Chapter 60

Present – Liz – On the way back to DIA

After Thom left the car Jens asks the dreaded question I've been hoping to avoid, "So Liz, now that Thom's gone, tell me more about these two girls."

I try to casually mention, "Oh Jens, you know they're just a couple of teenage girls."

She wrinkles her forehead and growls, "Liz you should know better than to try to lie to me. Now spill the beans."

I take a deep breath and start, "Well Jens, they are as bratty a couple of teenagers as I have ever met. Oh, the older one Zarika isn't that bad but the younger one, Yasmeen, is a piece of work. She's learned all her English from watching music videos but has not learned the appropriate use of the language. She seems to delight in upsetting Zarika and then they get in serious brawls, not like the cat fights most girls have."

Jens thinks for a moment and questions, "Okay Liz, they sound like they are pains in the ass. But you didn't mention anything about Ben and the whole 'wife' issue that Thom brought up."

Shit! I was hoping to avoid that. I reluctantly continue, "Well Jens I don't have all the details but as nearly as I can tell for some crazy reason they both think Ben is going to marry them."

I worry about Jens response until I hear...

Present – Jens – On the way back to DIA

Liz finally gets to the dirt about the girls and when she tells me they think Ben's going to marry them, I begin to laugh ... Then I ask, "Don't they realize they are both too young to get married in this country?"

Liz looks relieved and comments, "Jens, I was worried you'd fly off the handle about it. But they are constantly fighting with each other over who will be Ben's first wife."

I laugh and say, "Well they are going to have to realize that I am going to be not only Ben's first wife, but his only wife."

Liz softly states, "Jens, I think you're underestimating the problem. They will see you as their main rival and are going to give you hell. If I were you, I would just ship them off to boarding school somewhere because you and Ben certainly don't need this sort of problem."

I think for a moment, decide I really like the idea but then I remember an obligation and reply, "Liz your idea is great but there's only one problem. Ages ago, when Ben first told me about the girls, he made me promise that I wouldn't ship them off to a boarding school."

Liz sums it up, "Well Jens then I would say you're well and truly fucked!"

I laugh and reply, "No, I would argue that Zarika and Yasmeen are fucked because I have a plan."

Liz asks, "Oh really! Pray tell what has your diabolical mind come up with this time?"

I confide in Liz and she laughs, "Jens you are truly diabolical and very possibly evil."

I simply state my old motto, "Mess with the best..."

Liz interrupts with, " ... and die like the rest! Remind me never to get you pissed at me."

Present – Thom – On the way back to DIA

Matt and Jim both insult me by calling me 'sir' (just what is it will all this 'sir' bullshit). I command, "If you two want to pull over we can settle this like men."

They glance at each other and answer, "No Sir! We'd hate to hurt you."

I lightly threaten, "Laugh it up you two comedians - but don't quit your day jobs. Just remember revenge is a dish best served cold and I might be old but I'm much more devious than either of you."

They break out in laughter and I demand, "Just what the hell is so funny about that?"

Present – Matt and Jim – On the way back to DIA

Thom breaks both of us up with his threat of revenge and then asks what we are laughing about. I finally catch my breath and reply, "Well Sir! We both spent time with the world's two greatest pranksters so we have no concern about what you can do."

Thom questions, "And just who are these supposed experts?"

Jim answers quickly, "Ben and Jack! When those two are together you have to be on your guard all the time because Jack has all the experience and Ben has a truly warped way of thinking. You never know what's coming next."

I add, "Yeah Matt, remember the time they rigged all the toilet lids to salute the General?"

Jim laughs, "And then when he sat down to shit they damn near electrocuted him."

We crack up laughing and Thom complains, "Those two sound like amateurs. Now if you want to hear about a real prank let me tell you about the time..."

Jim interrupts, "Or what about when they put snakes in all the women's bunks."

I laugh, "Yeah the women were so pissed! If they had found out who did it they would have killed them."

Thom again tries to break in, "But there was this time..."

I interrupt, "What about those damn sonic crickets Ben makes."

Jim answers, "Yeah the random chirps those things make will drive you crazy. Remember when the Old Man had his whole office emptied but never did find it."

I laugh, "Yeah, Ben hid it in the ceiling."

Thom yells, "You two are assholes! Now stop calling me sir and let me catch some shuteye."

I look at Jim but this time Jim shakes his head no. Yeah, I guess we did push the old fart a bit far and I sure as hell don't want to give him a heart attack.

Jim says, "Damn Matt, I miss those days. I miss the Corps."