Chapter 10

Rain heard the click of the door shutting behind her. It sounded like an explosion in her mind, fragmenting and destroying the fragile hope that she was normal and deserved a man like Eric. It wasn't just the sound of the closing of the door, but also was the sound of her heart shattering. She lowered her head, letting her hair create a wall to hide behind. The softly spoken words of Eric's rejection were echoing in her ears almost as though he had screamed them at her.

Stupid ... stupid ... stupid. She repeatedly struck the base of her palms to her forehead as each word made their way through her psyche. She heard her parent's exasperated voices in her head, telling her what a pathetic, naive little girl she was. She heard Jordan spitting the words 'worthless slut' at her. The words and accusations reverberated in her head as the clatter from the soles of her shoes on the stairs echoed in the deserted street.

The worst hurt of all came when she realized that they were right. She bit her bottom lip to stifle the sobs welling up in her throat. The taxi cab sliding down the street was a welcome sight. She ran to the curb and waved at it desperately, while whispering pleadingly, "Please stop, please stop, please stop."

As the car pulled away from the curb she silently sobbed in the back seat. She brought her knees up to her chest, placing her heels on the seat, and put her head to her knees.

Her mind wandered to the moments she had spent with Eric. He had been so sweet, so charming, so absolutely perfect. She had slept in his arms, and he hadn't taken advantage of her. His smiles warmed her heart, and his laughter lit her world like the sun. Now she had ruined everything ... again. When she thought about how she might not ever kiss his soft lips, or feel his strong arms around her again her breath caught in her throat.

"Miss? Miss, we're here." The cabbie said in a concerned voice, knocking on the plastic divider to gain her attention. She mechanically exited the cab and paid the cabbie before stumbling to the door of her townhouse. She fumbled in her purse, trying to find her elusive keys; cursing herself and her stupidity the whole while. Finally, her fingers closed on the cold metal, and she opened the door. She slipped inside to hide from the rest of the world.

Eric's feet pounded the pavement as her ran down the mostly deserted streets. His breath was ragged as he fought exhaustion. His lungs burned and his legs ached, but neither compared to the growing dread in the pit of his gut. His legs could barely hold him up as he slowed in front of her house. He crawled up the stairs and frantically beat on the door.

"Rain?" He called out, "Rain, it's Eric. Please open the door. I need to talk to you."

"Go home, Eric." He heard through the door.

"Not until I've said my piece." Eric replied. He waited for her response, but he was answered by silence.

"Rain, I'm sorry," he began, "I think I just screwed up the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Rain moved to the door and looked through the peephole. He stood on he stoop, sweating and close to tears. What does he mean? How did he screw it up? Her mind raced, replaying the events of the night again and again.

"Rain, please." he said, hanging his head, "I'll stand out here all night if I have to. I just want to talk."

Her hand was moving before she even realized it, throwing open the lock and opening the door for him. She stepped down onto the stoop and stood with her arms wrapped around herself. She watched him intently, seeing the relief flood through his body as he saw her. She also saw the concern on his face as he looked back at her. She took a tentative step forward and he wrapped his arms around her.

Eric sat for the second time that day staring into a cup of coffee. His hands slightly trembled as he sighed heavily and glanced at Rain, sitting across the couch, nervously.

"Well, I really don't know where to start." Eric said, nervously running his fingers over the rim of the coffee cup.

"Why don't you explain what happened tonight. Why did you react the way you did? I mean, I thought we both wanted each other, then suddenly you shot me down with no explanation. I don't understand. If I didn't do something wrong, why did you reject me?" Eric cut off Rain's line of questioning with a soft chuckle.

"Well, I'm glad to know you're finding this funny." Rain said sulkily, folder her arms over her chest.

"Sorry. I wasn't trying to laugh at the situation. I just don't know how you expect me to answer any of your questions if you keep talking and don't let me get a word in edge wise." Eric placed his mug on the coaster on the coffee table.

"I guess I should start by explaining about Amanda." He ran both hands over his face in frustration that Amanda should be interfering with his current relationship, when she in fact was long gone.

"Oh my God. You have a girlfriend." Rain covered her mouth in horror, thinking that she had just become 'the other woman.'

"No. I don't have a girlfriend." Eric eyed rain for a moment. "At least, not officially. Wait, no, I don't mean. Ugh! Nothing is coming out right." Eric paused and sighed before continuing.

"No. There is no other girl in the picture. You are the only girl I'm seeing. Amanda is from my past." Eric put his head in his hands, rubbing his temples and speaking with his eyes closed.

"I met Amanda about 6 months before I was sent to Iraq. She was fun and exciting and beautiful. In short, everything I thought I wanted. We officially became a couple about a month and a half before I left for Iraq. Things were almost ideal before I left.

"When I got there, things were good at first. We would email back and forth, phone calls, internet chat ... You get the idea. Then little by little, she would call less, and go out with friends more. I didn't know it at the time, but she had found someone new. Apparently she wanted to wait for me to get back from Iraq to tell me, give me the bad news in person. "However, when I came back all screwed up from the combat I had seen, she felt pity for me, and decided not to break up with me. She didn't break up with him either. She even moved in with me to take care of me!