Chapter 7

I looked at a picture of Melody and asked out loud, "Am I doing the right thing?"

It had been over a year; was that long enough? What was enough? I'd been through hell. Beside having to take care of my children, one of the saving graces was Cyn in my life. Was she just convenient because she was there, across the street?

I could just hear some of my co-workers mutter under their breaths, 'cradle robber, ' as if they had any right to say a damned thing. Was seven years too much of a difference in age?

Melody didn't answer me. She couldn't. We never talked about what if ... We were too young for that sort of thinking. Reality slapped me across the face about that, pretty hard.

I did know one thing, Melody's face had always lit up when she knew I had done something that made me feel good. She was always telling me I paid too much attention to her and not enough to myself. I never saw it that way, but when I did something just for me ... just for me ... she was happy. Would this make her happy?

Disjointed thoughts. That's all I can call them. In the middle of having a insightful one sided conversation with my departed wife's picture, I wonder what Tim is thinking about all of this.

Then my cell phone rang.

"Hi Cyn."

"You awake? I thought you probably were, but didn't see any lights on."

"Just sitting downstairs."

"In the dark? Thinking about Melody?"

I felt guilty, but said, "There is one little light on, and yes, I was looking at a picture of her. How did you know?"

"'Cause you still love her, Brad. I understand that. I know that I'm only 17, but I've had a few boyfriends."

"Ok," I said, thinking this conversation is going along the lines of my thinking. Just plain strange.

"The one boyfriend that I still think about, you know, wonder if he is doing ok, is the one that moved away. Jimmy was pretty special for me in my freshman year of high school. Then his dad got a new job and they moved. He didn't want to break up with me. I didn't want to break up with him. Reality was we were going to be over a thousand miles away from each other and it wouldn't have lasted. That was hard. Not anything like what you went through, but Jimmy and I didn't have a choice in the mater. It happened. So I think of him, wonder what he's up to. They are good thoughts, but sad that we never knew what could have happened between the two of us."

"You're pretty smart," I told her.

"Brad, I told you that, so you know that I think it's ok for you to feel like you do. I'm not going to be jealous. I'll know there are going to be days that you'll feel blue. Like your anniversary the other day. Now if that's all there was, and you didn't look forward to our anniversary ... well then I wouldn't understand. Got it?"

"Yep, and Cyn?"

"Yes?"

"When do I get to say, I love you, to you?"

"When you mean it."

"Thanks."

"What!"

I had to chuckle, knowing what she had expected and I hadn't given it to her.

"Next question, what did your brother say?"

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Cynthia asked.

"I don't think the first time should be over the phone, do you?"

She groaned.

"Tim" I asked again.

"I didn't tell him."

"Oh?"

I could hear the humor in her voice as she said, "Dad did. I think Dad knew something was going on, so as soon as we walked back into the house, he said, 'Tim, your sister is officially dating our neighbor.' The way my dad said it made Tim stop and think for just a second, before he got it. Then his mouth dropped open and his eyes bulged out. He shook his head and went upstairs. I haven't seen him since."

"Well that's encouraging." I said with a bit of sarcasm in my voice.

"Don't worry."

"Cyn, he's your brother. If things go along well between us, he'll be part of the extended family."

"Yeah, I guess. I'll go talk with him."

Tim turned his head around quickly when Cynthia opened the door, then turned back. Cynthia saw the familiar website before he was able to click out of it.

"Confused?" Cynthia asked, then went on as she sat on his bed, "I know I am."

"You are?"

"Look, Tim, what's not to like about Brad? He's got everything a girl is looking for. Well, ok, he has two kids and most girls my age wouldn't think that was so hot. I guess 'cause I've been with them so much, they feel almost like family already."

"Yeah, I know that's how you feel about them. So, what's the problem then?"

"What if it doesn't work? What if we find out that being a friend, and a babysitter is about all I can give, or all he wants from me? If we split up ... if things didn't happen ... I'd go off to school, he'd probably move and then I'd never see those kids again."

"Never thought about it that way. I guess that would suck."

"Big time," Cynthia said and then sighed. "But you know, I like him a lot. If I chickened out, and lost him because I wasn't willing to try..."

"You'd be kicking yourself the rest of your life."

"Yeah, pretty much."

They didn't say anything for a few moments. Just sitting.

Then Tim said in a fairly monotone voice, "I read chapter nine."

Cynthia didn't say anything and Tim looked over to her. She was staring at him, and he noticed tears starting to form in her eyes.

"You were right," he continued, "I cried."

"Thank you, Tim."

"For what?"

"Reading it again, trying to understand."

"Well, you're my sister."

She blinked away the water and gave him a smile.

"So..." he said and she caught the uncertainty in his voice, "what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you moving in with him ... I mean when you're eighteen?"

Cynthia's jaw dropped and she looked stunned.

Then she said slowly, "No."

"Oh."

"Why would you think that?"

"Tender Hearts."

Cynthia sighed, then said, "Tim, it's just a story."

"Stories come from somewhere. Did you ever read that mega story, Robin? That author has to have some serious issues about doing stuff with his family."

Cynthia laughed.

"I wrote to him many times. Other than when he was a kid and played doctor and stuff like that, he's never done, or wanted to do anything like that with his family. The story was there to push the envelope, to make us think. He set a situation in motion and took it into places that were unfamiliar. He told me that when he got emails where the readers got mad, cried, laughed, well really any emotion, he knew he'd done his job."

"He told you that?"

"Like I said, I wrote to him a lot of times. I get the idea any of the male writers love it when a gal emails them."

"I'm sure," Tim said and rolled his eyes.

"Do you remember when he wrote about that girl ... it was ... aaaa ... Keith, that's his name. When Keith's sister has the miscarriage?"

"That was cruel."

"He had one guy write and say he was mad and wouldn't read any more. So the author, John Smith ... like that's a real name! Anyway, he writes back and asks the guy to read at least the next chapter and then decide."

"Don't think I remember it," Tim said.

"That chapter had everyone supporting the gal. Her aunt and uncle showed up to say they understood what was going on. It made me and I bet a lot of others cry."

"Yeah, now I remember. Pretty good chapter."

"So the guy wrote back and said he was going to keep reading. How John Smith wrote changed the way some people looked at things. He told me that the whole story was about how love could do what nothing else was able to. It wasn't a reality the author wanted to happen. You remember that guy, Keith, he was shot at, fell off a building ... why would anyone want to be in those shoes?"

Tim grinned while saying, "For all the girls Keith had."

This time Cynthia rolled her eyes and the two laughed.

John walked over to talk with Brad, as the towing company was loading Melody's car onto its flatbed.

"Brad, why didn't you tell me something else was wrong? I could have taken a look at it for you."

"Nothing is wrong, John, It's just..."

"You can't have that car around. I understand."

Brad nodded.

"So, what are you doing with it?"

"It's going to the dealer; they're going to clean it up and sell it."

"Really? I didn't know they did that sort of thing," John said, surprised.

"Well, I have an in. The dealer is a good friend of mine."

"Always good to have connections."

Brad almost started to laugh. What he wasn't telling John was the deal he'd made with his friend.

"Say," Brad said in a nonchalant way, "it might be good to have Cynthia come down to the lot and look around. You know a lot more about cars than I do. If you and Teri brought her down while I was going over the paperwork, I might be able to help influence a real good deal for a car."

"I like the sounds of that. I'm sure Cindy would too. Like I said, connections are good. If she can get a good deal, she might be able to get a nicer car. When are you going?"

"Not sure, I'm sure they want the paperwork done soon. They won't like a car on their lot they have nothing on, but if all of you are coming down there, I'm not sure what I'll do with Brian and Kim. I sure don't want to bring them down there."

John chuckled and then said, "I don't know why? I'm sure Brian would love to find all sorts of places to climb into."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Tim could watch them. I know he'd love to go look at cars, but as you know, looking at a car can be fun and filling out the paperwork can be a nightmare. I'll see when he's free."

John walked back, across the street. A minute later, Cyn came running over.

"Dad said I should come over. I wasn't sure I should. I've been watching."

"Cyn, I need to get this out of here. It bugs me every time I see it, so although it's hard to see it go ... it's also very good."

"That's good then."

"Your dad is also asking Tim if he'll come over and watch the kids."

Cyn looked at me for a moment and slowly asked, "why?"

"So that you, your mom, and dad, can come down to the dealership. While I'm taking care of the paperwork for this car, you can look at what's there."

"Really!"

Before I could respond, she had her arms around me, giving me a very nice hug. I noticed that the tow truck driver was giving me a lecherous smile.