Chapter 10: A Return of Sorts

The experience at the cabin affected Dexter more than he could have expected. While living at the cabin had been a great break, he knew that he had been trying to hold on to a moment that couldn’t last. The trip to Carson City had been fun, but a life spent gambling and whoring wasn’t exactly his ideal.

With nowhere in the country calling him, Dexter decided that he might as well return to the town where he had lived for so many years. It wasn’t that he felt homesick for the place. It was just that he knew where things were, and he was comfortable there.

Dexter made the trip from Carson City back to his home town. He didn’t try to make great time since nothing demanded that he reach his destination at a certain time. He chose to stop at any place that looked or sounded interesting. There were a lot of interesting things to see. It took him three weeks to make the trip across country.

On his return, he stayed a couple of nights in a hotel, before signing a lease on a small two bedroom apartment. It was an unfurnished apartment, so he made four separate expeditions to local stores to furnish the apartment with the essentials.

His first expedition focused on the bedroom. Rather than a king or queen sized bed, he went with a ‘full size.’ He got a small dresser to hold his underwear and socks. He purchased a simple bedside table for an alarm clock and a lamp, and had bought an alarm clock and lamp to put on it.

His second shopping expedition was to furnish the living room. He purchased a comfortable recliner, a simple loveseat, and a set of stacking TV trays. He couldn’t see filling the living room with much more stuff than that, though he did want the stuff he got to be comfortable.

His third trip was to furnish his ‘office’ ... ie: the second bedroom. He spent more on the office than the previous two rooms combined. He filled the room with a desk, two book cases, a computer station, and the nicest leather chair for the desk that he could find. He also spent four hours at an office supply place picking up basic office supplies. He also spent a fortune on a top of the line computer, a printer, and a wireless router. It was at the office supply place that he finally killed the debit card he had gotten from the casino.

His fourth shopping expedition was to furnish the kitchen. That turned out to be: glasses, dishes, silverware, a microwave, coffee maker, and a set of pots and pans. It was a minimal kitchen, but he wasn’t all that interested in cooking. He figured that most of his suppers would be microwave meals. If he wanted something a little better than that, he would go to a restaurant.

Leasing and furnishing the apartment had eaten up a week of time. It was just a few days short of being three months since he had been fired. So far he had been drifting without any real goals in mind. There was the idea of trying to start some sort of worker rebellion, but it was still at the idea stage.

He left the house and headed over to his lawyer’s office to check up on things. He didn’t make an appointment, figuring that if Mark was busy, he would just go somewhere else. Much to his surprise, Mark was out in the front office chatting with the secretary.

“Hello, Mark,” Dexter said.

Mark said, “Hey, Dexter. What brings you here?”

“I just figured I’d swing by and see how things are going,” Dexter answered.

“We’re making progress on the lawsuit. It looks like we’re going to get millions out of it,” Mark said with a grin.

Mark had come to like Dexter a lot. It helped that Dexter had dropped so much business in his lap.

“How soon until we see any money?” Dexter asked.

“This one will take more than a year. They are going to try to wear us down,” Mark answered.

“That’s what I figured,” Dexter said.

Dexter stood there in the lobby of the office looking around. Mark could see that the man was kind of at loose ends. From his past conversations with Dexter, he knew that the man didn’t have any real friends. He figured Dexter had come to the office just to kill some time in conversation.

Mark said, “Come on back to my office and we’ll chat a little.”

“Okay,” Dexter said.

Mark gestured Dexter to go into the office. Standing behind Dexter, he flashed his hand to the secretary three times to let her know to call him in fifteen minutes. In the office, Mark settled behind his desk, after getting Dexter safely ensconced in a chair.

He asked, “So, what have you been up to?”

“I’ve been moving into an apartment,” Dexter answered.

“You’re giving up the nomadic life, eh?”

Dexter shrugged his shoulders and answered, “I guess. I was just kind of drifting around and doing nothing.”

“So what are you doing now?” Mark asked.

“Drifting around and doing nothing,” Dexter answered.

Mark said, “I still hear from your wife on occasion. She wants to know how to get in touch with you.”

“Fuck her,” Dexter replied.

“You might think about talking to her,” Mark said.

Dexter said, “What in the hell for? She texted me that she wanted a divorce. I file for one and she changes her mind. What in the hell kind of crap is that?”

“I think that might be the reason you need to talk to her,” Mark said.

“I don’t want to talk to her,” Dexter said.

He knew that he sounded like a petulant child, but his feelings were still hurt. He wasn’t even sure how he would react to seeing her. Part of him wanted to cry and part of him wanted to hit her. He wasn’t sure what part would win.

Mark said, “You need the closure.”

“I figure she was fucking some guy and wanted to move in with him. After she told me that she wanted the divorce, the guy backed out,” Dexter said.

“You don’t know that,” Mark said.

He knew that one of the leading causes of divorce was infidelity. It was right up there with a lack of communication and growing apart. He wasn’t sure, but he figured that a lack of communication had been a big part of why Janet had asked for a divorce.

“You’re right. I didn’t hang around long enough to get proof of her cheating ass. I don’t care who he was or why she was fucking around,” Dexter said.

“How about the kids? Have you talked to them?” Mark asked.

“No. They probably haven’t even noticed that I’m gone. They are fine without me,” Dexter said.

Mark said, “You can’t be serious about that.”

“I’m very serious,” Dexter said.

The evenings at home had given Dexter ample proof that his kids were totally indifferent to his presence in the house. All attempts at communicating with them had fallen flat. At most, they asked about food. He didn’t need their help in feeling like a non-entity.

Mark said, “Do you mind if I go out on a limb here?”

“What?”

Mark said, “It’s not my place to say anything, but I fear that you are exhibiting a lot of the classic symptoms of depression.”

“Bullshit,” Dexter said.

Mark had expected that reaction. Holding up his hands as if to fend off an attack, he said, “Now hear me out before you dismiss my concerns.”

“Okay.”

“You’ve been kicked in the gut by your wife, and it wasn’t even nice the way she did it. That’s a horrible thing to have happen to you. You’re embroiled in the middle of a lawsuit, and that’s kind of stressful. You’ve lost your job, and you have given up on your career. That’s not an easy change in lifestyle.”

“That’s true,” Dexter said.

The hardest thing to deal with was spare time. Going from having none to having too much was something he hadn’t been prepared to handle. He was left just sitting around doing nothing, and unable to think of something to do. All of his failures seemed to come back to haunt him.

Mark said, “You’ve been drifting for three months without finding anything to interest you. You’re lonely, bored, and without direction. That’s got to be depressing.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Dexter said surrendering a point. “That doesn’t mean I’m crazy.”

“I didn’t say you were crazy. I just said that you were exhibiting symptoms of depression,” Mark said.

“So what do you suggest that I do?” Dexter asked.

“How about visiting a counselor who can help you put what’s going on in your life, into a different perspective?” Mark asked.