Chapter 22

Professor McWilliams arranged for me to see the most highly regarded clinical psychologist on the University's faculty. I saw Dr. Kromboltz in his office Monday morning. I liked the man. He was straight forward and personable. He asked, "Tell me about the problems you are having."

"I was included in a trial that tested hormones, steroids, and diet for rehabilitation of war wounds. The first time the medication helped rebuild to about eighty percent of normal functioning. Before Christmas, I had an operation to repair scar tissue and was given another set of hormones. The same doctors treated me again. One performed an operation to remove scar tissue and transplant an artery. The other gave me the medications that she had developed at the University of California San Francisco Medical School that were probably derivative of what she developed a former Russian KGB doctor. Both had worked in their sports program and are at the leading edge of this area. They do research in first rate hospitals and are connected to the CIA now. They explained the dangers of complications and I had a monitoring program.

"Since Christmas and especially after I received an enzyme booster between terms, I became more aggressive, both sexually and in general. I sought, almost hunted, coeds for sex and caught many; often two or three different ones a day. I had difficulty getting satisfied and was aggressive during sex. I didn't report the secondary symptoms for my doctors and wasn't conscious or didn't want to be aware of the more extreme changes.

"I delayed the second extensive exam for three weeks. Over Spring Break, I had the exam in San Francisco and was hospitalized to bring my hormones into balance."

He asked, "You ascribe the changes in your behavior to the medication?"

"Some of the change was because I found being aggressive and having sex with a lot of women thrilling. I had no experience with women until I returned from Vietnam. I was envious and a bit jealous of most of the men in my fraternity. The medication changed me so that I became more forward pursuing and wanted sex all the time. I got out of control and had great difficulty regaining control. Part of it was I liked it too. I knew I was over the line from normal, but was seduced by some aspects of aggressive sex that I found thrilling, and I was unable to control many of aspects of my behavior once they started. To answer you question directly, I'm not sure, but I believe the medication was only partially the cause. The greater cause was because I could have aggressive sex with many different girls and liked it."

"Do you want to change?"

"Sex with a different woman every night or several new women every week isn't what I really want. I need more than anonymous sex. It doesn't feel quite right for me. I've done that and hope it is out of my system. I want to get control as I'm weaned off the effects of the medication."

He asked, "What do you want from these relationships and do you wish to become monogamous?"

"I need more of a relationship. I want to be loved, or at least cared for; I admit that I want more than one woman now, I'm not ready to settle down and want sex to be a part of my relationships with women."

"You need adoration?"

I nodded.

"Does it bother you that you are using social position and money to gain intimacy?"

"Sometimes, but really not very much; the women get something too. Women know what they're doing. It does bother me that the women I think the most of, don't like the way I've become."

"It's not your conscience; it's that your behavior now doesn't work?"

"I guess I don't like me as much now. I felt out of control; I don't like that. I don't like being as aggressive as I have been. I took too many chances; unnecessary changes that could have damaged me monetarily, with my family, and socially. I don't like being like that and the person I've become."

He said, "I'd prefer for you to frame thinking as that you don't like some of your behaviors now. I think I understand some behaviors you want changed. You can work to change behaviors that are troublesome. It's better to act your way into a new way of thinking, than trying to think you way into a new way of acting."

"Conquering a different woman ever day was thrilling, but it consumed me. I wasn't sure I could; now I know I can. In my business dealing, I wanted to conquer too much also. My brother's kind of that way. I'm ready to move on. My grandfather's way is to leave something on the table for the other guy. I thought a lot about it while I was in the hospital getting my hormone levels adjusted. I prefer my grandfather's way."

"How would you like to behave?"

"I'm not sure. I know I want to learn about business and graduate from law school. I'm not ready to settle down. Until then, I want to have a good time, but I don't want to hurt people. I'd like to go out and have fun with several girls. I want to be a nice guy again. I want to change back to more like I was before Christmas. I don't want forget all I learned, but I don't want to be as aggressive. You need to think about priorities: you said money, family, society. I want you to consciously prioritize money, family, society, and add self."

We discussed strategies to deal with learning to behave more like I wanted my behaviors to be. Contemplation and withdrawal were not strategies he recommended. He wanted me to face my responsibilities head on and act in gradual steps to change my behavior.

Alcohol and psychiatric medication weren't options. I was afraid of alcohol before I started the medication and already knew to avoid alcohol. My biochemistry was still a mess and I wanted to avoid mood altering psychiatric medication. Dr. Kromboltz was very positive and laid out behaviors he wanted me to practice. He agreed to meet briefly with me each week.

During my transition, I decided to dress more formally to class and most of the time out side of class. I wore a freshly pressed starched shirt and tie with pressed and starched khaki pants. The dress served as a reminder to me to act in a gentlemanly fashion. Kromboltz thought the clothing's more formal appearance would help the unfreezing, changing, and refreezing new behavior process.

Before lunch on Monday, my first day back, I gathered with the men in the parlor before we were called to the dining room tables. I told them I had a reaction to medication and that I was on the path back, but it might take time. I apologized for any offensive behavior.

Since I had started the new medication, just before Christmas, I had gained over fifteen pounds, mostly muscle. In the hospital in San Francisco, Dr. Sharapova measured me carefully. I was very relieved that the size of my head and testicles hadn't been affected; Dr. Kournikova had warned me of those possible side effects.

Dr. Kournikova suggested that I row for thirty minutes in the morning and thirty minutes in the evening. The rowing machine was to strengthen my muscles and to lose muscle bulk. I felt like a wrestler slimming muscle.

Monday night, I wore the Southern Gentleman white suit to the 'pledge swap' with Kappa. I escorted a new initiated Kappa, who Cathryn had recommended. Cathryn and I knew Jeanette didn't want me to escort her. Colonel arranged for a band to play. He said it was because Kappas were special and to celebrate everyone's initiation, but I suspected that he knew the event was more than a pledge swap for me.

I was pleasant, polite and attentive to the new sister I escorted. We didn't sit near Jeanette. During a slow dance Cathryn walked to our table and held out her hand to me. In our house, that was a command performance. I danced with her and she danced me to Jeanette to break in. It wasn't a request Jeanette's escort could refuse either.

Jeanette saw that it was Cathryn who had brought me to her. She flashed but recovered from initial anger and stepped into my arms to dance.

She said, "I like the suit."

"It's the new old me."

She laughed. "You're going to have to work on the accent."

"At least I don't sound like I'm from Jersey." I really twanged it.

When the song ended, I returned her to her escort and went back to mine. I concentrated on helping the new sister I escorted have a good time.

At lunch Tuesday, Carolyn said, "Jeanette would welcome a call for date night. I don't have to tell you to be on your best behavior."

I chuckled. "No mother"

If you didn't have to tell me, why did you? Be nice. Cathryn is about as good a friend as you have and she's trying to help.

I smiled.

She said, "It's good to see you smile."

We sat in the parlor. When no one else was around, she updated me on her life. "Will you be a groomsman in my wedding?"

"I would be honored."

"My fiancé has an R& R coming up. Can you believe it's at graduation? That's the best graduation present I'm going to get. He's coming, but won't get into California until too late to make connections to get here in time for the graduation ceremony."

"Nonsense. I'll get him in my plane or charter one if mine's too slow. He'll make it."

"Really, it's not that important."

"I think it is. It would be to me."

She said, "I know it's crazy, but I want to move the wedding up and get married right after graduation. I hope I can get pregnant before he goes back. Mom says that's insane. If something happened to him, I'd have a child to support and no father. I want his child and would even more if something happened to him."

"Sweetheart, as long as I have anything, I'll share what I have with you and give you all the financial support you would need. Don't worry about that part."

She smiled, "Do you think I'm crazy?"

"I can see your mother's point, but that's not my concern. If you want his child, go for it, but don't tell him about the pregnancy part. He needs a clear head and not to be worried about you having a child while is in the field."

"I didn't think of that. You think I should skip the wedding and go for the pregnancy?"

"That's something only you can decide."

"It would mean a lot to me for him to be here for my graduation. The brothers have been great. I couldn't have asked for better friends and support than I've gotten here and from Kappas; but I feel like he missed an important part of my life. Coming to graduation would help. I know it's silly.

"I have his schedule; of course a million things could go wrong or it could be changed."

I said, "When the R&R schedule is set, it's too important to the men to change. They don't change the schedule if at all possible."

We went back to the others.

I called the travel agent I used in Tuscaloosa. She verified what Cathryn said. There wasn't a connecting flight into Birmingham that would work from Atlanta, New Orleans or Dallas. The best chance was if I flew down to New Orleans and brought him back on my plane. There was a flight he could get into New Orleans that gave us nearly an hour's cushion to make graduation, but it was tight for him to make the Delta connection in California.

I put Jeannette's name by mine for the date night posting. I called her, "Hi. I know you are on your way to class and don't have long. I hope you will go to date night with me this Thursday."

"I'd like that very much."

"I'll pick you up at five-thirty."

A DKE brother was CEO of Delta. I called and explained to his secretary that I was a DKE and need the CEO's help. He took my call. I explained why I called as quickly and succinctly as I could.

He said, "The plane will be held as long as I can and set meet the schedule. There will be a complimentary first class ticket waiting, and someone will be looking for him at the first class counter. My regards to both of them."

Wednesday, before lunch, I pulled Cathryn aside. I saw she was anxious. "It's all set. Delta will hold the plane for up to thirty minutes. You and I will meet him in my plane in New Orleans when he comes in. From the time he lands in New Orleans, we will have an hour more than is required to get you back here. You need to take your cap and gown with you. It's a good thing I rent hangar space. The temporary spaces at the airfield are filled. The guys in the tower will give us priority to land if we need it. They won't delay us."

Wednesday, I took my 'independent' to the Cypress Inn for a candlelit dinner. We had a very nice dinner. On the way back to the dorm from the Cypress Inn, we talked about how I treated her.

She said, "Just a little more romance is all I need. I knew how it would be. Don't beat yourself up because of me."

"I'd like for you to come to date night at the fraternity with me."

"I don't know that I'd feel comfortable at DKE date night; everyone knows about it. I know I'm not introduction material."

"I think you are and I'm sure you will have a good time."

She said, "I've heard girls like me get embarrassed and are the butt of jokes at those kinds of things."

"I guarantee you won't be embarrassed and I don't want to 'hear girls like me' ever again. Those girls you referred to don't get invited to date night at DKE."

Thursday at lunch I asked Cathryn, "Would you like to fly down to Fairhope, tomorrow? I know it's short notice, but I just thought of it. Thornton and I are going down. We usually leave after his eleven o'clock class."

"I have a one o'clock. I took my cuts to go to Hawaii. Is that too late?"

"We can leave after your one. Thornton can pick you up after class. Something to think about, I don't have a restroom on the plane."

"I really need to talk to my parents about graduation and the week after. I'll take my bag to class. Thank you."

I called Dorothy directly.

"Sorry to bother you. I need for you to find a garden style house in the French Quarter of New Orleans. Would you and Fred go this weekend to look at them? I'll fly you down and back. Cathryn and Thornton are going to Fairhope with me and I could take you over after I let them off."

She asked, "Do you mind telling me what's up?"

"Cathryn's fiancé is coming in from Vietnam for her graduation. I thought it would be nice for them to spend a few days alone in New Orleans. He's flying out of New Orleans to go back. And I wouldn't mind having a place in New Orleans."

"I'm sure we could rent a nice place. You don't have to buy something."

"You're probably right. You and Fred may not be up to the trip on this short notice either?"

"I'll look into it this afternoon. Fred and I have never been to New Orleans."

I said, "Go and have a good time on me. I have the number for the best tour guide in the city. See if you can get him this afternoon. He might know about places to buy or rent, and where you should stay. He will take you on a fun tour; I know that. Grandfather and I loved him."

"It does sound like fun."

I asked, "If you'd rather not fly down and back with me, you and Fred could go commercial?"

"I'll call you back."

I was rowing when Dorothy called back.

Huffing, I said, "I was on the damn rowing machine working out. Let me catch my breath."

Dorothy said, "I think next weekend would be better. Your driver is available then, he's busy this weekend. It would give him time to look around and set things up for us. And Fred's got a golf date set up this weekend. Could it wait until next weekend?"

"I'm going to Fairhope next weekend, but Thornton and Cathryn won't be going. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable."

She asked, "What about Thornton and Eunice going to New Orleans too?"

"I hadn't thought of that. I think they've been to New Orleans. I think Thornton played in the Sugar Bowl. I'll call and see if they're interested."

I called Thornton.

"I'm looking at buying something in the French Quarter. I trying to arrange to fly Dorothy and Fred to look at property and spend next weekend in New Orleans. Would you and Eunice like to go with them on the company?"

"Let me call you back. I need to talk with Eunice."

Thornton called back in few minutes. "We'd love to go. Eunice can meet us at the airport here."

"Would you call Dorothy and work out the details? Cathryn is going down with us tomorrow. She won't be able to leave until after her one o'clock. Would you pick her up from class? I'll have the plane ready. It'll make us late getting in, but she needs to go and it's a long drive for her."

I picked Jeanette up at Kappa and drove her to the fraternity house. The brothers made her feel welcome.

We had a nice meal. We sat with the newly initiated brothers and their dates. Several had dates with Kappas in Jeanette's pledge class.

Jeanette had a good time. The fraternity had date night down pat. We left after the meal and went back to Kappa.

Before we went in Jeanette said, "Thank you for a nice time. I appreciate that you're making the effort, but I'm not ready to go back to where we were."

"I understand."

She said, "I've asked someone to take me to our formal."

I nodded. "I won't push you. I want you to have a good time here."

"I know."

I went home and did some damn accounting and quant problems.