Chapter 4

Flashback - Jack - Last day of week four of spook school

I sat on the bunk and tried to figure out where the hell Banzai had been for the last two days and glad to soon be out of this fucking hell hole. The only thing that had been entertaining here was Banzai. And he made this place a one man circus!

I guess I should start at the beginning, day one of spook school...

Flashback — Ben — Day one, week one of spook school

I was still angry as hell about, well okay, about almost everything. But mostly I was angry about having to come to this fucking place because it was a huge waste of time. I thought we were going to be out in the field the whole time, but this is the fucking thanks we got for exceeding expectations on our first mission.

Mr. Fuckhead Smith shook our hands and said "good job" after the mission, then he chewed my ass for destroying the HumVee. I asked him to send me a fucking bill for it, flipped him off and left his office! He thought he could handle us - let him handle that!

I asked around and determined he got a hell of a lot of congratulation from his superiors. I didn't think it would bother me, but it bothered the hell out of me. But then everything about Mr. Fuckhead bothered me! If we had not gotten lucky on the flight with the first officer knowing so much about Morocco, we would never have succeeded with the mission. I'm going to make him pay for that piece of shit briefing he gave us!

They loaded all of us on this crappy old yellow school bus and took us to their 'state of the art' training facility. State of art my ass! This place is a rundown rat hole! We jumped off the bus, the instructors got on us right away and tried to prove to us they were in control. Shit! They were fucking amateurs compared to DI Anderson. He'd eat them for breakfast and shit them out for lunch.

I had some time on the trip home and thought about everything that happened since Jack sold us down the fucking river in General Donaldson's office (yeah I'm pissed at him too and one day he's going to pay). I did just enough research to figure out the spooks operated on a totally different set of rules than the Marines. Once you signed the papers and joined the Marines, they fucking owned you and they forced you to follow their orders. The spooks assumed you wanted to be here and wanted to follow orders. Yeah, they were not the Marines where I could get busted or sent to the brig, or even beat to shit if I disobeyed orders. All the spooks could do is send me back to the Corps - which is where the hell I really wanted to be anyway. Instead, we're stuck here at Camp Sissy (which is what I started calling this place).

The 'instructor' got in my face and said, "Attention Ben! You will change out of those BDUs right away and into the camp uniform (I had refused to change before boarding the bus). I don't stand at attention because he sure as hell is not in command of me so I took a page from one of my favorite short stories (Bartelby, the Scribner¹ by Herman Melville) and replied in a snotty tone, "I would prefer not to!"

¹ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartleby, theScrivener

He tried intimidation and yelled, "What did you just say to me? Did you just disobey a direct order?"

I grinned at him and sassed, "I said, 'I would prefer not to.' You're not a Marine and I am. Therefore I don't recognize your authority to command me."

All the other 'recruits' watched the hell out of this confrontation. His face turned about fifteen shades of red and he yelled, "Wipe that silly grin of your face. I'll have you know I spent twenty years in the Army and I have more experience in my little finger than you do in your whole body. Now get out of those BDUs right now and change into the camp uniform."

I slouched, yawned and laughed, "Well La-Dee-Fucking-Da! We've got ourselves a real soldier here. What were you those twenty years - the assmost position in a battalion of Rear Echelon Mother Fuckers? You're not a Marine and I refuse to follow your orders."

If I had done that in the Marines, I would have been picking my ass up off the ground and trying to find my missing teeth; and then I would have been really punished. But I read that the spook 'instructors' weren't allowed to physically assault the recruits under most circumstances. Shit he couldn't even swear at me. So I waited to see what would happen.

He was frustrated as hell and finally yelled, "Recruit Jack Reynolds front and center." Jack trotted over just like a trained puppy dog. He commanded Jack, "You're a Marine and I order you to tell Ben to take off his BDUs and change into the camp uniform."

Jack reluctantly walked over in front of me, looked at me and said, "Come on Banzai, don't be so hard assed. Change into the camp uniform."

I replied, "'I would prefer not to. This is not an official Marine mission therefore I don't recognize your authority to command me." (Yeah, I know I was lying because he still outranked me and I should have followed his orders but what the fuck could he do, send me back to the brig and the Marines?)

I planned my response to Jack, because I knew they would try to use him against me and it had the effect I wanted. Jack got pissed and yelled, "Banzai you little fucking piss ant. You will stand at attention when I talk to you and you will the fuck obey my direct order!"

I still slouched, grinned at him and replied, "'I would prefer not to.' If you want me to follow your fucking bullshit orders then make me!"

This was the first real order of Jack's I'd ever completely disobeyed and he was livid. He turned red and was at a loss words. One of the other recruits snickered and that set Jack off. He yelled, "Alright you mother fucking piss ant! You want to play the game this way so I'm going to kick your ass and show you who's in command."

The ass kicking lasted about five minutes and it was Jack's ass that got kicked; I half-pulled most of my punches and kicks so he wasn't hurt too badly, but he was going to be sore as hell tomorrow.

Flashback — Jack — Day one, week one of spook school

Shit! It wasn't much of a contest at all! Banzai used martial arts moves I had never even dreamed of, let alone seen. I was just thankful as hell he partially pulled most of the hits and kicks otherwise I'd have some broken bones.

His last punch really knocked the wind out of me. Again if it had been full power my ribs would be broken to hell. He pulled me close to him as he helped me up and said, "Sorry about kicking your ass, but you deserved it after the bullshit you pulled in General Donaldson's office. Jack I'm not going to follow these worthless pricks orders. Look at this place, it's a fucking rat hole. And what can they do if they don't like it, send us back to the Marines where we really belong?"

Suddenly almost everything made sense to me. Banzai was right, this wasn't the Marines. Shit, the instructor wasn't even swearing at us, and I bet they couldn't even touch us. With Banzai fired up and on the rampage, and the school not being able to do shit about it, this could prove to be an interesting two weeks after all.

The spook instructor had seriously lost face and shit so had I. He looked at the rest of the recruits and asked, "Who'd like to teach this miscreant a lesson?"

I laughed my ass off - an instructor used the word miscreant. I moved over the side and sat under a tree to watch the fucking circus. With Banzai's attitude, this was going to be fucking great!

Flashback — Ben — Day one, week one of spook school

I knew this was coming and had prepared for it. The instructors could only resort to physical contact in extreme circumstances. I had read they used the other recruits to 'whip' anyone into shape that was out of line. The 'instructor' yelled, "Who'd like to teach this miscreant a lesson?"

The biggest recruit stepped forward and said, "Sir! I'd like to help out," and stepped forward.

The instructor looked at me and said, "Ben you have one last chance to change out of your BDUs and into the camp uniform before I allow this recruit to teach you a lesson."

I grinned and announced, "'I would prefer not to.'" Then I laughed and continued, "You don't really think that overly muscle bound advertisement for steroid abuse can defeat me? I tell you what, if anyone can kick my ass today, I'll give them one thousand dollars."

The musclehead yelled, "I'm going to break your scrawny marine body in two and then take the thousand dollars out of your carcass."

I grinned and coolly taunted, "Come on, I'm your Huckleberry."

Flashback — Jack — Day one, week one of spook school

The minute Banzai said, "I'm your Huckleberry." I knew he was fucking serious. I just hoped he wasn't deadly serious today because that would get us both into trouble.

It was a much shorter fight than with me. The body builder took a swing at Banzai that was so fucking slow my grandma could avoid it. Banzai stepped out of the way and nailed the bastard right in gut with a full power punch and the sucker went down so hard his head bounced off the ground.

Banzai started dancing around the instructor pretending to shadow box him and yelled, "I float better than a butterfly and sting harder than a bee and I'd sure as hell never change my name to MoHAMhead fucking Ali."

This was great with the whole fucking school watching. The commandant came up to Ben and ordered, "Recruit, I order you to stop what you're doing."

Banzai started shadow boxing the commandant and repeated, "'I would prefer not to.' You're not a Marine and I am. Therefore I don't recognize your authority to command me." I pulled out my water bottle and took a long drink (yeah Banzai was the only one with a camel back since it was with the rest of his Marine gear). This was going to be one very long and hilarious morning.

The obvious bull dyke of the group yelled, "Sir! I'd like a chance to teach this miscreant a lesson." I thought, now this should be interesting since Banzai has had issues in the past when confronted by women.

The instructor replied, "Permission granted."

She came over took off her top and it was even more obvious she was a she-male. She said to Banzai, "I'm a woman and I'm going to show you what it feels like when a woman kicks your ass."

Banzai stopped dancing took one look at her and laughed, "Shit! You're no woman. I can recognize a muff-diver from a hundred miles away and smell the nasty breath of one from even further!"

Well that pissed the she-male off and she went after him full force. I laughed my ass off because Banzai toyed with her like a cat played with a mouse before it killed it. She threw a flurry of punches which Banzai easily blocked, then he slapped the hell out of her face and said, "Hey, the bitch just got slapped. Does that make it a bitch-slap?"

She tried a roundhouse kick but Banzai dodged her, moved in, wrapped one arm around her, grabbed the hell out her crotch with the other hand and yelled, "I bet that's the first time a real man ever did that to you!" Then he pushed her away and taunted, "Shit, I'm going to have to scrub the hell out of this hand now."

She flew at him in anger and Banzai knocked her on her she-male ass and yelled, "Don't worry about the bruises, I bet muscle boy would be happy to kiss it and make it better for you." She got up and he knocked her on her ass again. She was sure determined, I'd give her that. She'd get up Banzai knocked her on her ass and added an insult to the injury. Finally she was too tired to continue and Banzai started shadow boxing the instructor again.

Muscle boy was awake, came over by me and asked me, "Shit! How long do you think this is going to last?"

I smiled at him and answered, "You might as well relax. We're going to be here for a long time."

Another recruit volunteered and I said to muscle boy, "Now this one should be interesting because this guy knows some martial arts."

Flashback — Ben — Day one, week one of spook school

I had profiled everyone the minute I saw them and was waiting for this guy. He was oriental, smaller than me and looked to be fast as hell. I knew he had lots of martial arts training just by the way he moved and carried himself. I was finally going to have a worthy opponent.

He volunteered and slowly walked out to meet me. He clasped his hand over his fist and bowed to me and I returned the salute. He said, "Ben, I do not wish to hurt you so please give up the fight."

The first rule is to avoid the fight if possible. I replied, "It is you who has chosen to fight me. You still have the chance to save your honor and retire from this match."

He said, "Then it is with great sadness I must defeat you. But defeat you I will. You fight a very undisciplined and unorthodox style which is mostly Tai Chi and it will not defeat my superior Aikido."

So far I hadn't used my secret weapon, Brazilian Capoeira, because I'd been saving it for this guy. Instead I'd been using an eclectic mixture of Tai Chi, Semper Fu, Kung Fu, boxing, insulting and whatever else seemed appropriate to me at the time. He let his pride get in the way and told me of his specialty. That was a huge mistake because now I knew how to fight him. And if he was an Aikido master this would be a good fight because I was going to have to take the fight to him and deal with his reactions.

I grinned at him and quoted in Mandarin, "If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles²."

² Sun Tzu — The Art of War

He looked me in the face with obvious surprise and said something in Mandarin I didn't understand (hey a guy can only speak so many languages).

He dropped back into the typical Aikido defensive position and waited for my attack. I started my Capoeira dance and noticed puzzlement on his face. Good, he'd never seen Capoeira before -most people hadn't. But still I needed to be very careful.

Flashback — Jack — Day one, week one of spook school

Muscle boy said to me, "Shit! What is that thing your partner's doing now?"

I grinned and said, "You're in for a fucking treat now. I was wondering when Banzai was going to bring out the big guns."

Muscle boy remarked, "It looks more like he's dancing than fighting."

The oriental kid made a huge mistake when he bragged and told Banzai he knew Aikido, because now Banzai had a huge advantage. I knew he'd studied the hell out of how to defeat Aikido because it was frustrating as hell to fight someone who used all your attacks as a weapon against you. Banzai had found some of the best Aikido masters to spar with.

Banzai circled around all and gathered intel about his opponents strengths and weaknesses. I could tell he sized the kid up and looked for an opening. Finally as Banzai saw one, he faked one way and did a leg sweep in the other direction and put the kid on his back. But a fall to an Aikido practitioner was nothing since they spent the first few years just learning how to fall.

I just waited for Banzai to start the psychological warfare (because he'd learned how to cuss people out in almost every language) and I about busted a gut when Banzai said, "Cao ni zu zong shi ba dai!"

Muscle boy asked, "What the hell did your partner just say."

I still laughed, "He said, fuck the eighteen generations of your ancestors. It's a huge insult."

The kid was shocked and the insult had its intended effect. He yelled in Mandarin and attacked Banzai. This was his second (and bigger) mistake because Banzai had baited him and now unleashed so many punches and kicks it was staggering. In fact it staggered the kid and he fell to the ground extremely dazed and practically unconscious.

Banzai walked over, bowed to the kid and said, "Sorry about the insult. Please forgive me."

Flashback — Ben — Day one, week one of spook school

I got lucky with the kid since he was really good and the fight could have lasted for hours. It was frustrating as hell fighting Aikido masters because if you made one mistake they kicked the shit out of you. He had a couple weaknesses but I figured his youth was the biggest so I insulted him. An older and wiser Aikido master would have ignored it and made me physically pay for it.

Jack yelled at me, "Banzai, here's some water for you!" and tossed me a bottle. I downed it, appreciated the hell out of it, smiled at him and yelled, "Thanks Jack."

I figured I had already beaten the best, but that was a huge fucking mistake. A petite, beautiful young woman with long brunette hair softly said with an accent, "Sir! I would like to try if I may."

I don't know how the fuck I'd missed her on my profiling, but I sure as hell made a huge mistake. She walked out and the hair on the back of my neck stood up as I seemed to hear grandfather telling me, "Little Chief, never judge a book by its cover. She can beat you if you make even one mistake."

I watched her like a hawk, because she moved like a panther stalking her prey. Her beauty and smile were devastatingly distracting, but not as distracting as when she slipped out of her school uniform and was only wearing a jog bra and very skimpy running shorts.

She asked with a cute accent, "L.Cpl. Blaine would you please give me one minute to stretch first?"

I recognized the accent, it wasn't quite Russian but it was certainly close to Russia. I replied,

"Yes."

She gave me a big smile and replied,

"I see not all Marines are as stupid as we have been told."

I knew she was baiting me and I replied,

"And not all beautiful women are what they pretend to be."

She put on quite a show stretching. And from what the skimpy running shorts didn't cover, I'm sure everyone had a hard-on when she was done, especially the she-male.

I was fortuitous I was still pissed at Maria so I let that anger come to the surface and simmer. It worked because I found I actually loathed her.

Somehow she noticed, smiled at me and said,

"L.Cpl. Blaine I am sorry you just lost a girlfriend."

It distracted the hell out of me until I felt grandfather again, he said, "Little Chief, do not become distracted. She misses her sister, ask her about it."

I grinned at her and said,

"Tell me, do you miss your sister?"

Flashback — Ben's opponent — Day one, week one of spook school

Today turned out much better than I ever dreamed. L.Cpl. Blaine did not like being at the school and had been acting terribly. But it had been wonderful to finally get to see him fight in person. For years I had studied him and he is the reason my superiors had me here. I was supposed to get close to him and study him since he was a person of great interest to us.

His first two matches were very boring. Other than the insults against the lesbian, they made me laugh. But my superiors will enjoy watching the secret video of his match against the Aikido master since he was internationally ranked. It was a shame he could not control his emotions.

He was even more astute than we believed since he determined from my accent that I lived somewhere close to Russia. I had been trained to use my whole body to defeat the enemy and because L.Cpl. Blaine was possibly the best person at Brazilian Capoeira in the world and had been practicing it since he was a child, I decided to try to distract him. It worked on everyone except him and I perceived he was currently angry at women so he must have just lost a girlfriend.

I tried to play a psychological game on him. It almost worked but then he asked me about my sister. It was very unsettling to me. How did he know?

To delay any longer was not profitable, so I turned and faced my very worthy adversary. I held out my hand and asked, "Shall we shake hands first?"

Flashback — Ben — Day one, week one of spook school

I was not sure what this female plant was doing at the school, but it's obvious she'd been trained before and equally obvious she was dangerous as hell. She wanted to shake hands but I didn't trust her and I said, "I will shake your hand after I kick your butt." I wasn't going to let her any closer to me than necessary because my greater reach might be my best and only advantage.

So we started dancing around and I waited to see which form of martial arts she used. Then I noticed it and barely avoided getting the shit kicked out of me - son-of-a-bitch she knows Krav Maga.³

³ Krav Maga — Literally, "contact combat" or "close combat" is an eclectic hand-to-hand combat system developed in Israel which involves wrestling, grappling and striking techniques. Mostly known for its extremely efficient and brutal counter-attacks, it is taught to elite special force members around the world.

If the kid was dangerous at all, she was life-threatening and I could easily be handed my ass on a platter. I grinned because this was going to be fun, and decided to see if I could get her upset. I called her, "Zonah!" and started my taunts in Hebrew.

"Bitch"

It shocked her and I got in four good strikes, which I did not pull. Because she was a pro, she was too dangerous to attack with less than full intensity, I then dropped back. Blood trickled from her lip. She wiped it off with the back of her hand, spat on the ground and replied, "Lech tizdayyen!"

"Go fuck yourself!"

She attacked hoping I'd be distracted, but I wasn't. She landed a huge punch aimed at my solar plexus, but I dodged just enough so she hit my ribs instead. I'm going to have a hell of a bruise there tomorrow. But she paid for it with a front kick that sent her flying with a landing on her ass.

It was my turn for the insult so I laughed and yelled, "Kus ima shelcha!"

"C*nt of your mother!"

I saw her face flush, her breathing become quick, and I knew I touched a sore point. She jumped up and flew towards me yelling, "Shak li ba-tachat!"

"Kiss my ass!"

I was waiting and in her anger she missed a blow. I did a leg sweep on her. Taking her down, I jumped on top of her, made sure to restrain her legs and pinned her arms. Even with me holding her down, she fought like a wild woman possessed.

I said,

"Please forgive me for the insult to your mother. It was very rude of me."

Then the most amazing thing happened, she obviously blushed and replied,

"I am sorry for my actions L.Cpl. Blaine. It was not professional of me. I concede this match to you but would like to try again another day."

I smiled at her and replied,

"I accept both your requests. By the way, your secret is safe with me. I will not notify the school that you're a foreign agent. You're a hell of a fighter, what's your name?"

I slowly let her up, then held out my hand and helped her up. She held out her hand, we shook hands and she replied,

"My name in Miranda, but my friends all call me Mira."

Flashback — Jack — Day one, week one of spook school

The Oriental kid worked his way over by me and sat in the shade. We then watched a fight that will fuel my wet dreams for years to come as Banzai and one of the sexiest women I've ever seen went at it. Finally Banzai did one of the things he's best at - he got her pissed off, she made a mistake and it was all over.

Ben was distracted talking to her and didn't see all the instructors were coming after him at once so I yelled, "Hey Banzai look out."

He spun just in time and the fight was on. I could see by attacking Banzai all at once it only fueled his simmering rage to a blazing inferno. Not only that, she got pissed off and helped. They were back to back and gave the instructors a real shellacking.

The kid said, "Your friend is a very good fighter, but I do not recognize his form. It is not oriental is it?"

I replied, "He learned that when he was a boy from his Brazilian mother."

He explained, "Now I understand. He had me very confused. Now she is also a very good and creative fighter. She uses mostly Krav Maga but has real moments of incredible creativity. I think she has also trained with weapons."

Banzai and the hot chick jabbered in Russian the whole time then they did one of the most incredible things I'd ever seen. They were still back to back as she put her arms straight overhead. Banzai reached, grabbed her arms and she flew up in the air and kicked the holy crap of the instructors in front of her. Banzai threw her over in front of him, and as she came down feet first, she kicked the hell out of everyone else.

The kid said, "I do not believe that. It was a move like out of a Kung Fu movie."

The instructors were pretty whipped, couldn't fight and barely stood. The rest of the recruits that Banzai hadn't already beaten didn't care much for watching the instructors get clobbered. One guy stood up and said, "Are we going to stand for this shit? Let's get them."

It looked like the dugout of a baseball game emptied as they swarmed towards the two of them. The kid commented, "This is dishonorable we should help them."

I laughed as three recruits flew out of the pile and hit the ground, "Are you thinking of helping the group getting their asses kicked or Banzai and his new girlfriend. Because it doesn't look to me like they need any help at all."

In thirty minutes it was all over and the only three left standing were Banzai, his new girlfriend and the commandant (only because he never joined the fight). She looked at Banzai, jumped up on him, locked her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist and gave him one hell of a smoldering kiss.

God damn, Banzai had all the fucking luck. I was sure if he stepped in dog shit he'd end up smelling like roses. He just got dumped by the cute as hell daughter of the Old Man and now he had an even hotter woman, almost super model quality ready to jump his bones. She gave him a tonsillectomy and vertical lap dance as I tried to reposition myself in my pants.

Flashback — Ben — Day one, week one of spook school

Mira scared the hell out of me when she jumped on me. At first I thought she wanted to get even for the fight earlier, but from the things her tongue did and the way her hips gyrated she had a different sort of fighting in mind. I struggled at first, but then it became enjoyable, very enjoyable until we heard someone clear their voice. I looked over, noticed it was the commandant and I noticed he wasn't happy.

Mira whined a few complaints as I pulled her off me. The commandant growled, "If you two are finished I want to see both of you in my office right now."

Mira continued to pinch the hell out of my butt. It distracted the hell out of me, but finally I replied, "'I would prefer not to.'"

He barked, "Well what about you young lady."

She grinned and jumped (I pinched her ass, payback's a bitch) and said, "I also would prefer not to."

The commandant ordered, "Well, in that case all the recruits are ordered to take a ten mile run." He looked at me and Mira and questioned, "I suppose you prefer not to do that too?"

I grinned at him and replied, "Now that's something I would prefer to do."

The rest of the recruits, bitched, moaned and complained they were too hurt to run. I winked at Mira and said, "Well, I guess if they can't run we can always have more martial arts training."

Flashback — Jack — Day one, week one of spook school

Banzai was one out of control mother fucker! Today was worse than any day I ever had in basic training. I was just thankful as hell Banzai pulled the punches and kicks on me, otherwise I'd be as beat up as the rest of this motley crew who tried to run ten miles.

But someday fucking Banzai would kill me with all his running. And now he had this damn female and she egged him on and made it even worse. They started at a blistering pace, compounded by fact she was faster than Banzai. Then they ran back and threatened all of us with another ass kicking if we didn't run faster. This wasn't a fucking run; it was a fucking death march.

I finally caught Banzai's attention and he and she came over by me. My ass dragged but they weren't even breathing hard. Banzai said, "Jack I'd like for you to meet my new friend Mira. Mira this is Jack my spotter and my best friend in the world who has taught me more about being a Marine than anyone else."

She gave me the most perfect smile and said, "Yes L.Cpl. Blaine I know about Sgt. Reynolds and how accomplished he is."

I answered, "It's a pleasure to meet you Mira, please call me Jack."

She got a worried look and said, "Oh no Sgt. Reynolds I could never do that."

Banzai laughed, "Jack, Mira was raised to never call someone by their first name. I've even threatened to kick her ass again and she still won't call me Ben."

Mira flirted with him and answered, "I think you might not be so lucky next time. Perhaps I would kick your rear."

I was tired as hell and asked, "Banzai, I know you two are having a ball, but I'm asking you as a friend to tone it down for the night. I don't know how much more I or the rest of the recruits can stand."