Chapter 14

I was deep in my reverie, driving a little on the high side of the speed limit when Michelle brought me down from my emotional high. Well, it wasn't that she tried to "Sack" me like happens to a quarterback on the football field. No, it was more like she brought me back to her.

"Dad," she had said. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure Honey," I told her after shaking some sense into my brain and dousing the cobwebs that had formed there as I mused over having my life turned around. Turned around so much for the better. First by her mother and then by her own appearance.

She sighed when I said "Honey." I was beginning to love and accept her reactions to the affectionate words I used toward her.

I stroked her head, still leaning on my right thigh, as a few seconds passed. I figured she was trying to work out what she wanted to ask. Somehow I knew it was not of the "Blue Sky" caliber. That would be like a "22."

What came out was more like a "Howitzer!"

"Dad," she said very tentatively, "Have you had sex a lot since your first time with mom when you two were 14?"

Talk about getting blown out of the water!

How the hell do you answer a question like that? "Sure, I've screwed everything in sight!" Or, "No dear I saved myself for your mother." Neither of those extremes was true, by the way.

I had no idea what she wanted to hear or why she was asking. I figured she was looking for something. So I tried for the "Honest" answer.

"Honey, that's a very personal question. You know. Sex is very personal. Not something most people talk about. Well, me for instance.

"But I don't mind sharing personal stuff with you. It's just a little new to me, sharing things like that," I told her.

"Thanks dad," she replied. Then after pausing, waiting while I figured out what to say, she added, "Well, did you?"

I wanted to laugh at her eleven year-old persistence but knew that was the wrong direction to go. "Well, after mom left just a few days after our first time when we were 14, I didn't have sex again until I was about 18. I guess that's not a lot."

"And after that?" she pressed on.

"Well, I dated a few times in college but it wasn't until after I graduated that I had an active sex partner."

"What's an active sex partner, dad?"

"Someone who you see, you know, go out on dates with or even live with, that you really like and have sex with," I said.

"Oh, like when you lived at that apartment with June and Katie? You had sex all the time?"

"Well," I answered. "Yes, June and I had sex lots of times. We really liked each other."

"Then why didn't you marry her?"

"Boy, the questions don't get any easier," I thought to myself.

"Well," I finally answered her. "For a while I thought we would get married. I did love her. But, she got back together with her former boyfriend ... Katie's daddy ... she married him."

Michelle got silent for a few minutes as I continued driving along and kept fondling her hair. It was so soft. I was starting to get a little melancholy as I thought about how much I'd missed Lindie all the years she was gone.

Then another shot from Michelle brought me back. "Dad, do you want mom as your sex partner?"

OH BOY! How do you answer a question like that? "Sure kid! I want to play like Bunnies with her." Nope, that was not a good answer. But that wasn't too far from the truth though.

Again, I leaned toward the truth. "Yes, Honey. I do. I love mom very much. I always have. Always will.

"That's why I asked her to marry me. Because I want to be with her, not only to have sex with her, but be her partner in every way."

Then I added, "I love you too Honey. Mom and I love you very much!"

Michelle sighed. Somehow I'd figured out what she wanted to hear. I still wasn't sure what it was, but I sensed we were nearing the core of her question.

As I continued to let her work out her questions, I still stroked her head. Sometimes I let my hand fall to her cheek. Her skin felt so soft and warm. Then I noticed a trace of moisture. She was crying.

Looking down at her cherubic face I asked her, "Are you OK?"

"Do you REALLY love me, dad?"

I stopped myself after I positioned my mouth to say the most common answer, "Sure!"

I was positive that was not what she wanted to hear. She wanted more than that. How I knew it, I can't say. I just sensed it.

So I said, "Yes Mickey," in the most affectionate tone I could put into my voice. "Yes Mickey, I love you VERY much!"

Then the floodgates opened. Emotion was flooding out of her and moisture was tracing down my leg after saturating my jeans. Somehow, I'd taken her to a place she needed to go. I'd said just the right thing.

After a few minutes, she settled down. There was that huge vibrating gulp again and a deep sigh. "No one has ever loved me," she said softly. "No one but mom."

I couldn't believe my ears. I had no idea what to say to that. I knew the people she had known ... lived with. Her uncle. Her Grandmother. How could that be?