Chapter 12

Flashback – Mira – Early morning day four, week one of spook school

L.Cpl. Blaine dared compare the terrific training I would give him with repulsive rape! He knew nothing about rape and amazingly angered me to a level I had very rarely experienced so I swore at him, "L.Cpl. Blaine, I hate you! Get the hell off of me!"

Everyone except me stopped moving because my patella had an appointment with L.Cpl. Blaine's nether region. He would be taught a very large lesson about insulting his girlfriend! I had almost maneuvered into position when he jumped off me, took three steps back and caused me even greater frustration.

I kip-upped¹, glared at him and announced, "L.Cpl. Blaine, we are all leaving and you are not invited to travel with us! Kai stay and interrogate the prisoners."

¹ Kip-up is one of several names for an acrobatic move in which a person transitions from a supine position directly to a squatting position by propelling the legs, and consequently the entire body, away from the floor.

He started to complain and I yelled, "You, you, you MAN! You shut that foul oral fissure of yours and never verbalize to me again!"

I looked at Tom and Howard and commanded, "Well, what are you two waiting for? Bring stinky Sgt. Reynolds because we are leaving!"

I stormed out to the vehicle and impatiently waited for them to arrive!

Flashback – Ben – Day three and early morning day four, week one of spook school

Shit! I was confused - no baffled - no I was totally stupefied by what just happened. I tried to be a fucking nice guy and not take advantage of Mira and she became unglued! I realized, just in time, she was going to knee me in the balls and got the hell off her.

Women, you can't live with them and you can't trade them for a dead dog. We stood around stunned, looking at each other as Mira stormed out of the room. A very stoned Jack finally mouthed off and broke the silence when he laughed, "Damn Banzai, tell me what you whispered to her so I make sure I never say that to any woman." And then the old fart laughed his ass off.

Tom asked, "Shit Banzai, what do you want us to do?"

I quickly decided, "I don't like leaving Mira alone, especially with her current attitude. You two go take her and Jack back to the school and I'll somehow catch a ride."

Howard grumbled, "Thanks a hell of a lot. You get her pissed off and we have to take care of her!"

Jack smarted off again, "Hey, if the three of us are lucky, maybe we'll get angry sex - it's the best in the world!" I wanted to kick the shit out of him, but he was so fucking stoned it wasn't worth it and he wouldn't fucking feel it.

I watched as the three of them left and then Kai said, "L.Cpl. Blaine, whatever you said to Ma'am it was not a very good thing to say. It is not wise to anger her so because you might become seriously injured."

I looked at him and thought, no fucking shit Sherlock - she was going to seriously injure my balls.

Flashback – Jack – Early morning day four, week one of spook school

Damn! This was funny as hell! If I wasn't so fucking stoned, my sides would have ached from all the laughing I'd just done.

Mira slipped into the room and beat the fuck out of the two bastards that kidnapped me. Shee-IT! They didn't stand a chance and she even wailed on them when they were unconscious and on the ground. They are going to be some beaten and bruised mothers when they wake up!

Then she came over, made sure I was okay, cut the strapping tape holding me to the chair and we waited for everyone else while Mira took excellent care of me. She gave me an injection from the medical kit in her pack and said, "Sgt. Reynolds, this should help you feel much better in a short period of time."

I slurred, "Thanks sweetie! You're taking such good care of me." You know, I really thought she secretly liked me and perhaps I just might have a chance to nail her! Shit! If Banzai wasn't going to take advantage of her, I sure as hell would.

We waited and finally Tom came sneaking into the room. He damn near shot both of us; fucking trigger-happy Marine! The noise caused the two bastards to move so Mira got fired up, beat on them some more and gave them some sort of fucking injection. I hoped to hell it wasn't whatever the bastards gave me, because they didn't deserve to feel that good.

Then Howard flew into the room like his ass was on fire! I guess he heard all the noise of Mira beating the shit out of the bastards and thought I was getting beat on. At least he didn't almost shoot all of us.

Mira ordered Tom to call Banzai and we waited. I knew something was going on because I glanced at Tom and Howard and they grinned like a pair of fucking mules eating briars. The wait was finally over and was more than worth it!

Banzai flew into the room but stopped short when he saw Mira. It was about fucking time – she started to beat the shit out of him instead of me! She ran up and yelled, "L.Cpl. Blaine did you assume I was just birthed on the previous day and that you could pull an infantile trick ON ME!" and she smacked the hell out of him.

We all laughed our asses off as Banzai beat a hasty retreat and replied, "Mira, I'm sorry!"

I was just getting ready to ask Tom what the fuck she was so upset about, when Mira said, "I recognized when you asked me to explore the trunk for your rifle magazine, precisely what your conniving Marine mind planned. I even pretended to be surprised and didn't struggle much when you stuffed me into the stinky trunk."

I laughed and asked Howard, "Shit, he threw her in the trunk of the car?"

Banzai seized a broom, retreated into a defensive pose and pronounced, "Mira, I was just trying to keep you safe!"

Tom answered me, "Yeah, he did."

Mira tried to hit him a few more times and Banzai blocked her with the broom (when did he ever get so good with weapons?). This was the best comedy show I'd ever seen and I wanted to fuel the fire in Mira (I hoped if I could keep her fired up, I could console and nail her later) so I shouted, "Kick her ass Banzai like she kicked mine!"

That distracted her, she looked at me, and Banzai nailed her three times with the broom. Shee-IT! I don't know what the fuck Banzai was thinking, because the blows didn't hurt her at all, but they did get her really pissed off! She became a super ass kicking machine, beat the broom out of his hand and the fur really flew. Banzai did the only thing he could: He tackled her and fell on top of her. At first she fought and then slowly started to calm down.

I was fucking bummed out, because it looked like the show was over. Shit Mira even started hugging and humping the hell out of Banzai! There went my chance at nailing her. She said way too loudly, "L.Cpl. Blaine, it feels heavenly with you on top of me!"

Banzai blushed like crazy. It was funny as hell and we all laughed at him. Then all hell broke loose again when the karate – I mean Aikido kid flew into the room and went after Tom and Howard. I don't know what the fuck they did to get him pissed off, but he was as pissed as Mira had been and the show started all over again.

I was distracted by the fun of the new battle, and don't know what the fuck went on with Banzai and Mira, but she yelled, "L.Cpl. Blaine, I hate you! Get the hell off of me!"

Everyone stopped and looked at the two of them, and that is how I got here with Tom and Howard taking me out to meet Mira at the car and with Banzai being banished, I briefly wondered how the hell he was going to get back to the school? Then thought, Shit! Let him figure it out, I still might have a chance with Mira!

We walked out to the parking lot and I asked, "So where the fuck is this car of yours?"

Tom griped, "I don't the fuck know! We left it right here!"

I don't know why, it must have been the drugs they gave me, but it was funny has hell to me so I smart mouthed, "Damn, I sure never thought a Recon would forget where the hell he left a car!"

Howard replied, "Fuck, we'll never be able to get a taxi in this part of town. Come on you two lets double-time it to a better part of town."

TARFU²! We're running again! Well at least I felt pretty good; no that's not right, I felt fucking great!!

² Things Are Really Fucked Up!

Flashback – Mira – Early morning day four, week one of spook school

I became disgusted with the interminable time lag for the three goofball Marines to come out to the vehicle, so I opened the door, which Kai foolishly left unlocked, took a tool out of my pack, broke the lock from the steering column and took the car for a short 'joyride' to calm myself!

The drive did not help whatsoever! It even had the opposite effect! Some belligerent buffoon in a beat up Buick loudly complained about my driving with his honking horn and obscene digit! I honked, gave him two digits back and yelled, "You insipid imbecile! Learn how to operate that vehicle in a proper manner!" As I sped off, I realized the need to get back and retrieve the trio of goofballs so I turned the car around in the street. Several more belligerent buffoons beeped at me, but I ignored them and drove back to the building.

As I approached the building, I noticed the three goofball Marines running down the side of the road towards a different part of town. Sgt. Reynolds was naturally loitering behind the others, and unfortunately L.Cpl. Blaine's fractiousness infected me again...

Flashback – Jack – Early morning day four, week one of spook school

Son of a fucking bitch! Some crazy assed fool was trying to run us over! I heard a noise, looked over my shoulder, and there's a fucking car bearing down on us weaving like hell and the bastard's even honking the horn. I'd been loafing, but kicked my ass into overdrive, blew by Tom and Howard and shouted, "You'd better move your asses; someone's trying to run them over."

Tom yelled, "Shit! The old fart's right!"

Old fart my ass! I felt fan-fucking-tastic! I'd show them what an old fart really is, so I let fly one of my patented SBD³s and yelled, "STUFRs⁴!"

³ SBD – Silent But Deadly – a silent fart that's bad smelling.

⁴Stop Talking U Fucking Retards!

Howard shouted, "Shit I think something fucking died around here! You two distract them and I'll blow the hell out of the engine."

My initial thought was: Great, first I'm abducted by fucking ninjas, now I'm fucking bait for a crazy! It was time to fish or cut bait and I was cutting bait like hell and only needed to run faster than Tom.

Tom yelled, "Jack, slow the hell up!"

There was no way in hell I was slowing up, not until that fucking idiot driver was taken care of. Besides I still wasn't feeling any fucking pain. In fact I was fucking Forrest Fricken Gump and was going to run my ass across America if I had to!

I got really fired up and yelled, "Run Forrest, Run!"

Flashback – Mira – Early morning day four, week one of spook school

I made a terrible tactical boo-boo! Stinky Sgt. Reynolds heard and saw me chasing them in the vehicle and proceeded to run at a pace I had never witnessed from him before. He passed the other two goofball Marines like they were stationary. It was so funny, and I so needed some happiness in my life, that I laughed so severely that I lost operational control of the vehicle and impacted a large light pole. Now the vehicle did not sound very healthy, fumes were exiting the engine area and it refused to locomote!

Howard ran up, pointed his rifle at my door and yelled, "Freeze fucker!"

I rolled down the window, smiled at him and replied, "Go freeze your derriere off, anus hole!"

He saw it was me, lowered his rifle and spoke into his radio, "Tom, it was just Mira in our car. Bring Jack and come on back."

Tom replied (I still had one of their radios), "Shit Howard, Jack took off like his ass was on fire, yelling something about running through a forest and I couldn't keep up with him. I don't know where the hell he is! You two bring the car up here so we can go find him."

I felt very guilty when Howard answered, "Well Tom, that's not going to happen. It seems that Mira totaled the car!"

Flashback – Jack – Early morning day four, week one of spook school

I was a fucking running machine! It was too bad Banzai and Mira weren't here right now, I'd show those two how the hell to run: I raced the wind and even the wind lost! I flew around the corner, saw there was a group (no make that a small gang) in the street and one of them yelled, "Hey what that honky doing on our block!"

I hollered, "Get the fuck out of my way and let me run!"

Idiots were born every minute and the gang members must have just been born! No, they didn't get the fuck out of my way, so I beat them the hell out of my way and they hardly slowed me at all. Shee-IT! I was Forrest Gump and Superman all in one! However, I did get one hell of a bite from a fucking mosquito as I ran off.

Flashback – Mira – Early morning day four, week one of spook school

I told Howard, "We need to find Sgt. Reynolds immediately!" Then jumped out of the car and started running towards Tom.

Howard followed and inquired, "Why do we need to find Jack? He will just get tired and then stop."

I had realized I made a second tactical boo-boo and confessed, "Unfortunately that is not correct. I gave Sgt. Reynolds a large dose of long acting amphetamines, and possibly misjudged the proper dosage. He will be able to run for a very long time."

We ran past Tom and he yelled, "Where are you two going?"

Howard informed, "Mira amped up Jack and we have to try to catch the crazy bastard!"

Tom yelled, "Fuck! Now I know why he could run so fast. How the hell are we going to find him?"

There had been a fresh rain and light layer of dirt dusted the road. I replied, "I can see his footprints on the road and we can follow those."

Howard answered, "Shit! She's right, now I can see the footprints too."

Tom chided, "Damn, just how much juice did you give him."

I bit my lip because of my embarrassment and sped up. Howard immediately complained, "Slow up Mira, we don't want to lose you too!"

We ran around the corner and found the remnants of a gang so I ordered, "Tom and Howard, continue to follow Sgt. Reynolds, I will interrogate these hooligans."

The two buffoons continued, until Tom ordered, "Mira leave those fuckers alone and help us find Jack! I see a blood trail!"

I looked at the hooligans, memorized the details of their faces and threatened, "So one of you imbeciles wounded my good friend Sgt. Reynolds! If anything serious befalls him I will be back and take my anger out on you and all your family members."

I turned and ran after Tom and Howard. My blood became frosty when I observed the blood trail!

Flashback – Ben – Day three and early morning day four, week one of spook school

I collected my senses, checked my gear, looked at Kai and asked, "Do you need any help with these two?"

His eyes told me more than his response, "No L.Cpl. Blaine, I will finish the interrogation and return back to the school. How do you plan to return to the school?" I could see that the interrogation would end with the ninja's death.

Normally I'd call a cab, but I knew none would come to this part of town at this time of night, so I replied, "I'm going to run over to a better part of town and then catch a taxi."

He stated, "Have a good and safe run and trip L.Cpl. Blaine."

I looked at the two ninjas and thought AMF⁵ bastards! I bowed, Kai returned the bow and I left the room and Kai to his unwholesome work. What a fucked up night this had become. You'd think I'd learn by now not to keep doing good fucking deeds because no fucking good deed goes unpunished.

⁵ AMF or Alpha Mike Foxtrot – Adios Mother Fuckers

I trotted out of the parking lot and noticed a hell of a lot of foot traffic had come this way. Now what the fuck was going on? I pulled out my phone, called Tom. I didn't get an answer and that was fucking strange.

Flashback – Jack – Early morning day four, week one of spook school

Shit, I finally started to get tired. No, that's not right: I started to feel fucking sick and even worse, dizzy as hell. I slowed to a walk, reached back to scratch my mosquito bite, felt something wet, pulled my hand back around and it was covered in blood. Damn! That was one fucking huge mosquito! I staggered close to a dumpster and slumped to the ground.

Flashback – Mira – Early morning day four, week one of spook school

It was obvious from the blood trail, Sgt. Reynolds' wound was moderately extreme and because of his elevated heart rate from the amphetamine he would expire if not discovered soon. So I easily sprinted ahead of Tom and Howard, much to their dismay. Tom commanded, "Mira, get your ass back here!"

I was still overly agitated by tonight and fractiously responded over my shoulder, "I have become weary waiting for you two to locomote your prodigiously portly posteriors. By now Sgt. Reynolds will have succumbed to serious symptoms and if we do not reach him soon, he will expire."

I was on a grave mission and even temporarily ignored Howard's replied insult, "Oh yeah, I'd rather have a fat ass than a fucking boney ass like yours!" However, his rude comment will be cataloged and physically dealt with when this emergency was over.

But I did not remain silent and taunted, "At least my cranium is not co-located up my anus hole like yours!"