Chapter 4

I announced in the morning that I was going back home and look in on my aunt. I might be away for four or five days. Roxy asked, "Have you made a decision about Ginger and the baby?"

"No, and I can't, because I don't know how she feels. I don't want to start trying to resolve this without facing her directly. I need to be able to gauge her reactions if I say something."

"I understand that. I wish you would remember one thing. This is your home now. You would give up an awful lot if you stayed with her in New York." Roxy had her head down, not looking at me. Her hands were quivering just a little as she twisted a napkin between her fingers. It came to me. Roxy was in love with me! I mean she was more than the childhood companion I had always considered her to be.

"I'll be back Roxy." I couldn't say more. How could I? We had backed ourselves into a corner by arriving and letting others think we were sister and brother. I had a wife who had a child by another, and I didn't know how I felt about it. I was sure that Bertha on my end and Aunt Sylvie on Ginger's end, wanted me to take Ginger back into my arms. They were thinking that was the manly thing to do and the best for the baby. Maybe it was, but I didn't know if I would be happy.

I made sure my paperwork was caught up and got a round trip ticket for New York. I arrived in town just before lunch time. Again I used my key to enter my former home. No one was there, but there was a stew bubbling in a crockpot. Fifteen minutes later Ginger and Junior came in. "Hi Rodney, it is nice to see you. Lunch is about ready. You'll eat with me won't you?"

"Yes. Let me hold the baby while you get it ready."

"He needs his diaper changed."

"Tell me how and I will attempt it." Ginger looked at me with disbelief in her eyes. She shrugged and proceeded to show me what had to be done. When he was dry, I sat with him and watched my wife put the stew on the table. "Where is your aunt?"

"She is up north visiting friends for a few days. I am glad she isn't here. We need to talk and she butts in. I know she means well, but it isn't always what I want."

"I know what you mean. One of my partners is the same way."

"Roxy?"

"No Bertha. The one that selected the dress I gave you for your birthday."

"It is a beautiful dress. I love it. I couldn't believe you left it after finding out I was pregnant with Junior. I have had some pictures of me taken while I was wearing it."

"I know. Aunt Sylvie sent me one."

"She has your address? I didn't know that."

"She has called and sends notes about you. How else would I have known that you named the baby after me?"

"Does that bother you?"

"The baby had to have a name and I'm not ashamed of mine, so I'm okay with it."

Ginger filled the bowls with stew and sat down. She was decidedly nervous as she faced me from across the table. Junior was getting fussy.

"He needs to be fed. I'll go in the other room."

"No, I want to watch. I'm still your husband and I have some rights."

"Okay I guess, but I don't think it is. Right I mean, under the circumstances."

I didn't say anything. Ginger's face was flushed at first and then a look of contentment settled over her features as Junior hungrily went about getting his dinner. "I suppose that turns you on? Me doing this in front of you."

"Not really. I was interested, that's all. I have never seen a baby nursing before. I think it is time for us to decide where we are together in this marriage. First, I think you should tell me what you want. We both are twenty-one. I'm not going to discuss how much you have hurt me. There is no point in that. You have arranged for Barry to pay for the baby's upkeep. In a way that is still going to be between us, and reminding me always that the baby isn't mine.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked for a divorce. I know if you don't have the money, Aunt Sylvie would pay for it. She hasn't offered because she thinks the best for you and the baby is with me. Right?"

"Right. Really Rodney, I haven't asked for a divorce, because I'm afraid you would charge me with adultery. I don't want my baby to grow up with having to deal with a mother marked with that label. I can make my way as a single mother. Believe it or not, there is a man that knows of my situation and still is interested in me. I'm interested in him as well, but I haven't encouraged him because I'm still married to you."

"Do you have an attorney?"

"Yes, and he is a pretty sharp one too. It was he that got the deal with Barry to support me. He is a semi-retired judge with office hours in the morning."

"Would he come to the house this afternoon if you called him? I need to talk to someone, and I don't want our business to be public at all."

"I'll call. You hold the baby and burp him. Just as soon as he does that, he'll go right to sleep."

The meeting with the attorney lasted for almost two hours. I had planned to see my aunt in the nursing home today, but that would wait until tomorrow. It would be two more days before the papers the attorney was preparing would be ready for my signature. If all went well, my life was getting back on track again. It would take some time, but I expected that.

I did not sleep with Ginger and we were not intimate. We talked all night until the baby's two o'clock feeding and then I went to sleep in Aunt Sylvie's bed. I learned all about my wife's descent into adultery and this kept me from wanting to have sex with her. I had been so unaware of the deception at the time, I couldn't believe I had been that naive. I thought back to how much I was in love with Ginger, and it was understandable I suppose.

While eating breakfast, Ginger asked me to forgive her. I hesitated with the answer. "I don't think I can, not totally, anyway. You told me when I was here last time that you tried to get pregnant and say the baby was mine. I understand because you were trying to get back at me for screwing Roxy in front of you. That is way too much for me to forgive."

"But you seem to like Junior."

"I do. The baby isn't really the issue here. It is your cheating, then me getting even, and then you making it worse by trying to stick me with someone else's baby. Tell me, were you thinking about a little one like Junior when you were screwing Barry's ass off trying to get pregnant and blame it on me?"

It was two minutes before she answered while she thought over what I had said. "You are so right, Rodney. I shouldn't have asked for forgiveness. But you have been so nice to me about everything."

"I'm trying, but it is difficult. In the meantime, the getting evens have to stop somewhere. If we continued together, sometime we would hurt each other again. If the attorney can get the court to go along with what he wants, we can be friends, but nothing more. You know, I hope we can keep in touch. I would like to follow Junior as he grows up. After all he has my name."

"That's a promise." Just then the front door opened and Aunt Sylvie came in. Ginger was sitting across from me and had just opened her blouse to feed Junior. Sylvie reached the wrong conclusion immediately. She thought that all was well between us and we were living as husband and wife again.

I stood and took her sweater as she removed it. Before I could hang it up, she came into my arms and hugged me to her. "I just knew if I sent you a picture of Ginger in the dress that matched her eyes you would hot-foot it here from Ohio. Or maybe it was your son?"

"Sit down Auntie. Rodney got here yesterday morning before lunch. He came to see his aunt in the nursing home. We are not getting back together. In fact, we are trying to get our marriage annulled. I agree it is the best thing for us to do. I disrespected my husband too much and too often to think otherwise."

"But what about him sitting there watching you feed the baby? Your breast is out where he can see it."

"So, he has seen them often enough before. I'm not quite ready for sex again. We are still husband and wife for a few days and it may seem odd for that reason. You must remember this is a different age than when you were growing up."

"Where is he sleeping?"

"He slept in your bed last night. Tonight he can sleep on the couch or you can sleep with me and he can have your bed again. I showed him how to change the baby and someday when he has children of his own he will know how."

"Not with you, I take it?"

"No, not with me."

I broke in with, "I'm going over to the nursing home. I'll be back and take you all to dinner. I'll tell you all about the diner that I'm part owner of this evening. I'm pretty proud of all of my accomplishments in the last year."

Ginger had on the sky-blue dress I had bought her. She was lovely. The car seat had a section that you could remove and carry the baby in. I carried it when we went into the restaurant. It was positioned next to Ginger. I sat across the table from the baby and couldn't take my eyes off him. Ginger and Aunt Sylvie carried on a conversation as if I wasn't really included. I knew I wasn't being ignored. I just wasn't that involved in their lives that much at present.