Chapter 3

The rain turned to sleet as I drove through the darkness. Thoughts of a job in sunny southern California became more appealing as I was forced to slow as visibility became worse. The wipers worked overtime.

What the heck was going on with Allison?

This was the first time since we'd gotten back together that we'd spent any time away without a call. Maybe I should go to Carlsbad and have us spend a little time apart. That most certainly would get her attention. Is that what I wanted? I thought I had her attention. So why had she gone off in a snit and then refused to communicate? I admit I had the upper hand in our relationship since I returned to Tahlequah, but that was her choosing. Despite her hand-delivered by Emily card I made no attempt to contact her when I got home. I knew she was living at her parent's home while she was starting out as a teacher and that she was right next door, but those few yards between the houses seemed more like a minefield I didn't want o pick my way across. I could see no reason to reopen the relationship that had ended badly, and had caused me so much hurt.

I'd been home from the hospital a little over three weeks when I finally saw Allison. It was eight in the morning and I was at the counter at Big Toni's Café & Espresso getting a coffee. She was dressed in skirt and sweater and flats — what she called her "teacher uniform". Her auburn hair was pulled back in a scrunchie, and as always she was beautiful — actually more beautiful than the last time I saw her. She walked up to me smiling uncertainly.

"Hi Jake ... Welcome back. How are you?"

She didn't notice that Toni had handed me two coffees.

"Thanks Allison. Doing well..."

Before I could say anything else Betti Taylor walked up and took one of the cups. She was in her green scrubs, but still looking delectable and she casually slipped one arm through mine, that universal sign to other women that this man is taken. She told me later that as she waited for me in her car she had seen Allison come in, and wanted no mistake about who was with whom these days.

Allison stood wide-eyed for a couple of seconds. At the same time I think she realized that I was unshaven and my clothes were a bit on the rumpled side. I did look like I'd been rode hard and put up wet — in a good way I thought. Her eyes seemed to get bigger as she realized what that meant and why I was with Betti before work having coffee.

"Hi Allison", she purred

Allison responded with a nod, and red-faced she turned and fled.

We walked out and Betti said,

"Wonder what got into her..."

I laughed. It wasn't because of Allison's discomfort but just the strangeness of life.

Betti gave me a smoldering kiss as she dropped me at my house before she headed for the hospital. She was working days then, as I was, while I was going through mandatory training at the fire station. She had grabbed me the first day I showed up patient in tow in her emergency room. I was the butt of a lot of good natured humor around the fire station for having landed "the unobtainable" Nurse Betti. Somehow I think we both knew it wouldn't last but my time with Betti was unforgettable. She was beautiful, funny and an imaginative bed partner. We were exclusive for a few months and I'm sure the talk of the community.

Neither of us tried to hide our relationship and I certainly heard about it from Emily who at that time was firmly back in Allison's corner.

One morning before work Emily and I were standing in the kitchen finishing our coffee. We were alone in the house. She was in her scrubs and I was wearing my white shirt and dark trousers paramedic uniform.

Jeese Jake ... can't you see it ... Betti's not the one for you ... she goes through boyfriends like tissues. She'll toss you into the trash pile with all the other guys in this town who thought they were the one...

"Emily ... not that my love life is any business of yours..." I said it with a smile.

"But we're two consenting adults who happen to have a great time together ... and I also know she's only had two relationships in her life ... despite what the rumor mill at the hospital says. In the first one she had her heart broken and she broke up with the second. She's very cautious around men and for good reason."

From the look on her face I could see Emily disagreed with my assessment of Nurse Betti Taylor and she tried a new tack.

"Wouldn't hurt for you to at least go and see Allison."

"To what purpose? Like Betti, I'm very cautious around the opposite sex and you know why."

"Jake that was a long time ago. You need to go see her and maybe just tell her how you feel and that she needs to get on with her life since there's no chance you're going to get back together."

"Emily ... Allison's not stupid. I think by now she gets the picture. For the last four years I've ignored her attempts to contact me. It's been five years since she broke up with me and despite her letters and her protestations of love for me and no other I've not encouraged her in any way. She's seen me around with Betti and knows we're dating. Can you tell me why on God's green earth she would need an explanation?"

Emily replied quietly, "Because she still loves you."

"Good grief Emily ... How can she possible love me? She doesn't even know me! I'm not the same gullible kid who believed her lies about our love lasting forever and the rest of that crap that sounds like some insipid Valentine card! Talk about tossing someone aside like a tissue!"

Emily looked shocked at my outburst and on the verge of tears.

"Sorry..." I took her hand. "Didn't mean it to all come out that way."

She put her arms around my neck.

"I'm sorry Jake. I sometimes forget how badly she hurt you. And you know me the eternal optimist. You and Allison are my best friends and I just want everyone to be happy..."

I hugged her.

Changing the subject I said, "Emily how about you? When are you going to find that special man anyway?"

I caught a brief glimpse of sorrow as she tried to smile.

"Oh just as soon as he realizes I'm the one."

I was surprised.

"You mean there is someone special?"

Emily nodded.

"Anyone I know? Someone at the hospital? Not that ER Doc ... what's his name? Carter? Who seems so self important?"

She just shook her head.

"So are you going to tell this clueless person how you feel?"

"Can't ... I don't know how he feels and I don't want to rock the boat."

I looked at my beautiful self-confident sister. I was puzzled. But love seems to make us all insecure and vulnerable and I was far from being in a position to give advice.

"I'm sure he'll come around, but if you need me to give him a push, just let me know!"

This elicited a smile and a hug.

A few days later Allison surprised me. I was out at the end of our driveway near the county road stretching getting ready for my early morning run when she appeared. She was dressed like me in sweatshirt and running shorts despite the chilly morning.

"Good morning!" she said cheerily.

Dressed as she was with her beautiful legs on display I couldn't help staring. She had matured into a true beauty.

I looked at her and said nothing and she seemed to flush under my gaze.

"Mind some company?"

I shook my head and started off down the road. I was a solitary runner — always had been. I avoided group runs and never cared for the macho chatter. Running allowed me to let my brain freewheel and many times to solve the thorniest problems. I figured if she wanted to run with me, well it's a free country, mostly, so she could come along as long as she didn't expect me to talk to her, and as long as she could keep up.

So we ran silently through the early morning chill watching the light change as the sun come up behind us over the colorful hills of fall, our breath streaming behind us.

Allison was obviously an experienced runner; having no problem with the four miles I led us on that morning. When we were about a half mile from our starting point I slowed us to a walk to cool down. We didn't say a word until we reached the entrance to her driveway, when she said,

"Thanks, Jake ... See you tomorrow."

And so it went for the next couple of weeks. I had to hand it to Allison she was out every day, rain or shine. Most mornings I would mumble a reply to her "Good morning" and set off.

It was near the end of probably the third week when she asked me a question at the end of a particularly fast-paced five miles,

"Were you going to tell me you were moving?"

We had stopped at her driveway. I watched her beautiful face with its mix of emotions, her auburn hair ruffling in the breeze.

She stood close to me and I could smell her. A mix of sweat and the spicy scent she wore.

I nodded. "Yes, I think so..."

She nodded and said, "I'm glad."

So that was the start of the next phase of our relationship. Allison seemed to time it perfectly since Betti had started on nights and we would be seeing a lot less of each other.

So I moved in with Pete. We were a good match. And soon the four Musketeers seemed to have reformed. Emily took over a social director and Allison was always with her.

One evening after we'd been to the lake just to walk and admire the late fall colors we decided to go out for pizza, but inexplicably both Pete and Emily begged off. I didn't think much of it at the time but looking back on it, it was an obvious set up. That became what we thought of as our first unofficial date. During that time when the musketeers reformed I realized how much I had missed the four of us together and it began to dawn on me that I missed Allison.

A about week or so after our "date" we were sitting bundled up against the fall chill on the front porch swing at her parent's house just watching the stars, when Allison said,

"Jake, I promised myself that if you and I ever had a chance to get back together I'd only apologize once. If you accept, I'd never mention it again and the Jake Turner I know would leave it at that and never throw it back at me."

I said nothing.

"So Jake, I'm just going to say this once, I'm sorry for how I treated you. There was no excuse for my actions in Austin. I was stupid and fell victim to a real smooth operator. I'm not using that as an excuse. I knew what love was and that was what we had. I pushed that away and hurt you terribly. I didn't even have the nerve to tell you in person. I promise if you'll have me again I'll never do anything to hurt you. I love you Jake and I always will."

I tried to stifle a wince because I'd heard those words before from Allison. She frowned because I had not hid it well enough.

Unlike in those chick flicks I didn't gather her in my arms and tell her everything was okay and we would get back together. I'd only been home from the war and hospital for a few months and was just getting used to civilian life and being around Allison again, plus to tell the truth I had developed some strong feelings for Betti, although I didn't think those feelings were reciprocated.

"Allison ... I accept your apology but I have to tell you that you are the one person who makes me vulnerable ... and you hurt me so deeply even though it was a lot of years ago that I need time to think about what you just said. I'm a different person now and so are you. I need to take things slow and think about all you've said and being around you. Okay?"

She readily agreed and we started dating but we didn't take up where we left off. There was no passionate love making not that I didn't want to but I held back. Allison was more than willing. She also tried to accept the fact I was still seeing Betti.

So our relationship bumped along for a month or so. Betti, the smart one caught on to what was happening fairly quickly and after a night of spectacular lovemaking she tenderly sent me on my way to figure out what was going to happen with Allison. I was relieved and saddened. Betti had become my friend too and we truthfully vowed to remain so. I did hear through the grapevine that Betti was hell on wheels at the ER for a few weeks after our relationship ended, but never to me and she continued to spurn the advances of the other paramedics and firemen. I took grief at the fire station for that too although by then it was common knowledge that Allison and I were back together.