Chapter 6: Kissing in Public

Renee said, "Don't you dare tell Hannah anything!"

The morning was gray and chilly. Renee pulled a wool sweater over her uniform and freed her hair. I sat in my panties and buttoned up my blouse.

"We can't lie to her. I mean, we just can't."

"Tyballa, it would only hurt her and for no good reason."

"I wish we hadn't –"

"But we did, and you did, and you were very eager – so no backing out now, and no wasting time on guilt. We'll do the ceremony tonight, and you'll be with Hannah, and she'll be happy! Okay?"

I fastened the last button and reached for my skirt, but with a sudden grab, she snatched it away. She knelt in front of me.

"Okay? And lift your legs, sweetie."

I lifted my legs, and she pulled up the skirt. I lifted my bottom, and she got it up and fastened around my waist. She helped me tuck in my blouse. Then she kissed me.

"You'll keep quiet?"

"I'll keep quiet."

"Good. You're my girl now – oh, don't worry. Hannah will get plenty of you, and you of her, but you're mine. You both are. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

She kissed me again, and we finished getting dressed, putting on shoes, me clipping up my hair. Then we went to breakfast. On the way out the door, she smacked my bottom.

"You really do have the nicest ass."

"Tyballa! Renee! Wait up!"

It was Hannah running down the hall with Shelly in tow. Renee spun around and looked at her.

"Good morning!" Renee said with a big smile.

Everyone said good morning. Everyone smiled and laughed, except for me. I couldn't. I tried, but I couldn't. Hannah came up to me. She gave me a shy smile and took my hand.

"Good morning, sweetie."

She squeezed my hand, just a little squeeze, and I squeezed back. She seemed so small and pretty, so sweet. Eyes wide, I opened my mouth, but stopped myself from speaking. She let go of my hand and backed away.

"Tyballa ... is something wrong?" she asked.

I felt Renee watching.

"No, everything is fine."

"Oh."

She looked at me, then at Renee. Her shoulders slumped, and her face turned sad.

Could she tell, just from that?

"Come on. Let's go to breakfast," Renee said.

Renee turned and walked on toward the dining room. We followed.

April and Kathy joined us, and we all sat together at a table near a large window. It was a tight fit.

Renee said, "Well, if we grow much more, we'll need a bigger table."

The room was long with twelve tables, each seating about five or six girls. Near the end was a larger table with the dean and some other staff. I saw Father Murphy and Ms. Crawford. I didn't see Amanda.

The dean spoke. "Good morning girls. I hope everyone slept well."

Everyone answered back, "Good morning, Ms. Gilbert."

"Father Murphy will say a prayer. Everyone please bow your heads."

Each girl clasped her hands in front of her chest. Then each bowed her head and closed her eyes, except Hannah, who had one eye open, peeking at me.

I bowed and clasped my hands like the others, but I didn't close my eyes. I smiled at her. She looked back.

Father Murphy spoke a few words giving thanks for our meal and the goodness of "The Lord" in providing it – whoever that was. Then he said, "Amen." Everyone else muttered, "Amen." It seemed like a spell to me.

Girls started getting up, one table at a time, and heading out a set of doors. Moments later, that group would return with trays of food. When it was our turn, I followed the others. We went through the doors into the kitchen where there was a long counter stacked with plates and bowls, knives and forks, and a long line of serving bowls filled with eggs, bacon, and many kinds of bread and jam, waffles, and big tubs of butter. It was obvious what to do. I took a tray and a plate and went down the line. I took lots of waffles and loaded them with syrup and butter. Using a set of tongs, I grabbed a handful of bacon. The other girls had taken much less, I noticed, and had avoided the waffles and bread.

"If you eat like that you'll get fat," April said.

I shrugged my shoulders. I took a big scoop of eggs.

Renee said, "No, she's right, Tyballa. You shouldn't eat that much. Come one, sweetie, put some back." She put a hand on my shoulder.

"I can't eat what I want?"

"You can, if you must, but that's too much, too many carbs. You have a nice body, so I know you didn't eat this way back home, did you?"

Could I explain? Sometimes I'd gone many months without food, back home. A dignitary would visit. The queen would entertain. A feast would be spread out, one that defied imagination, a table a hundred yards long filled with every manner of beast and bird, roasted and fried or cooked into pies. And only meat, when the queen entertained there was only meat. The countryside would be stripped bare of game and livestock. Until dessert, when the savory pies would give way to sweet, and there was always a chocolate fountain. The queen would place me at the end of the table near her and I would be invited to eat my fill, to smile and make polite conversation. But when the guest was gone, if I'd eaten too much, in a manner unlike a lady – she said – I would go hungry, again for many months.

I put back the plate of waffles.

"May I have some toast and jam?"

"Sure, but only one piece."

On our way back to our table, Renee smiled. April walked next to her, chatting about an upcoming field hockey game and our chances of winning. Hannah came last, behind Kathy and Shelly. I slowed and walked next to her. I didn't say anything – Renee was too close – but I walked with her. I sat next to her and ate.

The eggs seemed too cool, the bacon too rubbery, and the toast wasn't crispy at all.

Breakfast ended. The dean dismissed us, and we filtered out to our classes. We headed to Latin, Renee strutting ahead, seeming unconcerned, and me walking along next to Hannah.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

Renee turned. "Hurry up you two!"

She stood and waited for us.

"I'm fine," Hannah said.

I needed to get her alone if I was going to talk to her.

Father Murphy selected another girl to read today, and she stumbled through the book, her voice halting and flat. I read on my own. I started at the beginning, and by the time class had ended, I was well past the point the class was at. Latin would be very easy, and very boring. Finally, we were dismissed.

We headed back across the green.

"Renee..."

"Yes?"

"I'm going to talk to Hannah alone, so will you go on ahead?"

"Oh?"

Renee turned and looked at us. I reached for Hannah's hand, but she drew it away. Then she changed her mind and let me grasp it, let me pull her close.

"Please," I said.

"Tyballa, we discussed this."

"Look, she obviously senses something is wrong."

Hannah released my hand. "So, what's going on?" she asked.

"I had sex with Renee."

"Tyballa!"

Hannah slumped and frowned. "Yeah, that's what I figured it was."

"I'm so sorry, Hannah," I said, "We were just so wound up from the evening, and it was raining, and we'd all drunk the sake."

"Right. It's no big deal. I'm glad you told me. Let's go to class."

She squeezed my hand and gave a half smile.

After geometry, Renee and I headed to English. As soon as we left the building, stepping onto the green, she stopped and turned in front of me.

"You shouldn't have said anything, Tyballa!"

"It turned out fine."

"That's not the point."

"Oh?"

"I told you not to do it."

I stepped past her, turning away dismissively. "Sometimes I don't do what I've been told."

She grabbed my arm and spun me in front of her.

"Tyballa!"

I jerked away and broke free. She stumbled but didn't fall.

"Tyballa, look – and fuck you're strong – you sure you didn't play sports?"

"No."

I kept stepping backward, keeping just out of her reach. She stopped advancing and stood.

"Okay, look. Calm down."

I stopped and waited. She went on.

"Tyballa, I have to know you'll listen to me. This isn't about being obedient. This is about when shit gets serious. Do you understand?"

"No. I mean, yes I understand things can get serious, and we need to stick together, and I understand you're the leader, but loyalty – loyalty is to the group, right? Hannah is part of the group. Weren't we disloyal to her?"

"Yes. Yes we were."

"So, I told her, though you said not to, because I'm loyal to my friends, all of them."

Her posture relaxed. She reached toward me.

"Oh sweetie. You're right to want to be good to Hannah, but I had a reason not to tell her. If you'd asked –"

"You just didn't want to get caught."

"No! That's not it. I'm not that shallow. In fact, for myself, I'm happy you told her. I'm glad she's cool about it. No, I didn't want you to tell her because of the curse."

There was a small pause.

"What curse?"

"Okay, you need to know before tonight anyhow. The vows, the ritual, there's a curse. When you perform the ritual, you pledge your loyalty to me and the group. If you betray us – or me – it comes back on you seven times worse."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So, what if Hannah had gotten really upset? What if she'd done something – drastic?"

"I don't know. I didn't know about the curse. I'm still glad I told her, but I understand better now."

"Right. Good. So, in the future, if I tell you to do something – or not to do something – please trust me. I mean, if you seriously disagree, talk to me and we can work it out."

"I will."

She smiled. "Come on. We're late."

We entered the building and the classroom.

"Girls – late again I see."

"Sorry, Ms. Christensen."

She was sitting at her desk. The rest of the class sat at theirs, quietly writing.

"Your own loss. We're writing an in-class essay today. Go ahead and get started. It's on the Red Badge of Courage. Tyballa, I don't expect you had time to read it."

"No ma'am."

"Fine. Judging from yesterday, you have plenty to say on the topic of war and courage. Just do your best."

We took our seats and started writing.

At lunch we found Hannah and April waiting in the student lounge. Renee again took her seat on the red lounge chair. Hannah and April slid apart, and I curled up between them on the couch, touching both of them. Everyone smiled, including me.

Shelly ran in and shouted. "There's a fight!"

Renee and April popped up.

"Who?" Renee asked.

"Madison Shelton and Chloe Sommers! On the green!"

"Hell yeah!" Renee dashed out. The rest of us followed.

By the time we reached the green, two teachers and Dean Gilbert were parting the crowd. The two girls were on the ground wrestling. The one girl, a blond, was getting the better of it, straddling the other. She had pulled up a clump of dirt and was rubbing it into the other girl's face. The girl on the bottom cried out and reached up, trying to scratch her opponent's face.

"Kick her ass, Chloe!" Renee shouted, laughing.

"Who is who?" I asked.

Hannah answered, "The one on top is Chloe. She's pretty cool. She never takes shit from anyone. The one on the bottom is Madison. She – well – uh – I don't like her much."

I didn't bother asking what it meant not to "take shit" from someone. I thought I could guess.

"Go Chloe," I said, smiling.

Dean Gilbert reached the girls and lifted Chloe, who continued to reach for, and kick at, the girl on the ground. She spat. As soon as the dean had Chloe under control, Madison popped up and started smacking Chloe, screaming and crying. Chloe struggled in the dean's grasp. Rushing into the fray, one of the other teachers got behind Madison, grabbed her, and pulled her away.

"Settle down!" the dean shouted. "Bring them to my office. And you two! Settle down now! I'm serious!"