Chapter 29

Flashback – Jack – Last day of week four of spook school

God damn! Where the hell is Banzai? He's been fucking AWOL for the last two days. The only good thing is that because of all the trouble he'd caused no one has asked where he was. But today is our last day of week fucking four.

Spook school was only supposed to be two weeks long, but Banzai loved the classes so much he talked them into letting us stay two more weeks for advanced study. But he had to promise to behave: He mostly behaved unless someone gave him shit, then he kicked their asses. He also continued to refuse to wear the school uniforms. He only wore his Marine gear, which was probably for the best because everyone learned to run when they saw him coming.

Mira had to leave right before the end of week two. I suppose I should tell everyone what happened the night we all ran into Banzai's hospital room...

Flashback two weeks earlier – Jack – Banzai's hospital room

We heard a hell of a noise, ran into Banzai's room to find Mira and Ira having it out with each other. Unwisely Banzai tried to stop it and Ira (or maybe it was Mira) cold-cocked him and he went out like a light. Then Mira jumped on top of Ira, cold-cocked her and started to try to wake Banzai.

I looked at Major M and asked, "Sir! What would you like me to do?"

He was just starting to answer me when his phone rang. He looked at it and said, "Shit! I need to answer this right now. Sgt. just make sure that if Ms. Sedankina wakes up they don't start fighting again."

I looked at him in disbelief - how in the hell was I supposed to accomplish that?

Flashback two weeks earlier – Major M – Banzai's hospital room

I received a call and quickly recognized it was from my emergency number. I wonder what the fuck is wrong now. I walked to the side of the room, took the call and grimaced: This wasn't going to be easy and could end up being hard as hell.

I looked over and at least one of the Sedankina twins was still unconscious. I walked over just as the L.Cpl. revived and announced, "Ms. Sedankina, we are thankful what your sister did to rescue the L.Cpl. However..."

She glared and me and declared, "Malodorous Major M, from you there are never acceptable 'howevers'."

I continued, "However, the FBI is headed this way as we speak and plan on taking you and your sister into custody."

She jumped off the bed and announced, "Then I will terminate all of them because I'm not leaving my boyfriend!"

I was afraid that was the response I would get. I slipped the taser from behind my back and fired; Ms. Sedankina hit the floor like a feather.

Then the L.Cpl. yelled, "What the hell did you do that for?"

I commanded, "L.Cpl. who the hell told you that you could speak to me in that manner! Listen, if you don't want both of them to spend the rest of their lives in prison, we need to get them out of the country ASAP. Now shut the fuck up!"

I looked at the L.Cpl.'s bodyguards and ordered, "Restrain the Sedankina twins and get them the hell to the basement. There's a van waiting to take them to a private airport."

The Sgt. added, "If I were you I'd double restrain them because if they get loose they will kill both of you."

The bastards ignored me and looked toward the L.Cpl., "Banzai what would you like us to do?"

I glared at them and then at the L.Cpl. but he wisely advised, "Get them the hell out of here. And Jack will you go with them to make sure they are both taken care of?"

Sgt. Reynolds said, "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

I scratched my chin thoughtfully and ordered, "Well Sgt. it sounds like an excellent idea to me. Now the three of you need to move your asses."

The Sgt. showed a spark of intelligence when he commented, "If we go hauling them out of here over our shoulders, we're going to attract a hell of a lot of attention. Let's double restrain them and transport them using the gurney."

They restrained and gagged the Sedankina twins then loaded them on the gurney and took off. I looked at the L.Cpl. who'd been remarkably quiet during all of this, sat down in a chair by the bed and stated, "We need to have a long talk..."

Flashback two weeks earlier – Jack – Mira's and Ira's exfiltration

I thought we had it made when we hit the hallway with the twins on the gurney and started heading toward the elevators. That was until we reached the elevators! The doors opened and it was crawling with Feebs! They all blew past us as I again thought we had it made until one of the bastards turned and yelled, "Stop those men getting on the elevator!"

I looked at Frick and Frack and ordered, "You two need to buy me some time." I flew out of the elevator with the gurney as Frick and Frack ran towards the Feebs. I rounded a corner and heard what sounded like big fight behind me. Now where the fuck were those other elevators and what the hell am I going to do if there are agents there?

Have you ever noticed that hospitals all seem to be designed by morons? At least all the ones I have been in fit that description. I ran down hallways, turning left and right until I was thoroughly lost. A nurse was coming by so I asked her, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the elevators are?"

She directed me back to the ones I just left and I explained, "Excuse me miss, but I don't think you want me taking these bodies down the patient elevator, I need the freight elevator."

She gave me the directions then stared at me and said, "I don't really recognize you, where is your security badge?"

At just that time one of the twins woke up and began to squirm and make noise. I flipped off the nurse and declared, "That's my fucking badge." Then I took off pushing the gurney toward the freight elevators.

The nurse began screaming bloody murder (now I wish I had taken a page out of Mira's book and decked her). As I found the elevators and pushed the button I was surprised when the door opened immediately. I was real pleased there were no agents inside. I rolled the gurney inside, pressed the button for the basement parking and yelled at the squirming twin, "Listen Mira or Ira, you need to calm down so I can get you out of the building."

Well that didn't work because she just started squirming more and I worried she was going to tip the damn gurney over. I pulled back the blanket but then I wished I hadn't because the look the twin gave me made my blood run cold. Even until this day I have never seen such a look of hate on a face - if she ever got loose I would be a dead man.

I looked at her and asked, "Mira?"

She shook her head. I immediately panicked: Fuck me it's Ira - and if Mira's bad and Ira almost always kicked Mira's ass, then Ira must be one scary out of control bitch!

I chose my words carefully, "Ira, sorry about this. But the FBI was coming to take you and your sister Mira into custody and it's my job to make sure you two get to the basement and out of the country." Then I continued with a lie, "It wasn't my decision to restrain you, it was the Major's."

She calmed down, nodded her head and moved her hands. I understood she wanted released – now I had a big problem ... If I released her she could kick my ass, but if I left her restrained then she'd get pissed at me. So I decided on an intermediate step and just removed the gag from her mouth...

Flashback two weeks earlier – Ira – Mira's and Ira's exfiltration

Once I perceived the reason for my current restrained state, my mind commenced to function and I surmised this was apropos for my requirements. Once again fortune had smiled upon me and I was handed the opportunity with which to extract my sister from her relationship with her L.Cpl. However, the situation required that I be liberated from my bonds therefore I motioned my desire with my hands. I was not certain Sgt. Reynolds possessed the required intelligence to understand my movements because he only removed the gag from my mouth. So I stated, "Sgt. what circumstance has rendered my sister incapacitated and please release me from my restraints – posthaste."

Hey gave me a panicked look and replied, "Ira, the Major tased Mira and I had nothing to do with it."

I inwardly smiled; Mira's reports had mentioned some conflict with the Sgt. and I perceived by his attitude and response that the conflicts were more severe in nature than Mira had reported. I had now ascertained the Sgt. was concerned for his personal safety if he released me. I reassured him, "Sgt. I perceive you are concerned that I will inflict pain upon your corporeal person. However you fail to realize I am in complete support of the plan to exfiltrate America. Please release me posthaste."

He gave me a worried look and replied, "Ira, I'm not sure that is such a good idea..."

I raised my voice and terminated his timidity, "Sgt. Reynolds! Release me posthaste or the lessons my sister performed on you will be miniscule compared to the pain I will inflict upon your corporeal body."

Flashback two weeks earlier – Jack – Mira's and Ira's exfiltration

Dammit all! Why do women have to be so difficult? Ira is demanding to be released and if I don't she's going to hurt me even worse than was done by Mira?

I paused after her last threat. Ira moved her hands again and fuck me! There was that cold blooded killer's look again, then a wicked as hell smile crossed her face as she said, "Sgt. Reynolds, if you do not honor my request for release posthaste, I promise I will amputate your training tool and enlarge the collection on my trophy wall."

I damned if I do and dead if I don't, so I pull my knife, cut her restraints and loosen the straps. She lightly jumped off the table and surprised the hell out of me when she grabbed me, gave me a hell of a kiss, squeezed my crotch, gave me that wicked smile again and promised, "Sgt. Reynolds, if you value your training tool never disobey me again. Now, supply me with your weapon."

When I handed her my knife, she looked at with incredulity and said, "You do not have any firearms?"

I replied, "Nope, I didn't think I would need any. Besides there were Frick and Frack and they were armed."

She stared at me and questioned, "Just where are Mr. Frick and Mr. Frack so I might obtain a firearm?"

I forced myself to not even smile about her comment and answered, "They took care of the FBI agents upstairs."

She turned away and muttered something under her breath...

We were almost to the basement with only one more floor to go when the elevator door opened and there stood a FBI agent. Like a flash Ira was on him: Before he could even move she pounded the hell out of his head with the bolster of my knife. I was thankful she didn't use the sharp end or he would have been mincemeat. She then calmly reached inside his jacket, pulled out an Uzi, performed a function check and ordered, "Now we may continue to the basement."

I pushed the button for the basement but nothing happened. Then Ira swore, "Those female dogs have disabled basement access from the elevators. Sgt. Reynolds gently hoist my sister and follow me to the stairs."

I gently hoisted Mira over my shoulder and followed a now armed Ira as she expertly moved through the corridors. I couldn't resist and let my hand creep up to Mira's ass and began stroking her. I was sure she wouldn't mind, after all it wasn't like I hadn't screwed her.

Ira turned as I barely moved my hand in time and she scolded me, "Sgt. Reynolds, pay attention to the task at hand. I know you are only a Marine, but try to mimic my moves and be quiet."

Ira turned away. I did try to mimic her, but I couldn't resist and my hand travelled to Mira's lovely ass again. This time I was interrupted when we rounded a corner, Ira fired the Uzi then yelled, "Sgt. Reynolds transverse your direction posthaste to the rear." I figured out that meant retreat so I turned and began to run as there was more gunfire behind us. Ira snagged my arm, pulled me into a janitor's closet and pressed her ear against the door.

Then she ran over to some cabinets pulled out a crap load of stuff and started to mix it together. I wandered over and questioned, "What are you making?"

Ira didn't even slow down as she stated, "I am creating a diversion."

She put the ingredients in a big jar, put some powder in a cloth, put the cloth across the top of the jar and carefully put the lid on the jar. She gently carried the jar like it was a baby to the door, listened again, then smiled, opened the door and heaved the jar into the hallway. There was a moderate explosion with enough flash that it lit up the janitor's closet. The fire alarm and the sprinklers went off.

The water finally woke Mira and she began to struggle. Ira came over, looked in Mira's eyes and said something in a strange language and then knocked her ass out again. Ira looked at me and ordered, "Sgt. Reynolds, be very careful conveying my sister as the hallways will be treacherously slick."

I was shocked when Ira opened the door: The 'moderate' explosion ripped the hell out of things! There were shards of glass embedded everywhere in the walls. We took off up a different hallway, Ira finally found the stairwell, we entered and headed to the basement...

When we hit the basement, Frick and Frack were there along with Major M's other men and had secured the area. Since Ira didn't know who Frick and Frack were, she raised the Uzi, they raised their weapons and I yelled, "Everyone stand down. Ira these men are Frick and Frack."

Amazingly everyone listened, Frick and Frack ran up and Frack said, "Hey who let one of the bitches go?"

Well, there's a fool born every minute and this was Frack's minute. Ira didn't just tear him a new asshole, you might say she really fracked him up! Then it was Frick's minute, he said, "You cunt, I'm going to..." He never finished because Ira fricked him a new one.

Major M's men came over after they witnessed Ira, the one woman man-wrecking crew and the Lt. said, "Excuse me Miss, but we are here to make sure you and your sister get safely out of the country, now if you will please follow me."

I said, "Sir, you might want to have someone grab those two."

He nodded to his men and said, "Yeah I suppose we need to bring them."

We high-tailed it to the van, hopped inside and the driver sped away, imitating Mario Andretti...

Ira started taking care of Mira and part way to the airport she woke up and I thought it was going to be a big fight, but it only ended up being a verbal fight (in a language I couldn't understand) because Ira wisely left Mira restrained.