Say it with Flowers

Kevin had been in the pub with his mates since leaving the office. "Another one, lads? My shout."

He rose unsteadily, staggered to the bar, winked at the busty barmaid and ordered more beers. She flashed him her stunning smile in return. When his mobile phone rang, he looked at the screen before answering and let out a resigned sigh.

"Hey, Sal."

"Where the fuck are you, arsehole? It's fucking Valentine's Day!"

"Eh?"

"We were going for dinner. At Chico's. That posh Italian place."

"Fuck, yeah. Sorry. I forgot. I'll be right over."

"There's no point, we've missed the booking. No blow-jobs for you for at least a month."

"I'll come round anyway. Pick up a pizza and a DVD."

"All right. But get a good film, nothing violent. And no bloody pineapple on the pizza."

"Oklay."

"And I expect you to go down on me for at least an hour by way of apology. Got it?"

Kevin left the pub to calls of 'pussy-whipped', stopped at the video store and rented a chick flick and ordered a chicken and mushroom special from the pizza take-away. His route to Sally's took him past St. Gregory's. There must have been a wedding earlier in the day, because a discarded flower arrangement lay in the church-yard. He checked no one was watching and then scooped up the bouquet, his beer-soaked brain convinced Sally would be chuffed.

He was wrong.

After he'd given her the flowers, she went all cold-shouldered on him.

"What's wrong?"

"Don't you know?"

Kevin shook his head. "Aren't they nice flowers?"

"Oh, lovely. But you stole them?"

"How do you know?"

"Read the card."

Kevin did. "Bye Mum. We'll miss you."

Sally frowned. "How low can you get, huh? We better make it two hours, don't you think?"