Chapter 5

Victoria asked, "Where are the kids?"

"I took them over to John's Farm. They'll spend the night there," John answered.

"Will they be okay alone?" Victoria asked.

John answered, "They promised they wouldn't ride their dirt bikes."

"Dirt bikes? What kind of dirt bikes?" Victoria asked.

"They've got Yamaha dirt bikes," John said.

"Those are motorcycles."

"Yes," John said. "Don't worry. They've got all of the proper safety equipment."

Victoria sat there staring at the wall trying to get control of her temper. The idea that her babies were engaged in such a dangerous past-time bothered her tremendously. She didn't appreciate his cavalier attitude about it.

"It appears that I know very little about the kids," Victoria said.

"Yep."

Taken aback by his rather short and abrupt answer, Victoria said, "You aren't helping me, here."

"I know. You've dug a pretty deep hole for yourself," John said. "To tell the truth, I've got no idea how you are going to dig your way out."

Victoria bit her lower lip thinking that she in a lot of trouble here. John wasn't giving her much hope.

With her voice catching in her throat, she asked, "Are you going to divorce me?"

John had gotten divorce papers several months ago thinking he could use them to shock her into listening to him. He hadn't had the heart to use them and had no intention of following up on the threat they represented.

He answered, "No. I'll admit that the kids really want me to divorce you, but I don't want that. I love you and I want to grow old with you."

"Thank you," Victoria said.

"The key there is 'with you.' This whole ships passing in the night lifestyle you've adopted is beginning to get to me," John said.

"I kind of figured that out," Victoria said.

John asked, "So what are you going to do about it?"

"I need to know a few things before I can make any decisions," Victoria said.

"What?"

Victoria asked, "How much are you worth?"

John rubbed his chin before answering, "Pixor Toys has offered me close to thirty million for my game company. The kids each own ten percent of the company. If you take out their nine million, I'm worth a little over twenty-three to twenty-four million."

"Wow," Victoria said staggered by the amount. "How did that happen?"

John said, "About six months before you went to work, I wrote a little computer game for the kids. They really loved it and I thought – why don't I sell it to others? I figured that if our kids enjoyed it so would other kids. I got an artist to improve the artwork and a distributor to handle distribution.

"That one little game was soon bringing in more money than all of my contract programming jobs. I cut back on my contract programming to write another game. That was about the time when you took your job."

"I remember that. I was furious that you were not trying to get more contracts," Victoria said. "I didn't realize you had sold a game or how much money you were earning."

John shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He remembered telling her that his business was doing much better and he wouldn't have to pursue so many contracts. She had stormed out of the room. Finally, he said, "You didn't let me tell you. Every time I tried to explain my plans, you basically shut me down."

"I'm sorry," Victoria said.

John said, "Well, I got two more games out that first year. I would have gotten out more, but I had some money issues. I needed to buy the game platforms necessary to increase my penetration into the game market."

"And I was buying clothes."

"Yes," John said. "Although your shopping habits were a big deal to me at the time, it turned out that it wasn't all that important. It wasn't long before my business was bringing in nearly a quarter of a million dollars a year. It has increased to over a million dollars a year. My biggest expenses were the artist and distributor. Actually, that's not true. I make Uncle Sugar very happy on tax day."

"I didn't know," Victoria said.

She wondered if he laughed every time she boasted about her great salary. She had been so proud of the money she was making. Now she was embarrassed by it.

"You didn't really let me tell you," John said. "Most of the money fights we had weren't about our lack of money. They were about you not listening to me when I was telling you that we had money."

"In my defense, you weren't very credible as a businessman. I was working for a very successful man with a hundred employees. I attended meetings with men who dealt with millions of dollars. They were intensely serious men who wore suits, carried briefcases, and were surrounded by assistants. You were laid back and wore blue jeans and tee shirts," Victoria said.

"That's true, but I'm a geek. We operate by different rules," John said with a smile.

"I should have listened to you," Victoria said.

John said, "I won't argue with you about that."

"You said that the each of the kids own ten percent of the company. How did that happen?" Victoria asked.

"I gave it to them when I incorporated the game company. You see, they kept coming up with great ideas for games. I produced them and they all sold like hotcakes. It was that old ten percent inspiration and ninety percent perspiration. They had the ten percent inspiration so I gave them ten percent each," John said.

Victoria asked, "What about me?"

"We're partners for life," John answered.

Victoria said, "The kids don't feel that way."

"That's true," John said.

"What happened?" Victoria asked.

John said, "According to the kids you abandoned them."

"I didn't."

"In a way you did," John said.

"Explain it to me," Victoria said.

John stood up and paced around the room for a minute trying to get his thoughts organized. He said, "This is a conversation that I never wanted to have."

"I heard enough of what the kids said in the kitchen to know what they think," Victoria said. "My little Rosie ... she hates me."

"Yeah ... well," John said. "What can I say about that?"

Victoria said, "So what did I do wrong?"

"It's a long story. Some of it I knew, some of it the kids told me, and some of it I got from Sid," John said.

"Sid?"

"He came over to the house the Saturday after you left. That was when Rose found out that you weren't having an affair with him. She learned that it was impossible because of his cancer. You might not believe this, but she was devastated to learn that. She ran into her room and wouldn't talk to me. Sid went to her. She did talk to him and he filled me in on parts of the story," John said.

Victoria said, "I didn't know he talked to her."

"They talked for about two hours," John said. "Like I said, it is a long story."

"Just tell it to me," Victoria said.

John took a deep breath. "Even before you got your job, Rose knew that you were excited and anxious about something. She was worried, but wasn't sure what was bothering her about your behavior. Then you had your interview with Sid and he hired you. You came home wired. Rose might have been six, but she wasn't stupid. She knew something important had happened, but she didn't know what. She felt a sense of doom hanging over the house.

"Each day closer to the day she started school, the feeling she had that you were just waiting for her to be out of the way got stronger. To be honest, you couldn't wait for her to head off to school so that you could start your job."

"That's true. I'm not sure that I even tried to hide it," Victoria said. "I was anticipating an end to our financial troubles. I had been planning that day for more than a year."

John said, "Then came the first day of school. You and I took Rose to school. I remember how she strutted the whole way there. You were nervous, worried, and excited about how she would like it. I was just the proud daddy.

"After dropping her off, you went off to work and I went home. I followed the three kids when they walked home that afternoon. They were all excited about their first day at school. Rose was skipping around in excitement. When she hit home, she tore through the house to tell you all about her day.

"You weren't there.

"Rose told Sid a little thing about that day that I never knew. For years Rose had watched you greet David and Lisa with milk and cookies when they came home from school. Coming home from her first day, she bounced into the kitchen expecting to find you holding a glass of milk and a plate of homemade cookies for her. Instead, she found me serving fruit juice and sliced apples.

"Can you spell disappointment?

"In my defense, I didn't know about the milk and cookies thing. I was still settling into being a house husband. I figured you wanted them to have healthy snacks so I greeted them every day with juice and fruits.

"I didn't realize why Rose was so quiet that afternoon. To be honest, all of the kids were quiet that day. I think they were trying to figure out what was happening. You had never told them that you were going to work.

"According to Sid, the situation only got worse when you came home from work that night. You breezed into the house like you didn't have a care in the world. You were excited about your new job. It never crossed your mind to ask the kids or me about our day.

"You dominated the conversation at dinner that night. You regaled us with a description of your new office. You told about all of the people you had met. You talked about your responsibilities. The kids didn't understand half of it. They just recognized that you were ignoring them.

"In hind sight, I realize I was part of the problem. I had spent the afternoon talking to the kids about their day. When you came home, I encouraged you to talk about your day. It never dawned on me that we were preventing the kids from sharing their day with you.

"All three kids went to bed disappointed in you. Rose's feeling were really hurt. The first day of first grade is really a special landmark for a child and it turned to shit. Her worst fears were being realized.

"She didn't know why you were going off to work. To her, it was that you wanted to get away from her. You've got to remember that the world for a six year old is pretty simple. If you don't want to be with her then it is because you don't like her."

Victoria said, "I had no idea. She must have been crushed."

"She was. I didn't know it, but she was. In fact, she still is.

"The next day the after school program was a repeat of the previous day. I think she had hoped your absence after school was an abnormality. It wasn't. In fact, I don't think you ever were here when Rose came home from school.

"I was not aware of Rose's problem. I had just assumed that her changes in behavior were part of going to school. She had just become a little quieter. She cheered up when I did things with her. In fact, she did her best to become my best friend. If losing her mother was a disaster, then it would have been a cataclysm to lose her father too.

"I honestly enjoyed having her around, but she had a huge complex of insecurity because of your absence. You should have seen her the night I took her to the father daughter night with the girl scouts. She knew that I had other things to do, but I dropped them for her. You'd have thought she won the lottery.

Victoria said, "She was a girl scout?"

"She still is one," John answered. "She's a Cadet. Lisa is Senior Girl Scout."

"Why didn't I know?" Victoria asked.

John answered, "You didn't ask and they didn't tell you."

"Each school event that you missed added fuel to her fire of resentment. I sat through little plays held in the middle of the day. At most of them I was the only father. I was surrounded by mothers and grandparents. At the end each performance, she would take her bow and then point at me shouting, 'That's my daddy!'

"When you started traveling a lot an even greater distance between you and the kids emerged. When you were here, you weren't really here; at least not for them. You're mind was on work. You never asked about how things were going in school for them. You weren't here to see their report cards.

"Lisa had a time when she really needed you. She got her first period at school. I didn't know about making sure young girls her age had feminine products on hand. I got a call from the school to pick her up. Totally out of my element, I called Ann for advice and she sent me to the school nurse. Lisa never complained to me about it, but it was obvious that I had blown it. The fact is -- I didn't know what to do.