Phillip smiled as he handed the young man a cup of steaming hot coffee, the boy returned the smile, sitting the cup on the table.

"Thank you Phillip," Jamie leaned back in his chair and tried to seem at ease. He had been outside doing a few odd jobs in the boat yard when Phillip had stuck his head out the door and called for him to come to the house. "What's up?"

Phillip settled into the chair across the table from the boy's questioning look. His eyes, dark and serious, focused on Jamie.

He was looking at a young man of twenty but he looked more like sixteen. Jamie had a slight build and stood only five feet and seven inches above the ground. He might have weighed one hundred and fifty pounds if he had a pocket full of rocks and was soaking wet. Yet this boyish creature across the table had killed in battle, and jumped from airplanes in the darkness of night. It was hard for Phillip to see this young man floating down from a dark sky with a loaded machine gun and death as his job. Philip shook his head in wonderment that this young man could be a veteran of not one but two wars. Though it had been short Jamie had did a lot so far in his life. Phillip stared at this ex-sergeant of the 82nd airborne division, but all he saw was the boy Jamie. He saw the trust and loyalty, and he also saw the intellect that led the young man to a hard decision.

When you are in the 82nd you are the sharp end on the governments stick. When the government decides to poke somebody into action, the 82nd is the prod.

Jamie had been deployed to the Domican Republic, what he saw and what he had been ordered to do, made him realize that his country was wrong. This fact, while sobering, was not enough to make Jamie consider for a moment leaving his friends. He had served out his tour of duty until the day they were sent home to Ft Bragg, N.C. and everyone had slipped back into their chicken-shit routines.

Then came the call to head for Vietnam where after six months his political education was completed. He found that he was not willing to continue to kill and main for his country. When he was sent to Hawaii for two weeks of R and R he decided that he would go AWOL. He took a plane to Denver where he stayed with a friend for a month. After thirty days he took his friend and her mother to eat out at The Denver Drumstick afterwards they dropped him off at a police station where he turned himself in as a deserter. He had stood before a panel of officers who found him guilty and sentenced him to one year at hard labor and a bad discharge. It was a surprisingly harsh sentence, Jamie had figured that his record would count for something but apparently it hadn't.

"Lord knows, when the cold wind blows, It'll turn your head around."

The words of the song played through Phillips mind as he looked at this man. A man who would serve time in jail, rather than do something that he didn't believe in. Yet when he first met him he was working as a male prostitute in Jackson.

Phillip shook these thoughts from his mind and got back to the business at hand. "I enjoy working with you, Jamie boy; you have impressed me with your work habits. That alone would be enough to make me ask you to work for me." His hand reached across the table and took the boys hand. "The nights have been very good, you are very exciting to me and I love having you in my bed, but, and this is a kind of an important 'but', I want more."

Phillip stopped talking; he looked at the younger man, almost a boy, slight of build but hard muscled, small but tough and wiry. He felt a desire to have him again, it seemed that the boy had some sort of spell on him; he wanted him all the time. This young man with his baby face had occupied his thoughts since that first night he laid eyes on him. He had driven by him twice before deciding to take a chance on him. It was the best gamble that he had ever made. The boy had brought happiness and excitement back into his life. Phillip felt that he loved this boy; he wanted him to be his for a long time. Maybe a lifetime, if he was lucky.

Jamie had jumped to a wrong conclusion. Suddenly he felt that Phillip was looking for a kind way to tell him that his time here was over. The thought hit him like a hammer to the chest.

He had begun to feel like a part of Phillip's household, maybe even like a part of a relationship. He had felt that this was a perfect place to stay until his enlistment in the army would have passed. Jamie could not face the disappointment in his father's face if he ever found out what sort of discharge his son had gotten. Jamie had been lost, with no trade except infantryman, no money and unable to go home or ask for help from family. Jamie had done a lot of hitchhiking while he was in the service and he had found that gay guys really loved his cock. Jamie had always loved blowjobs and when these guys would give him a ride and then let things slip that they would love to suck his dick, he always let them. This time he had started to let them suck on his dick for money, after all you have to work with what you got.

He met Phillip while he was standing outside the park in Jackson, and they had hit it off right away. He had let his emotions run away with him, had let his desires blind him. He had crossed lines with Phillip, he had jacked him off, he had caressed his body, and he had even allowed Phillip to kiss him on the lips. He felt that he had offered his best to this man and it had been accepted and now this. He was good but not good enough. He felt water forming in his eyes. He just wanted to get the fuck out of here, the hurt was too much. He hung his head to hide the tears and waited for the words that would break his heart.

The awkward silence extended itself. Just as he was about to break it, he heard Phillip speak again. "I know that you want to go on the boat with me," he stopped like he was trying to lure the boy into denying the truth of what he had just said. The boy remained silent; his eyes seemed to be boring a hole into the floor.

"I want you to be my crew but even more I want you to be my lover, I want to be your captain in real life, both during the day in the running of the boat and at night in my bed." He eyes locked with Jamie's for an instant. "You know how much you mean to me, you have eyes, I have not hid my feelings for you. I want you to give yourself to me as a bride. I want to have you as a wife, someone that I can always trust to bring pleasure into my life. I will make a fine husband to you, I will be a man who will protect you and love you. I want to make your body burn with the heat of my lust for you. I want to be able to touch you and hold you any time that I need to or want to. I want to feel your touch on me and I want to know that you will please me when I need pleasing. But most of all I want to make you happy. I am only asking you to give this thing a try for a few months. I am sure that this is the best thing that could possibly happen to you. We can work together to make our dreams come true. I can help you, and you can save me. I was pretty much dead before I found you. I was just going through the motions day after day, until that finial day they buried me. I had no hopes or plans for the future. You have changed that for me. Now I think about how to get new contracts. How we can build this little business into something that I will be proud to give to you. I think we can make it into something you would be proud to own. You can save me from a wasted life" Phillip forced himself to stop; he was rambling on and sounded desperate even to himself.

Jamie blinked away tears as he raised his head and looked into this loving face. He could see the truth in his eyes as he heard the words. The young man's heart had swelled and forced a lump into his throat. Jamie watched Phillips's face as he tried to answer his question but the words would not come to him. In their absence he rose and went around the table and bending down hugged the bigger man with all his strength. His own strong arms bringing the hard back edge of the chairs frame painfully into his chest. Phillip's chair was an old dinette chair with a chromed metal pipe running around the back and then going down to become the legs below. On the chair that Phillip had sat in tonight there was a loose screw; this screw would usually be snugged down into a counter-sunk recess so that it would never be noticed, much less felt by anyone. Tonight that little screw was like a spike, pressing like a blunt tipped nail into the flesh of Jamie's chest.

Phillip raised his hands and held Jamie's' close to his chest. Jamie found himself willing away the pain from the screw and finding a warm glow taking its place. He still felt the pain but instead of something to be suffered through, the pain had become a test of desire. He let himself melt into the glow. He loved the test of the pain; he loved standing up to it for the sake of this man who held him. He felt himself flowing into another shape becoming somebody different then the man he had been before. The jabbing pain and the pleasing effect were doing a number on his mind. He held him with his face pressed into the side of his neck for a long time. The boy could feel the strength in the older mans body, but it was not Phillip's arms that held Jamie in his painful position. It was Jamie's love for this man.

Jamie thought of these things as he held the man; he realized how much this meant to the man in his arms. Phillip was willing to share everything with him; Jamie didn't mind a little pain for this man. The embrace lasted long enough for his tears to stop and he was able to regain his composure a bit. Finally, he let his arms slip from the older mans torso. He carefully moved straight back and felt the screw pull its head from his flesh. The screw head had left a deep hole like impression just above Jamie's right nipple. It hurt like hell when it pulled free. He ignored the burning on his chest and bending over kissed the top of Phillip's balding head.

His hand rubbing the indentation on his chest, he walked back around the table and sat down. Jamie's eyes held the eyes of Phillip as he reached across the table to take the older mans large hands into his own. The younger man was glad that he had the table to hide his hard-on. This guy had an effect on him that was uncanny. He was confused about his feelings. One part of him was happy that his dick stayed hard a lot, after all that was the tool that paid the rent. Another part of him knew it ain't cool when somebody else is pushing all your buttons and you respond every time by getting a boner. When that was happening to you, somebody else was in control. Now this, Jamie had a hard-on from being exposed to pain. This was a really kinky path he was walking now, he wondered not for the first time, if he should pull back and get the hell away from this guy. He could feel this thing with Phillip getting out of control. Jamie had promised himself, while he was inside that cell, that he would always be the one in control once he got released.

"Phillip, I have come to feel that I am a part of your life already. You are certainly a big part of my life. I am very grateful to you for all your help these last few weeks. You have made me very happy. I hope that I returned the favor to you. "He smiled at him as he remembered some of the things that they had done, and where they had done them, these last few weeks."You know that I want to go with you. But I can't, not yet, I'm not ready." His eyes drilled into Phillip's as he spoke. "Just give me a little time to get the military out of my system. I promise that I will be here ready to go on your next trip. Let me breathe the air like a free man for a few weeks before you ask me to confine myself to the decks of your barges and boat. I've been in jail and now I want to be free of all restrictions for a while. I need to have this time."

Jamie's mind went back to those days in the brig. It was a hard time but there had been some moments of prideful rebellion. It had turned into a pissing contest between him and the commander of the Ft. Carson Stockade. He had refused to work; the commander had put him in solitary until he changed his mind. After a few days the commander had decided to remove the wooden platform that served as Jamie's bed. A few days later he was stripped down to his briefs and the guards started to open windows. This was happening in a metal cell six feet wide by eight feet long and only six feet tall. The floor and walls as well as the ceiling was shiny sheet metal, the only openings were for the single unit sink-shitter appliance. It had been November when he arrived and soon the Colorado winter began to take its toll on him. When he didn't cave, the commander started to limit his food to a thousand calories a day and everything had to be refrigerated for twenty-four hours before Jamie got it. The commander also took away any seasonings like salt or sugar or anything else that might bring any pleasure while you were eating.

Thanksgiving dinner that year was cold stewed tomatoes and five slices of white bread, Christmas was a box of cornflakes and five slices of white bread no milk but all the water that a man could drink. This had an effect; Jamie dropped weight until he only weighed 94 lbs. The cold steel floor made the soles of his feet get thick and dry until they cracked and bled with every step. Jamie never broke.

Then one day an army doctor came to visit, he was more then a little shocked at Jamie's condition and ordered him a plate from the mess hall right away. Jamie's food was good for the next two days and then he was told that due to lack of space he was being given an early release. When he left Ft Carson he held the record for solitary confinement, he had lasted from November 20th until February 28th. As far as he knew it was still the record.

Phillip thought of this time in the brig as simple jail time. Jamie had lived through it and knew better, they had tried to break his will, and they almost had. He needed a little more distance between him and that time in his life before he wanted to limit his motions again. They had been over this before and his irritation was showing.

"No! No, no, it's not like that." Phillip was reaching out to the boy with his hands as well as his eyes, almost like he could tell what the boy had been thinking. His fingers locked in to the strong yet thin forearms of the boy with a surprising strength, his eyes hot, wet with his intensity. "I don't want to lock you up, I want to set you free. I want to make your life happy. You can make me happy too. I think that you might be the one who could make me want to be alive again, I feel different since we have been together. You have affected my life in so many ways; I want sex more now then I have in years. That's not all; 'things' are better now. Food seems to taste better when you are with someone special. The conversations that goes on for hours, jumping from point to point. Someone who loves you can turn a night into an adventure. Someone that you love can shine the light of joy into the dark corners of your life. Love can turn despair into hope. You have done this for me. I am not the same, as when we met, I have become a better man for having you around me. I don't want to lose you Jamie." It was as close to a proposal as Phillip had ever come with anybody.

"Ok, I know what you want." Jamie struggled to find the words that would explain to Phillip how he felt. It was a hard task because as he was talking he was realizing just how much he did feel for this man. " I want it too; we all want to be loved by somebody. It's just; I don't think that I could be what you want. I can't be what I ain't even if that is what you want me to be. Phillip all that I have to give to you is already yours, my true friendship and my body. I cannot become a queer and marry you like you want me to do."

The boy felt that he was being stingy with this man who had given so much to him. Somehow he felt that he should offer anything to this man but you could lose your soul that way. He had to be careful; there is a thin line that separates the queers from the guys who service them. He was one of those service guys and saw no reason to change teams. "My dick is all that I have to give you and it is yours whenever you want it. I gave it to you last night didn't I? I know that you're a queer and that you want to suck my dick. As long as you give me a place to stay I promise that you can suck me as often as you might like. Hell I like to get my dick sucked but that's not enough for you is it? You think that I have to be with you all the time, trapped like a rat or some sort of a pet with a dick."

The boy was in uncharted waters here but he wanted to impress him with how strongly he felt about this stuff. He continued.

"Look, I like you, I like you a lot. But you got to remember that you're the queer. I am not a queer. I am just a guy who would rather have his dick sucked by a man then to have to do without. I am sure that someday I will meet a woman and we will hit it off. I am not queer, I like you so much that I almost wish that I were, but I am not." Jamie rubbed the red spot on his chest that marked the spot where he had been screwed by chair. It was almost like a small brand he thought.

Phillips eyes followed the young mans hands until he saw the red spot with the small 'x' in the middle. "What happened to you there?" he asked.

Jamie explained that it was something on the back of his chair that had jabbed him while he was hugging him a while ago.

"You should have said something man, shit I didn't know that I was hurting you when I was holding your hands." Phillip looked like he really was sorry about this little sore spot.

"This little spot ain't shit compared with what you are trying to do to me now. You are trying to turn me into a queer and get me to live with you like I was a fucking woman or something. Don't you understand that I don't want to ever become a queer, that I would rather die right now, then be a queer and live forever"?

It would be nice if words had strings attached to them so that when you spit out something stupid you could just pull it back and try something different. He had just spit out something really stupid and he had no string to pull it back with.

He softened his voice, lost some of the anger. "If you really want to make me feel good, you know what I like"

As he spoke he strolled around the table to stand beside the man. He thought that he was offering himself much as a cheap whore might flaunt her body to hook a john. He kinda liked to think of himself like that, a guy who had a hot body and liked sex enough to make his living doing it. Not by charging money but by being so hot and so exciting that they would pay his expenses just to have him around. He let himself slip a little deeper into the role of whore as he pushed his pelvis against the side of Phillips head. He knew that the man could feel the beginning of his erection as he brushed it against his ear. The boy stepped across the older man's leg pushing himself into the space between the man and the table. He let his dick slide around the seated mans head until he reached his face. His hands went to Phillip's head and started to caress it. Pulling the older mans head into his crotch, he said. "Why don't you show me how happy you want me to be?"

Phillip's big hands reached out and took hold of both of the boyish hips. Pulling the smaller man down until he sat on his leg, one leg on each side. The larger man started to use more force as he started to rub the kid's ass back and forth on his leg in a slow fucking motion. "So, I am a queer and you are a red, white, and blue sort of regular guy huh?" By now the boy had to move his hands form Phillips head to his shoulders to maintain his balance. The tugboat captain had the young ex-paratrooper riding his leg rubbing his boy pussy through his jeans.

Jamie felt dirty and cheap, this was not a manly thing to do, and a real man would never be caught doing this sort of thing. This thought did not stop his dick from getting hard as a rock. The kid was getting hot and at the same time excited. He felt more like a whore then he had ever felt before. For the first time in his life he felt the slut in him take control. She had always been inside of him, sometimes cheering and urging him on, but tonight she took over. The man in him, too weak to resist this feeling, sat back and let the slut run wild.

He seemed to find an inner calm and let his body flow with the feelings. There was a boy within him as well as the slut and the young man. The young man was who he was. The slut was who he could be some of the time. The boy in him, who still wanted to grow into the man he hoped that he would become, could not stand the thought of it and began to resist. That warm peaceful feeling with its glow scared the shit out of him!

Jamie suddenly fought against Phillip's strength and forced himself to stand up although he was still forked across his leg. He jumped backward so quickly that he almost fell on his ass only the counter top behind him saved him. He had no fucking ideal what he was doing, he loved hot sex and he was so hot right now, but Jamie was afraid. His confusion was so great that he was sure that he was making a fool of himself in front of the man he most wanted to impress. He tried to compose himself a little. He needed to get a grip on this situation, he wanted to slow things down a bit.

Phillip had a hell of a time stopping a big smile from washing over his face. This fucking guy was so cute, so innocent, natural, pure, God, the list of ways this boy attracted him was endless. He managed to keep his smile contained and tried to project an expression of confused concern. The boy was a beauty to boot. Slim, short, tight, trusting, he was lost in that endless list again. Phillip watched as the boy he loved tried to get a grip on his shit.

"Look Phillip, you are a nice man and I really like you. I think you are very sexy in a powerful sort of way. You make me get so hot sometimes that it worries me, no, it scares me. It scares me because you make me want to do things for you and to you, things that a man shouldn't do with another man. I can't let go of what it takes to be a man. I have to hold on to that sense of honor or I might as well turn into a queer myself. I don't want to be a queer. I am sorry but that is the way it is. I'll always be happy to let you suck my dick but that is a far as it goes."

He waited for Phillip to reveal what he was thinking

. " OK?" Jamie was getting very concerned he wanted to smooth this thing over. He really didn't want to hurt this mans feelings or to fuck up his place to stay. The truth of the matter was that he needed Phillip. From the start he had felt that this man was different, special. The last few days he had been getting a little pushy about why he didn't go up river with him. He was a nice guy and really knew how to suck a dick, but the boy didn't know if he wanted to become his 'boyfriend', or 'bride'. He wasn't sure that he wanted to be trapped on his tugboat 1000 miles up the river dependent on him for everything he might need. He did need the money and he did like the way he made his dick feel, Phillip could play a mean tune on a skin flute. He was a pretty decent sort of a guy for a queer and he knew that the man could help him out with a lot of the money troubles that he was having.

There was a smile in the big guy's voice as he looked up at the sexy man standing beside him and said. "OK, my little tease, I am the queer, and you are just my pet with a dick huh? Well little pet walk around in front of me and take off your clothes."

Phillip seemed to have lapsed back into his old self, demanding yet playful. Now this was something that the boy could deal with. He smiled his biggest smile at him and walked to the front of his chair. He looked him in the eye as he lifted his T-shirt over the short hair that was just now growing back into a normal length, revealing the paratrooper tattoo on his upper arm. His body was hairless except for a little hair around his dick, not because he shaved but because it just never grew. The only body hair that he had was a tuff of hair just above his dick. As his jeans hit the floor he stepped out of them and pushed his briefs down to join his other clothes on the floor. He stood before Phillip completely naked, one hundred and forty pounds of hot young man with a stiff seven inches of always ready to go dick. He had always been slight but the 'ft. Carson diet' of his commanders had helped him lose seventy pounds, he was still putting it back on but a little at a time.

Phillip was still completely clothed sitting in his chair while the boy stood on display before him. "Come here little pet with a dick". His hands motioned the boy closer; Jamie's hands went out to hold the sides of his head. "No, not this time little one. I want you to put your hands behind your back and leave them there until I tell you otherwise. Do you understand me in this matter?"

This was something new, the boy was surprised by the control Phillip was exerting but he was willing to follow his instructions if that was what it took to get those hot lips wrapped around his dick again. There was a part of him now that wanted this more then Phillip did, but Phillip didn't know that. Jamie was more then willing to go along with this request.

. "OK" His hands found themselves holding one another behind his back

"Very good ", Phillip reached his big hand out and took the boys dick, which was already hard. It was not as big as Phillips but it was big enough, seven inches of straight hard dick, topped with a circumcised head that was swollen to the size of a plum. "My, my what have we here little pet, something good to eat maybe?"

He took the whole length of it down his throat in one gulp. He held the boy deep in his mouth sucking and working on it with his lips and tongue. His cheeks rubbed that hot piece of boy meat inside his mouth as he sucked deeply on it. Jamie started to move his hips in a fucking motion. Phillip stopped. He looked up at the boy standing naked before his chair. "Don't move, Let me do the work here, after all I am the queer not you. You are just a dick that I like to suck. So little one, I want you to stand still like a statue with your hands clasped behind your back and let me suck this sweet little dick of yours just the way I like to do it."

Not another word was spoken for the next twenty minutes. The boy stood as still as he could while Phillip gave him the ride of his life. Jamie watched the stupid kitchen clock, shaped like a cat, as it swung its plastic tail back and forth for twenty of the longest and best minutes of his life. Phillip's mouth and lips worked magic on the boy's dick, slowly working their way up and then back down the shaft until it was hard as rock and throbbing in the back of his throat.

Phillip seemed to be able to suck the strength out of boy's body. He seemed to be able to feel the strength as it flowed from the boy to the man, making the boy weaker at the same time as he made himself stronger.

Jamie was fighting a different battle. He found himself giving in to the urge to let go and be what this man wanted him to be. The thought almost pushed the boy over the edge and he could feel his cum starting to rise. He was almost there, he was just about to come, when Phillip stopped. His mouth opened, he raised his head up and off Jamie's rock hard and jerking dick. The young man twisted and turned unable to stand still, he heard his own voice as it gave a low moan. It passed, that ready to shoot tightness, slowly receded. When he had regained enough control that he could talk, he begged. "Phillip please take me, make me cum."

Jamie couldn't stand still, he found it hard to stand at all, and his knees were so weak with passion. He was weak with the desire that the man had built into him with his actions. The boy needed to have the release that he had promised. "Don't stop. Please don't stop Phillip, suck me off babe." He was talking softly but he seemed to have developed a pleading tone in his voice. His eyes were on the floor as he asked Phillip to finish him off, his hands stayed behind his back almost as though they did not exist.

Phillip watched his face as the boy looked up at him. He smiled and said. "Now little one, I know that you are not a queer like me, but I want us to share something. It is a common experience for a queer but not so common for a real man, like you."

His hand had started to slowly stroke the boy's dick but his grip was so light, so fleeting that it felt like feathers rather than fingers, teasing the boy, toying with him, as he talked. "Brought your sweet self here boy," Phillip said as he pulled the young man by his dick.

He pulled until Jamie was standing over his big leg again, with a downward motion of the hand holding the young mans dick he made the boy sit on his leg once again. "I like the taste of cum, maybe that is one of the things that make me a queer. But it doesn't matter because I like the taste and hope to taste it a lot more before I am done with this world. But that is my problem and nothing to do with you little one. I know that you used to let strangers suck your dick for money when you were in Houston and when we met. I think that you told me you got ten dollars but you did it for nothing if they were too broke to pay you. Is that right?"