Chapter 1

About my Rants

I guess this is as good a place as any to reproduce the ultra-boring rants that I've become known for in some small corners of the internet. I have no idea why, but some people actually enjoy them. There's just no accounting for taste. The important thing to remember is that they neither require nor desire any feedback. They're applicable only at the moment they're penned and most are usually obsolete by the time they're posted. I generally disagree with half of whatever I say ten minutes later and I reserve the right to change my mind on a whim, without reason or rationale.

Bottom line? It's all bullshit, but some of it's kinda funny when you're drunk.

Actually, this first page has a lot of good info on it, not much ranting at all ... I'll have to work on that.

So, you wanna be a writer...

2008-09-26

Editors. People ask, "Why don't you get an editor?" or else they ask "Rachael, who is your editor?" What I'm looking for in an editor isn't necessarily what most editors want to do, so I do it myself mostly. Being schizophrenic comes in handy sometimes, believe me. Editing is a lot like masturbation, except it isn't as fun and makes a bigger mess. I edit as I go and proofread for grammar and spelling as I feel the compulsion. That is to say, I give the story or chapter a once over immediately before posting and then I read the story through once it's posted on the website. Amazing how errors jump off the screen once the story is out of my hands ... I hate that!

I write reasonably clean anyway though, so I should be grateful.

The illusion of debt. I see it in emails, in forums, in blogs, in ... everywhere. "Author's owe us this..." and "Author's owe us that..." I see a lot of complaints about slow/unfinished/abandoned stories and it's a hot topic, especially for readers who are emotionally invested in a story. I appreciate that as I'm sure most authors do. My own philosophy is that I have no debts to readers other than those I'm willing to make. I can't be "forced" into writing something just because a reader expects it of me. They can expect me to send them fifty dollars, it doesn't mean I'll do it, and time really is money ... But that's an oversimplification, I think.

I'm willing to entertain a debt in the sense that I'm obligating myself to finish something I start, if it can be finished. But that's a debt to myself and I'm one of those people who respond well to internal motivation and very poorly to external. Every time someone says I owe them something, I just bristle at that and I have to pause and reinterpret the statement into something internalized. I don't owe readers anything, but I try to align my own requirements so that we can all be satisfied.

Why am I bothering to say any of that? I dunno. I like the drama. Or more likely I want to make my excuses before I rant at someone. It's always better to plan rants well in advance and lay the groundwork early, believe me. Ranting is underrated as an art form and I really wish I had a collection of my finest rants. I think they'd score remarkably well given the environment and calendar.

And speaking of politics, nobody wonders but I'll tell you anyway. I'm an anarchist and truthfully, if a political party has a national convention? They're too far right for me. I don't really believe in elections and I'm pushing for a system of political selection based on a national lottery ... Mostly because it gives me one chance in a few hundred million of getting to fuck in the white house every night. Failing a lottery, picking a random name out of a phone book sounds pretty good too. That's why I keep my numbers listed!

What else? A top ten list!

Here's my top ten favorite stories (not written by me) and found on SOL ... Ummmm ... I'll get back to you on that.

I have to confess, and this is serious, that I've only read about a dozen porn stories in my whole life and four of those were flash. I just don't like to read porn. I'm reading "Charlotte's Movie" by Ken Randall and it seems pretty good so far. I read the prologue and the epilogue already. Like I told him the other day, one step at a time. So for you few people who wonder why I don't have any favorites listed, that's why.

I just am not into reading the stuff. I don't even reread mine, except to edit them a year or two later. It's not that the stories are bad, mine or anyone else's; it's a combination of things. I don't have time is number one. I absolutely cannot stress how little time I have to do anything like read or write just for fun. It's why I type as fast as I can when I can and spare little energy for the niceties like editing. I'm going to be kicking myself tomorrow for not writing Tina Vasquez (5) right now ... I should be working on that.

So, if you want to know what rache reads ... Very little. But I did read an awesome Jaoman story yesterday. Hmmm ... I forget the title. "Your Will" by Jaowriter ... Pure stroke! But he had to point it out and that's the way it is for almost everything I read. I can't go browsing, which pretty much sucks. I'd like to run a category search on pygmy cream pies some time. I have this idea of writing a story and taking codes literally, like writing a story with water sports and cream pie codes and have like two water polo teams throwing banana cream pies at each other after a big game...

I'm really tired!

rache

I'm outraged!

2008-09-24

Well, I'm not outraged, but some people are and at the risk of being overdramatic, I'll tell you why.

Reality vs Fiction isn't a fair fight at all.

For example, I get emails from people who aren't happy with where I've placed (or misplaced) the hymen in some of my stories. I've had people send me links to photographs of hymens. (Please note I rarely if ever click on any links in my emails ... I'd rather swap spit with the corpse of Rock Hudson) Now let me explain that when it comes to writing fiction I just don't care. That's the short answer. Well, the short answer is: "So what?" But you get my point. I will put a hymen wherever it happens to suit the story, my mood, and my sense of irony/humor. Don't bother complaining about it, just read something else if you don't like it. I'm not going to stalk you if you don't read my story. In fact, like those fictional hymens, I'm just not going to care.

Likewise, on a similar theme, the concerned readers who are outraged over the terrible pain and trauma of losing one's (female) virginity as it's occasionally expressed. So what? I introduce pain and trauma where and when necessary to advance the story. Let's face it, a LOT of readers who are interested in First Time stories want the drama. They want something memorable, and I'm not saying that the first time cannot be a beautiful, gentle, pleasurable experience for all concerned. It often is, more often than we find in erotic fiction certainly. I've portrayed that numerous times with no adverse side-effects other than a craving for chocolate. But if the story requires a bit (or a lot) of blood, sweat, and tears ... Guess what? It's gonna hurt, baby.

I'm not apologizing and I won't. But some of the emails ... It's really pathetic.

We all have our pet peeves and the little things that turn us off from a story for one reason or another. I remember getting an email once from a man who couldn't finish a story of mine because I used "shoreline" instead of "river bank" to describe a setting along the Hudson River. It put him right off the story and that was too bad and I understood my mistake thanks to him and corrected it. But the damage was done and I couldn't sleep for hours afterward.

Another reader, this was a good one, started reading "Letter of the Month" which is a complete and obvious parody, btw ... Anyway, he got to the narrator's 10" cock and was outraged! The whole story was a joke, but apparently he missed the punch line. Now I admit I can be a little too clever for my own good. I run some deep thoughts between the lines once in awhile, but generally I'm not half so smart as I pretend to be and most people see right through me. But that was about as obvious as I could get without buying some neon lights, you know?

Read with a purpose. Understand what you're looking at, that's pretty basic, I would think.

Recently I received an email from someone who read my little bestiality guide and really chastised me for not making it clear that the vagina is a rather flexible and amazing device that will in fact allow a fully swollen dog knot to be removed with little or no discomfort to the woman in question. Unfortunately for the reader I'm reasonably sure that I did make that clear in the post, but I understand not everyone can keep up ... especially if they didn't bother to read it. I just ask people, before you complain about something (especially if they're going to be rather snotty about it) to make sure you read what you're concerned about. I don't like embarrassing people because I know how it feels. I embarrass myself all the time and I hate it.

Some would say I'm embarrassing myself right now. Heh! Could be.

I'd also have to say that there is a disturbing lack of common courtesy prevalent in the online community. As some of you may know, I invariably attempt to respond to all emails with a reasonable amount of grace and good humor, but gosh! It is taxing sometimes. Do yourself a favor and practice good manners in correspondence. It offers so many more advantages than being impolite. It even makes you look smart! Correspondence is a lost art in America anyway; I much prefer foreign hate email. But Americans are the ones bent on sending it. Must be the gun culture.

Dogs. Let's go back to them for a second. It's almost impossible to find an accurate bestiality story on the internet. There's one out there, but it's well hidden beneath a really big rock. I myself quite enjoy the fact that fiction allows exaggeration, perfection, and an optimization of circumstances unlikely to be found in nature. I usually try to put a disclaimer in my bestiality stories saying it's written for entertainment only and not to be taken as a factual text or guide. Hopefully people understand that implicitly in a story like "Wishes Come True" ... You cannot read this and have puppies too, unless you're a really smart bitch!

Anyway, the important thing is that the reader must recognize (just as I must) that I'm not one of those authors intent on solely writing "reality based" fiction. I do it sometimes, but I have no rigid self-discipline in my adherence to the physics of the real world. It isn't why I'm writing. I'm lying, that's what fiction is, a really entertaining lie. If I'm lying well enough people will believe it for a few thousand words and come away from it happy to have been fooled. Fictional storytelling is telling a lie without malice ... Unless you're Lord Byron, but that's a whole other topic.

Any questions? And people wonder why I clean out my blog from time to time. I talk too much; always have, always will.

rache

The obligatory note on scores and junk (1)

2008-09-14

The long miscellaneous, obligatory blog note thing