Chapter 3: Lick 'n Mom

"What?" I stared at Licorice and then I giggled as he nodded his head seriously.

I'd just gotten home from school and I wasn't sure if I believed him or not. Part of me wanted to, just because it had been a pretty cool story, but most of me didn't because it made me a just a little bit jealous too.

I mean, how would you feel if you'd spent eight hours at school, bored out of your mind listening to some nun tell you how important geometry was going to be in your career as a veterinarian? That's what I wanted to be someday, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out how finding the area of a triangle was ever going to help me deliver a baby horse.

I'd have to ask Dr. Hanson about that. He was Lick's vet and just about one of my best friends, except he was pretty old. Cute too.

So anyway, and then after school I rushed straight home because I'd been drawing pictures of Licorice all day, well parts of Licorice, you know, and jilling off under my plaid skirt because I'd forgotten to wear panties on purpose, and then I get home expecting a big hot hard welcome from my boyfriend ... And he tells me he's too tired!

So I stood there, hands on my hips and feeling neglected the way a girlfriend will when she needs something and doesn't get it, and Licorice is trying to explain how he got all worn out.

Apparently, and I'm just telling you what Lick told me, evidently the day started like any other for my four year old black lab...

Except for the fact that I was running late! This happened to be a Monday, which probably explains a lot. I never got the hang of Mondays and I felt tired too, so I hit my snooze button like three times in row, which totally spoiled any chance I had of getting off before school. I ran around the house, trying to get dressed, looking for my homework from all the way last Friday, brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, brushing the lint off my skirt cause I forgot to clean the filter in the dryer before I put it in there ... Ugh!!!

I hate Mondays!

And Licorice just sat on my bed, frowning at me because he'd woken up like he always did, expecting a good morning blowjob from his beautiful sixteen year old bitch, or maybe even a nice quick game of Breed the Blonde! Which is what Lick calls it, by the way, not me. Boys are so like that! But I didn't have time for any of that because I just knew my school bus would be early, since I was late, and it was a Monday like I said.

And of course my mom wasn't any help at all either. She just clucked her tongue and shook her head and drank her coffee. But what did she care? She had the day off, lucky her, and she wasn't going to be late for anything, except maybe a date with her vacuum cleaner since all she ever did on her days off was clean. She could be so psycho sometimes! Like she'd stepped out of a Good Housekeeping magazine or something. Her favorite, by the way, which really shows how hopeless Mom could be. I kept waiting for her to have a mid-life crisis so she'd start reading Cosmo or something, but...

"Bye dear!" My mom wiggled her cheerful fingers at me and I just scowled. "Have a nice day at school."

I ran to my bus stop, and that's two blocks away for some stupid reason, and I was momentarily relieved when I saw Patricia standing there. She's one of my friends and we go to school together and so if she was there then I hadn't missed my bus. And of course she was happy to see me too, because she thought maybe she'd missed the bus. It took five minutes for us to realize that we'd both missed it and now had to walk the mile and a half to school. Uphill, against the wind, and in the rain.

Mondays suck.

That's my part of the story...

Lick's story, if you believe him, and I wasn't sure I did, begins sometime later. He couldn't say for sure what time that was though, since he never bothered to look at the clock. He knows how to tell time, believe me, it's just that he's a dog and so time is totally irrelevant to him, a fact he likes to point out when I'm running late for school.

"You shoulda been born a dog, Tiff," he'll say and I just growl at him.

Now my mom is an attractive woman by human standards, and so by dog standards she's even more attractive than that. Dogs love girls and they're all beautiful, even the ugly ones, so according to Licorice, my mom is pretty amazingly stunning by dog standards. I'm not sure I'd ever want to try and explain that to her though, but I think Mom knows anyway. A woman can always tell when a guy likes her, it's instinctive.

Anyway, Mom's especially gorgeous to Licorice, he says, because she can open doors and big cans of dog food, and she scratches behind his ears like nobody's business, but that's just Lick's sense of humor talking. He really does like our blonde hair and blue eyes, except he's color blind, so ... I think he just loves our butts mostly. I don't care if he's an ass-dog or not, Lick loves me and he's told me so a zillion times. He loves my mom too, except she confuses him a lot.

Mostly because Lick knows she's in her prime, like mature and full grown and just perfect for breeding. But she never does it for some reason and that always confuses him. There are only three reasons for living, according to Licorice: sleeping, eating, and breeding. My mom does the first two just fine, but that third reason was kicking her ass, and that's exactly how he put it. I'd never say something like that! But four or five dog years and only one puppy to show for it? Lick didn't get my mom's mating habits at all.

Licorice was relaxing, trying to fall back to sleep after Hurricane Tiffany finally left for school and he was doing a good job of it too. Lick said he was dreaming of me actually, but I think he was just trying to cheer me up after my terrible Monday. Anyway, he knows how badly I want to have his puppies, and Lick wants me to have puppies too. He told me he was laying there on my bed, still smelling me and liking that a lot, and dreaming about how I was fat with six baby black labs in my belly. And my boobs were big and dripping milk and we were kissing on the couch watching Casablanca and talking about names for our babies...

When my mom happened to come into my room. She was wearing her old bathrobe, according to Licorice, sort of a pink one, although that's just because it was faded. It had been more of a lavender color once, like ten years ago or something, but now it was pink. And probably she was going to take a bath, since she had the day off and everything. But she'd seen Licorice on my bed and decided maybe she should let him outside, since it was morning and all.

She started taking off her earrings, Licorice told me, and I really didn't know if I believed that or not. Firstly, I didn't remember seeing my mom wearing any earrings when she was sitting in the kitchen drinking her coffee. But I hadn't been looking for them either. Secondly though, my mom generally took off her jewelry before she went to sleep, not after she woke up. So Lick could have been making that part up, but let's pretend he wasn't.

I have to humor him sometimes, cause he is my boyfriend.

And Mom walks into the bedroom, wearing her robe sort of loosely, I guess, not really tied around her waist because she's just going from her bedroom to the bathroom. And she got sidetracked, like I said, taking a detour into my room and so that got Lick's attention right away. I mean he could see her, you know, mostly almost naked, and Lick is a boy and he likes seeing stuff like that.

My mom looks mostly like me, except she's older. When I'm online sometimes, like in a chat room, usually the one called #RealDogLovers, which is sort of a cool chat room except there's a lot of guys who just want to see pictures of me and Licorice kissing and stuff, but I ignore those. Anyway, when I'm on there and someone asks me "What do you look like?" I mostly say "Welllll ... I look like my mom, except younger." And that should give them a clue, wouldn't you think?

But it doesn't so I have to tell them what my mom looks like. She's kind of tall, but not really tall, and thin, but not skinny or anything. She has legs all the way up to her nice round butt and really great boobs. I hope I get boobs like hers because they're sorta too big for the rest of her, but it still looks really good, especially when she wears an awesome dress. My tits are a little too small for my body, I think, but maybe not. I'm smaller all the way around, really and Lick's into butts anyway and he says mine's perfect, but he's my boyfriend too and if he didn't say that ... You know. I'd be kinda not happy.

That's what Licorice was looking at, except even more because he could see my mom's soft flat tummy and her creamy thighs and even her golden bush, which isn't much thicker than mine and mine is hardly thick at all. He calls it a bush, not me. I hate that word. I think my mom trims hers a little, but I never asked her or anything. I've seen her naked though, you know, and it looks pretty neat, meaning well kept and trimmed, and the other way too ... Meaning pretty cool. I'd like to trim mine sometime, but I'm a little nervous about it.

"Do you want to go outside, Licorice ... Oh! Darn it..." my mom said, according to Lick.

She'd dropped her earring, theoretically, and of course it didn't fall right at her feet ... But I'm getting ahead of myself. Or ahead of Licorice, I should say.

When my mom asked Lick if he wanted to go out, he did what any dog does. He stretched and yawned and licked his lips and hopped off the bed, because going outside is always one of life's simple pleasures, even if he really didn't need to right at that moment. Outside is like heaven for dogs. Would you pass up a chance to go to heaven if you could go back in the house and take a nap later?

Me neither.

He jumped off the bed just about the time my mom decided to drop one of her earrings. He stood there in my bedroom, watching as my mom frowned and looked around her feet for it, but of course it hadn't landed at her feet, as I mentioned before. That magical earring had done what all earrings do, and socks too, and anything else that comes in pairs ... It had disappeared!

According to Licorice.

And he tilted his head, watching patiently and not without some genuine curiosity because humans in general, and the two bitches living in his house in particular, never failed to amaze him with some of the things we'd do ... And I spent some time arguing that with him! Licorice watched as my mom got down on her hands and knees, right there on the carpet in her short, half-closed bathrobe, right in front of my horny boyfriend.

Now, according to Licorice there's only one reason a bitch will ever get on her hands and knees in front of a dog. We might pretend there's other reasons, like a lost earring for example, but Lick wasn't buying that. The only reason a full grown fertile beautiful bitch like my mom would get down on the floor was if she was in heat. Or so my dog says.

And Licorice swears she was. In heat, I mean, although any other time Lick will tell you that human females are in heat every day of the week and twice on Sundays, we just pretend we aren't. But he wanted to change his story, so I listened with a little roll of my eyes as Licorice explained to me that my mom was most definitely ripe for breeding at that particular instant and no other.

He could smell her, Lick told me, and I had a hard time arguing with that, since his nose is like a thousand times better than mine. He could smell my mom's pussy and, according to him, her need to breed filled the air with the heady sweet scent of eau de come fuck me! Lick has such a dirty mouth sometimes! I think he just says the really bad words because he likes to see me blush. Dogs can't blush, you know, so they like it when we do. It's a lot like laughing.

Mom had gotten on her hands and knees and actually a little lower than that even, or at least her shoulders were, because she'd decided to look under my bed. And of course my mom's bathrobe isn't exactly one of those long ones either, in fact it's pretty short on her. I mean, yeah, it covers her tight round butt just fine, but it wasn't going to cover anything else while she was down on the floor like that!

My dog could see everything! My mom's little puckered up and golden brown butthole ... Thanks for telling me, Lick, like I need to know about my mom's butt? ... and most especially her swollen pussy. He said it was swollen, like puffy and fat and had sort of a soft pink crease splitting the darker flesh of her vulva. Thin, buttery labia, according to him, and just a hint of coral colored clitoris trying to peek shyly from her folds. My mom, he told me with a serious nod, has a sweet little camel toe.

Licorice spent a lot of time getting his words just right and I wondered if he hadn't been looking through my thesaurus or something. And where had he heard camel toe before? He's such a brat!

Right then Licorice knew exactly what my mom wanted. The only thing that confused Lick, and he was looking to me for an explanation, was why my mom had insisted on playing the silly game with her earring. If she just wanted to breed with him, all she had to do was tell him. Lick assured me he would have been more than happy to help Mom out, because he was that sort of a dog. Meaning the helpful horny kind, and I'd frowned at that.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe my mom had lost an earring?" I stared at Licorice. "That maybe she wasn't thinking about you at all?"

But neither of us believed that. I was just being moody, since I was his girlfriend and all. Unlike my mom. And the idea of Licorice cheating on me like that? With my own mother ... It was a Monday, like I said, and so I forced myself to be patient and listen to the rest of Lick's story.

Not that the rest of the story is all that hard to figure out. My mom had her beautiful pert, heart shaped butt in the air, her long dark nipples rubbing the carpet, and her head and both arms under my bed, feeling around for the missing piece of jewelry. It was like one of those letters they put in dirty men's magazines, except that Licorice wasn't a man and this was a true story ... if you believed my dog.