Chapter 9: A Campfire Conversation

The stars, hidden by a thin layer of clouds, did nothing to dispel the darkness of the night of a new moon. The wood, burning inside the fire ring, gave forth a weak light that held back little of the darkness. The warmth and the small amount smoke the fire produced, was sufficient to keep the trio gathered around the fire from getting too close to it. Faces glowed softly in the light while the rest of the world disappeared in the blackness surrounding them. It created an atmosphere that allowed a reserved intimacy to emerge among those gathered there.

“It’s kind of strange having your parents dating,” Will said.

“I don’t think so,” Sarah said.

Dexter said, “It is a little strange. When we were married, we would have just called that night ‘an evening out.’ Now, it’s a ‘date.’”

“I don’t remember you and Mom going out, except on your anniversaries,” Will said.

“We went out a couple evenings a month when you were small, then we got too busy,” Dexter said.

That was the whole story. At one time, his life had been pretty good, but then he got too busy. Everyone got too busy to take care of the important things in life.

“So how was the date?” Sarah asked.

Staring into the fire, Dexter answered, “I think it went well. We ate dinner and talked. Then we went to a music club, and listened to some jazz.”

“Jazz?” Will asked.

“I’ve come to like it,” Dexter said.

“I’ve never listened to Jazz,” Sarah said.

Dexter said, “It isn’t all that common, now. You don’t hear it in any of the movies. We don’t have a radio station that plays it. I never paid much attention to it, until I went to the jazz club. I’m not going to say that I know much about, but I like listening to it.”

“You can always listen to it on the internet,” Will said.

Dexter said, “That’s one of the good things that the internet has brought about.”

He would have said that was about the only thing good about the internet, but he didn’t. Having access to information on nearly every topic under the sun wasn’t bad. Of course, that didn’t mean the information was of great quality. His website was part of that cacophony of information out there, too.

“All of that is interesting,” Sarah said, “but what I really want to know is how your date went.”

“We talked a lot. It was pleasant,” Dexter said.

It had been pleasant talking to Janet. In a way, it had been a real first date, with the pair of them trying to discover the interests of the other. One would think that after being married for so many years they would have known everything about the other, but that night had pointed out how far apart they had become.

Sarah asked, “Did you connect?”

“Connect?”

“Did it feel right?”

Dexter answered, “It felt a whole lot better than my dates with Ann.”

“Ann?” Sarah asked with a sudden chill in her voice. “Who’s Ann?”

“She’s a real estate agent I met at the place where I occasionally have breakfast,” Dexter explained.

“You dog! Dating two women,” Will said with a touch of pride in his voice.

“You asshole! Dating two women,” Sarah said disgustedly.

“I’m not dating two women. I had two dates with Ann, and then one date with your mother,” Dexter said.

“You shouldn’t have dated anyone other than Mother,” Sarah declared as if it was a fact that should be obvious to anyone.

“We’re divorced. I can date anyone I want,” Dexter said without heat.

“So are you going to go out with this ‘Ann’ woman again?” Sarah asked.

“No,” Dexter answered.

Samantha’s comments about Ann accepting his word that he was divorced despite having direct evidence to the contrary had soured his opinion of the woman. It made him wonder if she was not all that particular about the men she dated. There had also been a few hints during their first date that she would be high maintenance, particularly her comments about the restaurant where they ate. His second date with Ann had reinforced that impression.

Sarah asked, “Why not?”

Dexter held up his left hand. The gold metal, in the weak light of the fire, flashed almost too brightly against the darkness.

“Jeeze! You’re still wearing your wedding ring,” Sarah said staring at the gold band.

“I just can’t bring myself to take it off,” Dexter said.

“Whoa!”

“I guess you’re not over Mother.”

“Samantha pointed that out to me after I had my date with Ann. It kind of made me wonder about Ann. What was she doing dating a guy who was wearing a wedding ring, and was mostly likely married?” Dexter said.

A piece of wood in the fire settled, causing another to shift. Dexter reached out and picked up a stick. He pushed the two pieces closer together and stirred the coals to increase the fire a little. After a second, a small flame appeared.

Will asked, “How do you know how to do that?”

“Do what?” Dexter asked.

“Stir the fire,” Will answered.

Dexter said, “You mean how do I know how to tend the fire?”

“I guess,” Will said.

Dexter answered, “I don’t really remember when I learned how to tend a fire. It’s actually pretty easy. A fire needs three things: fuel, heat, and oxygen. Tending a fire is a matter of putting all three together. The fuel is kind of obvious. That’s the wood. You have to keep the burning logs close enough together so that the heat from one helps the other to burn. You also have to make sure that they can get enough oxygen to keep burning.”

“Neat,” Will said.

Dexter said, “You were never in the Boy Scouts.”

“That’s right,” Will said. “It wasn’t a big thing in school.”

“It’s a shame. You could have learned a lot in Scouts,” Dexter said.

“Like what?”

“Like how to start a fire and to tend it,” Dexter answered.

“What’s so tough about starting a fire?” Will asked. “You take a lighter and light the starter log.”

Dexter laughed. “The way I lit the fire was cheating. When I was in the Scouts, we had to do it without matches, or lighters, or starter logs from the grocery store.”

“You were in the Scouts?” Will asked.

“Yes, I was. I’m really sorry you didn’t get a chance to participate in it,” Dexter said. “Being in the scouts teaches you about citizenship, honor, and duty. It teaches you about self-reliance. It teaches you about how to survive in the wilderness.”

“I don’t see where those things are important,” Will said.

That comment nearly left Dexter speechless.

Dexter asked, “What do you mean?”

Will answered, “We learned about civil rights in school. Besides, we were born in this country, so we’re automatically citizens. We don’t have to ‘get’ citizenship. Honor and duty are basically military concepts, and we’re civilians. If you can’t do something for yourself, then you just hire someone to do it. And lastly, who goes into the wilderness?”

“Oh ... my ... God!” Dexter exclaimed.

Sarah said, “You looked shocked.”

“I’m dismayed.”

“Why?” Will asked.

“Citizenship isn’t about civil rights or a gift of birth based upon where you were born. Citizenship is about your conduct as a citizen of your community, state, nation, and world. It’s about being active in your community and giving of yourself so that the country, and the world as a whole, is a better place. It’s about volunteering to help others. It’s about obeying the laws, and observing the customs of your country.

“Honor and duty are more than military concepts. Honor is about respect. Being honorable is about acting in a manner such that you are worthy of respect. It’s about your word, your promise, being meaningful. It’s about making promises to do the right things, and then living up to those promises to the best of your ability. Honor, once lost, can never be regained. Honor isn’t consistent with moral relativism. It requires a real sense of right and wrong.

“Duty is about meeting your obligations to the best of your ability. These are not things that you want to do, but things that you have to do, because there is no one else to do them. I took upon myself an obligation to feed, cloth, shelter, and educate the two of you, from the day that you were born. My duty, as your parent, meant that I had to work. No matter what else you may think of me, you will have to admit that I have done my duty to the best of my ability.

“I don’t even know where to begin with the importance of self-reliance. All I know is that there will be times when you are on your own. There will be no one there to help you. You can get a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. Self-reliance is about knowing how to change the tire yourself.

“Maybe knowing how to survive in the wilderness is a skill that most people won’t need in the modern world, but that misses the point. Survival is a mindset, in which one figures out the rules of the game from scratch. Then one functions within those rules, using generic skills one has developed for survival. It’s about adapting to changing circumstances, and overcoming any situation that comes your way. Knowing how to start a fire, with nothing, is useful in the woods. It’s also useful when the power goes out in the middle of a snowstorm. That’s knowing how to survive.