Chapter 7: Two Queer Stories

Stacey looked over, noticed my expression and asked, "You Okay, Jenine?"

"Yes hon, just curious about some things. I'm jealous girls. Jealous of the way you love each other and your freedom. Can I ask you a question?"

"What about?" asked Stacey.

"When did you figure this all out, I mean being gay and everything? Give me the whole thing and don't leave out the tidbits." The girls looked at me, and then looked at each other in a silent conversation. It seemed I was the first to broach the topic with the two, and they were very eager to share their story. I assumed the unaccustomed role of student, and the two of them became my teacher.

Stacey, the loquacious little professor who was always happy to hear the sound of her voice, said, "I'm not trying to downplay the question, but there is some unhappiness within you that must be quashed or you're going to go bonkers. You really need to lose the hubby and find a woman. That appears to be at the crux of your misery. Obviously, if you can't admit what you are then you will never be happy. I'm sorry if I'm being bitchy, but don't you think you should?"

I paused, realizing that this teenager had hit the nail on the head, and then said, "You don't know my story, it's hard for me. I've been through a few things that have messed me up."

"It's not easy for any of us to be gay and face the ridicule. I've had it better than most, being raised by an understanding mother. But don't even think that we don't notice the ridicule of our classmates. The guys want to fuck us to show us what a real man can do, or either they want to see us getting it on. Most girls hate us and think they are going to catch our illness. Fuck 'em, we are not sick; we are queer. So I say, Fuck you world. Stick it up your ass if you don't like it. There is nothing I can do about it. Except love girls the way God meant me to love girls. Sometimes you must say Fuck off world."

It was silent for a few seconds

"Yes, you're right," I mumbled, "but not yet. I just can't do that yet."

"A month ago, did you think you would ever have sex with a girl?" I shook my head. "So, yes you can, at least you'll admit that. Honestly, we'll do anything to help you, as long as you try to help yourself."

"Would you tell me your stories? That may help me sort it out," I asked, trying to keep from crying.

"Well, I know the question isn't superfluous, least not for you, but you know it isn't going to solve the real issue."

"I know, damn it, but it's a starting point."

"No, the starting point is getting rid of the dick."

She paused and looked at me. I shrugged. "Okay," she said. "Not ready, but when you are, come get me and my girl. We will walk down Main Street with you in our gay pride t-shirts baby. Now, I'll tell you about me."

"All my little girlfriends were going all gaga over Julio Iglesias while my body hungered for Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. I fondly remember sitting in my Grandma's lap at a very young age, never wanting to leave her for some reason I didn't understand. It had something to do with her cheap perfume and the soothing little songs that she sang to me as she patted my back and ran her fingers through my hair." Stacey looked at me to make sure I was listening.

Satisfied, she started again, "Even under the scrutiny of Mom, my girl dolls always held hands and kissed. I think she noticed I was different, and fortunately, never played the guilt card or told me it was bad or wrong. I just figured that girls being together followed some kind of natural order after all; it was only just Mom, Grandma, and me. Of course, by the time I became a bit more mature, the ugly perception of the world forced a reality to my brain: be gay, act straight.

"Mom and I kind of grew up together, because she was only seventeen when I was born. Grandma was more like the mom for both of us. The asshole that supplied the sperm to produce me left when I was two. Mom never let that scar me and never spoke ill of the man, although she never dated again until I was in my teens.

"Going to night school while working all day at a daycare, she graduated, became a first grade teacher and my Joan of Ark. All I knew as a child was the female love of my mother and grandmother, not incest or anything, but women caring for each other in a maternal way.

"When my mom caught me in my little twin bed making out with a girl, her reaction probably helped me sort things out the most. I suppose my very loud moaning gave us away, but it was just difficult for me to keep my hands off any girl who would let me touch her. Strangely, Mom didn't storm in the room, call the police and put a stop to our little reindeer games. Mom closed the door and left the two of us alone, my friend never lifting her lips from my mouth.

"After my friend left the next morning, I was expecting a beating worse than Cain gave Abel. She surprised me by honestly explaining her experimentation with girls when she was my age. Hugging me, she said I was too young to have sex with boys or girls. She didn't want me to suffer some of the pain that she went through with my father. Sensing it was more than naïve experimenting with me, Mom told me something I will never forget as long as I live, I will always love you, even if you screw up.

"After that day, when I was still a young teen, I decided to become openly gay, which caused quite a stir at my school, with mom being a teacher and all. The acceptance issue followed me to high school, but I was a bit of a wallflower, no boobies or anything like that, so most didn't really even notice the gay girl. Then all hell broke loose my junior year when I found my first real girlfriend, and we walked through the halls at Franklin High School hand in hand, like all the male and female couples. The principal tried to stop us, but Mom came to school and shut the bastard down.

"She threatened a lawsuit based upon discrimination; fought all the way up to the school board, and their attorney advised them they would lose. I still can't believe how hard she fought for me, her being a teacher, but I did go to the prom with the girl, which was a first for the district. It made the national news.