Chapter 7

Glossary

Hebrew (Jewish) calendar: Explaining the Jewish calendar would take pages and pages. Essentially, it is a lunar calendar that corrects itself against the solar (Gregorian) calendar over the course of a nineteen year cycle, as opposed to the Muslim calendar which does not correct itself. Jewish holidays stay in the original season, while Muslim holidays drift backwards through the secular calendar. Chanukah, as a result, can begin as early as the very end of November and as late as just after Christmas.

L'chaim: Traditional toast at a celebration (literally 'to life')

Contrary to what he'd said to Abby, David hadn't slept well for the past few weeks. Nighttime erections had been bothering him for some time, occasionally to the point of awakening him. On top of that, over the past few days the head of his penis had become very sensitive, painfully so. It felt as if it was being scraped with starched linen. Following his habit of neglecting his health, he ignored it to get the business launched quickly.

That morning, Friday, he began making those sales calls that weren't sales calls, speaking to contacts at the companies he'd done work for over the years. Timidly at first, he informed them that he was no longer working for Dennis and Advanced Graphics. Some knew that he'd left and had been shocked to hear of it. Most of the rest had been shocked when he told them. The ones who had already known, to a man, had wanted to talk to David, but didn't know how to reach him. The favorable responses increased his confidence.

They asked, "Where will you be working?" or "What are your plans?" or just "What are we supposed to do now?"

Personalizing his script, David informed them that he was starting his own studio and would be ready to work in two weeks. He heard things like, "Not until then?" and "Email your contact information so we can get a hold of you when we have something," and "Oh, thank God," and "By the way, what's your web address?"

'Oh, shit! Now I know who the missing team member is.'

By the end of the afternoon he was halfway through the list and figured he had ten firm clients and another two dozen probable or occasional accounts. He called Bob to keep him up to date.

"David, you need to get up and running as quickly as you can. I don't want to believe it myself, but y'all have a shot at breaking even your first month. Nobody does that. Don't lose your momentum whatever you do."

He called Abby to give her the good news and mentioned the need to hire a web designer.

"I can give you the name of someone I know through United Charities. He's done a lot of small websites and the ones I've seen are great. Tell him I sent you and he'll give you priority."

"Thanks. I wasn't sure where to start looking."

"I just realized. Monday, you're supposed to get the software and Tuesday, the hardware. That means that by Friday you should be working, right?"

"Right."

"So you'll be letting all these people know that they can send you jobs, right?"

"Right."

"So while you're doing all this work, who will be answering the phone when more work comes in?"

Silence reigned.

"Maybe you should set it up so that you can make your line ring over here when you need it to."

"Right. Have I told you today that you're wonderful?"

"No, but don't let that stop you."

He made time to attend services the next morning, but was hard at work roughing out a website in the afternoon. He couldn't write code, but he was an artist and he was the owner. He knew what would look good and what he had to have. Well, as far as he knew. He expected the web designer, having worked on several hundred sites, would give him even more ideas. Still, the more detailed the plans he handed the designer, the faster it would be done.

He made time to work on his family portrait, though. David was determined to not fall back into the trap of working 24/7 and ignoring his life. Mack's portrait was safely put away and he would make time to deliver it. The weekend didn't seem like a good time to go visiting a bartender.

Abby still declined to join them on Sundays. The boys were enthusiastic when the poor weather brought them to the science museum. The entire building was kid-friendly and the exhibits mostly hands-on. They had a blast.

David joined them for supper again. Abby smiled throughout and touched him frequently. Conversation after the kids were in bed moved back and forth between work and personal.

The next week was an ordeal that David hoped to never experience again. He worked seventy hours in five days. He set up the workstation, loaded the software, upgraded the telephone service, contacted the balance of the client list, hired a web designer and web host, approved the temporary website design (which included a portal for customers to submit jobs), emailed his rate sheet, and a hundred other things which culminated in his first jobs from Bob and three others. It had been a busy two weeks and it had turned his life around.

One thing David insisted on was both a due date and a must have, drop-dead date. He would schedule his work around those dates and would financially discourage clients from dropping things on him at the last minute. His intention was to not work on weekends.

After Sabbath services, David again asked Jack to step away and talk.

"Do you remember back in my senior year of high school, our youth group sponsored a hayrack ride?"

"I remember you and Paul had a hay ride, but nothing special about it."

"Well, getting out of the wagon, my leg found a nail that was poking through a broken board. I was kind of lucky, because, while the cut was deep enough to need stitches, it didn't damage the muscle. At least I don't limp because of it. The docs were a little worried at the time."

"I remember now. Your mother was very upset; she was worried about tetanus."

"Yeah, that's Mom. Anyway, I ended up with twenty-three stitches and an ugly scar. Jack, the scar is gone."

"Gone?"

"My calf is clear and smooth. Well, except for the hair."

"What can I say, David. Enjoy the gift. Who knows what else is in store?"

"Amen."

He relaxed over the balance of the weekend. He drew. He played with his children. On the way to bring the boys home on Sunday, they stopped at a florist.

Presenting the bouquet to Abby, he said, "I need to thank you for all you've done. There is no way I could have pulled this off without you. This is only a small token of the gratitude and thankfulness I have for you."

His instinct was to back his speech up with a hug and, this time, he did not restrain himself. He did, however, angle himself as that damned itching was back, and so was the erection. His sons had been antsy since he'd announced the stop. Seeing their parents like this, they smiled at each other and gripped hands tightly. Their hopes soared.

The next week proved Bob to be a prophet. David was working fewer hours than he had before and netting the same money, even considering his loan and increased expenses. Once the loan was paid off half of the loan payment would be his, also. Bob insisted that, from day one, David pay himself a salary. He stated that, despite the agreement, if he had to wait a little while to get the loan paid back, he would wait. It looked like waiting would not be necessary.

Of course, David had to collect from his customers first. Making collection calls was not something he was looking forward to doing, but maybe he could push most of those off on Abby. 'If I'm going to stick her with the lousy jobs, I'll have to pay her.'

David established a new routine. He ate some meals with his family and some in the apartment. He saw Abby almost every day to give her the billing, and they spoke several times by phone each day. Every evening, before going to bed, he drew. Every night, before he fell asleep, he thought about Abby and what he should do, finding no answers, just more questions.

David was happier than he'd been in years, but he wasn't content. He was far more confident in his abilities, he was relaxed, he was drawing again, but his future felt uncertain. He felt stymied. Sunday night, as he lay in bed, he decided the time had come to deliver Mack's drawing. Perhaps the man could offer further insights.

Tuesday afternoon David carried his portfolio case into the Derry Tap. Mack spotted him immediately and called out, "Well, look what the wind's blown in. How are you doing, David?"

"I haven't felt better in years and years. I started my new business and I'm already working, and billing clients."

"That's terrific. It deserves one on the house. What'll you have?"

"I'm not much of a drinker. How about a bourbon and branch."

Mack poured a short one.

"Here you go, boyo. May your success continue till the end of days. May the road rise up to meet you, and may the wind be ever at your back."

"L'chaim." As David took a cautious sip, Mack regarded him closely.

"And how is your bonnie Abby?"

"She's fine, thank you, the boys too."

"And how are things between you?"

David shrugged.

"Don't be an ass, David. It's obvious you want to talk about her, so don't make me drag it out of you."

"Sorry, you're right. Things are both wonderful and confusing. Do you remember what's on our list? Well, I gave her honesty an A. Openness is an A-, since we still haven't talked about her crying fit that night. Reliability, no one could expect or ask for more; trustworthiness, the same. Interest is also the same. Fit, I just can't be sure and that's where I'm just plain confused."

"What has you baffled?"

I can't be sure about our fit without moving things forward, and I don't want to move things forward when I'm so unsure about the results. I just don't know what to do."

Mack reached into the till, took out an old-fashioned silver dollar, and set it to spinning on the bar. It quickly slowed and wobbled, eventually dropping and lying still. He picked it up and turned it this way and that, showing David both the face and the reverse.

"This is what love is about, David. You can't have one side of the coin without the other. You can't open yourself to love without opening yourself to pain and disappointment. You have to either take a leap of faith and open yourself up, or else shut yourself off. Either be fearful or fearless. Decide which you want, as those are your only two choices.

"Another thing about two sides that you've not come to grips with. Abby closed herself off to you after you'd shut yourself off from her with your work. I'd wager that you stopped showing interest in her before she stopped showing interest in you."

David looked stunned.

"Sit there and finish your drink while you consider that for a while."

Having had his say, Mack moved to the other end of the bar and poured a beer for one of his regulars. The man raised his eyebrows while glancing toward David.

"A decent lad, but he just hasn't lived long enough yet."

The other man nodded, and started to discuss last night's game.

David nursed his drink and chewed over the advice. The more he thought about his situation, the lower he felt. He began to realize how unfair he had been. Where before he felt aggrieved, he now felt he'd been self-righteous. That slight, subtle subconscious anger shifted from Abby to himself.

He had, David acknowledged, closed himself off in his little bubble before she had had closed herself off. She had been unable rely on him to be there for her well before he found that he couldn't rely on her. She had pushed him out of her life only after ... He paused, knowing he could probably go on all day finding he was the source of most all of the problems.

Mack had been reading David's face and walked back over.

"You're not a drinker and now's not the time to start. Your grandfather may have answers, but Old Grand Dad never has. I can see that you've come to the truth of it. Go on and get yourself home. Choose how long you're going to be angry or sad or mourn the past. Then you need to decide what you're going to do about it."

"You haven't steered me wrong yet, and that sounds like, well, sound advice. I guess I could get carried away with blaming myself after all this time of blaming her. Either you're that good, or I'm more typical than I thought."

"A little of both," Mack laughed.

"I needed to talk to you, but the main reason I came by was to give you this."

David opened the portfolio and carefully removed the oversized piece of heavyweight paper within. It was matted, but not framed. He turned the drawing toward Mack and placed it in his hands.

Mack gazed at a picture of himself seated on a park bench, his legs crossed with one arm thrown over the back of the bench. Drawn in pencil and charcoal, the likeness was unmistakable. Mack felt himself getting emotional.

"It's a grand picture and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm afraid the smog in here will damage it eventually, but I'll put in a place of honor for a few months at least."

He moved aside several bottles behind the bar to make space. Patrons who'd been watching the presentation admired the portrait, but refused to say so directly. Instead, friendly catcalls were sent his way only to be caught on the fly and thrown back. It was easily seen that Mack was not merely a bartender; he was a beloved member of a community.

"I needed to find a way to thank you for your advice, and since you're the one responsible for starting me drawing again, I felt you should get the first one."

"You're welcome for the advice and I'm glad to see that you're drawing again. It's obvious you've the talent and the experience, as well. You do fine work. Thank you again.

"Now I'm going to throw you out of here before you start buying rounds for the house and I have to pour you into a taxi. You're a respectable businessman now and it wouldn't look right. As it is, you're playing hooky. Who's minding the store?"

"Abby."

"Is that so! More to it. Don't be a stranger, but you've more important things in your life than a barstool."

The men shook hands and David walked out, pausing in the doorway to turn and wave.

The best part of being his own boss, he decided, was setting his own priorities and hours. Both Bob and his SCORE mentor, Don, had beaten it into his head that he was incredibly lucky to be bringing in as much work as he was. Bob had set up the finances so that David would be drawing a salary even if no money was coming in.

David's boss had allowed him to take a long, late dinner to thank Mack Sullivan. Now he considered his workload and decided to take off the rest of the afternoon.

He now carried a cell phone, whereas before he had deemed it an unnecessary luxury. As a business owner, it was essential. David's web guru had been aghast at what he'd found and signed on as his telecommunications guru. Abby still helped out, but his backup computer now could answer the phone and forward critical voice mails to his cell phone. The weather was nice enough, and the bench where he'd met Mack was empty, so that's where he sat.

'Well now, where shall I start? What an idiot I've been, or what a heartless husband I've been? If I can't decide, I'll just flip a coin.'

He reached into his pocket and snagged a quarter. Prepared to flip it, instead he stared at the coin.

'Two sided, eh? How about judging yourself by the four standards? Let's see. Honesty. I've done very well, I think, both before and after the divorce. I would give myself an A.

'Openness ... I've never hidden anything from her except for presents, but I've been so distant and self-involved I couldn't give myself anything better that a D+.