Chapter 9: Calzone and Garden Salad

Monday, July 13, 2009, 12:30 PM

“How can you eat that?” Tricia asked.

“What? This?” said Sandy.

“Yeah! A sausage calzone with extra cheese! How do you eat that and keep your figure?”

“Well, I get about four hours of vigorous exercise every night beating the crap out of muggers and rapists. I burn it off.”

Tricia shuddered. “You and my roommate! How do I get that kind of metabolism? I am getting so sick of garden salads.”

“Are you going to eat those croutons?”

“No. You can have them.”

They were sitting in a booth in the food court of the mall. It was fairly loud with shoppers milling about, and Tricia and Sandy had picked up their food at an Italian fast food place.

“So ... what is it that we have here?” Tricia asked, gesturing to the two of them.

“Warll...” Sandy said, chewing with her mouth full. She held up her hand and chewed some more, chewed, chewed, and swallowed. “You should be a waitress. You’re good at that. Well, what we have here are two people who know some seriously big secrets about each other, and agree to keep them. Now I know that you reporters have this term...”

“Lois Lanes?”

“Yeah, that’s it. That’s not what we have. Obviously this is not a romance thing. Although, granted, I did get to second base...”

Tricia giggled.

Sandy chuckled. “ ... but I know that the ‘Lois Lane’ term really means that the reporter has exclusive access to a superhero for stories, and that’s not what we have. I’m not here to give you official stories to print. Think of this more like a ‘Jimmy Olsen’.”

“Oh. So, just friends, but I get a signal watch?”

Sandy shrugged. “Turn in enough box-tops, and I’ll see what I can do. But basically, I’d like to have a friend I can confide in, someone I can talk to. I mean, you have no idea how stressful and limiting it is to have to hide a huge secret constantly. Well, maybe NOW you do, because now you have your own huge secret. But, over time, it just gets incredibly lonely and it’s this huge burden. And you want to just shout it out to the world, but you can’t. So you need someone to talk to. And not just another superhero, but somebody normal.”

Tricia nodded. I wonder if Joey feels like this too. I bet he does. He’s been in hiding for five years. Even longer really. It must be ... painful. “So, por qué yo? Why me?”

“I like you. You’re gutsy, and you’re not afraid of sharing your vulnerabilities. And you trusted me with something big. I had to return the favor.”

“This is a heck of a big return. Aren’t you afraid you’re taking a huge risk with me?”

“Hey, I’m Quantum Knight. I deal with insanely weird probabilities every day. And besides, I trust my instincts. My gut told me I could count on you.”

“Thanks. Well, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks,” Sandy said. “And in return, I’m here for you too. I get the impression that you’ve never had to deal with superpowers before, right?”

Tricia nodded.

“Yeah, well it can be confusing and daunting, and you may need some advice or support. And if things get really bad, firepower and a hiding place.”

“Eww. I hope it doesn’t get to that point.”

“Me too, but ... be prepared to deal with the unexpected. I know that it seems like just a little bit of time travel to you, but in my experience, it’s never just one thing. Things could get dangerous. So if you need help, let me know. Okay?”

Tricia nodded. “Okay.” She took another bite of salad. “So I have like ... a million and one questions.”

“Such as?”

“Well, the usual. How did you get your powers? What all can you do? What’s life like?...” She grinned. “Who are you dating?”

Sandy laughed. “Some of those answers are far more interesting than others.” She took a bite. “Okay. Secret origin time! You are currently looking at the only superhero who got her powers ... from community college.”

Tricia burst out laughing. “WHAT?”

Sandy actually blushed. “Seriously! Um ... You’ve heard of the four power sources, right?”

“Yeah, um ... Science, Magic, Cosmic, and Mutation, right?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“That never made any sense to me. Aren’t Science and Mutation just like, different aspects of the same thing?”

“Yeah, well. It’s physically the same, but different catalysts. Sciences are those people who get their powers from some industrial accident or strange external environmental influence, while Mutants are just born with the abilities embedded already. But they are both genetic enhancements that take advantage of the natural laws of physics. Some people say we should combine the two into one Natural source, but tradition continues. It’s like the way some people continue to call Pluto a planet.”

Tricia nodded. “That makes sense.”

“And of course, they are still considered different because of how you find them. Sciences tend to have some lingering radioactivity from the catalyst, so you can usually find these people with a Geiger counter. Mutants on the other hand, their catalyst is a specific gene, so they can now be found with a simple blood test. I tell you, there are some really paranoid people in this country who are trying to make that blood test available over-the-counter, and when that happens, I swear, the shit is going to hit the fan!”

“Sounds like a huge, privacy issue,” Tricia said. “I imagine neighbors testing each other, or mandatory employee testing in large companies.

“Or specific testing right there at the airport,” Sandy added. “Then you’ve got your Magics, and these people just take one look at the natural laws of physics and say ‘Fuck it, I’m using something else.’ And they tap power from another dimension. And the cool thing about Magics is they all have to do the same thing in breaking a hole out of this universe into another, so they can all detect each other. You can use a mage to find any other mage.”

“And then there are the Cosmics, like...”

Sandy nodded. “Like me. Right.”

“And what is a Cosmic? I’ve never understood it.”

“Well, it’s kind of the opposite of natural, in that in natural powers you are working with the laws of physics to achieve your effect.”

“But isn’t Magic the opposite of that? Where you are working with unnatural laws, or against the laws of physics?”

“That’s how Magic is opposite to natural powers. Cosmic is opposite to natural powers in that the laws of nature work with you to achieve their effect.”

Tricia looked puzzled. “¿Qué?”

“Every Cosmic is the embodiment of a natural law. Like I embody Quantum Mechanics. Impetus, up in New York, he embodies momentum and Newtonian physics. Over in Los Angeles there’s Gauge, who embodies Boyle’s laws of pressure and temperature. And so on. There are only a very few of us, and never two for the same type at any given time. But the universe, it just picks certain people who... ‘get it’, you know? People who understand something so clearly, so instinctively, that the universe noticed this person understanding it.”

“What, so like the universe is conscious? Like, are you talking about God?”

Sandy shrugged. “Well, I’m over-anthropomorphizing. Trying to express it in terms we mere mortals can understand. We really don’t know. What we do know is this: Cosmics are people who learn something about the universe, and it’s just the right combination of the right brain getting the right concept at the right time. Some people are just born with a lucky disposition to understanding something so well, that the thing they understand starts to understand them right back. Understand?”

Tricia shook her head. “That’s going to take me a moment to parse all that. Um ... no.”

“Okay, well let me give you my example. Back when I was younger, I had a crush on this cute guy. He was this brainy, geeky guy who was just as terrified of women as I was of him. But he was into physics, so I decided to take a course in modern physics just basically so I could have something to talk to him about. I know that sounds weird, but my brain has always been a little fizzy. I think in weird ways. So I enrolled in community college and I’m in this class, and the instructor starts talking about Quantum Mechanics, and one of the first things he said was if you think you understand it, you really don’t. But I started studying it, and something weird happened. I understood it. Clearly understood it from the first day. Quantum Mechanics made so much sense to me, that I was predicting what the next chapters were saying before we got to them. It was as if I had found this ... missing part of my soul that I didn’t even know was missing. I understood so strongly, this flash of understanding was so bright, that the universe noticed me. That’s what it felt like.”

Sandy paused while Tricia watched. She continued. “Soon afterwards I found that I could produce quantum weirdness at macroscopic scales. Quantum Mechanics found me, and gave me some freedom to control it, and to express it. And for a while I had no idea what had happened to me. All I knew was I had these strange new abilities. I did the testing. I wasn’t radioactive. My doctor gave me the blood test but I wasn’t a late blooming mutant. I found a mage to check me out. No magic. That left one thing. So I hopped a plane to New York to visit the EarthGuard embassy, and of course, you can’t get in unless you made an appointment when you were pre-natal, and I wasn’t stupid enough to try and teleport in. Wasn’t that good at it then. But as I was standing outside the compound, I saw Impetus take off, and as he’s flying over us, he looked at the crowd of people from hundreds of feet in the air and did this double-take! And then he came down and landed in front of me, and said ‘Who are you?’ And that’s when I knew for certain. I was a Cosmic.”

Tricia sat captivated by the story. “How did you know? What did it feel like?”

Sandy smiled. “Ever notice that babies all seem to know each other? Well, Cosmics are children of the universe. We recognize each other. I could see it in him, and he could see it in me.”

“Wow,” Tricia said. “That sounds so ... romantic.”

Sandy had this dreamy look in her eyes. “Yeah, it was ... He fucked the hell out of me that night.”

Tricia did a spit-take and burst out laughing. “WHAT?” she screamed. Sandy nodded. “YOU! YOU AND IMP...”

“Shush-shush-shush...” She waved her to be quieter. “Yeah!”

Tricia buried her face in her hands and shook, laughing. “I wasn’t ... I wasn’t expecting that.”

Sandy grinned. “Tricia ... Remember now, no stories, Okay?”

Tricia nodded. “Yeah. Absolutely! Oh my god...”

“Good, because I have got to tell you ... you have NO idea how much of that goes on in the superhero circles.”

“You’re kidding! Really? I always thought you all were these, I don’t know ... virtuous paragons of morality, role models, completely uptight...”

She shook her head. “You read too many comic books. Tricia, you have to think about this. First, all the best superheroes are in incredible physical shape, which just makes you look stunningly sexy and impressive, head to toe. I mean, being sexy and impressive looking is REALLY intimidating to someone when you’re up against him in combat, because you look so healthy and strong. If you can make your opponent hesitate and second-guess himself, it’s a huge deal. It’s the main reason we wear these tight costumes. We look so good in them. Now, when you put a whole bunch of these sexy and impressive looking people in the same room but without combat, it just gets everyone’s engines started.”

Tricia shook as she giggled.

“But it gets worse! Tricia, you do Tai Kwon Do, so you probably have noticed that after a good workout session your body is feeling good. I mean, REALLY good. Your heart has been pumping hard, the blood is racing, all the muscles have been moving, and moving hard. You are loose and limber. Every part of your body is awake and alive, and I mean EVERY part. Right?”

Tricia nodded, grinning. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that.”

“And on the way home, do you ever stop off at the store for fresh D-cell batteries?”

Tricia collapsed into her hands again, giggling. She looked up at Sandy who was also giggling. “Mine are rechargeable!” she bragged. “I’m an environmentalist.”

“But you get horny, don’t you?” Tricia laughed and nodded her head. “Well, take that feeling one step further. Imagine you are channeling ten to a hundred thousand watts of power through your body regularly. Imagine the physical conditioning you have to be in to handle that. Imagine a workout session that routinely moves hundreds of times more energy through your body, and you can take it. I swear, it’s universal! Using superpowers makes you fucking horny as hell!”

Tricia pushed her hands into her face and screamed in laughter. A few people in neighboring tables looked over, attracted by the scream.

“Calm down!” Sandy laughed.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you said that. That’s really true?”

Sandy nodded. “You ever notice that the superheroes after a big fight don’t like to stick around for the cleanup? It’s because we’re horny! We need to find someone fast and fuck them!”

Tricia tried to contain herself, but just sat and laughed into her hands. “Oh my god. I had no idea ... So when you were like, partnering with Acou...”

“Shush ... Yeah, Acoustyx.”

“So you two would...”

“Every fucking night, right there on the rooftops!” Tricia collapsed again. “And one of the best parts of doing it with an audio-kinetic is that you can scream at the top of your lungs and nobody can hear you!”

Tricia was in hysterics and it took her a long time to composed herself. “Whew ... Oh my god ... So, you and Acou...”

“Shush-shh!”

“Sorry. So, you and he were partners.” She started to get serious. “Wait! Where is he? What happened to him? He’s been gone for months. Is he all right?”

Sandy nodded. “He’s fine. He just on this ... special assignment.”

“What’s he doing? Can you tell me, or is it classified?”

“Well, it’s a little embarrassing, but ... Okay, remember after AmeriForce disintegrated, when all of us good heroes left for EarthGuard and all that was left were the racist psychotics that Dick Cheney brought in? Well, they relocated down to Mississippi. Bullwhip has family down there, and he went on a visit and disappeared. Apparently, the Khristian Kaped Krusaders down there didn’t like the idea of an African-American superhero, and decided to show him his place. So Acoustyx, Snow Angel, Multiplex, and I went down for a rescue mission. And we found him and got him out of there, but we got into a big fight with them. One of the...” air-quotes “ ... heroes was this girl who called herself ‘Southern Belle’, and she was another audio-kinetic. And she and Acoustyx just went after each other. And they really laid into each other. And I’m sure you’ve never heard two audio-kinetics fight each other before, because your ears are not still bleeding. The rest of us had to scatter, because you couldn’t be within a mile of these two, it was that loud. And it was this awful cacophony of horrid sounds, and you could SEE the air vibrating, and it just went on and on until suddenly I heard what sounded like the most beautiful sound I have ever heard in my life. I cannot describe it. And then it went silent. The rest of us, we managed to subdue and capture the others, but when we got back, they were gone.

Sandy smiled. “We found them three hours later in a motel room fucking like rabbits.” Tricia collapsed in laughter again. “Apparently, the local sheriff got reports of very loud noises.”

“So what happened?” Tricia asked.

“I asked him that. He said they were hitting each other with so many different frequencies and suddenly they just ... resonated. That was the only description he could give me. Apparently you have to be an audio-kinetic to really understand. But it sounded like they just found that magic frequency that turned them both on, and they realized that they really didn’t want to fight anymore.” Sandy shrugged. “She surrendered to the authorities and cut a deal with the D.A., testifying against her old partners. And she got a light sentence. House arrest. Technically, Acoustyx is her jailer and she is confined to their house, but for all practical purposes they are being paid by the government and EarthGuard to stay in a house and have sex.”

“Ohh ... That is so sweet!”

“It is. After her sentence is up they’re getting married. She’s reforming. I mean, she still has a way to go. Her politics are for shit and she’s fighting a lifetime of teaching of racial hatred. She can’t stand blacks or Jews or Mexicans, but she’s making progress. The last time I saw her was the first time she didn’t accuse me of being a race traitor. He’s got a good effect on her.”

Tricia grinned. “So ... you miss him?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you miss spending time with him?”

Sandy’s eyes went wide. “Do I miss the guy who could vibrate any part of his body at any frequency and any amplitude? HELL YES I miss him!”

They both burst into laughter.

Tricia spoke up. “So, having sex with another super...”

“Shush-shush-shhh.”

“Okay, wait. You keep shushing me! And you’re talking just as loud as I am. What’s up with that?”

“Oh, it’s quantum mechanics. Waves collapse when they are observed. If I prevent the collapse for an observer, the waves don’t focus. I can do that for light and sound, per observer. Basically, everyone can hear me speaking, but you are the only one who can understand me. I just sound muffled to everyone else. It’s pretty handy.”

Tricia frowned and squinted. “Huh?”

“You’re a reporter. You know the worst thing about Quantum Knight when it comes to reporting about her.”

Tricia’s eyes went wide. “Cameras don’t focus on her.”

Sandy nodded. “And microphones don’t pick up her voice. She comes in muffled and blurry, so all you can tell is something is there, but you can’t see or hear her clearly. I can do that to any observer, eyes and ears, natural or artificial. Here. Listen. Your name is ‘Tricia Sanchez’ You have spent your entire life keying in on that particular sound. It’s the most recognizable pattern of sounds in your life. You can pick it up in a crowded room. So from two feet away from you I’m going to say your name clearly, and let’s see if you can hear me. Ready? Trmmrrm Mrmrmr.”

Tricia did a double take. Sandy’s lips clearly said ‘Tricia Sanchez’, but the sound was muffled.

“Wow. That’s cool.”

“I can do that to anything looking at me too.” And Sandy suddenly appeared all fuzzy and out of focus. Tricia’s eyes watered and strained as she tried to focus on her.

She rubbed her eyes. “Whoa ... Don’t do that! That ... hurts.”

Sandy refocused. “I can do that to anyone or anything, individually or collectively. Right now I’m letting people and cameras see me, but I’m not letting people hear me, other than you.”

“You did that to those men in the store yesterday, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah. It’s a big help in close combat.”

“But how do you know if it’s a camera looking at you, as opposed to a person? I could see you, but my camera couldn’t.”

“Couple reasons. Most people have two eyes, but cameras have one. Also, eyes have round retinas, while cameras have square CCDs. But the big clue is the bandwidth. Video cameras are sensitive in the infra-red.”

Tricia frowned. “So you can just tell if someone is looking at you?”

Sandy nodded. “Uh-huh. I can tell because I can feel the waves collapsing. I immediately know if someone is looking at me. Eyes in the back of my head. Right now there is a table of five boys behind me who have been checking us out all this time. I can tell they are occasionally looking at me, but I’m pretty sure they’re mostly looking at you.”

Tricia glanced in their direction. They were there, five teen-aged boys all joking and watching them. “You have no idea how much I want to flirt with them right now,” she said.