Chapter 4

At exactly 2pm, Eve took away my laptop, gave it to Jane to put away, and then sat down in my lap.

"I am so lucky," she said, grinning ear to ear. "I'm the first one to have all of you!"

"I'll do my best," I said, putting my arms around her and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Mmmm, that's nice. Okay, now what I want..."

"What you want?"

"Yes, what I want is the BFE."

"The Boy-Friend Experience? You mean like, 'hey, let's eat pizza and play video games and have sex on the couch before your parents come home?"

Eve laughed. "Oh, my god. Have you been spying on my love life? Ummm, okay, maybe that's not a good idea. Maybe I can get 'The Husband Experience'?"

"I see," I said. "That would be the, 'I'm sorry honey, but I can't have sex tonight because I have a presentation to finish before tomorrow morning' experience?"

"Mr. Michaels!" Eve said, laughing. "Stop it!"

"I have a better idea," I said. "How about I give you the 'John and Eve' Experience?"

"Who's John?"

"I'm John! That's my name. John Michaels."

"Oh!" Eve giggled, "I'm sorry, I never knew your first name until now!"

"John and Eve!" Pamela called out. "Sitting in a tree!"

Suddenly, all of the girls joined in, as Eve pulled me into a deep kiss.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" the all shouted, hysterically.

"First comes love!"

Eve unfastened my robe and boldly placed a hand on my growing member.

"Then comes marriage!"

Eve kissed me again.

"Then comes the baby in the ba-by carriage!"

"Oh, I hope so," said Eve, her eyes glittering.

"Hey," said Jane, suddenly inspired. "Let's act it out!"

"Act it out?" I asked.

"Everyone up! It's time to put on a wedding," Jane called out.

"Hold on," I said, "what?" watching in terror, as the girls scattered.

"We're going to put on a wedding! And you and Eve will get married!"

"Now wait a second," I said, suddenly scared, "you know that I'm not ready..."

"Oh, relax," said Jane. "It's just pretend."

"Oh ... uh ... okay then."

"As far as you know..." she added, mischievously.

"Come here," Pamela said, pulling me aside. "I have some clothes for you to wear."

"A tuxedo?" I asked, astonished. "Hey, I thought there were no real clothes for me to wear?"

"That was yesterday," Pamela smiled. "We, uh ... actually stocked up a bunch of clothes for you to wear in the closet. We all voted as to what clothes we thought you might look best in. Tuxedo came in second."

"What came in first?" I asked, curious.

"Jeans with no shirt," Pamela grinned.

I rolled my eyes.

Just 20 minutes later and everything was all set. Heather stood in front dressed in a more formal long, black dress, holding a bible.

"I volunteered to officiate," she said, giving me a quick smile. "Come, stand to my right. Ready!" she called out.

Out of the closet came the other seven girls, all dressed in white in various styles, some long, some short skirts and blouses, all walking solemnly. Zoe, third in line, was humming Wagner's "Wedding March".

All seven girls lined up opposite me, with Eve at the far end.

"But from the beginning of creation," Heather read from the bible, "'God made them male and female, '" Heather looked around, "uh... females," she continued. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his ... uh... wives, and the nine shall become one flesh. So they are no longer nine but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder."

Heather turned in my direction.

"Do you, John Michaels, take this woman, Zoe Cavanaugh..."

"Zoe?" I asked, surprised. "I thought it was Eve's turn..."

"We all wanted to do it," Zoe whispered back. "Don't worry, Eve get's the best part."

"Take this woman, Zoe Cavanaugh," Heather repeated, "to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

I gulped when I heard the part about lawfully wedded. What were these girls up to?

"I do," I said, uncertainly.

Heather then repeated the oath to Zoe who gleefully shouted "I do!" and then jumped into my arms for a big kiss as the others applauded.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife!" Heather said, beaming. "Next!"

"I want 'love and obey'," said Janice, stepping up.

"Love and obey?" Heather asked.

"Yes, put it in his oath. I want him to love and obey."

"Uh ... okay." Heather turned to me. "Do you, John Michaels, take this woman, Janice Jameson, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and to love and obey, until death do you part?"

Love and obey??

"I ... uh ... Okay, what the hell. I do."

"Sweet," said Janice, grinning. "I'm going to hold you to that," she said, kissing my ear, as she repeated her oath and then Heather pronounced us man and wife to wild applause.

"Next!"

"Do us together!" Jane said, as she stepped up with Pamela.

"Umm, okay," Heather said. "Do you, John Michaels, take this woman, Jane Peterson and uh, this other woman, Pamela Carmichael, to be your lawfully wedded wives, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and to love and obey, until death do you all three part?

"Uh, sure!" I said, surprised, "Why not? I do."

Heather then repeated the vows to Jane and Pamela who both said 'I do'.

"Someday it'll be for real," Jane said to Pamela, pulling her into a hug. "I promise."

"I promise too!" Pamela said, her eyes moist as they hugged.

"Thanks, Mr. Michaels," Pamela said, pulling me into the hug as well.

"Next!"

"I wrote my own vows," said Stacy, handing a piece of paper to Heather.

"Oh, okay." Heather read from the paper. "Do you, John Michaels, take this woman, Stacy Nelson, to be your lawfully wedded wife. Do you further promise to never shirk your responsibilities as a husband, and to submit to your wife's every demand for unprotected sex so that she may have as many children as she desires, so help you God?"

I looked at Stacy, aghast. "Are you serious?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Did you not hear it the first time? Do you want Heather to repeat the vow?" Stacy asked.

"No ... I ... I got it the first time," I hesitated. "This isn't real, right?"

Stacy merely arched her eyes at me.

"Okay..." I said hesitantly. "I uh ... I do."

"Yes," Stacy said, softly but triumphantly, closing her eyes and giving a fist pump. "Now read my vow!"

"Do you, Stacy Nelson, take this man, John Michaels, to be your lawfully wedded husband. Do you further promise to never shirk your responsibilities as a wife, and to include your husband in the lives of your family so much as he may desire, so help you God?"

"I do," she said, solemnly, stepping up to me for what turned out to be a very nice, soft kiss.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," Heather said. "Next!"

"I also wrote my own," Kristen announced, handing a piece of paper to Heather.

"Do you, John Michaels," Heather read from the paper, "take Kristen Dupré to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you further promise to always take care of her, always be available for a dinner date or fancy meal, be her friend and lover forever, and just generally do you promise to always be there for her even when she's sick in bed - especially when she's sick in bed - and just needs someone there to care for her?"

"I do," I smiled.

We kissed, were pronounced man and wife, and then it was time for Eve.