Episode 2

Unlike what I'd initially planned, I didn't go back into Second Life the next day, or at all, over the next two weeks. Feelings of guilt, the hectic nature of my days, as classes resumed, and my roommate's moping around the room, mourning her renewed separation from her boyfriend back home, all combined to inhibit my return online.

Nothing more might have happened, had it not been for the fact that Elise, depressed beyond my comprehension, announced about 2 weeks into the semester that she was dropping out and returning home. And with that, she was gone, and suddenly I had a "single" dorm room.

My dorm RA (resident assistant) assured me that I could expect a new roommate at any point, but none ever showed up. It was pure luck, but it led to some very irresponsible behavior, on my part. Like logging back onto to Second Life and spending way too much time in that virtual world. Engaging in the most embarrassing of perverse behaviors. And so of course, you're wondering what it is I did there.

I guess Elise moved out on a Wednesday. That Saturday at the end of January, I woke up feeling lazy, and had already promised myself that it would be a lazy day, with no studying and no partying. So I logged onto my computer when I got up, still not showered or changed from pajamas, had a snack out of my little dorm fridge, and impulsively opened up Second Life.

I sat for a while and stared at the Karl username for a while, feeling disgusted with myself. But I realized that I was feeling more annoyed with how poorly I'd lied about my alter ego than with the fact that I'd done it. I felt a strange twinge that was definitely NOT guilt - it was between my legs.

So this time, before going on, I tried to work out more carefully my Karl's "real-life back-story," as I thought of it. I figured I could change anything I hadn't "revealed" already. As I thought about it, though, I didn't change as much as I expected I'd change.

I kept him roughly based on my own dad - I imagined him single, with non-resident kids. But I gave him two daughters - just to complicate things, and because I had always wanted a sister. I actually wrote out some twisted little exhibitionistic anecdotes ahead of time, and named the daughters (Ashley and Brooke - nice generic born-in-the-80's girl names), and thought about what they looked like.

At last, I logged on, and, seeing that Angel wasn't online, I decided to take my time and try to make my avatar a little less generic. I went to some places that I'd found where you can get free clothes and non-default appearances ("skins" they're called), and I filled in his profile a little bit, including a "first life" bio: he lived in Southern California (a place I was familiar with - since my mom's parents lived there - in case geographical trivia arose), he was a "writer," he enjoyed camping, and fine food. I joined some innocuous groups, and found one of the music clubs that I remembered my dad had listed, and joined it, too.

I tracked down a few of Angel's other landmarks, as best I could, from memory. A few of them were what, in the game, I've heard called "newbie hubs" or "welcome areas" - places where new players land when they log onto the game. I realized that these places were a common place to hang out, even for non-newbies, to meet new people, socialize, and even just generally to be helpful or friendly. I was afraid to repeat the ambush at his "home," given I done it once - I felt it would be too much like I was stalking him or something to try it again.

So I picked one of the busiest of the newbie hubs that I remembered from Angel's profile, and started hanging out, chatting with people a little, and waiting. I knew it could, potentially, be a long time. And, perhaps not surprisingly, I started making a few friends - I was being helpful with people less experienced than I, and I even took this one guy I met and showed him where he could get free stuff.

Several hours passed. Then, I saw her. My dad's avatar, Angel. She was dressed very elegantly, a sort of nineteenth-century looking dress with big skirts, long gloves, but also the big clonky boots, and sunglasses, and a funky little hat. Another image for a Gothic Lolita, but completely different from the last one. I thought - man, my dad has got some kind of FASHION sense! Weird.

Feeling some trepidation, I approached her. She'd come into the hub and had gone to an unoccupied bench and sat down. I sat on another bench, nearby. She'd made a few changes to her profile. One thing she'd put was that it was OK to IM her, as she was "often not paying attention" and she said it didn't bother her. IM is a way to have private conversations in the game, that other players who are nearby can't see. I felt as nervous as I had at my first high school dance. And ... I sensed it was up to me to make the first move.

Finally, I worked up some nerve and sent a "Hi" via IM. She answered with a "hello" and said she remembered me, and we had a fairly generic chat for a while - I complemented her avatar's appearance, she said I'd made progress at making mine not appear too generic, also. We commented on the obnoxious behavior of some nearby avatars (I think that is the SL conversational equivalent of talking about the weather - I guess obnoxious avatars - "griefers" - are SL's closest equivalent to actual weather, in some respects).

I had decided to proceed much more slowly and cautiously, this time. The way she chatted with me, and the much more conservative cut of her current outfit, made it seem likely she was in a more social but less overtly flirtatious mood than our last encounter. So, when she volunteered to show me some cool places she'd found, I took her up on it.

Despite my nagging, even rather embarrassing, impatience, I let our first encounter end without so much as a sexual innuendo. Instead, we concluded with adding each other to our "friends" lists, which would make her somewhat easier to find, moving forward. I hoped I'd made a good impression.

I finally logged off around 1 pm, showered and dressed and went out to the cafeteria for some lunch, and carefully avoided logging back in, that day. I felt like I'd just been on a first date, and harbored these odd superstitious notions that showing too much interest would jinx the relationship. Which said I was somehow seeking some kind or relationship. Which made my heart pitter-patter, as it hadn't since with Brandon. Which was downright twisted, cuz this was my dad, pretending to be a girl my age, and I was pretending to be a guy, his age! But I KNEW he was pretending. But he DIDN'T know I was.

Much to my own amazement, I found myself in the library, studying, that evening, because - I rationalized - I wanted to have some free time on Sunday to log onto SL again. It's funny to think how studying in the library on a Saturday night was the first sign of an impending, out-of-control addiction.

Next day, I logged on again, mid morning, but seeing he wasn't around, I popped off again quickly and did some homework. Later in the afternoon, I tried again, and seeing he was online, I stayed on. I went to the same newbie hub where we'd met, and waited for about half an hour to see if he would contact me, but I knew he had an extensive friends list, and suspected he wouldn't. Meanwhile, I did some exploring. I tried to think of a pretext for getting in touch with her, but failed. And I was feeling impatient.

"How's it going?" I sent, via IM. I didn't know where she was or what she was doing, and hoped I wasn't interrupting anything.

"Kinda bored. Hanging out at a dance club," she sent back. "What are you doing?"

"Sitting in that newbie hub where we were last time."

"Wanna join me?" she asked.

I said, "sure," and she sent me a teleport link to the club. I went there, and it was playing a kind of industrial house music that I had a very difficult time imagining my dad liking - but Angel was "dancing," furiously. Dancing in SL consists of running animations on your avatar, and when you go to a club, you get streaming music and you click on some object in the club (like the dance floor or a disco ball) that runs the animations on your avatar so you don't have to figure out your next dance move manually. It's pretty cool, actually, though like most of SL, it looks kind of cartoony, and it definitely can get repetitive. But sometimes it's worth it just for the streaming music, if it's good, and I found myself liking the sound of the place Angel was at, though it wasn't really my regular genre.