I suppose it might seem anachronistic in this day and age to be typing on an old-fashioned manual typewriter—given the old-fashioned desk, perhaps a quill and ink and heavy-duty parchment might be more appropriate—but it’s a compromise; I could have been using a laptop or even a voice to text app on my smartphone. And really, there’s nothing like the sound of these keys striking the carriage, 87 words per minute, that’s 428 characters, because I have nimble fingers. You’ll see.

But before we get to the actual text of my composition, a word or two about the painting: Unicorn and Dove on a Storm-Tossed Sea. In these troubled times, the way I see it is that Unicorn and Dove are out to rescue us, Mankind, from all the woes, mostly manmade, that beset us. Unicorn and Dove, what a great pair they make! But the journey won’t be easy, having to deal with a symbolic and dangerous sea. And only sixteen bottles of rum on board—Unicorn might have to ration.

So Unicorn is making good progress. Land ho? When a particularly virulent wave shoves the boat skyward, and just as Dove is dipping down to bestow a kiss of encouragement upon Unicorn’s troubled brow. Oh My Gosh is his horn sharp! Breast pierced, Dove bleeds profusely. The rescue of Mankind will have to wait.

So far I’ve typed not quite 300 words. That’s 1500 characters, give or take, spaces not included, carriage returns not included. In Dickens’ day, at six cents a page, I’d have earned ... almost six cents. But factoring in inflation, almost a buck fifty.