Chapter 6

Toby was keen to go to a new fetish club that the Jays had told him about where everyone dressed up in rubber, leather or 'Goth' gear. He had no strong leanings towards any of those things as far as I knew, but it was somewhere new and different. He said black jeans and T-shirt, with a little macabre touch such as skull and crossbones earrings or exaggerated black eye shadow, would do as minimal costume.

I thought the club might be a good laugh, and at least it would be a change from his usual dive. For my token fetish touch I bought two push-on vampire teeth from a fancy dress shop. They were just right, not grotesquely large, but protruding over my lower lip enough to be noticed. Wearing them I stole up on Dale when he was combing his hair in the bathroom. He looked at me in the mirror, puzzled, and I opened my mouth wide and made as thought to bite his neck. 'Do you know, ' he said, unperturbed by my plastic fangs, 'that mirrors do not reflect the image of vampires? It's a well-known non-fact.'

'A well-known non-fact?'

'Nothing to do with people turning into vampires is fact, is it?'

'Will you still think that after I've bitten you?'

'Please don't, this is a clean shirt. You look good though ... I'm not being ironic ... a hint of danger can be appealing. You off out somewhere?'

I told him about the new club. At first he seemed interested, but was put off on hearing that Toby and the Jays were going. Otherwise he might have let me drag him along. He was tired anyway from working even later than usual on a reorganization in the out-patient clinics. Going with him to the Give and Take for half an hour might have cheered him up, but it was too late to change my arrangement with Toby and the Jays. Reluctantly I left him to watch television, or find relief in his erotic computer game.

On reaching Toby's flat I regretted leaving Dale on his own more than ever. Toby opened the door wearing a leather kilt, black eye-shadow and black lipstick. I felt obliged to say the effect was fantastic. He clearly thought that it was wonderful, but twirling around in his stupid kilt, his face made ugly by grotesque make-up, to me he looked awful. My usual pride over being with someone so attractive would have to be suspended that night. Increasingly, what other people thought was unimportant. Whether we were happy or miserable depended ultimately on the two of us. For me the fetish club was a sideshow, an hour or two's potentially amusing distraction. For him it was evidently a big event, worth a lot of preparation.

Used to being able to have pretty well anyone he wanted, he was always self-confidant. He pushed me onto the sofa and said, 'Fuck me, those teeth do something for you. We've got time before we go. You can give me a thrill right now.'

'What about your make-up?'

'Oh, yeah, don't mess that up, be careful.' He grabbed my hand and put it under his kilt, but as he did his phone rang. He could never resist answering it straight away. After listening for a few moments he said, 'Yes, but we don't need to rush, do we ... What? ... Oh, okay.' He ended the call. 'Sorry, sexy. The Jays are on their way in a taxi. They're at the corner of the road.'

Like Toby, they had dressed up far more than me. Each wore a tight-fitting black latex top. His had a hood that, pulled up, covered his head except for his eyes, nose and mouth; her top had ribbed bra cups, very low at the front, exposing the upper surface of her breasts and revealing her nipples. 'You'll do, ' she said to Toby. They'll all be wondering what you've got on under that kilt. But what about him? Where does he think he's going? His aunty's Hallowe'en party? Come here.' She took a stick of face paint from her handbag and told me to sit down. I submitted to having black lines painted on my cheeks and forehead. They had let their cab go, so Toby phoned for another to take us to the club. God knows what the driver must have thought as we climbed in.

When we descended the steps to the fetish bar we found only half a dozen others. Four were wearing black clothes that might have come from any high street shop; only two were in fetish gear, a man wearing a long black priest's robe, and a woman in rubber trousers with oval openings at the back that exposed half her buttocks. All had improbably black hair. Behind the bar was a mural of a moonlit Gothic ruin surrounded by bats and howling wolves. Cocktails on promotion included a sweet, gooey green liquid called triffid juice, and a purple concoction called viper's blood.

Shortly after we sat down, Jayde took a box from her bag with the words A Gift for You written on it and handed it to me. 'Here you are Ben, ' she said, unusually sweetly. 'We spotted this in a novelty shop and thought you'd like it.' She had no reason to give me a present, and holding it at arm's length I suspiciously tugged at a flap in the wrapping on the side. With a startling whooping sound, a three foot black balloon in the shape of a phallus rose into the air in front of me. Everyone else in the bar saw what I was holding and fell around laughing.

Concealing my embarrassment and indignation, I laughed too, pretending to find the huge dick funny, and said loudly, 'Just what I've always wanted.' In a different situation I might have thought the prank funny, but in that place, in front of strangers I felt that she had humiliated me.

Jake read my true feelings and said, 'Sorry mate.' He took the balloon from me and tugged at something inside to deflate it. He patted my knee and said, 'It's just a joke, let it go. Tell you what, come and dance with me.'

'This is not a gay club, is it?'

'Come on, who's going to worry about that? That bloke in the black frock, or that woman with her arse hanging out?'

Toby wanted to check out the group at the bar and said, 'Go on Ben, let's see how you and Jake move together. Have a try at making me jealous.'

The music, more like screams of aggression than a song, was hard to dance to. Jake pulled me to him and said, 'Let's take up his challenge ... try and make him jealous, what d'you say?'

'You might be the one who should worry about being jealous. The other night Toby told me he was bisexual. Maybe he fancies Jayde.'

'Everyone's supposed to be a bit bi, aren't they? Including me, in case you're wondering. See Toby and that bloke now, is he chatting him up? It's nice to have a change, sometimes, isn't it? Loosen up, Ben, don't be inhibited. Take an 'E' to help you get into it. You don't want to miss out.'

My guess was that Toby was more likely to be selling pills to the man at the bar, not chatting him up. The music of drum beats and relentless screams ended, and I broke away from Jake's arms. We went back to the table, where Jayde hurriedly finished talking to someone on her phone. 'You two were dancing very close.' she said. 'You on the turn, Jake?'

'What of it? Suppose he is someone I could go for?'

She laughed. 'Oh, get you. You'll be painting your nails next. Come and have a dance with me now, Ben. Ought to be turn and turn about, if that's how it's going to be.'

'Yeah, go on, ' he said, 'I'll get in the drinks.'

While Jayde and I danced, I saw him speak briefly to Toby at the bar. The music improved; she moved well, showing a good sense of rhythm, but we did not dance close. When we rejoined Jake there were only three drinks on the table.

'I take it Toby's found other interests, ' I said.

'You're all right with us, ' Jake answered, 'don't bother about him. What do you think of the place?'

'Never been anywhere like this before, I'll give it that. Not many people in, though.'

'Quiet night. Seen anything you like?'

'Do I fancy anyone here, you mean? Not really.'

Halfway through the beer Jake had bought for me I began to feel extraordinarily tired. The Jays tried to get me up to dance again, but my leg muscles would not work properly and I sank back into the seat. They sounded odd, as though they were talking to me from a long distance away, and I could not make out what they were saying.

A little later Toby came over, lifted my head up, leaned over me and said in my ear, 'Ben, mate, you're all in. Jayde and Jake are going to take you back to the flat now, I've got a couple of things to do. You like Jake, don't you? He likes you. So does Jayde. Just go back with them, they'll see you're okay. I'll catch up with you later.'

My recollection of what happened after that is unclear. They must have walked me out of the club and pushed me into a taxi. Toby must have given them the keys to his flat, for I remember going in and Jayde wiping my face clean of make-up. They put me to bed, and got in with me. They did not force themselves on me, I lacked the will to refuse what they wanted me to do. It was as though the conscious, thinking, normal me was suspended and only a kind of physical, sex-toy version of me remained. I was dimly aware that I had been drugged, and this chemically modified 'me' responded to what was demanded of it, shifting from one position to another, and thrusting this way or that as required.