts to fix me up with suitable young ladies and in the early days and for several years afterwards could be downright blunt and sometimes rude with the poor girls they tried to match me with."

"So you feel now, that you could have a relationship with someone?" I asked.

"Yes as I say, you stirred feelings within me that were long dormant so I thought I would broach the subject with you. It seems though that I have not done it very well and I have offended you. I am sorry."

"You have not offended me Phil, I just don't want you to take a job and then find that we are not really compatible." I told him. "Whether you take the Lancaster Job or not, we can still explore a relationship if you wish. A flight from Manchester to Glasgow or vice versa is not all that expensive if you book early enough. So make up your mind on the merits of the job and whether or not you want or need the change and we will see how things go."

"I will do that, and in the meantime let's finish our meal." He told me.

I was left with much to think about after hearing his story. I wondered how much impact the head injury had on his withdrawal from sharing his pain with his family. But this was his secret and if he wanted them to know it was up to him to tell them. We certainly had a lot of painful memories and hurt in common. Him more so than me, I thought, at least I had my wonderful son."

Rory

Mum was out on a date with Phil and they were going back to Ruth and David's place afterwards, so we had the house to ourselves. We both worked in the kitchen and rustled up a meal which we decided to eat at the kitchen table.

"I wonder how soon mum will get the small business project of the ground. I hope it will be in time to stave off any problem for Jessie's family." Rebecca said.

"We can make sure that it get's priority treatment if the amount isn't too big." I told her. "I think your mum would agree to that."

"I am sure she would too," Rebecca replied. "After all it was her plight that has sparked this whole thing off. There is nothing like a sobbing woman to transform my brilliant boyfriend into a Sir Galahad." She said grinning.

"If you had heard her story first you would have wanted to do something about it as well." I replied.

"Oh as the saying goes I would have given her tea and sympathy," she responded. "But I don't think I would have come up with an idea like yours. So that would not have done her much good would it?"

"Of course it would because you would have told your brilliant boyfriend and he would have come up with his great idea anyway." I told her, "So the end result would have been the same, except that I would not be being mocked for my chivalry."

She laughed at my response and said in a Dobby like voice from Harry Potter,

"Not mocked sir; never mocked. Becky would never do that to her gallant boyfriend."

I joined in her laughter and then said,

"I think a certain young woman may be the one that is heading for a spanking if she keeps that up."

"Oh my," she said. "I wonder what my response would be to that if you think yours is wild."

Pretending to tremble at this I said, "On second thoughts maybe my idea of a spanking was not one of my better ones."

"Oh I don't know," she said, "Maybe you just had the wrong one doing the spanking."

I laughed and told her,

"I am beginning to get worried; I think you are beginning to have a fetish about spanking my bottom."

"No I am not." She replied, "I admit it turns me one, but don't you think it might be because I crave the response you have to it."

"You could provoke that response in me any time you like my lady, you don't have to spank. Just ask and you will receive."

She borrowed my lines and said,

"Promises, Promises. And what's more you want to deny your lady one of her small pleasures."

I took a leaf out of her book and mimicked Dobby.

"Not deny, my lady, never deny, just postpone."

At that we both had a fit of the giggles. We are after all just horny teenagers and can let the child in us out to play quite often.

After dinner we went through to the lounge and turned on the telly and picked a movie. We both agreed that we could watch again, Fortnights Notice with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant. We had just finished watching when the phone rang. I picked it up and it was Ruth

"Hi mum!" I said "Are you calling for something special?"

"Yes" She said. "We would like to send John round to pick you up to discuss your proposal to help Jessie's family. I know it is Saturday night but your mum is here with Phil and David and I. So if you and Becky come we could discuss it this evening if you want"

I laughed and said,

"There must be some sort of telepathy at work here. Becky and I were discussing that a bit earlier and we felt that we should speak to you about hurrying it along. So we are more than happy to get started on it."

"Well John is available so we will have him pick you up in about fifteen minutes," Ruth told me.

When I hung up I passed the news on to Rebecca.

"Curses!" She said with a smile. "Just as I was thinking about having my wicked way with you."

"Well you can save that for later and I will place myself at your disposal my lady," I told her.

"I might just hold you to that," she replied. "And push to see how far at my disposal you are willing to place yourself."

"Oh!" I said with a grin, "My lady seems to be in one of her dominant moods perhaps I should start trembling now"

"You probably should," she said with that evil look she likes to direct to me at these times. "But in the meantime we had better get ready so that we can go when John arrives."

We had just prepared ourselves when the doorbell rang. We both opened the door and I said to John,