The Word of the Lord

by Zipper D Dude

Copyright© 2010 by Zipper D Dude

Science Fiction Story: A short story with a new theology and an old joke.

Tags: Science Fiction  

"My text today is from the First Book of Kings Chapter eleven verse thirteen: 'and Solomon had three hundred concubines'." Pastor Tony Grifman paused to let the congregation ponder his chosen text. "Just think, three hundred concubines. Three hundred! What a CAP score Solomon must have had! Do we not read in First Kings 3:9 that Solomon asked God for wisdom and it was granted to him? We can see why Solomon had the CAP score he did, because God granted it to him. Once again the Holy Word of God is shown to be correct. Solomon had all those concubines because God granted them to him as a reward for his wisdom, as a reward for his CAP score. No other man was as wise as Solomon and we can see why.

"When the Swarm arrives on Earth to signal the start of the Tribulation spoken of in John's Apocalypse, there will be years of suffering for those left behind. Yet, brothers and sisters in Christ, we need not despair for as it says in the First Epistle to the Thessalonians, those of us who are faithful, those of us who are chosen of the Lord, will be taken up into the Confederacy with our concubines safely away from Earth so we will be able to fight as mighty men of valor against the Satanic army of the Swarm.

"Those who are chosen of God, just as Solomon was chosen of God, will be rewarded with concubines as they fight for the Lord. Just as Solomon fought against the forces of evil and was rewarded for his fight so we shall fight the forces of the evil Swarm and be rewarded for our fight.

"And for our next hymn we shall sing 'Onward Christian Soldiers'."

After the service was finished and Pastor Grifman had talked briefly with the regular members of the departing congregation he spoke to his Church Secretary. "That looked like a good congregation Mike."

"Yes, just over one thousand. The Church is still growing."

"Excellent, it is good to see the word of the Lord is spreading wider and wider."

"Praise the Lord," responded Mike. "That woman from the local Christian Radio station is here to interview you when you are ready."

"Good, good. Make sure she has a coffee or whatever she wants and I will be with her directly."

Abigail Bradford rose to her feet as Tony entered, "Thank you for agreeing to see me Reverend Grifman. I just need to record a short interview for broadcast. It should only take a few minutes of your time." She put her laptop on the table between them and connected up the microphone. After a quick check of sound levels she began the interview. "Reverend Grifman, some have accused you of following an unusual theology. Would you like to explain where your ideas come from?"

"All my ideas come from the Bible, of course, Abigail," Tony replied. "When the arrival of the Swarm was announced I prayed to God for guidance. What He told me was that I did not need to ask for any extra guidance because all that I needed to know was already in the Bible. The Bible is a complete guide to life, so of course it tells us how we are to deal with the Swarm. I went back and reread the Bible to see what it said about the new situation we are all in and I found everything God wanted to tell me right there in the Good Book."

"And what did you find Reverend?" prompted Abigail.

"Well, obviously the Swarm is the army of Satan bringing the Tribulation upon Earth. It was all clearly there in the Bible long before the scientists told us about it. Now if the Swarm is bringing the Tribulation, those of us who are alive in Christ will be Raptured up into the clouds before the Swarm arrive. That is precisely what the Confederacy are doing, lifting us up into the clouds to help in the Godly fight against Satan's minions -- the Swarm."

"How do you know that the Confederacy is acting for God, Pastor Grifman? Many Christians expect the Rapture to be a miraculous event."

"Well, that Confederacy technology looks pretty miraculous to me," Tony smiled. "We cannot expect God to perform miracles just because we want Him to. He will do things in His own way. If it takes a miracle then He will use a miracle. If it takes the Confederacy then He will use the Confederacy. Let me tell you a story as an example.

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